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TMI Will CIOtOIAM MMCH 1 l*M
Marvelous Marvin
Five Time Library Loser Gives Up
BY SI ZIK STEM ART
It uaK that time again! I had
to force myself to get up and
gather mv books together I
(unit'd to see who was sitting in
lhe room Maybe no one knew
me? Well. Marvin’s gates
awaited me. I was either to be
halted by a locking gate and a
ringing bell, or I was to be
allowed to walk through quietly,
tree of embarrassment and
irritation Just my luck
Marvin struck again'
Remember Marvin? He is the
machine purchased in rnid
\ugust. at sll,oooby the library
trom the 3M Company in order
to decrease the number of ar
ticles mistakenly and illegally
removed from the library
shelves His process involves
the desensitizing of library
Hems In a device located at the
circulation desk
The first time that I was
stopped by Marvin had to be the
worst and the most frightening
time of all' After studying for
an hour. I calmly packed up my
books and casually walked
toward the library exit. I never
suspected that anything would
happen Suddenly, an alarm
rang and 1 didn’t realize what
was going on All 1 knew was
that Marvin's arm had locked
and l couldn't leave the library.
1 heard someone call me to the
circulation desk
She asked to check my books.
1 realized then what had hap
pened Marvin had caught me.
Except. 1 didn't know why.
After searching through my
books, the girl at the desk
Pistol Packing Brunette Finds
Enjoyment As Campus Patrolperson
“J Lambert” is not the usual
West Georgia campus police
officer by any means, because
this pistol packing pretty
brunette is a female.
Sgt. Janice Lambert has been
pat rollng the campus since
July, and was recently
promoted from patrolman to
sergeant "1 enjoy the job
because 1 like working outside.”
she said ”1 get to meet a lot of
people and the ones l work with
are all nice.”
Does Sgt. Lambert ever have
to “manhandle,' anyone?
•Not yet,” she said “One
tune 1 was patroling the campus
and saw a young woman taking
pictures with a T V camera.
I'art of my job is keeping
unauthorized T V. cameras off
the campus because of all the
bad publicity the college has
received in the past It turned
out that it was three drama
students making a movie for
their class They had one guy
set up in a tree who was jump
ing down and acting like he
was going to rape a girl. I
helped them out by taking the
guy over the patrol car, giving
him a quick frisk, and then
putting him in the car. It was an
amusing experience for me. I
guess I'm a bit of a ham at
heart,” she said
Other facets of Sgt Lam
fiert's job include checking the
buildings at night and making
apologized for my trouble and
said that perhaps my spiral
notebook binder, jewelry, or a
set of keys had activated the
alarm -something with a metal
base.
The second and third in
cidents that I had with Marvin
were similar to the first. He
locked his gate and began to
chime. I felt as if everyone in
the library was staring at me 1
dutifully and patiently walked
up to the circulation desk to
allow someone to go through my
books. Mrs Jane Sapp, cir
culation librarian, apologized
lor the trouble and em
barrassment "It’s possible to
make mistakes, but we haven't
had it happen that many times.
And. we haven't had that many
complaints It's a small per
centage of the time that we have
trouble.” she said
Again on one of my daily
visits to the library this quarter,
Marvin caught me again. This
time it was a library error. The
employee at the circulation
desk failed to desensitize one of
the books which I had checked
nut 1 returned to the desk with
my books. The attendant ran
them through the desensitizing
machine once more, and I
walked, unhalted, out
the library exit
Being a patient person, I had
been relatively understanding
and calm about the first four
incidents, but the fifth time was
the most frustrating. I had been
studying with a friend We
gathered our books together in
order to leave the library. I
sure there are no “undesirable
persons” on the campus. She
also handles complaints about
peeping toms and breaking and
entering, and offers any kind of
public assistance that she can.
Sgt. Lambert, 23. isoriginally
from Detroit. “When my
husband and I moved here,
we noticed a security position
open on a bulletin board in the
student center. We both applied,
but they apparently wanted a
woman for the job. because I
was chosen. After a few in
terviews 1 started,” she said.
Although there are two other
women working for the campus
police, their responsibility is
writing out traffic violations.
Being the only “patrolwoman,”
however, doesn't seem to
bother Sgt. Lambert. “There
are no pressures and no
discrimination in the depart
ment,” she said. “Around here
I’m one of the guys and I feel
that the students respect me,
too.”
Patrolman Mike Summer
thinks it’s a good idea to have a
woman on the force. “There are
a lot of situations that need a
woman,” he said. “Janice can
search women suspects and
handle situations involving the
female dormitories."
The man responsible for Sgt.
jokingly told her to walk ahead
of me. I warned her that I didn't
want to embarrass her when
Marvin trapped me. She passed
through the gate. I didn't
Marvin had me again We both
began to laugh. Before I could
turn to report to the circulation
desk, a man. a library em
ployee, grabbed me on the
shoulder and asked me if I could
not read the sign, "If Bell Kings
Please Report to Desk " I was
astonished by his actions, but I
reported to the desk. Once again
an attendant searched through
my books. She even asked tc
look in my purse By this time I
was very irritated I felt that the
treatment which I had received
that day was unnecessary. And,
I thought that this was the time
to make a personal complaint. I
did.
Mrs Sarah Riggs, public
services librarian, said that
there was definitely a
malfunction in the machine to
have made so many errors.
