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Wednesday, October 20, 2004
V „... I Tlaomal
Thomas Hams
Many people this election
it seems are voting against
somebody instead of voting for
somebody. For example, take
a woman I heard on the radio
the other day. She said she was
against Bush because of what he
said about immigration in the
last debate, but she had no clue
what Kerry’s stance was. She
just knew she did not agree with
Bush on that particular issue, so
she decided to vote for Kerry.
Unfortunately, when it
comes to Kerry, that’s the way it
is for a lot of people. For many,
there is nothing about him that
inspires great confidence. Many
just love him because he is not
Bush. They are not voting for
Kerry, but against Bush. They
ignore who Kerry is, his beliefs,
and his record.
What specifically about
Kerry do they ignore? First,
11^1
® ■ MY
Opinion
withitmanda Hahn
Don Flood
Might as Well Face It,
You’re Addicted to Coffee
Talk about scary headlines:
“State GOP says Michael Moore
of ‘Fahrenheit 9/11’ fame illegally
offered underwear in exchange
for voting.”
I just about spit out my coffee,
which according to another headline
might have been a good idea since,
“Just one cup a day causes caffeine
addiction, researchers say.”
Yikes!
It was the kind of morning that
might have sent me back to bed,
except of course I was too hopped
up from the Big Slurp half-gallon
jug of coffee I’d invested in at the
convenience store.
he is very liberal. In fact, he
is the most liberal Senator in
the Senate. He has, however,
been playing himself as being
more conservative to get more
votes (because he knows if he
shows us what he really believes
he won’t get them), which
upsets some liberals and
shows him as a fake.
His record on l§fllf
intelligence and defense |
has been awful. He
opposed a lot of the weapon
systems that we use today
when they were up for vote. In
1995 he proposed a bill to cut
intelligence by $1.5 billion,
which (thankfully) didn’t even
go up for a vote.
His attendance in the
Senate and the public Senate
Intelligence Committee
meetings has been awful. He
has misses 76-78% of the public
My sister told me about a commercial
on 99X where two people are talking about
there political views. Apparently, it ended
pretty funny in which the two people get into
a fight. I finally heard the commercial and
nearly laughed myself to death. At the end of
the commercial, an announcer says something
like “If you are not voting, don't complain”.
There is truth in that. I have seen people jQP
on television complaining about the
state of the world or different political 0
issues. They fuss and fuss about it, but f
when asked how they are going to vote
they say things like "My vote doesn't
count” or “I’m undecided'’ Your vote does
too count, doesn't anyone remember how
close the last election was? How can a person
be an undecided voter if they claim to have
such extreme convictions? Pick a side! Who
do you think is more likely to give you want
you want. If necessary, pick who you think is
the lesser of two evils. It’s not that hard.
But first, let’s look at Moore’s
underwear. (Oops! Bad, bad
sentence—coffee’s got my nerves
all jangled.)
Also, to clarify, Moore was not
offering his personal underwear;
that would have been a felony.
Anyway, the story is that
the Michigan GOP wants charges
filed against Moore because
he was offering students, in
exchange for their promising to
vote for Kerry, “gag prizes such
as clean underwear.” *
What gag?
Ask your average 35-year
old former college man how often
he remembers doing his laundry
in school.
If he’s like four out of five
%
Senate Intelligence Committee
meetings, and he is not willing
to disclose his attendance to
closed meetings, which is not a
good sign for him.
He has been anti-war his
whole life. Before he went
to Vietnam he was against it.
When he got back, he protested
the war and lied about events.
When the Gulf War started,
with a large coalition, he voted
against it. When the war on
terror started, he voted for it,
but then he voted against the
a funding of the troops. He
\ said it was in protest, but
why was politicizing it
and not supporting our
soldiers with needed
safety gear and more just
because of a “protest”?
He talks about how Bush
rushed into war, didn’t use the
UN enough, and didn't build
a big enough coalition. The
truth is against him. The UN
Security Council was corrupt.
They would have never done
anything to Saddam, who was
breaking sanctions left and right
and obfuscating the truth about
I have an old friend from high school who
is undecided. 1 said to her “You know what you
want the country to be like. Who do you think
is more likely to make it the way you want it?”
She replied with “I don't know. I have no idea
what either candidates stand for.” I stood there
thinking how can you preach the inefficiencies
of the country and not know what the
Oqy presidential candidates stand for? This
is not just one person thinking this.
w* O There are too many people who claim
*8 JS su PP ort or disagree with this or
that an d yet they have no clue what is
actually going on.
I agree with that satirical radio
commercial. If you 'are not voting, stop
complaining. Actual voters listen to other
voter’s opinions. No one wants to hear the
opinions of people who are fully capable of
voting, but will not. People can barely listen
to each other’s opinions as it is.
former students—the fifth one still
lives at home with his mom - he’ll
slap his forehead and say, “I knew 1
forgot something!”
But the GOP has a point.
It starts with underwear. Pretty
soon they’re offering socks, ties,
cummerbunds—who knows what?
—anything to steal the election. (In
Florida, they could offer white shoes
to go with the knee-high socks.)
Next thing you know we’ll be
like one of those banana republics
like... um, well, the United States...
where people have lost faith in the
election process.
Of course, it could have
been worse. Moore could have
been offering drugs, such as
caffeine. We could have millions
of young people, enslaved by
demon coffee, answering only to
the will of Juan Valdez.
Not possible, you say? (When
I cross the 500-milligram threshold.
whether he had WMD (weapons
of mass destruction). France
and Germany, the main “allies”
Kerry is really talking about,
said they won’t do anything
even if he is president.
Kerry says he will lead
better in Iraq and build a larger
coalition. How? France and
Germany said they wouldn’t
participate. We already have 30
nations working with us. Who
is he going to get? And how is
he going to lead the coalition we
have now? He has insulted them
numerous times. He called them
the “bribed and coerced” and
played down their significance
and sacrifice and more. And
how is he going to get more
countries to come to Iraq, to
what he calls a “mistake”? How
is he going to make them fight
for a “mistake”?
These are some of the
many things about Kerry that
some just ignore. My request
to you is that in this election
know what you believe and vote
for someone and not against
someone. Otherwise you just
might make a big mistake.
I start getting the ability to read
minds - really!)
Well, listen to this. (Not that
you can really listen to it of course,
unless you read it to yourself out
loud.) Caffeine is addictive.
That’s according to Roland
Griffiths, a professor of psychiatry
and neuroscience who, according to
MSNBC, “led a review of 170 years’
worth of studies of caffeine.”
One hundred and seventy
years’ worth of studies? How much
you want to bet these guys were
seriously wired?:
RESEARCHER: Let’s call it a
night.
TEAM LEADER: No way, man,
we’ve got another hundred years to
go. Make another pot!
RESEARCHER: How ‘bout we
go to Starbucks instead?
TEAM LEADER: Even better!
But you’re wondering -- I’m
at 600 milligrams and counting,
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so your brain signal is coming in
loud and clear - how do I know if
I'm addicted?
Look in your hand. Is that
a coffee mug? (It is.) You’re
addicted. Period.
But don't despair - unless
you’re drinking some really
awful coffee.
This absolutely real-life
quote comes from the Coffee
Man himself, Roland Griffiths:
“The best treatment for caffeine
withdrawal is caffeine.”
So have another cup. I'll
join you.
Write to Don Flood in care of King
Features Weekly Sen’ice, P.O. Box
536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475, or
setul emails to dfltHxl@ezol.com
© 2004 King Features Synd., Inc.