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DawsonOpinion
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 7,2023
This is a page of opinion — ours, yours and
others. Signed columns and cartoons are the
opinions of the writers and artists, and they
may not reflect our views.
In defense of
a Southern
accent, y all
Well, swat my
hind with a melon
rind! I just found
out why I’m so
slow-witted and
eat my peas with
a butterknife. It’s
my Southern
accent, y’ all.
I have just read a survey that those of us
who live down here below the Mason-
You-Know-Who line are thought by some
who live where it snows ten months a year
and all their buildings are rusted, to be less
intelligent because of our slow way of
talking.
Stephen Colbert, a liberal weenie on
some late night TV show I have had the
privilege of missing all these years, says
when he was growing up in South
Carolina, he decided he wasn’t going to
have a Southern accent. As a child, he
observed that Southerners were often
depicted as being dumber than other char
acters on scripted television and, to avoid
that stereotype, he taught himself to imi
tate the speech of American news anchors.
Well, bless his sweet heart.
His views on how we talk is courtesy of
a news release from Writing Tips Institute,
where the editors may send me if I don’t
start putting commas where they belong
and don’t learn the difference between
who and whom. Why the way we speak is
of concern to an organization focused on
how we write escapes me, but so does the
difference between who and whom.
Writing Tips Institute says a recent sur
vey of 3,000 job applicants found that over
one-third (38%) say that they “soften”
their regional twangs in their job inter
views in an effort to make their accents
more generalized, for fear of negative ste
reotypes. That tells me that 62%, or 1,860
applicants, say this is the way I talk and if
y’all don’t like it, you can kiss my grits.
According to their analysis, a Southern
accent is defined as “unique due to its dis
tinctive pronunciation of vowels and con
sonants, which is characterized by elon
gated vowels, a slower and more relaxed
pace of speech and a tendency to drop the
final “g” sound in words that end in —
‘ing’.” What I think all of this means is
that talkin’ Southern ain’t as easy as we
make it look.
The Writing Tips Institute might be
interested to know that the Southern
accent is also unique in our use of the
word fixin’, which has nothing to do with
repairing a squeaking chair. In the South,
fixin’ is about planning, as in, “I’m fixin’
supper” or “I’m fixin’ to take Momma to
church to play Bingo.” or “Watch it, bust
er. I’m fixin’ to take a skillet upside your
head if you keep makin’ fun of the way I
talk.”
Of particular interest to me in the survey
was the observation that Georgians are
among the most likely to hide their
Southern accents. In fact, 45% of job
applicants with a Southern accent say they
change the way they talk when applying
for jobs. That says to me that 45% of the
job applicants weren’t worth hiring in the
first place because they have no self-
respect. As my sweet Southern momma
would say, “If brains were dynamite, they
couldn’t blow their nose.”
I hate to poke a big hole in all that work
that the Writing Tips Institute put into
their survey talking about how talking
Southern can be a career-impacting handi
cap (They claim a Southern accent could
cost Georgians an average of 18% less sal
ary upon hiring because we say things
like, “howdy” and “well, glory be!”)
because this ol’ Georgia boy made a right
good livin’ and never tried to change the
way I talked.
I spent a great deal of time in New York
working with a number of consulting firms
we had hired as well as supervising a staff
in Washington for a number of years.
When someone had the temerity to make a
comment about my Southern accent, I
quickly assured them that I spoke proper
ly. They were the ones that had the accent.
That, along with a stare that would melt a
pile of bricks usually stopped that conver
sation in its tracks and allowed us to get
on with our business.
As for a Southern accent being equated
with low intelligence as snoots like
Stephen Colbert would hypothesize, my
daddy used to say that just because we talk
slow, doesn’t mean we think slow. The fact
is we are smart enough to tell you what we
want you to know when we are ready for
you to know it. That sounds very intelli
gent to me, y’all.
You can reach Dick Yarbrough atdick@dick-
yarbrough.com; at P.O. Box 725373, Atlanta,
GA 31139; online atdickyarbrough.com or
on Facebook at www.facebook.com/dick-
yarb.
DICKYARBROUGH
Columnist
Aging gracefully is a tough task
When it comes to aging,
or sometimes just existing,
women seem to be darned if
they do and darned if they
don’t.
Either we fight it tooth
and nail, or with staples and
needles, or we let the wrin
kles creep in and things sag
to where they want to go.
Whichever one we do, we're judged.
As a teen. I never understood why
women desperately wanted to look
younger. Perhaps it was the folly of
youth; I always liked my makeup and
poof and other trappings of vanity.
Then, I was more focused on looking
older, not my age. Mama was always
buying whatever cream promised the
fountain of youth in ajar or bottle.
Granny, on the other hand, didn’t seem
to care.
