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VOL UME TWO.
NUMBER FIVE.
WHAT WE THINK OF WHAT WE SEE
Sy A. E. RANS A UR, Managing Editor.
A Cleveland man has been released from paying
alimony because he has grown too fat to work.
A man who can get fat paying alimony deserves
a Subsidy Bill passed in his favor.
Some French people are trying to take credit for
the derivation of our own American expression “0.
K.” They say it had its origin from the name
Aux Gayes, pronounced “0. K.,” that being the
place from which the best tobacco and rum were
brought to this country a century ago. But all
who have read the correspondence and State pa
pers of President Andrew Jackson will be reas
sured. The expression comes from his spelling of
the words “Oil Korrect. ” And when Andrew
Jackson stated that “By the Eternal’’ anything
was “Oil Korrect,” it was, nearly.
Since the “Billion Dollar Congress’ dried up
and went home, we have been figuring on the net
gains resulting to ns. The actual results of the
spending of that money may be summed up in
two big battleships, a reorganize:! artillery corps,
a general service pension, river and harbor im
provements, and increased salaries for Cabinet
Officers, Senators, Representatives and others. We
can’t draw a pension; we live in the interior where
ships and harbor imporvements don’t moult much
feather; we have no relatives who come in for a
raise in salary; so about all that is in sight for us
are the seeds we got some time ago. We are
thankful for them; and we will spend many a
happy hour watching our cabbages, onions and
flowers blossom into beauty and fragrance.
A new word or phrase is born every minute in
this country. Lately we have incorporated “ ir
resistible impulse,” “unwritten law” and “brain
storm” into the language, and now a scientific
gentleman has discovered that alcohol “coagulates
the protoplasm.” What does that mean? Search
us. We don’t know; but the full, rich sound of
it I So now, in Boston, at the police court, when the
recorder asks the arresting officer what the charge
is, the officer, instead of coarsely stating that it
is “plain drunk,” will gracefully mention the fact
that the prisoner was found on the street afflicted
with unadorned coagulation of his protoplasm. W e
may expect soon a trelatise on the number of
Scotch elevated spheroids required to coagulate the
protoplasm of an adult.
While the remains of the late Alexander Dowie,
Elijah 11., were lying in state, a woman suffering
from locomotor ataxia pressed forward and touched
the hem of the burial robe in order to be cured
of her ailment. She immediately felt cured and
tried to walk down a flight of steps without assist
ance. She fell and was severely injured. The
trouble must have lain with the robe and not with
her faith. Dowie stated in his will that he contem
plates returning to this earth in two thousand
ATLANTA, GA., MARCH 21, 1907.
years. Well, maybe we will have given up this job
by that time and be living somewhere else; so we
are going right on writing just what we think
about him, for two or three weeks more. lie can’t
bluff us from our right of free and unlimited
speech.
The bloody war now being waged between Nic
aragua and Honduras is all about a mule. Just
one mule. It. seems that a mule of Honduran cit
izenship, the property of one Senor Ireno Salga
do, a most reputable and respected citizen, hap
pily engaged in profitable trade at LosManos, was
taken from its happy home by thirty-five Nicara
guan cavalrymen. The question involves two very
fine points of international law and honor. First:
‘ ‘ Was the mule really a citizen of Honduras ?’ ’ Sec
ond : “Where was the mule when it was taken?”
These two matters are being thoroughly gone into,
and it is probable that some conclusion will be
reached during the next two or three months.
After that is determined, there is an intimation
from our War Department that Uncle Sam will
take a hand for the purpose of determining if the
n^ule’s name is Maud; if so, the Monroe Doctrine
will force us to take a hand. War is terrible.
Sometimes there is a lot of noise and confu
sion stirred up over very small matters. A student
of Willamette University, Oregon, who was to take
part in an intercollegiate oratorical contest, pla
giarized three hundred words from a speech of the
Honorable Albert J. Beveridge on the Philippines,
and his theft being detected, he was debarred from
the contest. He says he is going to go somewhere
far away and start life anew. Such a pity that h'e/
should be so cast down. Mr. Beveridge would have
no objection to some of his words being used as
a peroration. He would not have objected if the
struggling and no doubt very deserving student had
used a thousand or eleven hundred of them. He
could have called in his secretary and in less than
an hour have accumulated as many more to take
the place of the missing ones. What we think is
that the student deserves sympathy and treatment;
not censure. Anybody who would madly seize
upon Albert’s stuff and try to win a prize with it,
must have been suffering from brainstorm. We
are horrified when we see to what lengths that ter
rible malady will drive people.
A prospective bridegroom recently wrote a let
ter to a leading daily paper, beginning as follows:
“I am going to get married next June, and what’s
bothering me now is to know what I am to call
my father-in-law and mother-in-law. Am I to cal!
them father and mother, or am I to address them
as Mr. So-and-so and Mrs. So-and-so?”
There are a number of other points on which he
wants information, but he seems mainly concerned
on how he shall treat his “in-laws” after he mar
ries the girl. The paper gave no answer io the in
quiry, evidently feeling that the problem was be-
yond its powers of satisfactory solution; but a
number of other papers have proffered sugges
tions. We will not advise: we only say to that
young man, wait —time will show you that your
least concern will be how to treat your in-laws
after you have secured them. Your time will be
taken up with reflections upon the way they are
treating you. And even that won’t be the most im
portant issue. It will consist in the problem of
keeping on good terms with the little, tender,
trusting woman you marry. We knew a case just
like yours once. The young man was a friend of
ours; his bride was the most trustful little thing
on earth. They had been married a year and their
married life was one long, sweet song. Not a
cloud had marred their felicity. Then, one morn
ing the wife came down to breakfast, morose and
wretched. iShe was snappish with her husband.
She would hardly speak to him, and for a long
time she would not explain her conduct. Finally,
though, he prevailed upon her to disclose the rea
son for her tears and her ill temper. Looking
him in the face and sobbing, she said: “John
Smith, if I dream again that you have kissed an
other woman, I won’t speak to you again as long
as I live!”
There will be a magnificent display at the
Jamestown Exposition of the naval force of the
United iStates. President Roosevelt has said so,
and there is no question as to the fact, but there
is still some discussion in certain quarters as to
the real benefit that will be derived therefrom by
the people. Among the many reasons advanced in
favor of it is the following from the Washington
Post, which is so rich, so true, so statesmanlike
and full of gentle, unquestionable Christian truth,
that we give it gladly here:
“The Jamestown display of naval force will be
an excellent thing. It would be well for mission
ary work if all heathen nations could be made
aware of the size and preparedness of the navy
which stands behind our missionaries. None of the
heathen nations, of course, has a navy to compare
with that of the United States. All the Christian
nations have large and active navies, and it will
not do for the United States to lag behind its
Christian neighbors. The display of American
ships, spick, span, and ready for business, ought
to be an inspiration to American missionaries who
dream of evangelizing the heathen.”
How the true and consecrated missionary’s
heart will swell with thankfulness and pride as he
looks upon those warships floating on the historic
waters of Hampton Roads! With such imple
ments to aid in evangelizing- the heathen and il
lustrating in a practical way the interest Christian
nations feel in their eternal welfare, almost any
even ordinary missionary should be able to save
a hundred or two heathens every day. The war
ship as a christianizer is a new idea; strange we
had not thought of it before. We can understand
how irresistible the real truth is when fired from
a thirteen-inch gun.
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