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HK IS UNANIMOUSLY FOR THE OLD "WITH, OR WITHOUT, AN APPROPRIATION. Old Vet’s Valentine. 6Wk F THE TWO-SOLEFUL LAMENT, AS TOLD BY THE MAJOR. He had but one leg—the other he’d lost In the battle at Horse-Shoe Bend, So in place of that leg he wore him a peg, With a cute little knob on the end. He’d fought for the Guv, as a matter of love— Kill’d Indian braves by the the score; Then a pension he carried and never got married, But liv’d as a bach'lor, galore ! With claw-hammer coat and one-legg’d pants, His clothing, it cost but a trifle, So he thought it all right to give each appetite Full rein, and never one stifle. The result is quite plain—he was taken with pain In his only remaining propeller And could not go about, on account of his gout, Without using his crutches, poor feller I “Hine illae’’—(you know it)—how silly to show it— His rage on last Valentine day, When a jolly young maiden, with fun overladen, Thought a joke on the Old Vet to play. For there, in your view, he, holds slippers—one two! Lillip ;tian o’ermuch for his heft— With his right foot done up like a three-month sick pup And naught but a knob for his left! The Georgia Scenes. WHAT WAS THE AILMENT OF THE BABY. An Amusing Series of Remarks From a Mother on The Occasion of an Accident to The Young Kid. [From Harpers’ Edition of the “Georgia Scenes” by Judge Longstreet.] Whence comes the gibberish which is almost invariably used by mothers and nurses to infants? Take, for example, the following, which will answer the two-fold purpose of illustrating my idea and of exhibiting one of the peculiarities of the age. A few days ago I called to spend an hour in the afternoon with Mr. Slang, whose wife is the mother of a child about eight months old. While I was there, the child in the adjoining room, began to cry. “You Rose.” said Mrs. Slang, “quiet that child!” Rose walked with it and sang to it, but it did not hush. “You Rose ! if you do not quiet that child, I lay I make you.” “I is tried, ma’am,” said Rose, “an’ he wouldn’t get hushed.” (Child cries louder.) “Fetch him to me, you good-for-noth ing hussy you. What’s the matter with him!” reachingout her arms to receive him. “I dun know, ma’am.” “Nhei —nhun —nho—nha’am!’ (mock ing and grinning at Rose.) As Rose delivered the child, she gave visible signs of dodging just as the child left her arms; and that she might not be disappointed. Mrs. Slang gave her a box, in which there seemed to be no anger mixed at all, and which Rose received as a matter of course, without even changing countenance under it. “Da den!” said Mrs. Slang: “come elonge muddy (mother). Did nassy Yosey (Rose) pague muddy thweety chil lung!” (children) —pressing the child to her bosom, and rocking it backward and forward tenderly. “Muddins will whip py ole nassy Yosey. Ah ! you old uggy Yosey!” (knocking at Rose playfully.) ‘Da den, muddy did whippy bad Yosey.’ (Child continues crying.) “Why, what upon earth ails the child! Rose, you’ve hurt this child somehow or other!” “No, ma’am, ‘cla’ I didn’t; I was just sitt’n down dar in the rock’n-chair ‘long side o’ Miss Nancy’s bureau, an’ wa’n’t doin’ noth’n”t all to him, jis playin’ wid him, and he jis begin to cry heself, when nobody wa’tn’t doin nothin’ t all to him, and nobody wa’n’t in dar —nuther sept jis me and him, and I was— ” “Nhing—nhing —nhing—and I expect you hit his head against the bureau.” “Let muddy see where old bad Yosey knocky heady ‘gin de bureaus. Muddy will see,” taking off the child’s cap, and finding nothing. (Child cries on.) “Muddy’s baby was hungry. Dat was what ailes inudder's darling, thweety ones. Was oho hungry, an’ nobudy would givy litty darling any sings’t all for eaty!” (loosing her frock bosom.) “No, nobody would gim thweety ones any sings fo’ eat’t all.’ (Ollers the breast to the child, who rejects it. rolls over, kicks and screams worse than ever.) “Hush ! you little brat! I believe it’s nothing in the world but crossness. Hush!” (shaking it), “hush, I tell you.” (Child cries to the ne plus ultra.) “Why surely a pin must stuck the child. Yes, was e bad pin din ticky chil luns. Let muddy see where de uggy pin did ticky dear prettous creter” (examin ing). ‘Why no, it isn’t a pin. Why what can be the matter with the child! It must have the cholic, surely. Rose, go bring me the paregoric off the mantel piece. Yes, muddy’s baby did hab e’tolic. Dat was what did ail muddy's baby did nab e tolic. Dat was what did ail mud dy s prettous darly baby.” (Pressing it to her bosom, and rocked it. Child cries on.) Rose brought the paregoric, handed it, dodged, and got her expectations realiz ed as before. “Now go bring me the sugar and some water.” Rose brought them, and delivered both without the .customary reward ; for at that instant, the child, being laid perfect ly still on the lap, hushed. Ihe paregoric was administered, and the child received it with only a whim per now and then. As soon as it recev ed the medicine, the mother raised it up and it began to cry. by. Lord help my soul, what’s the matter with the child! What have you done to him, you