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PAGE 2—The Southern Cross, August 23,1973
THE PAIN OF BROKEN MARRIAGES
The ‘Hell’ of Separation
TORONTO (NC) - “Going through a
separation is like going halfway to hell,”
according to Barry Lee, who has been
separated from his wife for four years.
The Church, he claims, has a
spirituality for the priests and religious,
for the married and the widowed, but
little spiritual solace to offer those who
are divorced.
Lee and his wife, Clara, were married
in 1960 at St. Michael’s Cathedral,
Toronto, and have been separated now
for four years. The father and their only
child, Bridget, 7, are members of
Blessed Trinity parish in Willow dale,
Ont.
Although Barry Lee found the
individual counseling by the Catholic
Family Services helpful, the Church as a
whole, he insists, has no vehicle
concerned with the suffering of
Catholics whose marriages have broken
up.
Separated people, he says are
exhausted spiritually, upset
emotionally, and as a result are
floundering around in a very vulnerable
situation with very little spiritual
guidance at a time when they need it
most.
At the Sunday sermon, he says, they
hear about the suffering of the lepers in
Molokai; the hungry orphans in Biafra;
the suffering on the cross. But, he says,
never about the suffering of, say, a
woman in the parish whose husband has
left her, living and sweating it out alone
in an apartment with two small
children. And her suffering is all the
greater because she thinks she is the
only one in this situation, Lee says.
Misery piles on misery, he says, with
the practical problems of running the
household alone, providing love and
maintenance of a child. Finally, if your
religious organization appears to be
indifferent, it would be so easy to
despair and to turn away from the
Church, he says.
To lessen the suffering of a single
parent, he says, no great organization is
needed with skilled sociologists or
ph.D.s. All that is needed is someone
who calls to say hello or perhaps
includes her children on a family picnic
or makes any kind of guesture to show
some human warmth--that somebody
does care!
In his own separation, he recalls, as a
member of a parish, he would have
appreciated a phone call, someone to
say, “Are you still there?”
Estrangement is the key problems, he
says. “There is just no place for a
separated Catholic in Church
organizations because Church activities
are closely related to nuclear, normal
family life.”
He tells about a group discussion held
by the Mental Health Association on
single parenthood at St. Lawrence
Center. The center was filled to capacity
and yet there was no one representing
any church. The reaction was “churches
are irrelevant.”
Born in England, Lee says he sees a
possible solution.
He explains: “You start with a small
gtoup of people, in our case single
parents, and expand to include the
widowed. Then bring in an
understanding chaplain and from that
base, feed back to the parish
community what the single parents are
going through and how they could be
helped.”
Besides providing the vehicle by
which separated Catholics could enjoy
human companionship with dignity, he
says, the group itself would offer
experienced counsel to couples who
may think that separation is an easy
way out of marriage problems, a way of
regenerating themselves.
“When they see what hell it is outside
of marriage, they will have second, third
and fourth thoughts before walking
out.”
In this way, he adds, recognition of
separated couples would help to save
marriages rather than encourage
break-ups. But at the same time, where
the saving of marriage is beyond hope,
then the single parents could assist a
couple through the different stages of
separation, which Lee compares to the
stages of death itself.
Working with such a group could be a
great challenge to the clergy, he says.
Though the priest has never really
experienced the pressures of family life,
his job would be to live in part the
problems of the people by a close
association with them and to inject
practical Christianity into the group
discussions, “constantly asking himself
what Christ would do in such a
situation.”
With all due respect to the clergy, Lee
proposes that the marriage tribunal, “if
there must be a tribunal,” which he
questions, should include laity,
especially separated and divorced
Catholics, because they know what
marriage is all about.
“The Church,” he emphasizes,“will
have to find a different way of dealing
with broken marriages and establishing
of complete families by getting this
input from the laity.”
Barry, 39, is not personally interested
in annulment because he feels it’s
“uncharitable to put someone through
the bitter ordeal” of ecclesiastical trial.
But whatever changes come in the
future, Lee says he feels a start should
be made now. “I don’t think we are
worried about changing rules. What I’m
trying to point out is that people are
suffering turning away from Christ.
People who are separated and divorced
should be brought within the context of
the Church, the vehicle for a genuine
expression of Christian love.”
KEYNOTER -- Dom Helder Camara, Archbishop of
Olinde and Recife, Brazil, internationally known
spokesman for the poor and underprivileged, will give
the keynote address at the annual assembly of the
Leadership Conference of Women Religious, to be held
at the Mayflower Hotel, Washington, D.C. Aug. 27-31.
(NC Photo)
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station KOIN, the CBS outlet in Portland, Oregon, TV series. (NC Photo by Jim Signor)
NATL CATECHETICAL DIRECTORY
Cites Education Need on Project
BY JERRY FILTEAU
WASHINGTON (NC) - “Do you
mean they’re calling you down to
Washington just to make a list of the
names of people who teach religion?”
This was the reaction Msgr. Wilfrid F.
Paradis got from a lawyer friend when
he told him he would be spending his
next two years heading a project to
develop a National Catechetical
Directory (NCD).
Msgr. Paradis laughed at the incident
during an interview with NC News here,
but he said it was a good example of the
fact that “most people don’t understand
what the National Catechetical
Directory is supposed to be.”
