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Up-to—Date Jokes “Jt says here: ‘Onc of the idois most revered by the Koreans is ine figure of a woman, wqfh-d, resting her chin in her hand,’"” said Mrs. Chat terley, reading from the newspaper. “Which proves that the Koreans are about the wisest nation on earth’” suggested her hushand, “How's that, Joshua?” “Well' smald Mr. Chatterley, with distincet emphasis, “simply because they inake a deity of a woman who has sense enough to give her chin a rest.” * * = The village orchestra was gehears ing. The passage was marked 'pp,” but the cornet player was blowing away as if his life depended on it. The new conductor, after an ear svliting blast which effectualiy drowned the sound of all the other instruments, leaned over to SO whether the cornet part was properly marked. Yesg, it was. “My good man,” said he, approach ing the subject diplomatically, “what do you understand ‘ff' to mean?” “Kull force!” answered the rustic, This was unexpected, but it might pass. “Then what does ‘pp’ stand for?” “Plenty of power,” was the illumi nating reply. * * " An Irish recruit, visiting the med ical officer with his face badly swol len, said: “I want to know what's the matter with my tooth, sir.” The medical officer looked at the offending molar and informed the re cruit that the nerve of the tooth was dead. “Well, by hivvins,” replied the re cruit, “the others must be holdin' a wake over it!” A Scottish farmer of a miserly dis position bought a horse at a fair. On his way home he thought a drink of water would refresh it, so he got a pail of water, but the animal would not take it. When he got home he offered it a feed of corn, but to his surprise iy would not touch that, either. “Weel,” he muttered to himself, “if only T was sure ye were a guid work er, ye're the verra horse for me.” * * * The heiress was about to marry a penniless peer. To him she said: “My dear, I'm rather a new woman, you know; so do you mind asking the Bishop to omit the word ‘cbey’ in our wedding ceremony ?” Lord Lacland stroked his mustache, smiled cynically, and answered: #No, I don't mind, my love. Tl just tell the old boy to make it ‘love, honor and supply.'” * * * “According to this paper,” observed Mr, Goodwin, “a man has lived a year on beer alone.” “Well, that's as it should be,” ob served Mrs, Goodwin, “Any man who lives on beer ought to pe compelled to live alone.” * w * An amusing story is told of a Dav vonshire man who invited a Socialist to visit his istate and see what he' had done for the villagers. As they crove about the men touched their hats and the boys and girls “bohbed” and curtsied,’ Soon they passed a man smoking his pipe, who took no notice eof the 'squire, “Ah!” said the Socialist, “that's the sort of man for me. No bowing and scraping.” “No." replied the 'squire, “that's the village idiot.” And so he was. C e bbb {( ™ (\r’i i ' 1 ll“{"f |/L Y Ley || PN a 1 | | E i \\?\:‘ ‘,-’ y' aéf}x; %l‘\ | a 3 } Tt X o Ay N o eDR {.. 8 e How Heme Mixing Makes B i Makes huropean oy Farmers PI'OSpP!