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1
The Southern Cross, February 10, 1966—PAGE 5
family clinic
SOCIOLOGIST SEES
By JOHN J. KANE, Ph.th
Professor of Sociology
University of Notre Dame
I went with a boy who never
smoked, drank or anything of
that sort but I dropped him for
another who dropped me after
two weeks. Now I’ve found a
boy I like. He is a year younger
than I and people make fun of
him because he’s so slow. I
believe I love him but I was
once indiscreet with a boy who
talked. Now I have a bad repu
tation and I fear this boy will
find out. Should I tell him? I
don’t want to lose him.
Some aspects of your letter,
Marie, are so typical of so
many others that I feel it is
worth careful discussion. I
am answering not only you
but about a dozen others in
this column.
It seems so difficult to con
vince so many young girls
(boys too) today that the so
called “fun morality” is
neither funny nor moral. One
of the changes in American
life which began in the forties
is the belief that people will
learn faster, enjoy life more
if they are led to do those
things which give them fun.
Of course, there is some
basis in fact for such a belief
but it certainly has limits. The
ultra-permissive school of
child rearing which had its
vogue in the forties and part
of the fifties until worn out
mothers discarded it, is hav
ing an impact on the teenagers
of today. They complain that
so often religious and parental
teaching is couched in
“don’ts”.
This is largely a matter of
semantics, and no doubt a
positive approach might make
more of an appeal. But beyond
the semantics is the notion
that one should never say
“don’t”. In other words
everyone ought to be as per
missive as possible. This is
patently absurb. We live in a
society which has no end of
laws and regulations and if we
didn’t have many of them,
neither would we have a
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society but chaos.
Associated with the fun
morality is the idea that no
one should get hurt, yet your
letter reveals just how in
jured you have been. Your
reputation has been harmed
and now you discover that
you may be hurt even more
through the loss of your boy
friend if he learns of your
indescretion. Quite a price to
pay for fun morality.
The basic point I should
like to make is that when such
indiscretions are indulged in,
somebody almost invariably
does get hurt, and more fre
quently, in fact, almost inevit
ably, it is the girl.
Whether you should tell your
boyfriend or not depends on
many factors. First, is he
likely to learn of it anyway?
Second, just what kind of a per
son is he? Third, how much
does he really care for you?
If he is going to discover the
facts then better he learn them s
from you. If he will not likelj
find out, forget it. A great deal
of harm is done by young men
and women prior to marriage
with a compulsion to confess
their misdeeds to future hus
bands and wives.
I’m not quite certain just
what you mean by saying he is
slow. Do you mean slow mov
ing, slow talking or do you
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mean slow in necking and
such? If you do mean the lat
ter, I think it deserves a better
term. Perhaps he should be
described as a boy who has
a respect both for you and the
moral code.
If he is slow talking and
moving, it all depends on the
degree. If what you are really
trying to tell me is that he is a
bit retarded, this is quite a
different matter. Rather
obviously if the boy suffers
a mental defect, he may find
it difficult to earn a living,
to rear a family. But some
how or other from the tenor
of your letter, I don’t be
lieve you mean this by slow.
The fact that he is a year
younger than you is relatively
unimportant. How mature is
he, and incidentally how ma
ture are you? Maturity, not
chronological age, is what
matters. The type of slowness
to which I believe you refer
may be an indication that he
is a bit more mature than
vou, or at least than you have
Deen.
For example, you speak
glowingly of the first boy with
whom you went and seem to
praise his not drinking and
smoking. Yet you dropped him.
Why? I wouldn’t pretend that
failure to drink temperately
or smoke is necessarily a
paragon of what a future hus
band should be, and I refer,
of course, in the case of
drinking, to those who are of
legal age.
You say you believe you
love this boy but I feel a
bit hesitant because you met
him after having been drop
ped by another. Were you on
the rebound? This sometimes
happens and when it does,
some rather unfortunate con
sequences may follow. Your
fear of losing him also seems
indicative of this possibility.
For the present, you should
continue to date this boy and
try to make certain that you
love him and he loves you.
Love at first sight is a ro
mantic myth. You learn to
love people and you don’t love
them until you know them
fairly well. At this point, I
doubt you know your present
boyfriend very well.
Catholic-Jew
‘Convergence’
SAN FRANCISCO (NC)—A
University of California so
ciologist said Catholics have
been moving in a liberal direc
tion and Jews in a conserva
tive direction during the past
three years.
“The convergence has been
taking place almost as rapidly
from the Jewish side as from
the Catholic,” Nathan Glazer
said.