little hussy?” (rising aud walking towards Rose.) 9! a >’ .missis, 1 eint done noth’n”t all; was jis sittin’ down da by Miss Nancy’s “Y on lie, you slut” (hitting her a pass ing slap), “I know you've hurt him. Husli, my baby” (singing the Coquet), “eon t you cry, your sweetheart will come by’m’by; da de dum dumdum day, da de dum diddle dumdum day.” (Child cries on.) “Lord help my soul and body, what can be the matter with my baby!” (tears coming in her own eyes.) ‘Something’s the matter withit, I know it is” (laying the child on her lap, and feeling its arms, to see whether it flinched at the touch of any particular part). But the child cried less while she was feeling it than before. “Yes, dat was it; wanted lity arms yubb’d. Mud vill yub its sweet little arms. ” (Child begins again.) “V’ hat upon earth can make my baby cry so! rising and walking to the win dow. (Stops at the window, and the child hushed. “Yes, dat was it : did want to look out ’e windys. See the pretty chickens. O-o-o-h ! look at the beauty, rooster ! ! Yonder’s old aunt Betty ! See old aunt Betty, pickin' up chips. Yes, ole aunt Betty, pickin' up chip fo’ bake biscuit so good chilluns. Good aunt Betty fo’ make bicky fo’ sweet baby’s supper.” (Child begins again.) “Hoo-o-o! see de windy!” (knocking on the window. Child screams.) ‘‘You Rose, what have you done to this child ! You little hussy you, if you don't tell me how you hurt him, I’ll whip you as long as *1 can find you.” “Missis, I 'cla' I never done noth’n”t all to him. I was jis sett’n down da by Miss Nancy’s bu—” “If you say ‘Miss Nancy’s bureau’ to me again, I’ll stuff Miss Nancy’s bureau down your throat, you little lying slut. I’m just as sure you’ve hurt him as if I’d seen you. How did you hurt him!” 3 Here Rose was reduced to a non plus; for, upon the peril of having a bureau stuffed down her throat, she dare not repeat the oft-told tale, and she knew no other. She therefore stood mute. “Julia,” said Mr. Slang, “bring the child to me, an let me see if I can discover thecause of his crying,’ Mr. Slang took the child, and com menced a careful examination of it. He removed its cap, and beginning at the crown of its head, he extended, the search slowly and cautiously downward, accompanying the eye with the touch of the finger. He bad not proceeded far in this way, before he discovered in the right ear of the child a small feather, the cause, of course, of all its wailing. The cause removed, the child soon changed its tears to smiles, greatly to the delight of all, and to none more than to Rose. BALDWIN. The Major’s Uncle. DEJEUNER A LA FOURCHETTE. Caleb Funderburk and His “Puffect Sy nonimy.” Juniper Creek, Talbot County.—Dear Major : Not after that dismal morning, when my coffee congealed and my hom iny conglaciated, while I was dancing at tendance upon the the oft-repeated “hel los” of my quondam friend, Caleb Funderburk, was I falicitated with his genial presence until the following July. The day was so fervid that one might easily believe it had taken the first pre mium at an intertropical-weather-fair in Bengal and was hurriedly expressed here in a reverbatory furnace, for what pur pose I know not, but its potential force was no less than one hundred and ninety four foot-tons per second to the square acre, as calculated by Caleb. It was at my post-office, Juniper Station, that I met with him. His greeting was, “Well,” Kurnil, its the dad dingdest swultriest wever I ever seed in my life—its puffectly synonimy.” I was shocked —inexpressibly shocked. Ordinarily I would have heartily enjoyed alike the miscalling and misuse of syn onymous but not there—the rather did it confound me. Even then I had an eye on a seat in the Georgia Legislature, and I as confidently relied upon the support of Caleb as if he had been my twin brother. For several minutes I was ob livious to all that was said by those pres ent, and only grunted out mechanical answers when personally addressed. I cogitated and pondered and catachised my interior consciousness or words to that effect, and still my self-query as to who in the devil could have taught Caleb Funderburk anything about synonyms remained unanswared. I well knew that no man living on the creek had ever heard the word, and as well that Caleb had never gone abroad so far as that any use was made of it whatever. He had not been over to the county seat in six years, I was certain. It was a natural conclusion then that Mahomet had gone to the mountain—that some up-start from the county seat, having in view legislative honors, had been to see Caleb, and had so far seduced him from my in terests as to thoroughly impress him with the vast importance of that inau spicious synonyms. 