Newspaper Page Text
No more cargo shorts - ever!
I don’t love having my picture taken. Aging with grace and humility requires some
effort but it also calls for taking the win when it presents itself.
One category where I feel I’ve made great strides from a decade ago has been
the elimination of cargo shorts from my wardrobe. We have so many adorable pictures of
our kids from that time frame, but if I happen to be in the shot too, the cuteness comes
with a side of cargo clown knickers. I’m
contemplating a broad-scale photoshop
project.
Granted, my primary job at that
stage of parenthood was Holder of Stuff.
If we walked to the park, we might bring
a snack and sippy cup, a ball, a doll,
sunscreen, a few Band-Aids, and — looky
here — giant pockets! Function trumped
form at every turn. Fashion was a concern
for the childless bachelors. I’d even snicker
at them: Oh, that guy with his well-tailored
pants thinks he’s so sharp.
Nowadays, my appearance is best
reflected in the running commentary my
kids generously offer me. I don’t know if it
helps any since my natural inclination is to respond by leaning in further to whatever flaw
they identify. It could be something like ‘Your socks are ugly,’ which indicates that I should
dig through my drawer for even uglier socks. Or ‘You wear the same thing every day,’
which will prompt me to order two more pairs of the exact same jeans.
It’s not just
my attire though.
They have plenty of
constructive criticism
about my physical
attributes, too. Elliott
offers up little nuggets
like “you should
lift weights more
often” or “you should
grow a beard.” It’s
serendipitous because
for years my sole
focus was keeping
two small humans
alive and perhaps
understandably, I was
somewhat oblivious
to my appearance.
But now, thanks to
those same humans, I
know exactly what my
shortcomings are.
Margo took to the
whiteboard to draw a
family portrait. Which
is sweet and perhaps
even preferable to
having my picture
taken, but I had a few questions. Like, why is my torso so long? Why the dopey smile?
Why do my eyes look like they are sliding off the side of my face? Because, according to
Margo, “that is exactly what you look like, Dad.” Anyway, now I know this, too, which is
great because self-awareness is everything, right?
Kristen needs to use ‘Kristin’ on legal documents due to a birth certificate screw-up. It’s
annoying and can cause some confusion on the rare occasions it matters. Being all about
truth, the whiteboard family portrait apparently also warrants legal names only. However,
Kristen is not that short. Margo tends to exaggerate their height differential ever since she
shot past her. And I’d swear Kristen has a hipper hairstyle, but here it reads like she went to
Supercuts and requested the Boy’s Regular. Likewise, her khakis(?) appear to be the Boy’s
Regular cut. With a devious child’s expression, this ‘Kristin’ is an enigma.
Margo did capture the essence of Elliott. Except he’s the same height as me now and
the stick figure arms aren’t fair since he’s getting a little muscly from those weights he keeps
telling me about. Of course, Margo drew herself quite chic and her hair is on point. The
thickness, the curls and the length are all astounding. Admittedly, the drawing is pretty
accurate in that regard. Her thorough maintenance routine keeps the curls at maximum
glory. If I had that kind of time.. .well, who am I kidding?
message to young parents is when it comes to your appearance, ignorance is indeed
bliss. Go on with your utility wear and your ketchup-stained shirts. Do it while you can
because not only is a reckoning coming, but it’s coming from inside your own house. Also,
I don’t wear cargo shorts anymore and if I’ve conveyed nothing else, I just really needed
that point to be crystal clear. QH
May I Be Excused?
Tim Sullivan
Tim Sullivan is an award
winning columnist who
writes about family life
and thinks everything
is at least a little funny.
tim@sullivanfinerugs.
com.
Our assisted living is
accredited for two reasons.
You. And your family.
Because having the confidence and
peace of mind of accreditation is important.
Lunch & Learn
Thursday, June 2 nd • ll:30am
Join us for an interactive presentation on senior living and
the exceptional services & safeguards offered. Afterwards,
take a tour of our community and enjoy a delicious lunch
prepared by our culinary team. Seating is limited.
To RSVP, call 404.369.7523.
♦(car
PIEDMONT
A T BUCKHEAD
CARF-ACCREDITED INDEPENDENT AND
ASSISTED LIVING RESIDENCES IN BUCKHEAD
650 Phipps Boulevard NE • Atlanta • 404-369*7523
www.ThePiedmontatBuckhead.com
ONSITE REHABILITATIVE SERVICES AVAILABLE
AtlantalntownPaper.com
MAY 2022 | INTOWN 11