Newspaper Page Text
I
I
e By John J. Kane, Ph. D.
Professor of Sociology
University of Notre Dame
How should a man treat his
second wife? I married a wid
ower with three young children
and am quite willing to raise
them. But my husband places
the children and his interfering
sister before me. If I discipline
them, he upholds them, and now
they realize it. I am more lone
ly now than when unmarried.
* * *
> Here is a situation compound
ed with two dangerous mixtures:
in-law trouble and an unsatis
factory stepmother relation
ship. There’s really no problem
about how a widower should
treat his second wife. He should
love and cherish her just as he
hopefully did his first wife. But
the children seem to come be
tween you, instead of binding
you together. The "interfering”
sister-in-law also poses a
threat to you.
Perhaps the first problem
you face, Mary, is the distor
ted idea that society tends to
have about stepmothers. The
story of Cinderella was a fairy
iale but the notion of the cruel
stepmother seems to be taken
for a fact. Thousands of step
mothers, a word that really
ought to be thrown out of the
American vocabulary because
of its invidious undertones, have
been warm, loving kind mo
thers. Sometimes they have
proved better mothers than the
natural mothers.
Whenever a man or woman
marries for the second time
there is always the posslblity
that the image of the first
spouse persists as a measur
ing stick. The second husband
•or wife is unconsciously com
pared with the first. Further
more, in retrospect, the first
spouse tends to assume the
proportions of a minor diety.
Even if the first wife approxi
mated a shrew, she begins to
be remembered as a saint be
cause distance does lend en
chantment.
Sometimes the children of
the first marriage are cherish
ed as a living bond with the
past. A daughter may be the
living image of her mother and
a reprimand to her, no matter
how well justified, may be con
strued as a reprimand to the
deceased wife. This is es
pecially true for the highly ro-
nantic husband.
Yet any good mother must at
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times discipline children. Dis
putes between spouses over the
disciplining of children are not
uncommon. The case of a step
mother, however, complicates
it a bit.
At the outset there must be
agreement between husbands
and wives on the rearing of
children. This can only be achi
eved if they discuss it at length
and in detail. Again and again
in the case histories of dis
turbed and delinquent children
one finding is clear. It is not,
as so frequently claimed a lack
of discipline, but inconsistency
in discipline.
Inconsistency occurs in two
ways. The parent or parents
vacillate. On Monday what they
condemn with vigor, they
tolerate on Tuesday. Children
as might be expected, become
confused. There is no standard
of right and wrong. There is
only the standard of Dad’s or
Mother’s moods. In this jungle
of utter confusion, emotionally
disturbed children may develop.
The second type of inconsis
tency in discipline occurs when
Mother says yes, Dad says no.
This is pretty much the result
of parents failing to communi
cate with each other. Some of
it is inevitable. But it should
not happen in really important
matters. Youngsters quickly
size up this type of situation
and learn to take advantage of
it. They ask the "right”
parent the "right” question.
They even acquire skill in play
ing one parent off against ano
ther.
But parents must also agree
on the severity of disciplinary
measures to be used. A step
mother may walk into a situa
tion in which this was already
decided by the father and de
ceased mother. But her stand
ards are different. The new
mother must play it by ear un
til she and her husband can
reach a mutual agreement.
Children too must be given an
opportunity to adjust to a dif
ferent type of discipline from
that to which they were accus
tomed. So time is essential.
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But once agreement has been
reached, then each spouse must
be ready to support the other
to the hilt. A father cannot af
ford to be overly indulgent be
cause the children have suf
fered the loss of their natural
mother. Certainly, he could and
should make allowances in the
beginning but ultimately fair
ness and firmness must take
over. To do less is to be un
fair to his former wife, his
present wife and especially to
the children. If the father does
not seem to accept his new
wife fully, the children will nev
er so accept their new mother.
At the risk of sounding harsh,
the presence of another adult,
besides the parents in a home
can at times be troublesome.
Some of them actually compete
with parents for the affection
of children. Furthermore, they
have certain advantages.
Children are the responsi
bility of parents, not of an aunt.
