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4
FAMILY CLINIC
By JOHN J. KANE, Ph.t).
Professor of Sociology
University of Notre Dame
Is there any physical
barrier which would prevent a
man and woman in their early
sixties from embracing the
married state? Both are
baptized and practicing
Catholics. Could physical
illness or impotency brought
on by age make it impossible
to perform marital duties? If
so, what then?
* * *
If one can assume that
both persons are in
reasonably good health in
terms of their age, there
seems to be no physical
barrier preventing marriage in
the sixties. There is also the
assumption, of course, that
both persons are single. Even
if there is ill health on the
part of one, and the other is
fully aware of it and prepared
to accept it, I would see no
objection.
So far as the matter of
impotency is concerned,
there would have ,to be clear
proof that it was a permanent
condition. Generally
speaking, they can enjoy the
benefit of a doubt in this
respect and the Church is
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willing to give it to them. It
might not be a bad idea for
the man fo consult his family
physician about this matter
and then share what the
doctor has to say with his
fiancee.
But there are many other
questions which I feel they
should consider. First, were
one or both of them
previously married? Does one
or both of them have
children? If either or both
were previously married, then
the married party or parties
will know something of the
adjustments that must be
made in a marital state. If
neither of them has been
previously married, then they
will have to expect to make
tremendous adjustments.
Persons who have lived
most of their adult years in
the single state, are
accustomed to privacies and
freedoms that the married
persons do not have. Marriage
is an intimate, personal union
and within it each party must
learn to make numerous
concessions in the interest of
love and harmony.
Young people can
generally make these more
readily than older persons,
simply because as we grow
older we tend to become a
little more rigid. But if they
enter the marriage state more
or less aware of what it means
in terms of adjustment, then
it should prove easier.
I asked the question about
children because very
frequently sons and daughters
will object to the marriage of
a mother or father in their
particular age brackets. This
is quite unfair and sometimes
prompted by mercenary
motives. They fear that the
estate, if there is one, will
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either go to the surviving
spouse instead of them or it
will be divided between them
and the survivor.
All children do not feel
this way. But it would
certainly be wise, if they do
have children, to discuss this
with them and make it clear
that they are firm in their
intention to marry. Once
children can accept this, any
objections, if they have them,
will not necessarily melt but
perhaps will be silenced.
When people in their later
years marry they do so for
motives quite different from
young persons. For example,
the matter of sex is much less
an important factor in the
marriage of older persons
than it is in the marriage of
younger persons.
Older persons tend to
marry for companionship. In
our society old age and by
that I mean anyone in the
sixties but particularly past
sixty-five, can be a rather
lonely business if a husband
or wife is dead. Since their
major motive in marriage is
companionship, it is most
important that they be
compatible. Perhaps this is
even more important in the
later years than in the earlier
years. I say this because, as
pointed out above, young
people are able to adjust to a
greater extent.
So they should explore the
matter of compatibility very
carefully. If they are both
interested in similar things,
then they start off sharing
something in common which
can enrich their later years.
They are both Catholics, and
this helps, and if they happen
to be of about the same social
class, somewhat similar in
your educational background
and such, the prognosis is
good.
Perhaps they would like
stronger reassurance on some
of the theological aspects
from a priest, and so I urge
them to see one of the priests
in their parishes. But short of
the points I have made, there
would be no objection to
their marriage or possibly
their remarriage. As a matter
of fact, it may prove to be a
very happy and desirable kind
of life for them.
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44 Liturgy And Life ”
Editor:
I would like to offer a few
reflections on the recent riots
in Baltimore in the hope that
these will be of some help to
your readers. Perhaps, I could
entitled these remarks
“Liturgy and Life.”
The riots began in
Baltimore on Saturday
evening, April 6th. However,
it was not until Sunday
morning that the impact of
these events became
apparent.
I was on my week end
parish assignment. This was
to be a big weekend for us
because we were introducing
a regular Sunday folk Mass
for the people of the parish.
It was a great start, the
musicians were good, the
participation was above
average, and everyone in
attendance seemed to enjoy
the experience. When we
emerged from the Church we
were jubilant over the success
of the folk Mass. That was
the liturgy.
looked toward the main
street in front of the church,
the mood changed. We saw a
convoy of National Guard
troops heading toward town.
I will never forget the sight of
helmeted troops riding in
jeeps and trucks with fixed
bayonets pointing toward the
blue spring sky. In America?
What a sight! This was the
life.
What did this have to do
with the liturgy we had just
celebrated so joyously?
Everything, I am afraid. Too
long have we Christians been
content with our sterile
liturgical rites. Too long have
we Christians been guilty of
paring down the teaching of
Jesus to fit our narrow
prejudices. Too long have we
overemphasized the salvation
of our own souls to the
neglect of our brother’s needs
Too often have we knelt in
church and longed for the
things of heaven while we
neglected our brothers who
were starving in the ghettoes
we had built. Too long have
we divorced liturgy from
our daily lives as Christians.
to love all men except those
who were lazy. He said that
we were to love all men. This
is the Christian love, the
Christian concern which we
are to manifest to the world.
