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PAGE 5 - July 24,1969
FAMILY CLINIC
By John J. Kane, Ph. D.
Professor of Sociology
University of Notre Dame
Would you discuss the
problem of living with a
husband who has an infantile
personality? The Church
offers an ideal setup for those
men prone to interpret life in
marriage at a child’s level, for
those who instead of growing
up and evaluating their
attitudes and habits, feel that
they should retain the “status
quo,” but what can a spouse
do other than to tolerate it
when a marriage is
insoluable?
This paragraph scarcely
does justice to a five page
typewritten letter which
expressed a really deep
concern for the husband who
simply refuses to grow up.
However, I have reproduced
one aspect of it which I
believe will be of interest to
many readers and which
indeed constitutes a challenge
to many Catholics today.
I’m afraid that many of
the things that you say in
your letter are only too true.
There has been a tendency in
the past for Catholicism to be
somewhat negative, in the
sense that it says, “Don’t do
this” and “Don’t do that”
and “You will not sin.” But
actually Catholicism has said
much more about this
although perhaps the Church
has not always been heard
and understood. Part of this I
would blame on the penny
catechism used by persons
who are now in their 50’s or
60’s, perhaps even in their
40’s.
This grew out of the fact
that in the past many
Catholics had relatively little
education. It was necessary
for the priest to attempt to
instruct at a very simple level
a rather simple people.
Today, this has certainly
changed. In particular, it has
changed since the time of
Pope John.
Catholicism makes many
demands upon an individual
other than mere prohibitions.
There is a positive command
to love others, regardless of
their race, religion, or ethnic
background. There is positive
admonition to help the poor
and the underpriviledged.
Above all there is a positive
command to love God with
one’s heart and soul and this
of course can be expressed by
doing some of the things
previously mentioned for
one’s neighbor.
When you talk of the
problem of an infantile
personality in marriage, it
may very well be that in
Catholic education and
perhaps even in Catholic
instruction generally, we have
oversimplified the whole
business of marital
relationships. I do not refer
to merely sexual
relationships, although I
include them too. A husband
has definite responsibilities in
marriage and they go far
beyond mere provision of
food, clothing, and shelter.
But try to remember that
there was a time when if the
husband could merely supply
food, clothing, and provision,
he was considered a good
provider and an ideal person.
I refer to the time when
many Catholics were
immigrants and desperately
poor. Perhaps in our efforts
to get beyond this stage,
which many have now passed,
we’ve neglected to develop
the fuller aspects of marriage,
which we can now think of.
In your letter you pointed
out a number of cliches used
by husbands to dodge
responsibility. I scarcely need
repeat them, they are
familiar, only too familiar to
too many wives. The husband
has the obligation of
providing a deep love and
understanding for his wife.
He should share with her her
joys, sorrows, and
frustrations. He should be a
companion in every sense of
the word possible.
Furthermore, if any
marriage is to endure and
prosper, there must be a
continuing development of
the personalities of both
husband and wife. In the first
flush of romantic love,
physical attractiveness and
sex may be adequate. But
these will not preserve a
marriage over the years.
Husband and wife must
grow together, and I mean
this in the sense of becoming
more mature and closer.
Marriage is a union in which
responsibilities must be at
once divided and shared.
Responsibilities must be
divided because of the nature
of our lives. The husband
goes to work each morning,
must be responsible for the
economic aspects of the
family, while the wife
generally remains at home --
there are many exceptions --
and takes care of the rearing
of children and the
maintaining of the home.
But this division of labor
which is obviously a very
logical thing, does not mean
that there should be any
se p a ration in total
responsibilities. For example,
while the husband is
responsible for the economic
welfare of the family, the
wife makes a great
contribution to this too. Any
number of textbooks on
marriage and the family
constantly point out how
much money a good wife
saves a husband by careful
shopping, care of clothing
and cooking.
It is likewise true that the
responsible rearing of
children cannot be delegated
exclusively to a wife. Both
boys and girls need a father
image, the boy in order to
pattern himself after a man,
the girl in order to come to
know and love men. And I
might add that this sort of
situation can only be
achieved when both husband
and wife work at it positively
and mutually.
No doubt we should hear a
great deal more about this
than we do in sermons and in
schools. But remember
efforts are being made to get
this sort of knowledge across.
BISHOP TAMM
Odds: Million-To-One
In Favor Of Celibacy
\
JACKSONVILLE, Fla.