She can be as indulgent and as
permissive as she wishes. If
and when serious problems
arise with the children, she can
walk out. Or she can merely
step aside and view with alarm.
It would be unfair to claim
that other adults in the home
always behave this way. Many
do not and some assist quite
materially and psychologically
in child rearing. But while a
person may at times assist in
child rearing, they should nev
er attempt to dominate it.
Above all, they should never
be permitted to come between
husband and wife.
The role of the stepmother,
like that of a policeman, is
not a happy one in American
society. Even when her husband
deeply loves her, acceptance
by children and in-laws is not
guaranteed. This she must earn,
and it may take months or years
to earn it.
But in this case there are
certain advantages. The chil
dren are young and with time
and effort, will accept their
new mother. Older children
sometimes never do. The in
law problem should be dealt with
promptly and this can be accom
plished by a positive portrayal
of the role of wife and mother
who is quite secure m her po
sition and simply ignores at
tempted interference.
Medicines Gift Of
Druggists To Lepers
MONTREAL (NC) — Drug
gists donated $250,000 worth of
medicines for leprosariums
which Paul Emile Cardinal Le-
ger, Archbishop of Montreal, is
helping in Africa.
The cardinal appealed to the
College of Pharmacy here last
April to aid the leper colonies
he is supporting. The college
set up a committee which (June
9) presented 1,000 cases of
medicines and a $1,000donation
to the Cardinal. The medicines
were selected with attention to
those which would be of most
value in the treatment of lepro
sy. The cases were turned over
to the White Fathers of Africa
here to be distributed in Africa.
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plete story on Catholic events to keep you up to
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ad in “THE SOUTHERN CROSS.”
—
Obituaries
Mrs. O’Hayer
SAVANNAH — Funeral ser
vices for Mrs. Mary Elizabeth
O’Hayer were conducted June
18 in the Chapel of Our Lady
at the Cathedral of St. John the
Baptist, the Reverend Leonard
O’Brien officiating.
Surviving are a son, William
T. O’Hayer of California; three
sisters, Mrs. M. G. Powers
and Mrs. Marvin Chapman, both
of Savannah, and Mrs. Char
les J. Schroder of Macon; three
brothers, William H. O’Hayer,
James H. O’Hayer and Ed
ward J. O’Hayer, two uncles
and several nieces and nep
hews.
Ira C. Casey
SAVANNAH — Funeral ser
vices for Mr. Ira C. Casey
were held June 18 at St. Anne's
Church, Richmond Hill, Ga. The
Reverend Aloysius Wachter,
O.S.B. officiated.
Survivors include his wife,
Mrs. Irene J. Casey; a daugh
ter, Mrs. Clifford C. Patrick
Jr. of Jacksonville, Florida;
three sons, James T. Casey of
Savannah, Ira C. Casey Jr. of
Richmond Hill, and Richard E.
Casey of Jacksonville; three
sisters, Mrs. Guy A. Dean and
Mrs. A. F. Carswell, both of
Jacksonville, and Mrs. Jenny
Alcorn of Apopka, Florida; 14
grandchildren and several nie
ces and nephews.
Mrs. Brady
SAVANNAH — Funeral ser
vices for Mrs. Gertrude Bar
bee Brady were conducted June
22 at the Chapel of Our Lady
of Good Hope, Isle of Hope.
The Reverend Timothy Fla
herty, O.S.B. officiated.
Surviving are her husband
William J. Brady, and several
nieces and nephews.
James J. Davis
SAVANNAH — Funeral ser
vices for James Joseph Davis
were conducted June 20 at Sa
cred Heart Church. The Rev
erend Terence Kernan officiat
ed assisted by the Reverend
Paul Milde, O.S.B., Belmont,
N.C.
Survivors include his wife,
Mrs. Catherine Persse Davis,
a son, Thomas B. Davis of St.
Simons, three daughters, Mrs.
Michael B. Welsh of Savannah
Beach, Mrs. Margaret Bradley
Priests—
(Continued from Page 4)
Sy neither carried nor threw
grenades that night,” the letter
asserts.
