Newspaper Page Text
Wednesday
October 18,
2006
Peel's "Southernisms"
1001 is now in session
The View
From My Front Porch
With Larry Peel
larry@ioncinema.com
Ever notice how many
folks around here aren’t
from around here?
I walk around campus
every day and am just
amazed at the rich cultural
tapestry that surrounds me
in the students and faculty
of this university.
I believe from my
observations that there are
quite a few people who
may be fresh to our humble
little part of the country.
It is for these fine folks,
and some of you regulars
who think you have out
cultured your roots, that 1
offer a brief Front Porch
class on “Southernisms”.
Everyone have their
papers ready? Good.
First of all, welcome
to Georgia. We might be
slow to speak, but we will
run you over on the road.
You have been warned.
There are a few things
you need to know now that
you are here. It is actually a
law in the state of Georgia
that if a public establishment
serves iced tea that it must
be offered sweet.
It is appropriate with
every meal, and we start
our toddlers out on it.
Another important
fact, as winter approaches,
is that you need to keep
an eye on the Weather
Channel and the directions
to the nearest grocery store
on the fridge.
When the first mention
of the word “snow” comes
across the airwaves, you
are required to drive like a
What would look good in this empty
spaceP
Your name, of course.
The West Georgian is currently hiring staff
writers, sports writers, photographers and
columnists.
Pick up an application on the door
of UCC room ill and fill it out today or email
Bobby Moore at uwgpaper@westga.edu.
Meet (Seorgtan
The University of West Georgia
University Community Center, Room 111
Carrollton, GA, 30118-0070
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Opinion
mad person to your nearest
store and stock up on bread
and milk. That way when
the power goes out -and it
will - you will still be able
to feed the baby and hush
up the younguns.
If you do not heed my
advice and decide to head
out after the weather turns
bad, you should note that
Southern snow is not like
Yankee snow.
Yankee snow is soft
and billowy and makes
nice snowmen and angels.
Southern snow is known as
ice. It hurts and you can’t
drive on it.
Trust me on this, no
matter how well you think
you can, you can’t. If you
do venture out however,
and end up in a ditch,
do not panic. W'ait a few
minutes and four good ole
boys in a four-wheel drive
will come along with a
chain to pull you out.
They live for that. You
will ow e them a beer when
the thaw comes.
Remember, “y’all”
is singular, “all y’all” is
plural, and “all y’aH’s’’ is
plural possessive.
There are stores in
the outskirts of this very
county where you can rent
videos and buy bait at the
same time. Do not buy
food from these stores.
You can say any
terrible thing about any one
at all so long as you end it
with “Bless his/her heart”.
For example, “That Bobby
Joe sure is a god awful
ugly fella, bless his heart”.
Also be advised that
when someone says those
words to you, they are
probably thinking something
really bad about you.
The phrase “How y'all
d<ring?” is m >t an invitation lc>r
a conversation. It is simply a
polite way of say ing “I have
no use for you whatsoever,
but my mamma told me I
have to speak nice.” Please
do not give an actual answer
to the question.
“Fixinto” is one
word, as in “I’m fixinto
go to the store.”
There are only two
things that a true Southerner
needs in a toolbox. First is
duct tape and the second
is WD-40. If it moves and
it’s not supposed to, duct
tape will fix it. If it doesn't
move and it is supposed to.
WD-40 will fix it.
Remember that duct
tape is like the Force.
It has a dark side and a
light side and it holds the
universe together.
Finally, no matter
where you go down here
you will always find what
you need.
Within 10 miles of
any location in the south
you will find at least two
Waffle House locations
and one 24-hour Wal-
Mart. There is nothing you
w ill ever need that can't be
gotten at one of the two.
If you are lost, you
can also rest assured that
within three miles of
either of those locations
will be an interstate or
main highway.
So once again,
welcome to Georgia,
enjoy your stay, and
don’t forget, “He needed
killin’” is a valid defense
down here. Y’all come
back now, ya hear?
Bobby Moore, Editor-in-Chief
Stephanie Smith, Advertising A Business Manager
Kristal Dixon, News Editor
Ray Ross, Sports Editor
Jesse Duke, A&E Editor
Josh Grubb, Photo Editor
Rebecca Cheek. Copy Editor
Elizabeth Bounds, Copy Editor
Robert Madden, Distribution Manager
Erik Waters, Webmaster
Doug Vinson, Advisor
Liberals should go sell
crazy somewhere else
By Ellis Smith
Staff Columnist
ellistliered@xHiail.coni
It’s nice to see the
Liberals coming back out
of the woodwork after a
brief hiatus following the
thrashing of their favorite
widely-disproved theory,
which postulates that we
need unions in order to have
a successful economy.
Two left-leaning
articles in last week’s paper
stirred my interest, and I II
address them one by one
before leaving you with a
final thought.
It would be appropriate
to acknowledge the well
written contribution by
Michael Bovingdon, “The
history of why we fight
in the Middle East”. The
history lesson he provided
was interesting and thought
provoking. but failed to
make a valid point.