(NC)--Bishop Paul F. Tanner
of St. Augustine, speaking to
a group of future priests,
disputed the contention of
some theologians and
“self-appointed critics of the
Church” that the requirement
of priestly celibacy soon will
be lifted.
And the bishop came to
the defense of the study of
Latin in seminaries.
On celibacy, the bishop
said: “Anyone who has read
Pope Paul’s letter on this
realizes that there isn’t a
chance in a million that
celibacy will be done away
within the next 100 years.”
He said the purpose of
celibacy is “the complete,
total, unreserved, absolute
dedication of a man’s life to
the service of the Church.”
Bishop Tanner confessed
he was afraid the Church,
because of the decline of the
use of Latin in modem
theological works, was “in
danger of becoming a
hodgepodge of little separate
linguistic groups around the
world.”
He said, due to the trend
away from Latin, “the
interchange of ideas will be
very noticeably slowed
down.” He pointed out that
the use of one tongue and the
maintenance of 1,500 years
of theological continuity was
what made the Catholic
Church catholic. He urged the
seminarians to keep this in
mind when they resume
studies in the fall.
Bishop Tanner, at a
luncheon with 20 diocesan
seminarians, declared they are
becoming “a part of a
universal Church that
embraces the entire globe and
goes back 2,000 years with
no break in spiritual and
intellectual continuity.”
Emphasizing the
importance of the
development of a personal
spirituality in the life of the
priest, Bishop Tanner
warned:
“If the priest isn’t the
possessor of a deep and
profound spirituality, he
can’t transmit anything to his
busy parishioners, who are
doing a thousand things.”
The bishop said he was
“distressed today by popular
magazines that would make
you believe that nothing
happened (in the Church)
until 1962 and that until
Vatican II started, the Church
was practically helpless.”
He urged seminarians not
to neglect the traditional
sources in the development of
Christian thought, and
recommended they read as
many works of the Church
Fathers as possible, “certainly
Aquinas’s ‘Summa,’ from
cover to cover.”
SISTERS TAKE
Outside Jobs
To Pay Debt
Doris Answers
YOUTH
BY DORIS REVERE PETERS
MINNEAPOLIS (NC) -
Some 40 nuns of the order of
St. Benedict are working at a
variety of secretarial jobs in
the Twin Cities area this
summer. All their salaries are
paid directly to their order,
which has an immediate and
urgent need for the money.
The project was begun
when the Sisters found
themselves without sufficient
income to meet a large
payment on their new St.
Paul Priory. The situation
stemmed from a drop in the
number of young women
joining the order, combined
with increased retirements.
Sister Rolaine, assistant to
the mother superior, said the
nuns were faced with finding
VATICAN CITY (NC) -
Pope Paul VI will consecrate
12 bishops for African
dioceses during his historic
journey to Kampala, Uganda,
scheduled for July 31 - Aug.
2.
They are:
Ugan da- - Bishop-elect
Barnabas Halem ‘Imana of
Kabale’; Bishop-elect John
Kakubi of Mbarara;
Bishop-elect Edward
Bahagarate of Hoima, and
Auxiliary Bishop-elect
Serapio Magambo of Fort
Portal.
Zambia--Archbishop-elect
Emmanuel Milingo of Lusaka.
Gabon-Archbishop-elect
the needed funds or else
refinancing at a three per cent
hike in interest rates, to
eight-and-one-half per cent.
One sister contacted a
Minneapolis employment
firm which specializes in
temporary positions. A
company official offered a
free brush-up course in office
practices before placing the
Sisters in jobs.
If the Sisters’ efforts are
not successful in raising
sufficient funds, Sister
Rolaine said, they may have
to seek a low-interest loan, or
contributions from
benefactors. But “we wanted
to do this through our own
efforts, if possible,” she said.
Bernard Anguille of
Libreville.
Kenya- Bis hop-elect
Raphael Ndingi of the new
diocese of Machakos and
Auxiliary Bishop-elect Emil
Nieru of Eldoret.
N i geri a- - Bishop-elect
Antony Saliu Sanusi of the
new diocese of Ljebuode and
Bishop-elect William Mahony,
S.M.A., of the new diocese of
Ilorin.
Upper Volta--Bishop-elect
Constantin Guirma of the
new diocese of Kava.
The Cameroons-Auxiliary
Bishop-elect Jean Pasquier,
O.M.I., of Garoua.
