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FAMILY CLINIC
By JOHN J. KANE, Ph.D.
Professor of Sociology
University of Notre Dame
What is a girl’s responsibili
ties toward her mother after
marriage? She is always try
ing to run our home so that we
will feel dependent upon her. It
doesn’t help my child to hear one
thing from me, something else
from my mother. We don’t need
gifts. She is not wealthy
WF should keep what she has
for herself. My husband is about
to bar my mother from the home.
This I want to prevent. What
can I do?
It may not help you to know this,
but in effect, I can invite you "to
join the club.’’ What you des
cribe is the curse of most teen
age marriages and even among
some couples who marry later.
It is simply disastrous. You are
quite right in determining to take
steps to change it.
At the outset, your obligation
is to love and honor your mother.
But you also have an obligation
to your husband and child. When
you marry you must cleave to
your husband, and if this means
a break-up with your mother, and
I hope it doesn’t, then it will
have to be.
You don’t mention your father
and from your letter I presume
he is dead. I wonder how lonely
your mother may be? Here is
the first key, I presume, to the
problem. She is looking for
companionship, for a family life.
You are close by and offer an
inviting opportunity.
But she is attempting to buy
her way into your home and your
affections, a serious mistake,
because it is simply impossible.
But, more than that, it is ag
gravating, especially to your hus
band. He, as a husband, wants
to provide for you and your child.
So to him, perhaps, your mother
is trying to usurp his role.
You are quite right about her
interference with your efforts to
rear your child. The most im
portant aspect of child rearing
and discipline is consistency.
How can there be any consistency
when the child is given conflic
ting statements, perhaps conflic
ting values? Obviously, this must
cease.
Yet again, it is an indication
of what I already said. Your
mother is starving for affection
and hopes to obtain it from your
child by being indulgent and
generous.
Your husband’s solution to bar
her from the home may have to
be the ultimate one, although I
hope not. It is too drastic at
present. Only after all other
approaches have failed, if they do,
would I resort to this
Let’s begin with what is basic,
your mother’s loneliness. Why
not encourage her to acquire
some friends of her own age?
This is not difficult. There are
many organizations within the
parish, the community or perhaps
the neighborhood which she might
join. You will have to be a bit
subtle in your approach, but it
can be done.
Second, I suspect she finds time
hanging heavily on her hands.
Does she have any hobbies? Per
haps you can suggest some and
help her to get started. The
possible list is so great that it
scarcely need be cited; painting,
knitting, gardening, ceramics,
and you can readily add to it. You
know your mother and what her
tastes and abilities are.
Then there are volunteer agen
cies, Red Cross, the Gray Ladies,
and countless others always
looking for help. Again, know
ing your mother’s interests, you
may suggest one of these.
Ask her to restrict her gifts
to Christmas and birthdays, ex
plaining that you and your hus
band are embarrassed by her ex
treme generosity. She may or
may not take the hint. If not,
then it may require the sledge
hammer approach.
Don’t be home when she calls
or ask that she telephone you
first. Have engagements, if pos
sible, or make it clear that a
visit at that time is not desired.
I realize how hard this is for
any good daughter to behave thus
toward her mother. But your
husband, your child and your
whole family life may depend on
it. You must be firm. Talk this
over with one of the parish
priests, because if it does come
to this you are going to need
some psychic support.
If none of these suggested tech
niques work, then you will have
to have a showdown. I can only
feel deep sympathy for your
mother, as apparently you do too.
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AT WEEKLY AUDIENCE
Disrespect For
Authority Topic
Of Holy F ather
VATICAN CITY (NC)--Pope
Paul VI lamented the lack of
respect for authority in the
Church in a speech at his weekly
general audience (July 14).
The Pope noted that obedience
is constantly being questioned
"as being contrary to the
development of the human per
son’’ and “unworthy of free,
mature and adult human beings."
He urged that the idea of au
thority in the Church be deep
ened and purified. Experience and
history, he said, offer examples
of the Church’s authority "which
are not always faithful and are
not always happy ones. It is ne
cessary to deepen the idea of
the authority of the Church, to
purify it of forms which are
not essential to it, and to
return it to its original and
Christian principle."
