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Cool Request. Siranger (to editor)—ll dropped in this morning to gee you in regard to placing an advertisement in—— Country Editor (rubbing his hands) ~-Yes, s#ir; be seated, sir. Stranger-—1 llke your paper. 1 like its principles, and the bold stand it takes on the subject of temperance, Ond—— Country Editor—You will find our rates for advertising as low ag—— Stranger—l like its independence, its attitude respecting the sacredness of the Sabbath, its fight for the poor and lowly, and its fearless denuncia tion of the rich and the mighty, ig—— Country Editor—TYes, sir, an ad placed in our paper will be read by thous—— Stranger—ln ‘excluding from your columns, sir, everything of a sensa tional nature, or that which can not be read by every member of the household without bringing the man tling blush of shame, you set an ex ample, sir, to the newspapers of this country that can not but bear fruit, and—— Country Editor—Well, about that advertisement you were—— Stranger—The mission of your journal, sir, is a noble one. “Up vard and onward” is a glorious sen timent. In putting aside all sordid thoughts of gain, and battling for truth and justice alone, you elevate your paper, sir, to the highest realms of journalism, and—— Country Editor—About how much space will your advertisement occu py? Stranger—Well, I am not quite pre pared to say this morning, 1 hap pened to be passing through your beautiful lktle town, and I thought I would step in and get your rates. If you will kindly state in your next Is sue that Mr. Obediah R. Tomlinson, the transatlantic lecturer of world wide fame, spent a few hours in town last week and made us a pleasant call, and send me a marked copy of the paper, 1 shall be very much obliged to you, sir. Good morning. Post-Haste Impressionism. It was a wet afternoon, which ac counted for the large number of peo ple to be found in the local art gal lery. Mr. and Mrs. Johnson de Jones, from the suburbs, tried hard to look as though they were enjoying them selves, and, as there was no way ol seeing whether it had stopped rainiog outside, went steadily from one room to the other. . Suddenly their attention was ar rested by a picture of two dogs scam pering across an open moor. : “Why, Albert,” said Mrs. J. de Jones, “if that further dog isn't the image of our Spot!” “Why, so he is!” ejaculated Albert. “What's the picture called?” “It says ‘Two Dogs After Land gecr. But where's Landseer?” But Albert was not in the habit of giving anything away. “Why, my dear,” said he, patroniz ingly, “this is one of those problem pictures we have heard so much about lately!” Only Natural. “Speaking of animals, in my opin ion the elephant is the cleverest of them all,” said the old circus man. "I remember once, many years ago, when Jacko, who was then under my charge, showed me one day that he could read.” “Oh, come now,” said the listener. “I'll prove it to you in about two minutes ” said the trainer. “Well, as 1 was saying, the old fellow got into a scrape with the Bengal tiger, and before we could get them separatel he had his trunk badly damaged. Aft er the scrimmage was over Jacko broke loose and staried down the street fast. ‘He's going wild,’ some body shouted. ‘Don’t you believe it,’ sayvs I. Now, where do you suppose that elephant went to?” “Went to the surgeon’s, I suppo:e. Can’'t you get up a better yarn?” “No; he didn't go to the surgeon’s. He went straight to a little shop where a sign said, ‘Trunks repaired while you wait.’ Of course, he had made a mistake. But what do you ex pect of a poor dumb brute?” Of Inferior Quality. Clarence was very angry: so much s 0 that the shopwalker thought it time he went to the assistance of the young lady behind the counter. With his best professional smile, he gpproached the angry fop, *1 hope nothing supplied to you by this establishment has given you dis satisfaction, sir?”’ he asked. ‘My dear thir—dithatithfaction! 1 jo!lly well know it hath!" “What is your complaint, sir?” “My complaint is thith—l bought a book here thome time ago, and it ithn't what I thought it wath. I don't like it.” “What is the matter with it, sir? It seems in good condition.” “What'th that got to do with it? The heroine—who, I will thay, ith a topping girl—goeth and marrieth a man who wearth woolen thockth and carrieth a thick walking thtick in the summer; tho 1 want my money back thith minute!” The Weekly Georgh BRINGING UP FATHER "5::37\(5855051- T)EJ%STT';EAE:ESL - S 0 THAT'S THE = By . LLY égfi:o’\z::ft WITH Tco%rk?fqus 582»\?_‘2&"-o'l._ T?)i)':. :‘L S - | Gede ) | & Ao % I k&\‘ ON THE ——g-al = 1 \‘l ERIE CANAL * o ‘_=_:l; oY, // W K : léfz K & aoo ::—:flm H/'Hq!'{/ “‘\S\ i SR 70 34 “ E Y| | Y 112 6N (2 7cm | e LT LY ) 3 SN AR @) = ,\' i :I‘l l}r *,; ;;\ Y- ' : \3 % /’\ E A (I 8 IPy | 1R TN 4 \ — = @ N T . =.°Z— \ © STt {2 e . 8 C 0%/ LR e $ - R = ¥ = ///ZJ - N P | | 3 Mr. Jack Sure Is There as a Song-Bird -~ - .-} ST, JUGR . cNIEG 18 SIEIO T 8 & & g N I “UD % gg - ‘MJIU’ N ‘| =sl » ] -y q 0] ii, e ,mfi“fi! e O . - j&jfl ““ i . PKAN H”‘[ ‘L n\_mUl H;ow;;' :‘ N \qi\\\ MOVT] b U TN s 52 <BO N A TS ar— APN I 8 TRE e e € \Qé vZ : : '@)\. CF élgé.;‘ , fl‘. N ?AJ gémg \"f K, G 0 TN : f w 1 Stars and Stripes As a graceful compliment, why not call the new America Cup de fender the “Canal Boat?" - L Massachusetts eugenic mar riage bill may work all right if amended to include mothers-in law. » * * * _Texan jailed for having sixteen wives is likely to meet with the ill luck of having one of them bail him out. * * * A man afraid of earning more than his salary never earns the salary. * * * If a married woman pays much attention to her husband's folk when out in compuany it is a sign that she has not been married long. B * » * When we criticise the cook we are not very hungry. iv * - (Good luck that you walit for generally comes by slow freight, * - - It takes a big pile of chips to ganible in modern politics. * * - It is seldom that a man can be a reformer and hold down a good job at the same time. - * * Do not hanker for the dead men’'s shoes. 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