BE GLAD FOR A
FRIEND’S BREAKS:
Dear Doris:
My girl friend and I have
been best friends for years.
We live on the same street
and go to the same school.
She is better looking than me
but that doesn’t matter.
Lately she seems to have
changed. She is leaving for a
four-week study tour of
Europe and is acting kind of
superior about it. That
doesn’t bother me, in fact I’m
happy she is going. My
mother says I’m imagining
things and that when she
returns we will be the same
good friends. What do you
think? Is she really changing
or is it me?
Janice.
Dear Janice:
It could be both of you. A
trip to Europe is a fabulous
adventure, particularly if it’s
the first time. All the
preparations are exciting and
absorbing and your friend has
many things to do and not as
much time to spend with
you. Although you are happy
for her good fortune you may
feel a wee bit jealous. You
may wonder “why her and
not me?”
Envy of one’s friends is
almost impossible to avoid at
some time or other. And the
strange thing about this
emotion is that the closer the
friend the more you may
resent the nice things which
happen to her.
Your mother is probably
right so I wouldn’t worry.
When you can isolate your
feelings and look at them
honestly you’re okay.
TALK IT OVER
Dear Doris:
I was lucky enough to get
a summer job and I had
dreams of buying some new
clothes and other things. But
my dreams have backfired.
My father insists I hand over
my salary to him and then he
will give me what he thinks I
need. Isn’t this unfair? I’m
not a child and I think I
should be able to decide how
much to spend and how
much to save. Any advice
appreciated.
A Dreamer.
Dear Dreamer:
Maybe your father would
be impressed with your
“dreams” of saving as well as
spending. In your delight over
the job and in your eagerness
for spending, your plans for
“saving” eluded him and he
had visions of all the money
being blown on one grand
shopping spree. Which often
happens.
You should be able to
budget your money--in fact
doing so is a great education.
Nothing gives you a better
appreciation of the value of
money than earning and
managing your own.
Your father has had a lot
of experience doing this. Get
together and ask him to help
you plan a budget. When he
sees how you plan to
spend-and save-your salary,
I’m sure he’ll be pleased and
cooperate.
WANTA DANCE?
Dear Doris:
A bunch of us who just
graduated from grammar
school in June started having
mixed parties. But we are
having a big problem getting
the boys to dance. When the
girls are willing to dance the
boys don’t want to. Then the
girls stop dancing too. What
can we do?
Margie.
Dear Margie:
You’ll have to convince
the boys that dancing is not
just for girls. However, this
can continue to be a problem
because what most girls do
not understand is that boys in
this age group are very often
shy. But you can try.
Concentrate on getting just
one boy up to dance. If you
can do this you should have
no problem getting the others
to join in. And a word of
caution. It will trke patience
and time.
* * *
Mrs. Peters answers letters
through her column, not by
mail. Please do not ask for a
personal reply. Young readers
are invited^ to write her in
care of this paper.
12 Bishops To
Be Consecrated
v. Vj,*.*. V.'. >.r..w.w....AWAW.v • • • „> , j.
Dedicated Negro Woman Assesses Rights Progress
MILWAUKEE (NC) - She
had the dignity, the poise and
the warmth that comes of
accomplishment. Activity had
clothed her with a
youthfulness that made her
chronological age of 61 seem
a lie. Mrs. Marie G.
Leatherman looks more like
45.
Relaxing in her suite at the
Sheraton-Schroeder hotel, she
glanced around the room and
said: “Let’s face it. There was
a time when we couldn’t have
held our conclave in a place
like this. We’ve come a long
way.”
She was assessing the
progress of the civil rights
movement, not assuming that
all has been accomplished but
reminding some “impatient
militant leaders” that “it used
to be much worse.”
Mrs. Leatherman, who has
a long history of working for
service organizations
dedicated to improving the
lot of black people and other
underprivileged, was in
Milwaukee to chair, as
president, the national
conclave of Lambda Kappa
Mu Sorority, Inc., a group of
Negro business and
professional women with two
or more years of college.
Until last September, she
was assistant director of the
Catholic archdiocesan Head
Start program in Detroit.
Right now she works for the
Village Maid International,
aspiring to household
technicians. A resident of
Washington, D.C., she is also
vice-president of the National
Council of Negro Women, a
federation of 25 Negro
women organizations with an
overall membership of
3,800,000.
Usually considering herself
non-militant, Mrs.