Dr. Glazer, a Jew, gave a
luncheon address at a two-day
Catholic-Jewish dialogue held
here at the Jesuit Fathers’
University of San Francisco.
He cited three factors to
help explain the basic change
in Catholic attitudes: the in
creasing impact of respect
ed Catholic scholars on even
their non-Catholic contempo
raries, Pope John’s aggiorna-
mento, and the work of thou
sands of loyal catholics dedi
cated to the reform of the
Church.
A sociologist generallydoes
not take account of individuals,
Dr. Glazer said, but he cannot
ignore the “remarkable acci
dent, or miracle, of an indivi
dual such as Pope John
occupying the chair of Peter,
and using the still undiminish
ed authoritarian power of the
position to consciously push
the Church in a modern, even
a democratic, direction.”
“It is not so much that Jews
have moved in a conservative
direction—it is rather that
Jews have stayed relatively in
the same spot while around
them other groups were
/ changing,” Dr. Glazer said.
Nevertheless, numerous fac
tors have tended to modify tra
ditional Jewish attitudes.
On such factor, according to
Dr. Glazer, has been the re
cent history of political revo
lution. Since 1920s, “the gold
en age of catholic-Jewish re
lations,” Jews have generally
tended toward the left of the
political spectrum, Dr. Glazer
said. Many were Socialists,
but there was close harmony
with the Irish, Italian and Ger
man catholics who were De
mocrats. They were all mem
bers of the working class, and
they often supported the same
candidates.
“But the carriers of revo
lution today are Cuba and
China,” Dr. Glazer said. “And
Jews are as little inclined as
other Americans to find any
thing attractive in those re
gimes.”
A FIRST IN IRAQ. Sister Blanche Marie, left, of Convent
Station, N.J., and Sister Mary Ligouri of Mundelein College,
Chicago, are visiting professors at Al-Hikma University in
Baghdad. They are the first Sisters to teach at college level
of Iraq. They live in the convent of Chaldean Sisters. (NC
Photos i
Parish
Tybee Mardi Gras
On February 19th, St. Michael’s parish (Savannah Beach) will
have its fifteenth annual Mardi Gras. Benefiting the parish
school, the Mardi Gras is scheduled for the Gourmet Room of
the DeSoto Motel from 6 to 9 P.M. The evening festivities will
feature a Smorgasbord, Floor Show and dancing for adults at
the Motel and for teen-agers at the Town Hall.
Hobby Fair
On February seventh, the McAuley Club of the Cathedral Day
School held a hobby show for its members, who are the sixth
grade students. Many class members entered the competition.
These enteries featured a large number of interests and talents.
Sister Mary Jude, R.S.M., principal acted as judge, prizes were
awarded to the following. 1st prize Therese Mullen, cake baking;
2nd prize Walter McMillan, stamp collection. Honorable mention
was also given to L Kathey Fitzgerald for her rock coUection;
2. Gene Roy, coin collection. Michael Rochefort, club president
announced.
AUGUSTA DEANERY Council of Catholic Women met recently in Dublin.
Bishop Thomas J. McDonough addressed the group. Pictured (L. to R.)
Monsignor John D. Toomey, Miss Pauline Peuffier, Bishop McDonough, Mrs.
Richard Z. Craig and Mrs. Hugh C. Craig.
DOUGLAS CONFIRMATION—Bishop Thomas J. McDonough and the Rev.
William Daly, O.M.I., pastor of St. Paul’s, Douglas, are pictured with Con
firmation Class. Bishop confirmed thirty-four on Tuesday, February 1st.
FACE RED VETO
Polish Primate’s U.S.
Tour Plan Advanced
WASHINGTON, D.C.(RNS)-
Stefan cardinal Wyszynski,
Primate of Poland, is tenta
tively scheduled to visit 31
American cities late this sum
mer, catholic sources here
said.
His visit, if permitted by
the Communist regime, would
be in commenoration of the
1,000th anniversary of Poland
as a Christian nation.
Although plans are going
ahead at a rapid pace, there
is no clear-cut evidence the
cardinal will be permitted to
come to America. The State
Department to date says it
has no information that the
Polish government is any
more disposed to allowing the
religious leader to come to
America than it was willing
to let him go to the Vatican
to confer with the Pope.
the possibility of strong reac
tion in Poland itself may have
to be considered by Premier
Gomulka. Direct and indirect
ethnic ties with the U. S. are
very strong and could led to
demonstrations on both con
tinents.
Rep. Silvio Conte (R.
