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Tin: Southern Cross, November 24, 1966—PAGE 5
FAMILY CLINIC
By JOHN J. KANE, Ph D.
Professor of Sociology
University cf Notre Dame
At nineteen my daughter
become pregnant as a result
of going steady with a boy
about th e same age. They
are married about 8 months
but a few days after the wed
ding I learned this boy had
been in a reform school and
was on parole. Now they are
deep in debt because he has
lost five jobs in nine months.
They have moved half a doz
en times. Is there any hope
for this marriage? Could my
daughter get an annulment
since we did not know about
the boy’s background?
* * *
At the outset, Ruth, I won
der who wants the annulment,
you or your daughter or both?
You give no indication in your
letter that she is seeking
either an annulment or a sep-
eration. I do not want to be
unfair but I wonder if it is
you, rather than your daugh
ter, who is pushing this mar
riage even farther on the rocks
than it is now.
Let me try to answer your
second question about an
annulment first. I simply do
not know, and I am not com
petent to reply. If your
daughter really wants to look
into the matter, there is only
one approach: let her see the
pastor or one of the assistants.
But please note, let her do it.
Don’t try to make decisions for
her even though she is only
nineteen.
Certainly this marriage is
off to a bad start. You can
cause it to deteriorate further
if you keep suggesting it
should be dissolved. Why not
try a positive approach and
see what you can do to help the
couple resolve their prob
lems?
The boy, it would appear on
the basis of your letter, is
rather unstable. His inability
to keep a job and his past
record are distressing facts
but they do not mean that all
hope is gone. After all many
adjustments must be made in
any marriage, and in this one
apparently more than the usual
number. Furthermore, it is
not even a year old and the first
year is apt to be a difficult one
at best.
If this boy was still on parole
when he married, his parole
officer should have known
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about his impending wedding.
In many states permission is
required for parolees to
marry, so it may be the officer
was remiss or the system is
poor or such regulations do
not apply where you live.
But it does seem strange
that you did not know more
about the boy’s background
than you did. Marriage is a
very serious step and both
parties should know the other
well and parents too should
have adequate information
about prospective sons or
daughters-in-law.
Perhaps you panicked a bit
when you learned of your
daughter’s pregnancy and in
your understandable concern
consented to the marriage
without knowing enough about
this boy. There is one very
important aspect of pre
marital pregnancies of which
all parents should be aware.
Time was when the answer to
the problem was nearly always
solved by marriage, forcible
or otherwise.
Today, we know the sad re
sults of many such marriages.
They are breeding grounds
for unhappy marriages, sep
arations or divorces. Some do
work out but other methods of
handling this problem exist,
namely that the girl have the
child and place it out for adop
tion. This can be done without
too much difficulty if the girl
is willing.
In this case such advice is
far too late, and might even
have been rejected. I mention
it only as a general considera
tion for others who may find
themselves in similar cir
cumstances.
No one can be certain
whether any marriage will
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work out or not. But you can be
certain no marriage will work
out unless both partners work
at making it do so. This brings
me to the important part of the
problem you present.
I dislike to use the word
“immaturity” because it is so
overworked. Yet it is the best
term to describe the status of
this boy. His sense of respon
sibility is low since he has
been unable to keep a job-
I am assuming, of course, that
the work he has was of a steady
type, not seasonal. If the latter
is true then the loss of a job
was not his fault.
Perhaps it is also a lack of
education or training. If the
latter is true then he should try
to obtain training in some skill
which will increase his
chances of getting and keeping
a job. This can be done and he
might consult the state
employment bureau or a social
agency. There must be some
kind of regular income on
which the family can exist.
Next, he should seek
assistance from Catholic
Social Service. He does seem
to require some counselling
about his new responsibilities.
Such counselling may hasten
his maturity and given time,
this marriage may work out.
But without professional help,
I take a dim view of its future.
Next the inevitable frustra
tions of constantly losing jobs
the consequent financial prob
lems and the baby may over
whelm him. Your daughter too
must be suffering and perhaps
more so since she may feel
utterly helpless.
For these reasons I would
urge you to help them to ob
tain professional assistance.
In the meantime, try not to
be critical, as difficult as
that will prove. If you can
help them yourself, par
ticularly if you assist him to
find employment and bolster
his morale, you will be fol
lowing a more fruitful course
than seeking an annulment.