We cannot pare it down and
restrict it to those whom we
like. In effect, the religious
truths we celebrate in our
liturgy must be realized in
our daily lives.
Some of these
considerations have been
inspired by fear no doubt.
Yet, I hope I never see the
smoke rising from a Georgia
city as it was rising from
Baltimore last night.
Harvey Cox has said, “Not
to act is to act.” We
Christians had better act and
act now. The Good News had
better be manifested in our
relations with all men. We can
begin right in our own hearts
by rooting out the prejudice
which we find there.
Sincerely Yours in Christ,
Rev. Mr. Patrick Mahon
St. Mary’s Seminary,
Baltimore
Now for the life. As we
T hanks!
Editor:
On behalf of the cost and
crew of the Passion Play I’d
like to take this opportunity
to express our thanks to you
and the staff of the
“Southern Cross” for the
tremendous coverage you
gave our production in the
recent issues. Especially do
we wish to express our
appreciation for the beautiful
and effective spread in the
latest issue (April 4).
Sincerely and With Deep
Appreciation
Rev. John Fitzpatrick
St. John’s Seminary,
Savannah
But you say, this is not the
case. The riots, looting,
destruction and burnings have
been perpetrated by the
criminal elements and the
hell-raisers in our cities.
This may be true-as far as
it goes. I submit that in the
final analysis these things are
but the symptoms of a cancer
that is destroying our society.
In this case, we will not cure
the disease by treating the
symptoms. The cancer is the
hatred, and predudice that
blinds each one of us.
We do not see that Jesus
told us to love ALL men. He
did not say to just love those
who had achieved the same
social status we enjoy because
they had worked hard for it.
He did not say that we were
I Agree!
Editor:
‘Where’s Our Heritage’ by
Mrs. Armand Lloyd was at
once, nostalgic, and by it’s
straightforward simplicity,
quite profound.
. . . and I couldn’t agree
with her more.
Her reference to Fr.
Michael Smith, and to what
she so aptly calls ‘the
externals’ is most
noteworthy.
I do so hope Mrs. Lloyd
will feel called upon, again.
Mary D. True
(Mrs. Arthur T. True)
St. Simons Island
Rebuts Student’s Letter
Editor:
I’m no scholar of
theology, but since I, too, am
perplexed, I tried to find
answers to John Lloyd’s
arguments (Readers Reply -
April 4). First, the Christian
message was heard and
showed itself in divers way. It
translated stone and glass into
Gothic cathedrals, sound into
immortal music, and color
into the most magnificent
painting ever rendered. The
feast of Christmas
“vouchsafes a tiny portion of
the fullness of life to those
who surrender themselves to
the spiritual teachings of the
ages.”
John, how could you say
the “Emperor wears no
clothes”! The Church is
clothed m glory.
I looked for an answer to
young Lloyd among Catholic
writers, and came up instead
with these excerpts from a
thesis by a modern poet,
Stephen Spender, a
non-Catholic. Spender is
taking the reader into the
poet’s mind and explaining
how poems are written. The
lines, “a language of flesh and
Editor:
A letter on the riots.
During these days of civil
turmoil and chaos I am sure
that many of my white
American brothers are
making the fatal
generalization that we have
made so many times before:
negroes are rioting, therefore,
all Negroes are riotious. But, I
plead with you not to make
this prejudiced and
unthinking generalization.
I do believe that the
looting and disturbances are
deplorable and should be
dealt with firmly and quickly
by the civil authorities.
However, as we watch our TV
sets and listen to our radios
do we realize that 99% of the
Negro community condemns
the civil disorder which the
mass media presents to us?
roses”, came to him after
passing through England’s
Black Country, a land
exploited and destroyed (as
we have the Appalachian coal
fields) by profit-seeking.
The poet sees in the world
of profit which enslaves us, a
disregard for anything but the
pursuit of wealth, and this, to
the poet, is the symbol of
modern man’s mind. Man
created the modern world of
slums, television, riots,
violence, etc. and this is the
language of man’s inner
wishes and thoughts. It is a
language that has gotten out
of control. What man should
aspire to is, in the poet’s
words, “a language of flesh
and roses.”
Spender also takes the
word “cross” and shows how
he is working on a poem
where this word will describe
and have meaning for the
modern condition. He writes:
“Here is an example of a
cloudy form of thought
germinated by the word
‘cross’, which is the key-word
of the poem that exists
formlessly in my mind.
“Recently my wife had a
The riots cause negroes to
go homeless, the disorders
cause Negroes to go hungry;
and they also do another
disfavor to the Negro
community: the riots allow
white America to absolve
itself from the racism that
rots like a cancer within it.