-Mass.), a member of the
House Foreign Aid Appropria
tions Subcommittee, knows
first-hand just how important
Cardinal Wyszynski is to his
people. His findings were
echoed to the House Foreign
Affairs Committee by Rep.
Clement Zablocki (D.-Wis.),
who traveled through Poland
with Rep. Conte.
Rep. Conte told his com
mittee of the cardinal’s popu
larity by relating that he was
unable to get close enough to
hear the cardinal preach in
Krakow because of the great
crowd. He said:
“There (were) more than
10,000 persons outside the
packed church, just hoping for
a glimpse of their spiritual
leader. They couldn’t even
hear his voice because local
authorities would not permit
loudspeakers to be installed
in the streets.
“The cardinal is by far the
most popular person in Poland
today.”
Original plans called for
Cardinal Wyszynski to be in
the U. S. for 11 weeks, in
August and September,
New York, which has the
largest concentration of Poles
in the U. S., Chicago, Mil
waukee, Boston and Buffalo
are among principal cities
going ahead with plans.
A State Department obser
ver said the delicate situation
is a source of potential em-
barassment for Poland’s gov
ernment.
Although there are certain
restrictions as to where in
dividuals from Communist
countries may travel here,
the U. S. nonetheless has no
objections whatsoever to the
planned visit.
The uncertainty over
whether Cardinal Wyszynski
will b e permiteed a passport
to the U. S., the State Depart
ment said, has its roots in
the running controversy the
Polish government has had
with the Catholic Church.
Polish-Americans are re
garded as among the best
organized and tightly-knit
ethnic groups in the U. S.,
and they are unsympathetic
to Communist domination of
their native land. Thus strong
reaction in the U.S.—reach
ing the Congressional level —
could be in the offing if the
regime barred a visit by the
cardinal.
Besides the obvious affect
on world opinion a strong A-
merican reaction would have,
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LENT:
A
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THE HOLY FATHER’S MISSION AID TO THE ORIENTAL CHURCH
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LAST
IDEA
Dear
Monsignor Ryan:
Please
return coupon
with your
offering
Lent begins Wednesday. It’s time to quit smok
ing, drinking, eating between meals. These
weeks, besides, you’ll find more people on their
knees. When they take advantage of the dispen
sations the Holy Father grants, they’ll make
sacrifices elsewhere, as the Holy Father asks.
They’ll do without what they do not need, and
‘make do’ with what they have, so they can be
generous to the poor. . . . More than before,
Lent this year is up to you.
4k
Here are some new ideas:
□ In Niranam, south India, the ecumenical
movement is so successfully promoting reunion
with the Orthodox Christians a church must be
built immediately to care for the crowds at
Sunday Mass. Bishop Mar Athanasios asks help
only to purchase materials ($3,850) since our
Catholics will do the work evenings free-of-
charge. . . . Name the church for your favorite
saint, in your loved ones’ memory, if you build
it all by yourself. Smaller gifts ($500, $100,
$75, $50, $25, $10, $5, $2, $1), too, are essen
tial, of course. This Lent help the penniless.
□ Only 270 a day ($8.50 a month, $100 a year,
$600 for the six-year course) pays the cost of
a priest’s training in India. He will write to you,
pray for you at Mass each morning, and you’ll
share in all the good he does. We’ll send you his
name on receipt of your first gift.
□ Masses for your intention? Our priests over
seas will offer promptly the Masses you request.
Remember in particular your deceased. Lent is
the time to remember.
□ Spare 330 a day? (That’s the price of a pack
of cigarettes.) For only 330 a day ($2.50 a
week, $10 a month) you can feed a family of
Palestine refugees. In thanks, we’ll send you an
Olive Wood Rosary from the Holy Land.
□ To be sure your intentions are carefully
carried out, it’s wise to make a will. Otherwise,
rigid State laws may govern the distribution of
your savings. . . . Stringless bequests to the
Catholic Near East Welfare Association (our
legal title) will be used for the poor by the
Holy Father.
_
ENCLOSED PLEASE FIND $
FOR - —
NAME —.
ST R E ET
CITY STATE ZIP CODE
THE CATHOLIC NEAR EAST WELFARE ASSOCIATION
NEAR EAST
MISSIONS
FRANCIS CARDINAL SPELLMAN, President
MSGR. JOSEPH T. RYAN, National Secretary
Write: Catholic Near*East Welfare Assoc.
330 Madison Avenue* New York, N.Y. 10017
Telephone: 212/YUkon 6-5840