2. The letter cites evidence,
including a U. S. Department of
Defense manual, to show that
MK-3 grenades could not have
have caused the injuries and
damage described.
3. The letter quotes testi
mony showing that the province
chief, a Buddhist (who has never
been accused) "ordered Maj.
Dang Sy to use troops to quell
the illegal demonstration.” The
letter cites the official an-
councement issued by this pro
vince chief the day after the
incident blaming "enemy in
filtrators” for the explosion.
"The faked nature of the case
was so glaring that the pro
secutor after the last witness
had testified had to request the
court to suspend the trial to
allow further investigation. The
presiding judge turned down
the request.”
The letter charges that
"the Dang Sy case was a
frame-up designed to foment
religious discrimination and to
wrong the Catholic Church.
Catholics were deeply concern
ed when Maj. Dang Sy was heard
declaring publicly before the
court: "During six months of
imprisonment in a dark cell
where I could not tell day from
night I was ill-treated to make
me accuse Archbishop Ngodinh
Thuc or any other member of
the Catholic hierarchy of having
ordered me to repress the
Buddhists.” The major was of
fered freedom and a promotion
to the rank of lieutenant col
onel if he would agree, the let
ter says.
The verdict, which the letter
labels "a flagrant violation of
the law,” opens the door "to
elimination of true patriotic
combatants” and facilitates
communism, the writers de
clared.
* 'Together with the entire
Vietnamese Catholic popula
tion we protest and we denounce
before public opinion at home
and abroad the injustice of the
sentence passed on Maj. Dang
Sy,” the letter states in con
clusion. * 'We beg you urgently,
Mr. Prime Minister, as the
guide and leader of the nation
to have this unjust sentence re
viewed and make justice pre
vail.”
of Savannah and Sister Mary
Kieran, R.S.M., of Mobile, Ala
bama.
A. G. Maynard
SAVANNAH — Funeral ser
vices for Adrian Gaston May
nard were conducted June 22
at Our Lady of Lourdes Church,
Port Wentworth, the Reverend
Francis J. Donohue officiat
ing.
Survivors include a daugh
ter, Mrs. Lillian M. Kraft of
Savannah; five grandchildren
and 13 great-grandchildren.
Mrs. Kuenker
AUGUSTA — Funeral ser
vices for Mrs. Kathryn Maher
Kuenker were conducted June
23 from Sacred Heart Church,
the Reverend Joseph M. Gil-
espie officiating.
Survivors are two brothers,
the Reverend Thomas Maher,
New Orleans, La., and Anthony
Maher, Stuart, Florida.
Brother Maurus
The Venerable Brother Mau
rus John Lobenhofer, O.S.B.,
the oldest Benedictine monk in
the United States, and perhaps
in the world, died here in his
95th year.
Born in Germany in 1870, he
came to the United States at the
age of 16 and entered Belmont
Abbey the next year, and re
mained there for the past 78
years.
His special work was cook
and director of the kitchen for
over half a century, having
cooked 58 graduation-day din
ners for students and parents.
He retired from active service
and work 17 years ago.
He was beloved by the stu
dents and alumni of the College
as well as a large host of
friends acquired by his humi
lity and geniality. He was an
interesting person because he
was the last living witness of the
pioneer days, not only of the
Abbey but also of the town of
Belmont.
Funeral services were held
in the Belmont Abbey Cathedral.
The Rt. Rev. Walter A. Coggin,
OS.B., D.D., the Abbot-
Ordinary of Belmont Abbey Nul-
lius diocese, celebrated the sol
emn pontifical requiem Mass,
assisted by the monks of the
Abbey.
Burial was in the monastery
cemetery.
MARRIAGES
SHEEHAN-COLLINS
AUGUSTA — Mr. and Mrs.
Jeremiah Preston Collins Sr.
announce the marriage of their
daughter, Elizabeth Elaine, to
Dr. Patrick Hutto Sheehan, son
of Mr. and Mrs. William F.
