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RELATIONSHIPS
Why Can't I Find A Good Man? The Self-Evaluation
In a perfect world, there would be an
ideal African-American man for every ideal
African-American woman, and vice-ersa.
But in the real world, there are numerous
single or lonely sisters out there. Some say
it's due to a lack of available, qualified
companions. Others feel it's because of the
phenomenon of “crossover” or interracial
love, with eligible brothers opting for White
women.
Though opinions differ across the
country, the most common reason you are
alone or unhappy is yourself. For one
reason or another, you have decided to be
alone. Consciously or unconsciously, you
have become content in being without a
man.
But there are others, those who have a
companion, but the relationship is so sour
they might as well be alone. They remain in
that situation, miserable as hell, simply
because they think this is all the world has
to offer them. Maybe they'll sleep with a
new sex partner from time to time. But they
still remain in that terrible relationship.
But you don't have to be alone or unhappy.
No matter who you are or what qualities
you think you may lack, there is a better
way. And there is a man out there for you.
But first, you must evaluate yourself. You
must ask yourself, "Do I want to remain in
my current situation or do I want something
better?" If you're unhappy, I would think
you'd want something better-not necessarily
because you need a man, but because you
want one.
It's time to take a look in the mirror.
Literally. Ask yourself, “Would I date me?”
“Am I attractive in any way?" Your answer
should be a confident yes to both questions.
If you don't like yourself, how can you
possibly expect anyone else to like you.
Being pretty isn't everything. Unfor
tunately, however, your appearance gen
erally creates the first impression of you,
meaning, a brother will normally be
attracted to of not attracted to your looks
before he notices that dynamite personality
of yours. Therefore, in seeking new
4 companionship, it is highly recommended
that you look your best while in public
1 places.
You shouldn't change yourself just to
catch a man. You should do it only to
reaffirm your self-esteem. That's when you
will find a man; when you feel good about
yourself. It shows. It makes it easier for
others to feel good about you. On the other
hand, if you've given up on yourself, that
also shows. How can you expect someone
else not to give up on you as well.
For those of you presently involved in a
relationship, your situation is slightly
different. You are not alone, however, you
could still be lonely. This is because the fire
in your relationship is very low or has
burned out altogether. Again, you must stop
placing blame elsewhere, and start
evaluating yourself. “Am I the woman I was
when he first met me?” Do I honestly
provide the love and affection this man
needs?” “Do I even care?” More
importantly, "Do I intend to remain in this
relationship or replace this man
completely?"
You can do everything in your power to
win back his love and attention, but sadly
you just may not turn him on anymore. He
may not be attracted to you in your present
state. That's why it's important to first take a
good look at yourself. You may need a
slight adjustment or a major overhaul.
Whatever the case, it may be worth
completing the necessary changes. Not
only will it possibly save your relationship,
it will improve your overall attitude and
self-assurance.
At worst, in making changes, you can
now feel secure in your search for a new
man. You will have reestablished the level
of confidence you had when you first
attracted him. Now your life can move
forward without him, and without the fear
of being alone forever. It's just a matter of
time. You're looking good and feeling good.
Soon you will feel you're better off without
him. That's because ... you will be!
As we all know, life is short. You should
not live your life unhappy. With each new
day comes the opportunity to begin your
life anew. In evaluating yourself, you will
inevitably recognize your shortcomings,
and the reasons you're in the position you're
in. You must then decide on whether to
change or remain the same. Don't be afraid
to go out on a limb. Many sisters stand
around the root of the tree waiting for the
fruit to fall down to them. As we all know,
you cannot continue to do the same thing,
and expect a different result.
Change is inevitable. Change is good. No
matter how bad you feel or what you've
been told, you are beautiful. But you have
to believe in yourself.
By Jaimz Cash
Ask yourself, “Would I date me? Am I attractive in any way?" Your answer should be a
confident ‘yes’ to both questions. If you don't like yourself, how can you possibly expect
anyone else to like you.
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VOLUME 4 ISSUE 21