* * *
Dr. Kane will be unable to
answer personally. However
he welcomes your suggestions
of topics that would partic
ularly interest you. Address
Dr. Kane in care of this
newspaper.
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Shea Tybee Speaker
State Senator-elect Bart Shea spoke to the St. Michael’s Home
and School Association at a meeting on Thursday, November 17th.
The popular politician clarified the variety of solutions to the
gubernatorial race.
Ecumenical Dinner
On Sunday evening, October 30th, Saint John’s Episcopal and
Saint Joseph’s Church of Bainbridge met at St. Joseph’s Hall
for an inter-faith dinner. The program centered around two
basic questions. First - What Does my Church teach and believe?
Second - What does it mean to be a good practicing Catholic or
Episcopalian? These two questions* were answered for the
Episcopalians by Mr. Bartlet Ramsey and by Mr. Charles Bleak-
ley for the Catholics.
Macon Memorial Mass
Right Reverend Thomas I Sheehan, Chaplain of Macon Coun
cil 925 Knights of Columbus, was celebrant of a special
Memorial Mass for deceased members of the Council on Tues
day evening, November 15th. Frank Hornyak, State Treasurer,
was Lector at the Mass. Grand Knight Karl Wey and Past
State Deputy Nick J. Camerio read the eulogies. Open House
and buffet supper was held following the ceremonies.
Christmas Party
The annual Christmas party will be held at the Dec. 5th
meeting of Blessed Sacrament’s (Savannah) Parish Council
of Catholic Women. Mrs. William P. Schneider is chairman
for the event.
Ecumenical Gathering
The “Parable,” a moving religious film, first shown at the
World’s Fair Protestant Center, was featured at an ecumenical
gathering at Savannah Beach. The showing of the film was spon
sored by St. Michael’s CYO at Trinity Methodist Church. Rev.
Glen Brinson, Methodist minister led nearly 200 teen-agers and
adults in united prayer. Father Wellmeier then prepared the
audience for the film and later led the discussion. Refreshments
were served by members of the Methodist Church.
* i you - - -' g(JD s
CATHOLIC EDUCATION WEEK at Our Lady of
Lourdes School, Columbus, featured a bulletin
board contest, and art and poetry competitions.
The fifth grade bulletin board was judged best.
Pictured above against the background of this dis
play are winners of the art and poetry awards.
Front row, left to right: Jody Sullivan, Denise Can-
nella, Patrick Kelly, Therese Lahnstein. Second
row: Johnny Winstead, Jay Kelly, Kathy Wheeler,
Greg Rodriguez. Members of the 8th grade Little
Apostles Club, who sponsored the week’s activities,
gave short talks on the public address system deal
ing with the theme for each day of the week sug
gested by the National Catholic Welfare Confer
ence.
LAY APOSTOLATE
Plans Made For
World Congress
Rome (NC) —The directive
board of next year’s Third
World Congress for the Lay
Apostolate met in plenary ses
sion here to examine regional
reports and prepare their
agenda.
Discussions centered on
preparations underway
throughout the world for the
international congress which
will be held in Rome Oct. Il
ls, 1967, on the general theme
“God’s people on Man’s
Journey.” According to the
wishes of Pope John XXIII,
confirmed by Pope Paul VI
its purpose will be to “stimu
late and develop the apostolic
activity of the laity in the light
of council teachings and in re
lation to the problems and
aspirations of modem man.”
Delegates to the three-day
meeting which opened Nov. 19
and ended Nov. 21 included
Martin Work, executive direc
tor of the National Council of
Catholic Men.
Miss Rosemary Goldie, exe
cutive secretary of the
permanent committee o f
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gresses of the Lay Apostolate)
said the board also discussed
financial problems facing the
congress. Special exmphasis
was given to plans for the
financial support of delegates
from developing countries in
order to assure maximum re
presentation from these areas.
On a regional basis, Miss
Goldie said, meetings have
been held in Washington, D.
C., for North America (Oct.
21-23); Buenos Aires for Latin
America (Oct. 7-9); and St.
Polten, Austria, for Europe
(May 12-15).
In addition, congress of
ficials conducted two “itiner
ant consultations” in Africa
last summer to assess and
coordinate preparations for
the congress. Similar steps
will be taken in Asia “in the
next few months,” Miss
Goldie said. Reports from
these meetings formed the
basis for the directive board’s
discussions.