‘O[IS They buv straight materials and mix them into balanced fertilizers containing two or three times as much ) I fl itrate as high-priced American complete fertilizers contain. Your fertilizer should contain 4% of active nitro gen. Does it? On land farmed for centuries, England raises 33 bushels of wheat per acre. We raise but 14. Europe imports 100% active Nitrate of Soda. You use dried blood, tankage only 60% to 70% active and you pay more for it. “Home Mixine" is a book to help you increase your vields. Send your address to me on a postal card, Dr. WM. S. MYERS Director Chilean Nitrate Propaganda 25 Madisdn Ave. New York No Branch Offices ‘ e e ‘-\ e '::”‘_ o Ai;,‘.:f\?f!'i POTASH NITRATE SR super Y OF ’ PHOSPHATE 8 SODA ; " s »-u: . R . ‘, .;f S s"': & ,;.‘ i g 7 ;& _A 4 é 5 ¢ f-‘ ) - K i fisc ‘,; g g;y. B -54 o% ¥ ’ E W :“f:'**" g g BRINGING UP FATHER . @ =~ w?’; : »,) . e . WHAT \N sz 2_ -=7| THE WORLO : f‘L e 19 THRT L T: s MACHINE v e OUER THERE 7 ey = - j ‘V;%“&M\,c%wm - & *. _\ L %...' S > () 8", S “J"‘ :’. 3 ’,\\' ' e Faziy \I s YRR 7':‘; \ SR el \Q )\;{ A Ny ) 7 //:,, = j POLLY AND HER PALS 28 1 24@?04@(, P%‘u‘tmfgm%b 19 94::? W fifitw w- : ‘ t - ‘ “ “ 2 in-Bhoots ... Self-love never wins the admi « ratiofi of the crowd. * - * When our own fingers close on eraft, it generally feels like a re ward of merit. * * * The fact that a man needs a haircut is no sign of genius. His wife may have neglected to re mind him of it Sl e e e Ae Precision. A New York physician, who has re cently transterred his activities to the Hub, tells of a Bostonian who, like most of his townsmen, is d& precision in the matter of English, and who had cecasion not long ago to consult the aforesaid doctor. After ascertainment of symptoms, the phyeician said: “\What you need, more than any thing else, is a tonic in the shape of fresh air.” Whereupon the Hubbite waxed sar castic, and inquired: “Before we proceed further, would vou mind telling me what is the shape of fresh air?” 4 Could Be Trusted. There is a certain Ohio judge whose wit has enlivened many a dull case, On one oceasion counsel made in his court this statement on behalf of a plaintiff of somewhat bibulous ap pearance: “My client, your honor, is a most remarkable mman, and h({lds a very re sponsible position; he is manager of o waterworks” After a survey of the client, his honor replied: “Yes; he looks like a man who could e trusted with any amount of woter,” e— — WHAT ? g’%:’__:_:—: D DO YOU === SAY -TIR KNOW ? ==* Wi D \? - 12!\(1]:01‘(0 THE GREAT Sa7 s MAR CONI . . THAT AND 1S : lACHINE WIRE LESS i ' R = ‘g:.“;@ /\G:,I v\{i% A k«lfifi 1S \/'/, § '(; : fie > l'/‘\ =\ . ‘X. oe 7 7 0 > 2§ = “F‘ <X 7 o i~} "}:; _~ = -—:’ —_’-%‘* \'\J/ N & S;f«?/{:\ u;\\—; 2l \ }E : S 4’ \X ‘Yc?; 7 7 ’,QS ‘ S Wik | F ‘) o ‘.- f :f»,: —’%—,/ e ;’:{;;;; ez LD <.‘(;. :o° ‘\‘—, LK o e e T DONT PAY NO ACOURSE FWST;;J ATTENTION O HER WAY IT OUSHTTA ) | PoLLy ¢ You Do LIKE BE WORE ! [ ToLE Yun! | \WHADDYE = KNOW/ Ayßong /? ATS, ANYWAY £ i vt < A ( N X SE : N > 4// \/}J éf” | :4 % / ‘ .- 4 12 & b T 0\ S { £ INDOOR SPORTS T o RS A A I Jl\! H"; i \ffl /TS ABUTTINE Tgs Gf BEREE Q 4. Il W. {‘\ NI Uote, el H ‘fi\'l“l \il i ' seen Gow witd| TeY sa R-uv(:?“' ] ) | est g N L e AP IH ‘:” ¢ 75 ‘ ((/,Z"' ~ g T N Gr b T G TB o N\ S s - 7 N \ — o RGO [ T = _f‘)“ '{"”«“ ,IL I&3l‘ i ’w}i' : }?/ 7AN v R\ = ee R T Ro, ! ,Z, i .b}“, RN 4 ¥ ""m“,‘]’l”’i‘iim'J_’l:'liflnlunuieiiiiiiiwmfinub » G /“4‘/; =R % E l A m'n-nw‘.‘.:‘!“.!?’::;‘.:‘.' e 9;;‘ ummnnmm‘!z"z G ‘ “H\“ i I RS Y i~ B R T 1l ~ h\[ ’ ' \ &fifiiv‘,' ’ | i| 4 R == | =} INDOOR SPORTS = 9| = — GNING THE NEW My = ENGOGEMENT RING- " THE 00 CE ONER x THI GEORGIA! 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