A Vatican official explained
that the Pope’s talk centered
on the concept of authority in
the Church at all levels of the
hierarchy and was not intended
as insisting solely on papal au
thority. He noted that Pope Paul
urged those at the audience to
have understanding and compas
sion for everyone who has the
office of priest, teacher or she
pherd. This, the official added,
shows that the Pope was speak
ing not only of papal authority
but of the authority of the whole*
Church, centered in the papacy
but exercised at various levels
by bishops and priests.
One reaction to the Church’s
authority, the Pope said, is "fear
and diffidence, as if this hier-
achical and authoritarian order
worked toward abasing the per
sonality of the follower, as if it
were a human invention contrary
to the brotherly equality which is
found in the teaching of the
Gospel."
Without specifying of whom he
was speaking, the Pope noted
"there are those who think it
worthwhile to run the risk of a
liberating disobedience and that
it is a praiseworthy trick to con
front authority with an accomp
lished fact. And there is no lack
of able persons who, perhaps
without saying it openly, delude
themselves that they can be ex
cellent or at least sufficiently
good Catholics while reserving
for themselves an absolute auto
nomy of thought and action, cut
ting themselves off from every
positive relationship, not only of
subordination but also of re
sponsibility and direction."
The Pope noted that authority
in the Church is to be exercised
in the service of the faithful,
but warned that this service must
be understood properly.
"Is it a service which must
be subordinated to those being
served so that he must be re
sponsible to them? No, it is a
service to which Christ entrust
ed the keys, not a servile in
strument but a sign of ruling,
that is the power of the king
dom of heaven."
Pope Paul insisted, however,
that authority in the Church must
be pastoral and that it does not
mean rigid conformity.
POPE PAUL VI greets an invalid pilgrim from Fiesole,
Italy, at an audience in St. Peter’s. (NC Photos)
MSGR. QUINN
Farm W age Bill
Passage Urged
WASHINGTON (NC) — A
spokesman for the Catholic bish
ops’ Committee for the Spanish
Speaking endorsed a legislative
package extending minimum wage
and other benefits to farm work
ers.
In testimony before the Senate
Labor and Public Welfare Com
mittee, Msgr. William J. Quinn,
director of the Chicago office of
the bishops’ committee, said
(July 13) no other country in the
Americas deliberately excludes
farm workers from social legis
lation as is done in the United
States.
"We cannot let any geographic
area in our country or any phase
of American endeavor remain
outside the mainstream of
American freedom of opportu
nity," he declared.
He urged passage of the bill
giving minimum wage coverage
to agricultural workers (S. 1864),
as well as four other bills ex
tending child labor provisions to
farm work, authorizing collective
bargaining by workers under the
National Labor Relations Act,
establishing recruitment safe
guards and creating a national
advisory committee on farm la
bor,
Msgr. Quinn rejected the idea
that the legislation would harm
small farmers.
He noted that only 6% of all
farms account for 76% of total
expenditures for hired farm la
bor, and added; "Most farm la
bor is hired for farms so big...
that by no stretch of the imagi
nation can they be called family
farms."
"On the contrary," he said,
"the family former is indeed
threatened with extinction as long
as the very large form owner
can hire help at deplorable wages.
Such a practice simply reduces
the value of the daily work of
the family farmer."
The Southern Cross, July 22, 1966—PAGE 6
DANIEL J. KEANE receives gavel of office as Grand Knight of Savannah Coun
cil 631 from John R. Myers, of Augusta, District Deputy. Looking on is Gerald B.
Gardner, of Brunswick, State Deputy. Installation ceremony was held recently
in Savannah. (Photo by J. Daly)
ON EDUCA TION
Sisters Will Establish
Inter-Community Center
WASHINGTON (NC) — Eight
communities of nuns have agreed
to sponsor a cooperative educa
tion center here for their mem
bers.
Purpose of the center, said
Sister Joan Bland, who is co
ordinating the project, is "to
continue the religious education
and professional preparation of
young Sisters after their vows."
Members of the participating
communities will live at the cen
ter and take courses there and
at other colleges and universities
here. Plans for the curriculum
were worked out recently by rep
resentatives of the communities
in nearby Silver Spring, Md.