The same group has
scheduled another meeting for
Spring.
Though the program for the
congress is still in its for
mative stages, Miss Goldie
said, workshops will concen
trate on two areas: first, the
situation of the world and its
problems, and second, the
laity’s response to this situa
tion in light of the council.
ECUMENICAL DINNER — Enjoying fellowship at Ecumenical Dinner held
recently at St. Joseph’s Catholic Church, Bainbridge, (L. to R.) are: Mrs.
Charles Bleakley, Father Neal O’Brien, pastor St. Joseph’s, Mrs. Bill Kemen,
president St. Joseph’s Women’s Club, Father Theodore Atwood, rector St.
John’s Episcopal Church, Mrs. Bartlett Ramsey, Mr. Bartlett Ramsey. Mrs.
W. K. Penhallegon and Mr. W. K. Penhallegon.
“FOLLOW AUCHITEA T...iSOT WORKMEK1
Church Faces Continual
Development, Pope Says
Rome(NC)—The Church on
earth is “always an incomplete
building” Pope Paul VI said.
Its continual development
must follow “the concrete,
visible, well-planned design of
which Christ is the architect
and not be left to the judgment
of capricious workmen.”
Speaking at his weekly gen
eral audience in St. Peter’s
Basilica (Nov. 16), the Pope
pointed the attention of his
listeners to a mosaic inscrip
tion which bands the church’s
walls just below the vault:
“Thou art Peter and upon this
rock I will build my church.”
(Matt. 16:18).
“A prophetic word: ‘I will
build’ ” the Pontiff said. “It
has Christ as its subject and
it refers to the future; it has
the Church as its object,
depicted as a building in the
process of construction.
Christ is the architect of the
building and indeed the work
man...
“The word indicates per
manent action on the part of
the Lord in regard to his
Church, it indicates the
dynamic character which the
life of the Church, depicted as
a building in construction,
assumes. It indicates a con
tinual development which is
foreordained for it by the very
concept of the work—which
must be accomplished accord
ing to a concrete, visible, well-
planned design of which Christ
is the architect and not left to
the judgment of capricious
workmen. The Church must be
constructed. It is always an in
complete building which pro
longs in temporal history its
determined plan of accom
plishment.”
By divine mandate, Pope
Paul noted, Christ’s activity
since His ascension into
heaven “is carried out by the
Church itself, by those who in
the Church have the function of
promoting the continuance of
Jesus’ work.” This concept of
the Church’s role in com
pleting Christ’s work, he said,
gives each member of that
Church a program since “we
are all called to collaborate in
its mystical and positive con
struction.”
pope Paul said it was
opportune to recall this funda
mental principle of the
Church’s life “the better to
adapt our minds to directive
lines which must guide our
thought and action in this post-
conciliar period.
“Everyone knows that the
council has set the Church in
motion in every aspect of its
life,” Pope Paul said, “thus
giving aU of us the awareness
of a renewal, of a new burden
to undertake, a development to
be realized. It is an awareness
which fills our hearts with
fervor and hope, but not with
out a certain amount of trepi
dation, for the right orienta
tion and happy outcome of this
renewal.
“Let us say right away that
we cannot share the diffidence
and discomfort of those who
are placing obstacles in the
way of this renewal, as if it
went against the stability of the
ecclesiastical order, and as if
fidelity to tradition involved
immobility and inertia—al
most as if the temporal Church
had already arrived at its com
plete and definitive expres
sion. The word of Christ on the
contrary is a prophetic word:
*1 will build.’ The work awaits
its continuation. Today all of
us must be workers in the
Church, that is active mem
bers, apostles and mission
aries, not indifferent specta
tors, not fussy and lazy
critics!
“But on the other hand we
cannot give in to the temptation
of believing that innovations
derived from the doctrines and
decrees of the council give the
go-ahead for any kind of arbi
trary change or justify frivo
lous and irresponsible under
takings out of keeping with the
design which must be followed
in building. We must be pro
foundly convinced that we can
not demolish the Church of
yesterday to construct a new
one day.
“We cannot forget or call
into question what the Church
has been teaching as authori
tative until now in order to
substitute personal and arbi
trary theories and new con
cepts for secure doctrine.
THINKING
CHRISTMAS?
THE HOLY FATHER’S MISSION AID TO THE ORIENTAL CHURCH
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AX
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Write: Catholic Near East Welfare Assoc.
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