The immediate question of
how to quell a riot is urgent;
but, of more lasting import,
of deeper urgency is the real
question of how do we
rectify the racism eating at
the heart of America. The
ultimate answer is not federal
troops, it is not only a
welfare check, it is in our
hearts and in our hands. Let’s
roll up our sleeves and get to
work.
Sincerely yours,
Rev. Mr. Fred Nijem
Baltimore, Md.
son. On the first day that I
visited her after the boy’s
birth, I went by bus to the
hospital. The streets as I
passed through them on the
top of the bus all seemed very
clean, ana the thought
occurred to me that
everything was prepared for
our child. Past generations
have toiled so that any child
born today inherits, with his
generation, cities, streets,
organization, the most
elaborate machinery for
living. Everything has been
provided for him by people
dead long before 'ie was born.
The, naturally enough, sadder
thoughts coloured this
picture for me, and I
reflected how he also
inherited vast maladjust
ments, vast human wrongs.
Then I thought of the child as
like a pin-point of present
existence, the moment
incarnate, in whom the whole
of the past and all possible
futures cross.”
This is the Catholic
Church. Reforms are needed,
but they will not be found in
Sociology and the use of
Social Work cliches such as,
“What do you think?” as the
answer to someone who is
speaking of absolutes and
eternal matters. No wonder
this simple phrase so
exasperated Mrs. Lloyd that
she sat right down and
pressed finger to key and sent
her historic letter to S. C.
What we must get back to
is a language of “love” and it
is learned by deeds, early
childhood confidences and
guidance, habits, patterns,
awakening of sensitivity to
others and to the world about
us.
So, for Heaven’s Sake,
turn off the T. V. and the
commercials. Look around at
the Spring World and its
language of flesh and roses,
listen to your child, and
remember that old rule of the
Church, so often quoted by
my mother: “Give me the
child until he is seven, and his
feet will be set in the way he
should go.”
Mary McGarvey
Brunswick
4
On The Riots
The Southern Cross, April 18, 1968—PAGE 5
Dr. King—
Continued From Page 1
permanent contributions of
existentialism, and its
perception of the anxiety and
conflict produced in man’s
personal and social life by the
perilous and ambiguous
structure of existence is
especially meaningful for our
time.”
He also became impressed,
through his study, with the
ideas of the “social gospel,”
because to his way of
thinking, “the Gospel at its
best deals with the whole
man, not only his soul but
also his body, not only his
spiritual well-being, but also
his physical well-being. A
religion that professes a
concern for the souls of men
and is not equally concerned
about the slums that damn
them, the economic
conditions that cripple them,
is a spiritually moribund
religion.”
Then Dr. King was
introduced to the life and
teachings of Gandhi. “As I
delved deeper into the
philosophy of Gandhi, my
skepticism concerning the
power of love gradually
diminished, and I came to see
for the first time that the
Christian doctrine of love,
operating through the
Gandhian method of
non-violence, is one of the
most potent weapons
available to an oppressed
people in their struggle for
freedom.”
How “Christ furnished the
spirit and motivation and
Gandhi furnished the
method” for his movement
was described by Dr. King,
who added:
“I would not wish to give
the impression that
non-violence will accomplish
miracles overnight. Men are
not easily moved from their
mental ruts or purged of their
prejudiced and irrational
feelings. When the
underprivileged demand
freedom, the privileged at
first react with bitterness and
resistance. Even when the
demands are couched in
non-violent terms, the initial
response is substantially the
same. . .
“But the non-violent
approach does something to
the hearts and souls of those
committed to it. It gives them
new self-respect. It calls up
resources of strength and
courage that they did not
know they had. Finally, it so
stirs the conscience of the
opponent that reconciliation
becomes a reality.”
With leadership of the
nation’s Negro community
thrust upon him, Dr. King’s
faith began to deepen and
become more stable. “My
personal trials have also
taught me the value of
unmerited suffering,” he
wrote. Later he added that “I
have lived these last few years
with the conviction that
unearned suffering is
redemptive. There are some
who still find the Cross a
stumbling block, others
consider it foolishness, but I
am more convinced than ever
before that it is the power of
God unto social and
individual salvation. So like
the Apostle Paul I can now
humbly, yet proudly, say, ‘I
bear in my body the marks of
the Lord Jesus.’”
Dr. King confirmed that
“the agonizing moments
through which I have passed
during the last few years have
also drawn me closer to God.
More than ever before I am
convinced of the reality of a
personal God. True, I have
always believed in the
personality of God. But in
the past the idea of a personal
God was little more than a
metaphysical category that I
found theologically and
philosophically satisfying.
Now it is a living reality that
has been validated in the
experiences of everyday life.
God has been profoundly real
to me in recent years.”
He concluded his book
with the observation that
“every crisis has both its
dangers and its opportunities.
It can spell either salvation or
doom. In a dark, confused
world the Kingdom of God
may yet reign in the hearts of
men.”
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