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The Southern Cross, Page 8 FaMht AMwi Thursday, August 24, 2000 Asking the right questions about the aged By Father Richard Rice, SJ Catholic News Service Aft fter 60 years of life, 52 of them blind, my friend Larry finally has fig ured out how to deal with sighted people who want to be helpful. For years he would approach a gate at an airport or be seated in a restaurant and, as soon as he mentioned he was blind, the airline agent or waiter would spring into action as if he was landing at Anzio on Italy’s west coast or as if she was a trauma nurse at an accident scene. After considerable trial and error, Larry has learned simply to say, “I am a person,” and after a suitable pause to add, “who is blind.” Usu ally the response then is completely different. The agent relaxes, the waiter smiles. They ask, “How can I help you?” and Larry proceeds with CNS photo from Cleo Freelance Photo them from there. That story points out to me what we temporarily younger people are most likely to forget regarding per sons who are elderly, as well as those who are blind. Our culture is deeply prejudiced against our elders. Ageism — discrimination based on age — is alive and well. A Jesuit friend of mine in his mid-80s likes to say, after watching commercials aimed at people his age, that he is convinced “every thing hurts, and what does not hurt, does not work.” ■ ■ ■ Our first task as Christians is to treat those among us who are elderly as persons who still have hopes and dreams, and who are rich reservoirs of memory and wisdom. Just ask yourself whether you know people 75 or older and if you still listen to them as if they have anything worthwhile to say. If you can answer yes, then you are defi nitely countercultural, and you know you have a blessed relationship. Or take a picture of yourself from 10 years ago and ask yourself how you have changed during these years. As Father Henri Nouwen and Walter Gaffney wrote in the superb book Ag ing, “to receive the elderly into our inner self is far from easy.... In our deepest self we keep living with the illusion that we will always be the same.” If we can acknowledge our own ag ing at 32 or 47, then we will be much ur first task as Christians is to treat those among us who are elderly as persons who still have hopes and dreams, and who are rich reservoirs of memory and wisdom.” more comfortable with both our elders and ourselves. 1. So, our first task is to personalize our sisters and brothers who are ag ing and, in the process, personalize ourselves. 2. Our second task flows immedi ately from the first. An aspect of our ageism is that our culture typically views those who are aging as declin ing and moving toward the grave. Yet our faith views them as close disciples of Jesus who are carrying an often- difficult cross, and as ones who are progressing toward our eternal home. I love joining 89-year-old Sister Raimundine for spiritual direction be cause I can hear the door to heaven open a little wider for her every time we speak. The questions here are whether I believe those who are elderly are pro gressing or declining, closer to home F00DF0RTH0UGHT All contents copyright©2000 by CNS or farther away. Am I more a person of my culture or of my faith? 3. Our third task is to remember that caring for our elderly people does not primarily mean doing something to them or for them, but being with them and allowing them to serve as they are able. In their excellent 1999 document, “Blessings of Age,” the U.S. bishops remind Catholics that “our first question should not be “How can the parish serve older people?” but in stead “How can the parish receive and fully embrace the gifts of older persons?” Aware of the closeness of death, they, like all of us, still are primarily interested in life and need to be given life choices. B ■ ■ One of our most eloquent elders, Florida Scott-Maxwell, wrote: “My 80s are passionate. I grow more intense as I age. To my own surprise I burst out with hot conviction.” My mother is less intense, but no less poetic. At 86 she says, “The sun shines on the days I am able to help someone else.” In 1970 Simone de Beauvoir shared these thoughts in The Coming of Age: “The issues of age challenge the whole society and put the whole society to the test.” Few realize the truth of that as well as Pope John Paul II, who wrote a remarkably tender letter to the eld erly this past year. He concluded it with a personal reflection: “Despite the limitations brought on by age, I continue to enjoy life. For this I thank the Lord. It is wonderful to be able to give oneself to the very end for the sake of the kingdom of God.” With our understanding, reverence and encouragement, perhaps more of our elderly brothers and sisters could echo his words. (Jesuit Father Rice is a spiritual director with Loyola, a spiritual re newal resource in St. Paul, Minn.) Five basic principles that parishes should bear in mind about ministry to older people are found in the November 1999 U.S. bishops’ document titled “Blessings of Age: A Pastoral Message on Growing Older Within the Faith Community.” The principles follow: “1. Older people are providers, not just recipients, of pastoral care.” “2. Older people themselves should help to identify their pastoral needs and decide how they are met.” “3. Older people are as diverse, if not more so, than other generational groups. ” Our population of older people includes women and men; single, widowed, separated, divorced and married people; religious-order members and clergy; all races and ethnic backgrounds; and an age range of 20 or more years. “They challenge the faith community to be as inclusive as possible in parish programming.” “4. Older people need a mix of activities that connect them with each other as well as the larger faith community.” “5. Spiritual health affects and is affected by the individual’s physical, emotional, mental and social health. While the faith community is especially concerned about meeting spiritual needs, it cannot ignore these other realities.” 28 David Gibson, Editor, Faith Alive!