Leatherman admitted recent
events might force her to
militancy. She was referring
to President Nixon’s recent
statement that the rules
calling for desegregation of
schools be relaxed until 1970.
Meeting in Nassau
recently, the National
Council of Negro Women,
“felt the Nixon statement
was having us go back to the
1870s. We felt we had made
strides. But now many of us
felt that our young people
were saying something . ..
that government can’t be
believed,” she said.
Yet Mrs. Leatherman does
not agree with the “black
state’’advocated by some
militants. “I do believe that
we should have concerted and
collective efforts. People of
all neighborhoods support
their people when they run
for office. Why shouldn’t we
have a similar black
power-not as a separate state
but as an entrepreneurship.”
She said she hopes the
nation is not heading for the
two societies, black and
white, that the Kemer
commission spotlighted.
“With some degree of
patience and understanding,
thinking of all people as
human beings, I think we
could very easily do it (avoid
complete separatism).”
The church’s role can be
very influential, she said. “I
think somehow the church-in
my church, too,
(Presbyterian)--we had
become too wrapped up in
the social club type activity.
I’ve seen churches move out
of changing neighborhoods. I
think this is the greatest
challenge a church can
face-to stay in the changing
neighborhood and serve the
community there.”
Asked whether more black
priests would aid the black
community’s problems, Mrs.
Leatherman commented from
her experience working with
Catholic priests in the Detroit
archdiocese. “The priests I
came in contact with were so
human. I never thought of
them as black or white. If a
priest is warm, he’ll be
accepted. We’ve seen this is
true.
It might be however, that
some people carried away
with the idea of black and
white separatism may need a
black priest. There are various
needs.”
But Mrs. Leatherman
added that black priests
might accomplish more in a
white community. “White
people need to be orientated.
They have the stereotype
ideas about Negroes. We
Negroes have stereotype ideas
about whites, too-let’s face
it.”
She praised the program in
Detroit, Project
Commitment, in which black
persons were invited to white
parishes to expose the whites
to blacks.
Asked for an appraisal of
the Detroit archdiocesan
Head Start program, her face
brightened with enthusiasm.
“I think Head Start is the
most tremendous social
program that has come about
in our day! It helped children
and parents both. The
children who came from large
families where they were not
seen nor heard became more
social and vocal. Parents
became more involved as
community aides and as
assistant teachers working
with the children in the
classrooms.”
She noted that less than
two percent of the children in
the Head Start program of
the archdiocese and less than
five percent of the staff were
Catholic.
In the two years she
worked for the Detroit
archdiocese, Mrs. Leatherman
attended some “very
impressive retreats” and
liturgy. “Had I stayed I might
have been converted to
Catholicism, ” she smiled.
Her main work now with
household workers and
technicians she considers a
positive thrust toward
encouraging blacks to
advance. “Something like 60'
percent of the black labor
force is in household work.
We aim to upgrade their
work. I serve as a liaison
between the client and the
technician.”
Since so many of her
services seem to be connected
with helping Negro women,
Mrs. Leatherman was asked
her views on a claim that the
black community is primarily
“matriarchical” and that
what is needed is to restore to
the black male his sense of
dignity and power.
Mrs. Leatherman frowned
and looked somewhat
irritated. “I think today the
matriarchical notion is
something of a myth. Years
ago it may have been true,
because the Negro man was
to a large degree
unemployable. He was not
permitted to work. He was
not granted the privileges of
joining the plumbers’,
carpenters’, electricians’
unions. My husband had a
printing shop for years and
not until two years ago could
he join the printers’ union.”
“But now I resent the
notion very much. Many of
our men are most productive.
With an opportunity to work
and stand side by side with
any other man, he will work.
Generally people prefer to
work.”
About the Lambda Kappa
Mu conclave, she said the
various affiliates are seeking
to pool their resources for
total involvement in
community services. “W6’re
going to write our
congressmen on
desegragation-“the Nixon
thing is hitting us quite
hard” ~, on housing, condi
tions of housing, hunger, the
family and health.
She also works with the
United Planning Organization
in Washington. It is an
organization for older Negro
women who desire education.
INTERIOR of the new National Shrine of the Uganda Martyrs at Namugongo, Uganda, as it
appears in an architect’s model. This much is promised to be ready for Pope Paul’s visit to Uganda
July 31 - Aug. 2. The shrine will accommodate 2,000 persons. (NC Photos)