Newspaper Page Text
Thursday, April 22, 1999
The Southern Cross, Page 9
lno Nutshell
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Love is a powerful means of parenting. The attitude of love is
not taught, it is caught by children who see love in their
parents.
A parent's and/or child’s imperfections may trouble a parent-
child relationship. Nonetheless, the love can remain.
Would it help parents sometimes to realize that God loves
their children even more than they do?
A book known as the Bible:
Resource for parents
Looking back on our
parenting years
By Cynthia Dewes
Catholic News Service
By Father Eugene LaVerdiere, SSS
Catholic News Service
The whole Bible is a resource for
parents on the subject of parenting.
In biblical times, the extended fam
ily was a reality. A lot of people in the
same town were related. Even if they
were not related by blood, every par
ent looked after the children in the
village or town.
The parents considered all the chil
dren in the neighborhood their own
children, and children considered the
parents of their playmates as their
own parents. Beyond the blood rela
tionship, every child had many broth
ers and sisters. That is why the Gos
pels speak of the sisters and brothers
of Jesus.
Despite the differences from bibli
cal times to now, the basic relation
ship between parents and their chil
dren is the same. And the basic chal
lenge of parenting has not changed.
For Christian parenthood, we look
to the New Testament, and through
the lens of the New Testament we look
to the Old Testament.
From the New Testament point of
view, parents do not own their chil
dren. Our sons and daughters are con
fided to our care. Beyond that,
through their baptism, parents and
their children are all children of God.
As St. Paul writes to the Galatians:
“For through faith you are all children
of God in Christ Jesus. For all of you
who were baptized into Christ have
clothed yourselves with Christ” (Gal
3:26-27).
St. Paul applied this traditional
teaching to the relationships among
members of the Christian commu
nity: “There is neither slave nor free
person, there is not male and female”
(Gal 3:28).
FAITH IN THE MARKETPLACE
Applying this to parenthood, we
can say, “There is neither parent nor
child.” As Paul wrote, “You are all one
in Christ Jesus” (Gal 3:28).
In the Christian community, ev
eryone, including parents, is a brother
or sister to the others, including their
own children.
The commandment of love applies
to parents. Love is a
powerful means of
parenting. As par
ents, we love our
children. We show
our love by being
there for them, even
when a child rebels.
The attitude of
love, like faith and
trust, is not taught.
It is caught. Chil
dren catch the atti
tude of love when
they see their par
ents’ love, not only
for themselves and
their children but
for others. Children
catch the virtue of
love when they see
that their parents
love their own par
ents, the children’s
grandparents.
A great challenge
of parenting is to
show children the wisdom of the com
mandment, “Honor your father and
your mother.” When parents love and
honor their own parents, they will be
loved and honored by their children.
Yes, there is a wealth of wisdom in
the Bible!
(Father LaVerdiere, a Blessed Sac
rament priest, is a Scripture scholar
and senior editor of Emmanuel
magazine.)
Remember the childhood chant
that goes, “First comes love, then
comes marriage, then comes John (or
Mary) pushing a baby carriage!” Its
view of parenthood, while intended as
humor, probably sums up the way my
husband and I actually felt when we
got married.
We hoped to become parents, and
neither of us would have married
someone who did not share that hope.
Then we had our first baby, and in
a sense I felt like an impostor. Who
me? A real parent?
But my confidence grew with each
child’s birth. We thought we had
parenting down cold until our fifth
and sixth arrived.
With Peter’s arrival our lives, our
those that helped us.
We’ve all learned how to be parents
at least partially from the good or bad
examples our own parents set. Al
though my mother and father seemed
quite incompatible in their marriage,
they were wonderful parents to me,
their only child.
My children and I also agree that
much of the assistance we receive in
learning to be good parents comes
from talking things over with friends.
Because being a couple is so impor
tant for parents, I believe they need to
keep renewing their commitment to
each other in order to sustain their
commitment to their children. My
husband and I tried to go out alone at
least once a month and to get away a
few days once or twice a year. Despite
tight budgets and limited time, we
proved it can be done.
The first time we went away for a
weekend we asked a
young couple to stay
with the children. The
young man and
woman both were
teachers. They had
two babies themselves
and were struggling to
make ends meet. So for
them free food and a
small stipend made a
fair exchange.
Our goals as parents
always have been to
raise stable children
who know how to live
in this world and how
to prepare for the next.
We hope they’ll be rea
sonably contented, sol
vent, caring and faith
ful.
Our children seem
to have picked up on
these ideas. One son’s
wife said that their
CNS photos by Karen Callaway
What helped you to become a better parent?
“The most important thing for me was support from friends and
family. I went into parenthood knowing nothing, and their daily support
really helped me. My mother was my main support, and I have a friend
who has six kids who were older than mine, and she was a mentor to me.”
— Judy Chase, Poughkeepsie, N.Y.
“I truly relied on a lot of prayer to help me through the heavy and
everyday decision making that comes up in parenting.” — Rita Dura,
Columbus, Ohio
“Probably the biggest influences were my parents and my Catholic
upbringing. Another influence was my extended family as I was growing
up. So, I’d have to say their example and my desire to be a good parent.” —
Carol Wooten, Delaware, Ohio
An upcoming edition asks: How can ordinary people —
individuals or groups — express repentance for injustice in the
world? If you would like to respond for possible publication,
please write: Faith Alive! 3211 Fourth St. N.E., Washington, D.C. 20017-1100.
parenthood, changed
forever. He had a seri
ous congenital heart
defect. That meant
constantly going to
doctors, and it meant
special care at home.
We’d barely digested
that when Andy ar
rived. He was profoundly mentally re
tarded and autistic. But God, our
friends and relatives, and our parish
family were with us.
We learned to pray and to ask help
from others, and we received help in
abundance.
Our “philosophy” of parenthood ex
panded over the years, but the idea
that children are a blessing never
changed.
Like my husband and I, our adult
children view parenthood as a bless
ing. But their experience of parent
hood differs in some significant ways
from ours. One son says that couples
today don’t have the pervasive cul
tural support that once existed for the
notion of settling into marriage and
looking ahead to parenthood as some
thing highly desirable.
In these days of two-career mar
riages, much is different in family life.
Still, many insights which help our
children in their parenting resemble
eter ... had a serious congenital heart
defect. That meant constantly going to
doctors.... But God, our friends and relatives,
and our parish family were with us.”
goals are to give their children a good
education, help them prepare for
meaningful jobs and most of all raise
them well spiritually.
Another daughter-in-law joked,
“God knows there must be a reason
why we do this!”
She’s right. The reason is that, de
spite hard times, parenting comes
with countless experiences of joy and
love. They make us continue to try to
be good parents.
(Dewes is a free-lance writer in
Bainbridge, Ind )
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