Sheehan Jr. The ceremony was
performed June 20 at Sacred
Heart Church. The Reverend
Ralph Siegel officiated.
EUNICE-STORY
SAVANNAH—A ceremony in
the Cathedral of St. John the
Baptist on June 14, united in
marriage Miss Stacy Lee Sto
ry, daughter of Mr. and Mrs.
Henry Andrew Story, and David
Z. Eunice, son of Mrs. Emil
Gretsky of Savannah and Char
les J. Eunice of Miami, Fla.
The Reverend Leonard O’Brien
officiated.
BACON-DOLAN
SAVANNAH — Miss Anne
Wesley Dolan, daughter of Mr.
and Mrs. Bernard Enwright Do
lan, became the bride of Larry
Hervert Bacon, son of Mr. and
Mrs. Luther Deland Bacon, June
20 in the Blessed Sacrament
Church, with the Rt. Rev. Mon
signor Andrew J. McDonald of
ficiating.
WILLI AMS-WEEKLEY
SAVANNAH — Wedding vows
were exchanged by Miss Geral
dine Weekley and Corrie Fran
ces Willliams June 14 at the
Cathedral of St. John the Bap
tist, with the Reverend Law
rence A. Lucree officiating. The
bride is the daughter of Mrs
Luther A. Burns. The parents
of the bridegroom are Mr. and
Mrs. Jason Williams Sr.
ROSSITER-NELSON
SAVANNAH—The wedding of
Miss Glenda Louise Nelson,
daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Tal-
madge Franklin Nelson and
Francis Patrick Rossiter Jr.,
son of Mr. and Mrs. Francis
Patrick Rossiter Sr., was sol
emnized June 14 in the Cathe
dral of St. John the Baptist
The Reverend Damian Mul-
downy officiated at the cere
mony.
The Southern Cross, June 25, 1964—PAGE 5
A MARRIED PRIEST AND HIS FAMILY — FatherOlav Rordam Bonnevie, 57, a former
minister of the Lutheran State Church is shown with his wife and daughter in Copenhagen,
where he is a curate at St. Therese’s Catholic parish. A Lutheran pastor for 12 years,
he became a Catholic in 1945 and his wife and daughter followed him into the Church two
years later. With papal permission he began studies for the priesthood in 1953 and was
ordained seven years later. Although he is the only one in Denmark, there are now about
12 former Lutheran ministers who married priests in Germany. — (NC Photos)
With Danes
Married Priest Popular
BY Helge Kristensen
(N.C.W.C. News Service)
COPENHAGEN — An Irish
priest visiting St. Theresa’s
parish here was astonished re
cently when the Danish pastor
told him to drop by in the af
ternoon because "my curate’s
wife is going to be godmother
at a Baptism.”
But there was no cause for
surprise. Father Olav Rordam
Bonnevie, 57, a former minis
ter in the Lutheran State
Church, has been carrying on
pastoral duties here since 1960
when he was ordained a Catholic
priest. He is married and fa
ther of a 21-year-old daughter.
Father Bonnevie’s married
status does not seem unusual
to Danes, who are used to mar
ried clergymen in their own
Church. He lives in a modem
apartment building about a block
from the church. Visitors there
feel they are stepping into a
familiar Protestant rectory
where the minister’s wife is
usually busy organizing class
es, caring for parishioners and
lending support to her husband.
There are now about a dozen
former Lutheran ministers who
are married Catholic priests in
Germany. Father Bonnevie is
the only one in Denmark, and
his presence here has had a
salutary effect on Catholic-
Protestant relations. Inter
viewed at his home, he told how
he decided to enter the Catholic
Church after 12 years as a Lu
theran pastor.
"My ancestors had been Lu
theran ministers for 400
years,” he said. "Even as a boy
I was determined to carry on
with the tradition. When I was
23, I attended a Catholic Mass
in Sacred Heart church in Co
penhagen. The consecration
made a deep impression on me,
especially since I had always
held the Catholic view of
Christ’s presence in the Sacra
ment, while the Lutheran expla
nation confused me.