Yet, the mistakes had been so
small in the long run that it had
not become necessary to call a
repairman. “It’s supposed to be
engineered so that spiral bin
ders and metal rings will not set
it off. You don’t happen to have
a metal plate somewhere in
your body, do you?” she asked
I didn't recall a metal plate.
But. I’ll never forget my ex
periences with Marvin, that
great detective at the West
Georgia College Library which
the library staff has claimed
will “let you pass harmlessly
through his exit gate."
s recent promotion is
Jody Hicks, acting director for
the department of public safety.
“Based on past performance,
she appeared to me to be the
best suited for the job," he said.
“As far as I’m concerned, she
can handle herself in any
situation.”
A hobby enjoyed by Sgt.
Lambert is skydiving She also
practices karate and has spent
some time on the firing range
“1 guess that I shoot all right
but I could be better,” she
admitted.
Sgt Lambert s future may or
may not involve police work. ”1
intend to go back to school when
my husband gets his masters
degree.” she said. “Then. I plan
to take some courses involving
police work to help me decide
whether I want to continue
this line of work later on.”
Charles Lambert, Janice’s
husband, is a psychology
graduate student and teaches
karate. "Sure, I teach Janice.
She’s been practicing for about
five years, and she’s pretty
good now,” he said.
When asked if it bothers him
that his wife works for the
police, Lambert replied, “It did
at first, but I checked the
records, and found that nobody
has been hurt in this police force
in a long time.”
David Willingham
F
Well, this is it.
After two and one half years of pounding out a steady stream of
weekly drivel. I’ve come to the end of the line. Indeed, this is my
final column.
No longer will you lucky readers have this tripe forced on you
every Friday. From now on when you want entertainment, read
Jack Anderson—he’s a lot funnier than I am. anyway.
I suppose the natural tendency here would be for a columnist to
reminisce about his career and end up thanking everyone who
made it possible. But. what the hell. I’m writing this thing so I’ll do
it the way I please.
Actually. I would like to dedicate this final effort to a number of
people, places, and things. Therefore, this column, and every
column for the past two and one half years, is respectfully
dedicated:
To the regular readership of this article God bless all five of you.
To the occasional critics of this column May you all win lifetime
subscriptions to “The Reader’s Digest.” Your sense of humor
deserves it.
To Humphrey De Forrest Bogart, driving force behind all my
work. Sorry, Bogey.
To the BSU, number one sellers of fire insurance.
To the GCPA awards committee, for showing a total lack of good
taste by not giving “best column,’ to either Michael Booth or me.
To Michael Booth, the red-haired menace. Thanks, Michael, your
columns made mine look good by comparison.
To the language department, for 20 wonderful hours of Spanish,
which I otherwise would have wasted on something I enjoy.
To “The Wizard of Oz,” a constant source of inspiration.
To Larry Hannah, my roommate. He was saved from a life of sin
and degradation by Morris Cerullo and “The Humphrey Bogart
Theatre."
To certain other West Georgian columnists who continually
waste wood pulp on their own personal riffs. You make me feel
better about writing this little piece of egomania.
To Barry M. Boyd, Villa Rica socialite. Regards to all the boys at
the truck stop. Barry.
To the department of humanistic psychology. Sure you’re
misunderstood; so was Arthur Bremmer.
To Neal Richter, concerned letter writer. The entire carnpu;
hangs on your every word. Neal.
To Dr Reynolds. Dr Doxey. Dr. Murphy. Mr. Cobb and other!
for proving that English can be a relatively tiresome major. < Juf
kidding, gentlemen.)
To Bill Kraus, for his sportsmanlike conduct following the SG/
elections.
To the political fanatics, who call for a more humane system o
government while at the same time clamoring for the execution o
Richard Nixon.
To the mobile home industry, for showing me a small part of th
Tobacco Road side of life.
To Scotland, for providing the bottled inspiration for man.
columns.
To Gary Willis, for showing that a simple sanitation worker froi
Nahunta can make it big in the whirlwind world of college jour
nalism.
To Ernest Hemingway, and the many hours I wasted trying t
imitate his style.
To the good old South, from whence sprang such venerable i
stitutions as rednecking, moonshine, and West Georgia College
To the movie, “Thunder Road.” After first seeing this flick I hi
two cases of beer under the back seat of my car, then went out an
ran into a brick wall.
To the fair city of Chattanooga. Tn. A much needed sanctuar
after a week in Carroll County.
To Carroll County, which made me appreciate Chattanooga mor
than 1 ever had before.
To the campus bookstore, for offering me 20cents for a book I ha
paid $2.45 for seven weeks earlier.
To Ron Taylor, for telling me many good stories which I’
probably claim as my own someday.
To Erma Bombeck. syndicated columnist. Careful rearrangmei
of her material has bailed me out of numerous writing slqmps.
To the persons responsible for charging a 10 dollar graduation fe
just to get out of this place.
To the neighborhood dogs, for turning down their own Alpo i
order to eat out of my garbage can.
To certain segments of the college administration. Rarely,
seems have so many done so little.
To David Ware, alternate campus w ag. Best of luck w ith the mo
next quarter. Dave.
To all the people I've known who were worth knowing, and to a
those whc weren't worth knowing. To all thepeople who thought
was w r orth knowing, and to all those who didn’t.
To all those who realize that even the best of your actions mak
little or no difference in the long run.
To James Dean, and the pick-up truck that killed him.
To Bob Foley, who cluttered up my office with himself.
And finally, to West Georgia College. I suppose I could have spei
the last four years in worse places—l just can’t think of any at th
time.
Goodbye.
Final
Column!