The center will operate in a
building to be constructed near
Trinity College, which will have
academic jurisdiction over the
center and will award degrees.
It will be a two-year senior
college, offering courses in ele
mentary teaching leading to
either a B.S. degree in educa
tion or a B.A. in teaching, Sis
ter Joan said. Members of the
communities will complete two
years of general liberal arts
preparation before coming to the
center, where they will do work
in their majors.
The center’s faculty will be
drawn from the communities,
and all faculty members will
hold Ph. D. degrees, Sister Joan
said.
Sisters .wishing to major in
fields other than elementary edu
cation will live at the center and
take courses at other institutions.
mur; the Dominican Congrega
tion of St. Catherine de Ricci,
Media, Pa.; the Felician Sis
ters, Our Lady of the Angels
province, Enfield , Conn.; the
Eastern American province of
the Religious of Jesus and Mary,
Brookeville, Md.
Also; the Missionary Sisters
of the Most Sacred Heart, Read
ing, Pa.; the Immaculate Hear!
(Fall River, Mass.) and Sacred
Heart (Groton, Mass.) provinces
of the Religious of the Holy Union
of the Sacred Hearts; the Sisters
of Mercy of Belmont, N.C.; and
the Eastern province of the Sis
ters of St. Mary of Namur, Ken-
more, N.Y.
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URGENT
IN
THE HOLY FATHER'S MISSION AID TO THE ORIENTAL CHURCH
From Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, Archbishop Asrate
Mariam pleads for help at once to keep the
faith intact in Wolkitte, a crucial mission-center
100 miles to the south. Wolkitte is the point of
contact for five native priests who care for 5,000
A scattered Catholics in the “bush.” The Muslim
CHAPEL influence is becoming so strong, these priests
AND report, there will be no Catholics left in Wolkitte
SCHOOL unless we put a chapel and school there within
WITHIN the next few months. Will you do something to
THE help these priests right now? Name the chapel
NEXT (cost, only $2,900) or the school (cost, only
FEW $3,000) for your favorite saint, in your loved
MONTHS ones’ memory, if you build it all by yourself.
A three-room house for a full-time priest can be
built for only $750. Send at least as much as
you can at once ($100, $75, $50, $25, $10, $5,
$3, $1) to keep the faith alive. The Archbishop
can save Wolkitte if you help.
All Sisters will live in their
communities at the center and
will follow the community’s life.
Communities participating in
the project are; the Baltimore
and Cincinnati provinces of the
Sisters of Notre Dame de Na-
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WHO
SAYS
TEENAGERS
ARE
SELFISH?
United Nations Secretary U Thant looks forward
to the day when, as part of their education,
young people will spend one or two years work
ing for the poor at home or overseas. Even now,
some teen-agers send us a share of their
“spending-money” once a month. We use it
wherever they suggest.
Dear John,
TO Because it’s your birthday your Grand-
JOHN ma and Grandpa sent me $10 to feed
WHO hungry refugee boys and girls. Happy
IS Birthday! I’m sending you, as a keepsake,
FIVE an Olive Wood Rosary from the Holy Land.
—Msgr. Ryan
Tir
IS Our legal title is Catholic Near East Welfare
THE Association. Our mission priests will offer
HOLY promptly the Masses you request, build
FATHER churches, schools, convents, clinics, under the
IN Holy Father’s direction. Bequests to be used
YOUR “where needed most” take care of mission
WILL? emergencies.
For Home Delivery
Coll FA. 3-3651
Dear enclosed please find $
Monsignor Ryan:
for
COLUMBUS. GA.
SUPERIOR
RPHOLSTERY SERVICE
WE'LL MAKE THEM LIKE NEW
NO DOWN PAYMENT - EASY TERMS
Please name —
return coupon
with your street —
offering
CITY STATE ZIP CODE.
THE CATHOLIC NEAR EAST WELFARE ASSOCIATION
NEAR EAST
MISSIONS
FRANCIS CARDINAL SPELLMAN, President
MSGR. JOSEPH T. RYAN, National Secretary
Write: Catholic Near East Welfare Assoc.
330 Madison Avenue * New York, N.Y. 10017
Telephone: 212/YUkon 6