1 felt a misgiving in the fullest meas ure disquieting as to whether my patri otic endeavors were to be assisted with the powerful support of one of my most trusted friends and invaluable adjutants THE GEORGIA MAJOR, —one who but a brief period before had unreservedly and confidingly united his fortunes with mine in a buggy risk of the most hazardous character, was about to desert me in my supreme undertaking. It was a stunning blow to my political aspirations. Not as it was—“synonimy” as Caleb said it was—had he been a close and not necessarily an acute observer, I would just then have appeared to him, to say the least of it, a trifle cool. In truth, I felt so cool towards Caleb that with utter contempt of shade I betook myself to a pile of cross-ties that were defying the tropical sun, feeling fully as reckless as they. I then and there poig nantly regretted that I had ever permitted myself to venture rashly and perilously so far into the turbulent sea of politics as secretly to aspire to a seat in the Geor gia Legislature. I deeply yearned for an ebb that would furnish me regress to my Arcadian past. I flung my mind’s eye from the wind ward to the lee-shore of that sinister sea and beheld stranded irrevocably thereon, countless wrecks, innumerable havocs and several To even re motely reckon how great a solace it would have been to have seen there, too, on that hopeless shore the before mentioned up start would require an amplitude of im agination, vouchsafed to a very few of the most highly favored in this land for the landless and these homes for the homeless. I was surely and convulsively gatherin g the drapery of chilling despond ency about me when I suddenly fell upon quite a turn of fortune. Neighboring Juniper Station is an extensive mill-pond, abounding in game-fish of excellent qual ity, and many from considerable distances in search of recreation and sport visit it by trains to share in the pleasures it af fords. I called in my sea-going mind’s eye and steadily fixed my bodily eye upon a little dapper-like undergraduate, whose coat was richly ornamented with gairish buttons, together with regulation society badge and with a skirt decoration, which I had no temptation whatever to pro nounce extravagant in its proportions. He was unmistakably of a high sanguine temperament, for he was busily engaged in prospecting for bait in places where it was wholly impossible to be found. He was placer mining for worms in the draughtiest of seasons on a sandy soil and was nakedly unequipped for follow ing a ledge. I was so strongly impressed with the idea that our prospects for suc cess in our respective enterprises were “synonimy” I immediately engaged him in conversation. He was a youth of more than ordinary accomplishments, albeit bait-finding was not of them. As a con versationalist he had large aptitude, good training, and was in fine form. He evi dently belonged to one of the best fami lies, as he was the most superbly finished and aptly ready light-weight liar I had ever met. He would send Ovid Bolus to grass on the first fly. Within ten minutes of the beginning of our interview, had he told me he brought a letter of introduction to Caleb Funderburk from the Chancellor of the State University, I would not have batted either my mind’s eye or my bodily eye. But despite his rugged determination to withhold from me all savor of truth he unwittingly gladdened me with a cheer ing revelation. In common with all pretentious fledg lings he had his stock of pet verbal ex pressions and forty-three times by actual count and twice indistinct hearing made doubtful, he used synonyms. I felt deeply chagrined—experienced a burning sense of shame when I reflected how causelessly I had distrusted Caleb. But as the lowering clouds which had well nigh hid from view the State capitol were now rent, I felt as bouvant as ex pectant. I returned to the office and re ceived a letter from some friends promis ing a visit on the morrow. I was strictly unprepared for so unexpected a pleasure, as my larder was depleted to the verge of emptiness. I enquired as to the feasi bility of getting butchers’ meat from town by evening train, and it was replied that, because of the septic tendencies of the weather all was forced to sale before noon. If I had a piece of bacon at my house of enough size to find an expres sion in the increment h of calculus-fame I had a four hundred pound hog. I fully realized the fact that I was confronted with a dilemma. In nothing daunted, I courageously took a horn and asked Ca leb to take one also, and while I stood in the dilemma, holding my horn and Caleb stood over the barrel holding his horn. I, in a soft undertone, plead guilty to Caleb as to—no nothing about “synoni my”—my having very inopportunely gone short on meat. Then kind Caleb compassionately said, “Well, Kunil, I got a heap of goats ; can your folks eat goat?” With perfect candor I assured Caleb that with a reasonably fair opportunity they very probably could eat goat and that with a very little persuasion on his part I,stood ready t< buy one. Caleb peremptorily refused to sell, but after paying a delightful tribute to our long and close friendship, he made me a gift of one which he amply guaranteed was the fattest of his flock. Whereupon, current belief to the contrary, notwith standing, we found the dilemma had two more horns, and it is perhaps due to the truth of history to herein make re cord that the same further tightened our mutual regard, I well knowing Caleb's nicely adjusted ideas of what is “far,” safely presumed upon them so far as to make the following proposal, as we were taking our last and parting smile to better reconcile us to a brief but painful separation. “Caleb, it will cost me con siderable trouble to send for the goat that you gave me, besides I know you are a far better hand to dress it than I am, and I believe that if you will hunt it up this afternoon so as certainly not to disappoint me, and butcher it early in the morning, and send me half of it I will give you the other half of it for your trouble. Do you think that fair? Quoth Caleb : “I’ll be mouty glad to git the job, ’cause it will pay me powerful well to git half a goat jist for butcher ing it these hard times.” I had a meat breakfast. Your Uncle, Jno. C. Maund. DBATH TO WHITEWASH! GOOD NEWS —FOR— HOUSEKEEPERS! Whitewash!! SupercedeD First Premium! Special Diploma AWARDED BY State Agricultural Society,lßßO FOR MAXWELLS PREPARED GYPSUM, For Whitening and Color ing Churches, Factories Mills, Dwellings, Barns, Fences or for any purpose where white or Kalso mine is used. A Beautiful Durable and Cheap Article. Gypsum gives the walls a brilliant gloss, and is, therefore, more durable, is easily mixed, and costs no more than the common lime. Its sanitary quali ties are excellent; it is, therefore, in every respect unsurpassed by anything of the kind ever offered to the public. It will be good for years if kept covered with water; for use, reduce with water quite thin, and apply with a white wash brush. One quart will cover one hundred square yards. Thin down with clear water just as you would lime. It is of the same consistancy as pure white lead. Will keep clean much long er than lime, will not crack, peel, rub off, or change color, therefore it is cheap er, as labor cost more than the material. Satisfied that all who test it will never again use lime. Study your interest by giving Gypsum a trial. Colors; Blue, Lilac, Chocolate, Pearl, French Gray, Pink. Packed in barrels of 25 gallons, half barrels, quarter and eighth cans. No. 1 SUPERFINE, FOR INSIDE WORK No. 2 FINE, .... FOR OUTSIDE WORK. SOLD BY ED. HOLLAND, —ALSO MANUFACTURER OF Atlanta Gutta-Percha Roofing Paint. Office No. 55 South Broad street, Atlan ta, Ga. Do you know why a dog turns around twice before lying down ? IT IS a fact that we have a splendid, neat, tidy, well arranged store, stocked with the best of staple and fancy groceries. BECAUSE the people appreciate fair and hon orable dealing with persons whose business history in this city for thir ty-five years, has not a stain upon it. ONE idea should be prominent in conduc ting any business, and that is, to give value received for every dollar obtained. GOOD goods at a fair profit is the successful principle underlying a prosperous career. TURN around the southeast corner of Broad and Marietta streets, step in the first door and examine and price our goods, and if we do not give you the best goods for as little mon ey and make less fuss about it than some others, we will then allow you to say no house that blows and does not perform regularly its prom ises, DESERVES to succeed, for none who do not value a good name more than money ought to. We are not going to offer you 40 pounds of grits for a dollar, and then send you thirty pounds the second time you send for them. It will pay you then to get a pair of scales, my friends for home use and use them, especially where goods are offered at suspiciously low rates; ANOTHER. Do you see the point ? Drag & Allen, 28 MARIETTA STREET. SPECIAL NOTICE —TO— GROCERS, CONFECTIONERS, —AND— Merchants Generally The lease of our present business has expired, and to save cost and trouble of moving our goods, we shall stay where we are for thirty days, and close out our entire stock at some sort of prices. We don’t ask or expect a profit, and if we cannot get cost price we will sell at a loss. This is no catch-penny advertise ment. Neither is it intended to mis lead or misinform anybody. We have simply determined to change the line and character of our busi ness, and can better afford to sacri fice now by selling for the cash or approved paper than continue a risky and unsatisfactory credit sys tem. It is our settled purpose to get rid of the last vestige of our stock, and with that view and sole object we respectfully invite all who handle our line of goods to call without de lay. We invite special attention to the following goods: Fancy Gandies, Os every Description, Canned Fruits, Oysters, Canned Vegetables, Jellies, Chewing Gum, Nuts, Raisins, Spices, Sardines, Pickles, Prize Packages, Baking Powders, Bi-carb. Soda, Flavoring Extracts, Ball Potash, , Blacking, Bluing, Sauces, Glass Jars, Starch, Canned Lye and Potash, French Mustard, English Mustard, Dcssicated Cocoanut, Ground Spices, Cotton Twine, Paper Bags, Show Cases, Soap. Plug and Smoking Tobacco in end less variety. Toys and Bohemian Glassware at less than half cost. All nice, new, clean goods. o N. B. —Should there be any outstand ing claims against us, we shall be glad to have them presented for settlement with out delay. Jack & Holland, 36 Whitehall Street. 5