“I earned every one of these wrin
kles,” she declared. “Growing older is a
badge of honor and I don’t care what
anyone thinks about how old I look.”
She also kept ajar of Pond's cold
cream on her dresser and liberally slath
ered her face with it day and night.
Maybe it was to keep her skin soft -
who knows. All I know is she used it
religiously and that was the only beauty
ritual she seemed to perform.
When I worked in cosmetics, I saw
how women would pay a lot of money
to fight the effects of aging.
Women who were young were taking
those preventative steps to fight aging,
buying stuff with “Anti-aging,” “Anti
gravity,” and “Perfection” in the names.
My mother-in-law worked for a com
peting prestige line and always gave
their gift set of the newest
wrinkle creams to her
daughter at Christmas.
Karla told me to be thankful
I was still getting the block
buster with the lipstick,
shadows, and blushes.
“But, I need the wrinkle
stuff,” I bemoaned. “I’ve
got enough color to last me a lifetime
and it won't look too great if I put it on
saggy skin.”
I used to think I’d never be one to
undergo the knife for cosmetic purposes.
Of course, that was before everything
decided to shift on my body.
It’s been well over a decade since I
quit smoking and I thought I had quit in
time to avoid any of those lines around
my mouth. I was wrong.
Would a little Botox help?
The thought of lipo has crossed my
mind on occasion, and I’ve even toyed
with the idea of that sonar fat-dissolving
procedure. Not sure if it would even
work, but I’ve wondered about it.
Thinking back to how we get judged,
if we do get a little work done, there's
always someone making a snide com
ment. If you don’t believe me, just visit
the comments section on any story about
a celebrity who has had fillers or sur
gery. Granted, some celebrities do look
vastly different than they did 10 years
ago but it also paints a reality where
they are not allowed to age.
Many have had procedures in an effort
to look young and ended up being
almost unrecognizable.
I don’t mock them at all; I whole
heartedly empathize with them. Their
livelihood is based on their appearance.
No one cares if I’m losing the elasticity
in my skin or is worried about my
decrease in collagen production; but
there’s a slew of people pushing them to
look 25 when they’re 50.
If those celebrities let themselves age
naturally, they'd still be criticized.
I think of my future third husband,
Keanu Reeves, and his current girl
friend. Alexandra Grant has allowed her
hair to naturally gray and people com
ment on how old she is; she's actually
younger than Keanu. Yet, people can
make some cruel comments about her
appearance and seem to ignore the fact
she is an accomplished artist.
All we’re doing is just trying to get
through life, and yet we’re judged by
how old we look, if the work we've had
done makes us look naturally 20 years
younger than our real age, or if it’s obvi
ous we’ve had that work done.
It’s as if the things we’ve achieved
and done have no value other than our
appearance.
When an elderly lady complimented
my hair color in the grocery store line
the other day, she asked if it was my
natural color. I thanked her and said it
was. Feeling guilty about the slight fib, I
added. “Well, it's my natural color; my
hair stylist just creates a blend that
matches it to cover my grays and make
the rest shine.”
The lady smiled and winked. “Then it
is your natural color, dear.”
A stranger, but a sister in solidarity in
this war of aging.
Sudie Crouch is an award winning humor
columnist and author.
SUDIE CROUCH
Columnist
DR. ANDERSON
Keep the celebration of veterans going
By Dr. Larry Anderson
Anderson Family Medicine
Memorial Day is always filled with
mixed emotions. We say Happy
Memorial Day to others but it is always
solemn when you remember those that
have died. So what are we celebrating?
We are celebrating the memory of
those who gave their lives so that we
and others can live free. We celebrate
the memories of our friends, comrades,
buddies, fathers, brothers, mothers, sis
ters, wives, husbands, uncles, cousins
and everyone who has ever worn a uni
form.
This used to be called Decoration Day
and people would go to cemeteries and
place flowers and flags on the graves.
You should go to the National Cemetery
in Canton and see a flag, flower or
wreath, depending on the occasion, on
every grave marker. It is a solemn sight
to imagine all those military persons
standing by their grave stone, at atten
tion, and realize how many people made
your freedom possible.
When I was riding through the coun
tryside in Ukraine, we passed many
cemeteries. Some were near a church
and some were not. Here, we put small
American flags on our veteran’s graves.
There, they put large flags that looked
like they were 3X5 feet. There was no
doubt that from a distance you were
looking at the grave of a fallen
Ukrainian soldier. It was a somber sight.
The nation that no longer remembers
its veterans will itself no longer be
remembered. Keep the celebration
going. Fly a flag at home. Stop by a
cemetery and visit a veteran’s grave. Do
not worry that you do not know them,
they will know you. After all, it is your
freedom they died for.
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