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Faith Today • Page 3 The face of adulthood By Joe Michael Feist NC News Service “When will that big day get here?’’ “When will everyone know, without a doubt, that the threshold of adulthood has finally been crossed, that legally and otherwise, I am a man?” used to ponder those ques tions, back when I was about 18 or 20. It seemed to me at that watershed point in life that I deserved all the rights and privileges attached to that higher state of human life known as adulthood. It didn’t really matter that I still - felt like a boy. I wanted the prerogatives, those vague and in- dc^.nite “things,” that adults had and did. To me, it was all perfectly i, logical. I deserved to be called an adult. I had lived the required number of years, hadn’t I? Looking back, I think I was a s little sensitive. After all, it was not uncommon where I grew up to h' rather wizened veterans of lilt s battles call 30- or 40-year-old men “boys.” is In fact, I knew a woman who, referring to her son, said “The boy took the pickup on down to the store.” Never mind that “the boy” was about 45. Anyway, I kept waiting for the d magical moment when adulthood would make its appearance. I gi jS I thought it would sort of » pull into town one day, like the Sunset Line bus. i rts tism. Since he could not stay with at one group very long, he used letters to continue their develop ment. These epistles were read to the community at the liturgy and y sparked further discussion among its members. Christian life was a growth pro cess and growth is never finished. Paul constantly urged people to make even greater progress. Ml of this involved adults. The we^rd was preached to adults; adults accepted it and began to live the Christian life. It involved continued effort to plumb the mystery of Christ, which is inex haustible in itself and in its im plications for living. Christian life was and is a » serious, adult concern. father Castelot teaches at St. John’s Seminary, Plymouth, Mich.) 1 kept waiting and thinking about it: •About how wonderful not be ing accountable to another living soul was going to be; •About how, if a person of the adult persuasion wanted to, he could just sit down one day and do nothing; •About how, in the basic give- and-take of everyday life, there would be very little left to learn; •Or, if there was much left to learn, nobody could make you learn it if you didn’t want to — and why would you want to anyway? I was especially looking forward to knowing all the right things adults should say in every situa tion. The development of true wisdom, I knew, would take a few years. I would settle at first for knowing how to recognize the punch line in my neighbor’s jokes so as to know when to laugh. And wouldn’t it be nice to share adult insights and adult knowledge with younger folks coming up in the ranks? I was pretty sure adulthood would be like all that. How else could it be? So I waited. And while I waited I watched. Maybe I could learn about being an adult by watching adults. I thought, if I got too tired of waiting, adulthood would kind of slip in unnoticed through an open window somewhere About this point you’re pro bably expecting to hear that sud denly it all made sense, that one day adulthood pulled into clear view and I knew exactly what it looked like. But it didn’t happen quite that way. What I did realize is that becoming an adult is not a mo ment in time. I discovered it’s a long, often confusing process — perhaps a process that never ends. But just achieving that realization involved a long, confusing process. I learned that adulthood doesn’t mean carefree living, not by a long shot. And it soon became painfully and personally obvious that adulthood lived to the fullest means formulating a thousand penetrating questions and learning to live with a handful of imperfect answers. Now, when I was about 18 or 20, I figured there wasn’t that much to this adulthood business and, anyway, I’d have all the answers I needed when I became an adult. Why wouldn’t it be that way? (Feist is associate editor of Faith Today.) FOOD... “From the word go a small child is trying to make sense of the world,” said Dr. Jean Haldane. She is the retired dean of the Episcopal Lay Academy of the Episcopal Diocese in California. The child’s sense of curiosity carries over into adulthood, Ms. Haldane said. In her 30 years as a religious educator, she has discovered that questions about “our search for meaning” always attract interest. To encourage people to reflect on their personal spiritual journey, she sometimes asks peo ple to draw connections between their own life history and the salvation history found in the Bi ble. Sometimes she does so by using this exercise: First she asks participants to think of their lives as a book with three chapter headings. One woman suggested these chapters: •“Pre-revolution”: when she was younger and pondering possible commitments and career choices; • “Revolution”: her college years when she was rebellious and impetuous; •“Post-revolution”: after she married and became a mother, a time she felt mellow, realizing there was more than one side to a question. Second, group members are asked to approach the Bible and salvation history as if it were a book with just three chapter headings. “Most people need ...for discussion 1. Joe Michael Feist asks what adulthood looks like. He has a few suggestions about what adulthood is and what it isn’t. What would you say adulthood is? What isn’t it? 2. What kind of growth and development do you associate with adulthood? Do you think of the adult years as times for growth? 3. What do you think fosters growth during the adult years? What complicates it? Can people do anything to support each other’s growth and development? 4. Do you see a connection between a point of transition in your life — the death of a parent or friend, a major move, a career decision — and any development ■ in your life as a person of faith? ...for thought help” doing this, Ms. Haldane said, so she might start with God’s creation as the first chapter heading. A second chapter, she con tinued, might be the story of Israel and the prophets. The third chapter might em brace the church, Ms. Haldane said, “anything to do with us now.” She remembers a man at a large conference who was pleas ed with his chapter headings: •“Lights”: the Creator brings light to the world; •“Camera”: Jesus shows us what God is like; •“Action”: “That’s us,” the man said. “We’re supposed to go into the world and take action” on the Christian message. Finally, Ms. Haldane invites people to compare their two lists. “People see amazing con nections,” she said. Typically, they respond by saying they can see reflections of their own life in the larger Bible story. Is your life, with its continuing search for meaning, its changes and developments, reflected in the biblical story of salvation? •What are some special times of creation and new beginnings in your story? •What were some times of noteworthy development and growth, like the time of the Israelites’ exodus from Egypt? •Have there been times of death and resurrection in your life? SECOND HELPINGS Jesuit Father Walter Burghardt reflects on the path he has traveled as a Christian, a priest and a man in ‘‘Seasons That Laugh or Weep: Musings on the Human Journey.” For the journey to move ahead, you have to ‘‘let go of the level of life where you are now, so as to live more fully,” he says. He sees a willingness to change as a link to growth. It is essential to the Christian pilgrimage “to go through a self-emptying more or less like Christ’s own emptying,” he writes. “Time and again, from womb to tomb, you have to let go. And to let go is to die a little.” But, if we refuse, he adds, if “we clutch our yesterdays like Linus’ blanket, we refuse to grow.” He suggests that a way of har monizing past and present is to adapt creatively to new challenges. (Paulist Press, 997 Macarthur Blvd., Mahwah, N.J. 07430. $8.95.)