Bovingdon taught
that we are ultimately
responsible for making
the Muslim Arabs
(specifically the Islamic
Fascists) hate us.
We did this by
standing up for right and
good in the world when
no one else was able or
willing. If you follow his
logic, than defeating evils
like Communism, Fascism
and Imperialism would be
w rong.
After defeating the
enemy in World War 1 and
World War 11. we split up
the conquered land and
eventually gave it back.
His argument is that when
we gave it back, either
(a) we didn't draw the
borders correctly or (b) we
shouldn't have been there
in the first place.
So does he think
that the inhabitants of
Letters to the editor...
Benefit for Greek with
Cancer
Packed! That was the
feeling last Thursday
night at Z’s when the
Greek community came
together for Cancer
Research and support of
a dear friend.
Chi Phi and Pike
fraternities hosted this
benefit where all of
Counselor Needed!
In drug rehab clinic. BA in psychology or counseling required.
COTC and experience preferred. Mail resumes to:
2536 Carrollton/Villa Rica Highway Carrollton, GA 30117.
Fax resumes to 770-214-9803. Call 770-214-9788.
"Congress shall make no law respecting an establish
ment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof;
or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the
right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition
the Government for a redress of grievances. ”
First Amendment, United States Constitution
the Middle-East would
be happier under Hitler,
the Ottoman Turks or
Mussolini? I believe their
plan was to exploit the
land for its resources, not
give the people autonomy
as we have done.
The “Arab Street”
should be grateful for their
liberation (which didn’t
come cheap in terms of
American lives lost) instead
of resentful that we were
there in the first place.
Secondly, he seems
to imply that we had no
business defending the
tiny nation of Kuwait
against Saddam Hussein,
who we propped-up by
giving him aid during the
Iraq-I ran war.
I guess Bovingdon
would prefer that we had
allowed over half of the
world’s oil supply to be
under the control of a regime
which was vehemently
anti-American and against
all Western values.
Or maybe he would
pref er that instead of doing
our job as “world police”
by promoting peace and
discouraging aggression,
America had simply
sat idly by and allowed
countries allied with us to
be invaded by despotic and
genocidal regimes.
With fantastic
ideas like that, maybe
Bovingdon should try to
run for election in Cy nthia
McKinney’s district.
After he teaches why
anti-Americanism is truly
America’s fault, maybe
his next lesson could be on
why genocide is really the
fault of the people being
killed. Thanks Bovingdon,
but no thanks. To quote
Jack Nicolson, “Go sell
crazy someplace else;
we’re all stocked up here.”
the proceeds from the
door will go to Angela
Sanders.
Sanders is a sister
in the Delta Delta
Delta sorority here at
West Georgia and was
diagnosed with Non-
Hodgkins Lymphoma
last July.
Angela just finished
a five day chemo
treatment on October
Copyright Notice
The West Georgian , copyright 2006. is an official publication of the
University of West Georgia Opinions expressed herein are those of the
newspaper staff'or individual authors and do not necessarily reflect the
views of university faculty or staff .
Letter Submission Policy
The West Georgian welcomes letters to the editor. Letters may
be mailed to: Editor, The West Georgian. University of West
Georgia. Carrollton, GA, 30118. or sent via electronic mail to
uwgpaper@westga.edu
All letters must he signed and include a phone number and mailing ad
dress for verification purposes. Letters should not exceed 350 words and
should he submitted by 5 p m the Sunday prior to publication Editors
reserve the right to edit for style, content and length
Lastly, I must disagree
w'ith the notion that there
is something wrong with
using the term “Islamic
Facists” when referring to a
specific group of Muslims
who are seeking to bring the
entire world under Islamic
law.
According to the
American Heritage
Dictionary, fascism is “A
system of government
marked by centralization of
authority under a dictator,
stringent socioeconomic
controls, suppression of
the opposition through
terror and censorship
and typically a policy of
belligerent nationalism and
racism.” Yep, that just about
describes Iran, the Taliban
and all Al-Queida affiliated
organizations perfectly.
I need to stop myself
now and address the
second article from last
week’s newspaper, which
was an endorsement of Lt.
Governor Mark Taylor’s
candidacy for Governor
of Georgia. “The Sonny
Didn't List”, by Skyler
Akins, ignored a few things
which 1 thought it prudent
to mention here.
No one except for
those in Sonny Purdue’s
campaign is claiming that
Purdue has been a perfect
governor.
He has made some bad
decisions as well as some
good ones, but always
tough ones. Hindsight is
20/20, and it is easy to
point out things he has
done that could have been
done better in light of w hat
we now know.
His land deal has
been greatly reported on
but nobody has stopped to
Liberals
continued on page 5
4th at Emory. She says,
"1 can't wait to be back
and seeing everyone
again!”
The benefit rose
over S3OOO in that one
night. Chi Phi. Pike and
Angela would again like
to thank everyone that
took part in this event.
Danny Karr
Chi Phi Fraternity