Despite its name, the directory will
not be a list of names and phone
numbers. It will be a basic statement
of what should be done in religious
education in this country.
It will be based mostly on the
General Catechetical Directory issued
by the Vatican in 1971, the documents
of the Second Vatican Council, the U.S.
bishops’ 1972 pastoral letter “To Teach
as Jesus Did,” and their 1973 statement
on “Basic Teachings for Catholic
Religious Education.”
But it will also be addressed to the
specific situation of religion and
religious education in the United States
today.
“The directory is a response to the
signs of our times,” said Msgr. Paradis.
“It will include a discussion of the
factors in contemporary American
society that are favorable to religion and
of those that are detrimental to religion
or religious education.”
Msgr. Paradis defined the NCD as “a
pastoral document, promulgated
[officially issued] by the American
bishops, containing norms and
guidelines for the teaching of religion to
all Catholics in the United States.”
“‘For our times’ should be added to
that,” he sad. “In times past, a
catechism might have been sufficient, as
was done after the Council of Trent at
the Third Plenary Council of Baltimore.
But there is more to this project than a
religious education handbook.”
Since he was named project director
for the NCD, the 51-year-old priest
from Manchester, N.H., has been gearing
up for the formidable task of creating
the basic tool that will determine the
directions of Catholic religious
education and formation in this country
for years to come.
The directory, he said, “must meet
the needs of all American Catholics. It
must meet the needs of all age groups,
all educational levels, and all cultural
and ethnic groups. It must meet the
needs of migrants, and even of tourists.
There should be a particular emphasis
on special education for the
handicapped.
“There will be a great emphasis on
adult education. This is recognized now
as basic to religious education.”
Msgr. Paradis moved into his new
offices in the U.S. Catholic Conference
here Aug. 1. Before his appointment as
project director for the NCD he was
episcopal vicar for Christian formation
in the diocese of Manchester.
His newly appointed associate project
director, Sister Mariella Frye, director
of the Confraternity of Christian
Doctrine for the diocese of Pittsburgh,
had not yet arrived, and the offices here
were bare except for a Bible, a small
stack of Church documents, and the/
beginnings of an extensive file on topics
to be included in the NCD.
The next step of preparation, Msgr.
Paradis explained, would be the
formation of a directory committee of
12 - four bishops and eight
representatives of the laity, clergy and
Religious - which will be responsible for
drafting the directory. As project
director, Msgr. Paradis will be executive
officer of the committee.
Msgr. Paradis was appointed after an
extensive consultation in which the U.S.
bishops’ Committee of Policy and
Review - headed by Archbishop John
F. Whealon of Hartford, Conn. - wrote
for suggestions to every bishop,
diocesan director of religious education,
and superintendent of Catholic schools
in the United States. A number of
religious education organizations and
other individuals involved in religious
education were also consulted.
The same consultation process is
being used for the selection of
committee members, said Msgr. Paradis,
and an even border consultation process
will be used in drafting the directory.
One of the main elements of the
consultation process, the NCD director
said, will be an attempt to educate
American Catholics about the purpose
of a National Catechetical Directory and
about the content of the main
documents which serve as its basis - the
General Catechetical Directory, “To
Teach as Jesus Did” and “Basic
Teachings for Catholic Religious
Education.”
“We’re going to summarize these and
ask the people in dioceses to set up
programs to teach people about these
documents, and then give us feedback in
the light of this,” Msgr. Paradis said.
t
-“This fall I would hopfe to have the, *
materials ready for this program of
education and consultation.
“Then from this information we will
prepare a first draft of the directory,
which will be resubmitted to all those
who participated in the original
consultation.
“During this phase, we hope to set up
regional meetings around the country,
bringing together bishops, religious
educators and the Catholic people.”
From this second consultation, said
Msgr. Paradis, “the directory committee
will again revise the document.”
At that stage, the main responsibility
for the document will be given to the
bishops’ Committee of Policy and
Review.
“Of course, the policy and review
con mittee will oversee the directory at
every stage,” said Msgr. Paradis. “We
will be in very close touch with them
throughout the process.
“The worst thing to do would be to
place a document before the bishops
that they haven’t seen, that they haven’t
produced, and expect them to ratify it.”
After the Committee of Policy and
Review makes its final revisions, the
document will go to the general
assembly of the bishops, possibly at
their fall meeting in 1975. If they
approve the document, it must still be
ratified by the Vatican’s Congregation
for the Clergy before it becomes the
official National Catechetical Directory
for the United States.
Msgr. Paradis said he feels the
consultation process is most important
for a good directory. “We hope by
consensus to get a good document and a
practical document,” he said. “This is
not a document created in a vacuum,
but a document that will confront our
situation in the United States today.”
He emphasized the importance of the
consultation process in developing the
document.
“I see the document as a document
of reconciliation,” he said. “Every
attempt will be made to listen to all
points of view.
“I also see it as a document of hope,
where there is a lot of despair and
confusion today.
“And I see it as a document of joy
for those who read it and use it.”
Although he expects some strong
differences of opinion in the
consultation process, the NCD director
said he hopes the process itself will help
to create new understanding and
agreement.