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VOL UMT. THREE
HUMBER THREE
WHAT WE THINK OF WHAT WE SEE
Eighteen blind tigers have been captured in At
lanta during the first two months of prohibition.
That will make the jungle safer to some extent.
A Birmingham man has told some friends that he
sees a large rat cross the sidewalk in front of him
every night as he goes home. Why go home at
all?
“The height of nerve: borrowing a corkscrew
from a neighbor and returning it dry so.” —Atlanta
Journal. Well, not to return it at all would increase
the altitude of the nerve, wouldn’t it?
M r.
The charge brought in the Atlanta police court
against certain soft drink dealers that they had
been selling “loaded” drinks, fully explains why so
many soda fountain patrons get “loaded.”
Professor Percival Lowel has announced that Prof.
Slipher has made the discovery that there is water
on Mars. The discovery of some other liquid might
have encouraged Southern immigration more.
A woman in Chicago recently tied her husband to
prevent his attending prayer meeting. We are will
ing to bet that not another woman in that block
found it necessary to do her husband that way.
* *
A New York judge has decided that a mistress
has the right to slap her maid if the latter gets
“sassy.” What we need are decisions defining the
liberties of the household as opposed to the cook.
It is reported that a young man was arrested in
St. Louis recently, wearing three coats and four
pairs of trousers. That is a funny town. What else
did they expect him to wear? His trunk, an umbrella
and a cab?
* «
A Portland judge has decided that a husband may
point a finger irritatingly at his wife, and that ‘ 1 the
latter cannot find any lawful remedy.” But the
latter usually manages to find a stove lifter or a
piece of wood.
It It
A critic of Bernard Shaw says that “Mr. Shaw is
either wrong or right.” The critic evidently had
not read any of the Shaw books. If he had, he
could have cut out the “either” and dropped the
last two words of his opinion.
It it
A Mr. F. Dumont Smith has declared that it is
possible to buy a drink in nearly every town in
Kansas. He is foolish if he gives his combination
away. In book form it would beat the sale of the
Kansas map in that State all hollow.
ATLANTA, GA., MARCH 5, 1908.
Sy A. E. KA MS A UK. Managing Editor.
A friend of Mrs. Elinor Glyn, the author of
“Three Weeks” says that Mrs. Glyn carried away
a bad opinion of us when she sailed for home. The
ship was not large enough to carry away all the
different kinds of bad opinion we have of her.
it it
A young man in Sterling, HL, dug his way through
eight miles of snow drifts in order to reach the
home of his promised bride in time for the wed
ding. And it is just possible that the domestic at
mosphere will hereafter be such as to make him con
tinually yearn for some of that same snow again.
it at
A man in Chicago proposed 365 times in one year
and was finally accepted. Then, after three months
of married life he is suing for divorce on the
ground of cruelty. Hereafter, if anybody even hints
“no” to that man he will dispense with the other
364 repetitions of the word.
it at
In Danville, HL, a woman’s fourth husband desert
ed her on account of her cooking. She complained
very bitterly that neither of the first three were
finding fault with her. However, for some reason
the three made their getaway: two by dying, the
other by the divorce court. That woman must just
simply be unlucky.
it at
Ohio has a law that forbids the drinking of whis
key on railroad cars, except in compartments with
the door shut. It is puzzling to decide whether the
law is directed toward saving the refreshments of
the fortunate few from the unfortunate dry, or to
lessen the sufferings of the man who would other
wise be forced to see drinking going on and nothing
doing for him.
It It
It is related in Lippincott’s Magazine that when
Governor Smith of Georgia was Secretary of the In
terior in Cleveland’s Cabinet, he was once on his way
to Atlanta on business. He was weary, and retired
to his berth very early. It seems that the Govern
or’s snores were in proportion to his size, and soon
the sonorous cadences of ever-increasing volume
which proceeded from his apartment gave evidence
that his utterances of the day did not greatly ex
ceed in forcefulness those of the night. But after
about two hours his tranquil slumber was disturbed
by the persistent nudging of the porter. That offi
cial was asking: “Boss, is you awake?”
“Os course lam awake,” Mr. Smith replied.
“What do you want?”
“Boss, I hope dat you will pardon me, sah, but
I was jest goin’ to ask you to be so kind as to
stay awake for jest about fifteen minutes ’tell do
rest of de passengers can git to sleep.”
It is wonderful -what powers of observation are
developed by his business training, in the average
clerk behind the counter of a furnishing store. Wit
ness this illustration of the point:
“I want some collars for my husband,” said a
lady in a department store, “but I am afraid I have
forgotten the size.”
“Thirteen and a half, Ma’am?” suggested the
clerk.
“That’s it. How on earth did you know?”
“Gentlemen who let their wives buy their collars
for ’em are almost always about that size, ma’am,”
explained the observant clerk.
Now that Oklahoma has blossomed into Statehood
and has attracted to her borders a large population
of progressive people, there are enough men to am
ply fill all the honorable vocations; but time was
when each citizen played several parts in life. An
anecdote is related which illustrates that fact: On
a certain occasion a case was being tried before
Judge Pancoast of that Territory, and a witness was
being examined to discover if any liquor had been
sold.
“What is your business?” asked the lawyer.
“My business?” repeated the witness, laconically.
“Oh, I have lots of business!”
“Answer the question,” said the lawyer. “What
is your business?”
“Must I tell all my business?” insisted the wit
ness again.
“Answer the question,” interposed the judge,
severely.
“Well,” responded he, cheerfully, “I’m deputy
sheriff and city marshal for Guiner, janitor of the
Methodist church, and bartender of the El Paso
saloon. ’ ’
it
An exchange quotes the following items from the
Crabville Courier, with the remark that they “wear
an air of sameness which seems to characterize the
passing events of the populace about that village”:
“John Wehunt, who has not seen his brother in
three years, passed through our city yesterday.
“Rev. J. P. Grizzle, who was convicted of steal
ing a cow in Nibblewell district, passed through our
burg Saturday en route to the chaingang, where he
will spend a few months.
“The remains of the Widow Seebold passed
through Crabville this a. m. on their way to the
graveyard at Blackberry branch No. 2.
“Sheriff ‘Cussing Jim’ Watson passed through
our midst one day this week. He passed through
on his way back to Nueklesville last night.
“Since the railroads have cut out the free pass
we have been using our natural transportation in
passing through the country.”
Don’t you suppose there was anybody left to call
them?
TWO DOLLARS A YEAR.
TIVE CENTS A COPY.