Newspaper Page Text
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— Hie Southern Cross, May 24,1990
CNS photo by Mimi Forsyth
Service.
By H. Richard McCord
Catholic News Service
When a couple stands before family
and friends to pledge love “in good
times and in bad,” do you ever wonder
if they have the vaguest notion what
that might mean for their marriage?
It probably is unrealistic to expect it.
You might hope, however, that they
acknowledge two things:
1. Their wedding marks the beginning
of a faith journey known as marriage.
2. They cannot make this journey
without the help of God and other
people.
It is becoming more common to
describe marriage as a journey. The
metaphor has religious significance.
Recall Abraham’s journey to an
unknown land, the Hebrews fleeing
Egypt, Jesus going up to Jerusalem.
Such journeys are mixed with joy and
sorrow and include smooth travel and
turbulence.
When one enters marriage as if
embarking on a journey, the good and
bad times can be understood in a new
light. Rather than unconnected events,
they become stages on a single journey.
The journey’s pressure points can be
accepted as invitations to growth.
Journeys require assistance from
others. Marriage is no exception.
The sacrament of matrimony confers
grace upon a couple; the Lord promises
to be present at all stages. However, the
couple must open themselves to God’s
power and to the healing available
through the church’s ministries.
Couples who interpret marriage as a
journey seek help not just on the verge
of a breakdown but in ordinary times,
too, when pressure invites growth.
When couples turn to the church,
what do they request?
A ministerial team in Pittsburgh
heard these requests: “Get to know who
we are and how we live.” “Acknowledge
families as holy.” “Support our growth
through education, small groups and
support programs.”
A family-life specialist in Miami finds
that people want models of others who
have successfully negotiated a life pas
sage like raising teen-agers. Also, couples
seek information to help prepare for
changes in their marriages and families.
An Omaha woman who works with
families reports that couples want “com
pany on the journey.” They want to dis
cuss their ordinary triumphs and defeats
with other couples in groups. With the
help of these others, they can view an
experience through the eyes of faith.
When do couples look to the church for
education, support groups or other
resources? Many instances are child-
related. The birth of a first child causes
a couple to adjust expectations. When a
child enters adolescence, the couple may
examine family communication and
values.
Living with the older generation can
place just as much pressure on a
marriage. Later, decisions about the care
of elderly parents become critical.
Other marriage pressure points are
associated with employment or its lack.
A wife returns to, or leaves, the work
force. A husband is transferred or decides
to pursue another career. When both
spouses are employed, there are continu
ing concerns about child care and shar
ing household responsibilities.
A couple’s adjustment to the inevitable
“empty nest” is another pressure point.
Increasingly couples also are confronted
with adult children returning to live at
home.
In these seemingly normal times of
stress, couples say they struggle with
issues like time, money, values, commu
nication and spirituality that underlie the
decisions they feel called upon to make.
Here is where the grace of matrimony
touches a couple. This grace can come
through a church which ministers to the
whole of a marriage. Parish and diocesan
programs are an example. These include
programs such as Parent Effectiveness
Training and groups dealing with issues
like sexuality and substance abuse.
Parishes conduct retreats for special
groups like at-home mothers or retired
couples. In a few Texas parishes the bap
tismal preparation program connects a
young couple with an older “sponsor
couple” who help them understand the
adjustment precipitated by a first child.
Dioceses sponsor renewal weekends
for the newly married or single parents.
Several dioceses use the REFOCUS
Program which provides material that
couples use by themselves or in groups ,
to stimulate growth in areas like com
munication and compatibility.
An Illinois diocese offers programs on
strengthening step-families and coping
with stress in two wage-earner families.
In another diocese weekend retreats
place children in supervised groups,
allowing parents to participate in educa
tion and prayer.
There are groups and lay movements
whose apostolate nurtures marriages.
The Christian Family Movement and the
Teams of Our Lady create ongoing
groups of couples for prayer, learning
and action. Marriage Encounter and
Marriage Retomo weekends help couples
develop habits of dialogue and a common
prayer life.
Retrouvaille offers a weekend and
follow-up program to those experiencing
a serious breakdown in their marriage.
The Marianist order has retreat houses
specializing in programs for families.
In addition to all these efforts, there
is the prevailing sensitivity parish
leaders demonstrate toward the realities
of marriage and family life. This is
known as adopting a “family perspec
tive.” It is often the best evidence that
the church is serious about nurturing
married couples at the pressure points on
their journey.
(McCord is associate director of the
U.S. bishops' Secretariat for Laity and (
Family Life.)
FAITH IN THE MARKETPLACE
What support can the church give to couples?
“After 31 years of marriage, I can say I think the church has kept our marriage
together.... I think the church needs to have religious counseling for troubled
families.” —Ed Bussey, Edgewood, Md.
“The continued support we’ve received through our involvement with
Marriage Encounter has kept us close through job changes, relocation and
family crises.” — Steve and Peggy Geiger, Neshanic, N.J.
“Give a series of marriage enrichment talks one evening a week for five
weeks, let’s say, or one full Saturday or Sunday program several times a year. ”
— Kathy Wilkinson, Fort Worth, Texas.
“Liturgy that makes them feel welcome, a support group and adult educa
tion topics that are directed to the things that young marrieds would be
interested in.” — Pam Drake, Tell City, Ind.
An upcoming edition asks: “Is there a person in the Old Testament whom you deeply admire? What
do you admire about this person?” If you’d like to respond to these questions for possible publica
tion, write: Faith Alive! 3211 Fourth St. N.E., Washington, D.C. 20017-1100.