"After my ordination as a
minister, I was assistant for
one year and then pastor for 12
years in Hellevad-Orum in nor
thern Jutland. I was an active
participant in the high church
movement in Denmark, but I
gradually became aware I could
not forever justify my Catholic
conviction with the Lutheran
viewpoint. I then decided to
become a Catholic.”
Father Bonnevie became a
Catholic in 1945, after a trip to
England. His wife and daughter
followed him into the Church
two years later. In 1953 he re
ceived permission from Pope
Pius XII to begin studies for
the priesthood. Seven years la
ter he was ordained by Bishop
Johannes Suhr, O.S.B., of Co
penhagen. Present for the cere
mony was Father Bonnevie’s
wife and about 50 priests—out
of a total of 130 priests in all
of Denmark.
As a curate at St. Theresa’s,
Father Bonnevie says Mass,
hears confessions, baptizes,
witnesses Church marriages,
administers last rites and car
ries out all the other duties of
an ordinary parish priest. Last
year he and his wife led a pil
grimage of Danish Catholics to
the Holy Land.
Newspapers here and in
France have given much atten
tion to Father Bonnevie’s
l daughter who has reported that
young men are reserved with
her because of her father’s role
as a priest. She told reporters
she felt a particular obligation
to live up to her Catholic prin
ciples.
When her story appeared in
France, she immediately re
ceived several offers of mar
riage from young Frenchmen,
apparently not intimidated by
the thought of a priest for a
father-in-law.
Court Sustains Unborn
Child’s Right To Life
TRENTON, N. J. (NC) --The
New Jersey Supreme Court has
ordered a pregnant woman to
accept blood transfusions ne
cessary to save the life of her
unborn child despite her reli
gious objections to trans
fusions.
"We are satisfied that the
unborn child is entitled to the
court’s protection,” the high
court said (June 17).
It appointed a "special guar
dian” for the child, ordered
Mrs. William Anderson, 29, of
Asbury Park to submit to the
transfusions, and directed her
husband not to interfere.
Mrs. Anderson, mother of two
other children, is studying to
become a member of the Jeho
vah’s Witnesses, who object to
blood transfusions on religious
grounds.
She was admitted to Fitkin
Memorial Hospital in Neptune,
N. J., June 3 for treatment of
internal bleeding. She is nearly
eight months pregnant. Doctors
said blood transfusions were
necessary to save the life of her
child and perhaps her own life,
too.
Mrs. Anderson refused the
transfusions and the hospital
sought a court order to permit
it to administer them over her
objections. The chancery divi
sion of Superior Court turned
down the hospital but, on appeal,
the Supreme Court issued the
order.
(The U. S. Supreme Court on
June 15 refused to rule on an
appeal by a woman member
of Jehovah’s Witnesses from an
order of the U. S. Court of Ap
peals permitting Georgetown
University Hospital in Washing-:
ton, D. C., to give her a blood
transfusion against her will.)
Mrs. Anderson appealed the
state court’s ruling to the U.S.
Supreme Court. But the high
court promptly (June 19) rejec
ted her petition for a stay and
dismissed her appeal. A court
spokesman said Justice Wil
liam O. Douglas was in favor
of hearing the case.
Papers filed with the Su
preme Court on Mrs. Ander
son’s behalf argued that the
legal doctrine that an unborn
child is a person with legal
rights is subject to "the prac
tical limitation that the'person'
is incapable of actually exer
cising its legal right until it
becomes a separate entity.”
"Its legal rights may arise
prior to that but they are not ex-
ercisable,” the appeal assert
ed.
The documents said forcing
Mrs. Anderson to undergo blood
transfusions was contrary to
her "freedom of conscience
and freedom of worship pro
tected by the Constitution.”
In New Jersey, meanwhile, a
Trenton attorney, George War
ren, was named special guar
dian of Mrs. Anderson’s child.
Warren subsequently was re
ported to have conferred with
Mrs. Anderson, who had left
the hospital June 16 without'
her doctors’ knowledge or per
mission and had been living in
seclusion near Asbury Park.
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