Newspaper Page Text
The Southern Cross, Page 8
Faittlh
Thursday, January 4, 2001
The multidimensional
rituals we live by
By Mary Jo Pedersen
Catholic News Service
IN^-y kitchen is a disaster, my
feet ache and I’ve probably gained five
pounds. But I wouldn’t trade this day
for anything. Today is the annual
“cousins cookie caper,” and nine
We share childhood memories as
we chop nuts and catch up on who is
changing jobs and having babies.
When we put on our matching aprons
and send the flour flying, the little
disagreements and problems among
us go to the back burner.
We are making more than cookies
in this culinary chaos! We are making
and rituals as an essential component
of healthy family life. Traditions give
families a sense of belonging and iden
tity.
The mother who sends a jar of
homemade cranberry sauce to her son
in Korea at Thanksgiving is assuring
him that he belongs to the family who
shares it at their Thanksgiving table,
women gathered at my house today to
bake 108 dozen cookies.
After most of our moms and dads
died, Christmas came and went with
out the Italian Christmas cookies that
originated with our grandparents. So
we decided to pool recipes and gather
annually to keep the cookie tradition
alive!
As we measure and stir, roll out
and frost, it’s half symphony and half
rock concert in my kitchen. This year
we had three generations represented.
connections. The time-honored recipes
are like glue that holds us together in
the midst of busy lives and long dis
tances between us.
We are affirming for ourselves and
our daughters and daughters-in-law
that we share an Italian heritage full
of happy memories, hard times and
funny stories.
■ ■ ■
In the last 20 years,- every major
study of healthy families has included
the observance of family traditions
no matter how far from home he is or
how many years he is away.
Besides providing a sense of belong
ing and connection, traditions and
rituals give families a chance to ex
press values often left unspoken.
Our mom always drew a small sign
of the cross on our foreheads with her
thumb before bedtime or when we
were sick or traveling away from
home. I have done the same for my
children, and now my children are
passing on this ritual way of marking
F00DF0RTH0UGHT
What can we say about the rituals in our lives?
1. Rituals always are with us. We must value them, since we won’t live without them — the ritualistic handshake
of greeting, for example, or that of celebrating holidays in familiar ways and settings.
2. And rituals aren t strange. Still, the rituals we value aren’t familiar to everyone. Some very worthwhile rituals
appear odd to some people, probably because these rituals are misunderstood.
3. Rituals constitute a sort of language; they communicate. As with all languages, this one can always be better
grasped. Rituals have roots, reasons for being.
4. Yet, it undoubtedly is possible to uncover rituals within society that have no good reason for being — that do a
disservice.
5. Others, however, perform a real service by creating an atmosphere — one that people literally come home to,
whether that home is a family household or parish community.
6. Good rituals possess magnetic powers to attract. If you doubt that, just listen to older children whose parents
attempt to drop a long-established ritual from the family’s celebration of a major holiday.
45 David Gibson, Editor, Faith Alive!
All contents copyright ©2000 by CNS
their children’s foreheads at bedtime
as a way of commending them to
God’s care and calling down God’s
blessings on them.
Some family rituals are as simple
as eating pizza and watching movies
every Sunday night or gathering
around the dining-room table for a
rousing card game of bunco.
Family rituals are as unique as the
families who create them.
—Some are seasonal — father-son
duck-hunting trips, for example, or
hiding Easter Eggs and sending
homemade Valentines.
—Others have to do with everyday
life, such as eating a half bagel with
cream cheese for breakfast every day
or blowing a kiss to loved ones on their
way out the door.
—And then there are church and
f f e are making more than
cookies in this culinary
chaos! We are making con
nections. The time-honored
recipes are like glue that
holds us togetherin the midst
of busy lives and long
distances between us.”
community rituals that connect fami
lies to the larger human family.
■ ■ ■
Why are rituals so important to
families? Whether traditions are eth
nic or religious, family or community
experiences, they bind people to
gether, express beliefs and values, and
offer predictability in an uncertain
world. In times of transition, tradi
tions offer comfort and a sense of secu
rity.
Military families who move fre
quently tell me that certain items are
always unpacked from the moving
van and put into place right away to
create a comfort zone in new sur
roundings.
Many families feel that they don’t
have time to create family rituals and
traditions. Life is moving too quickly,
and most days we barely have time for
the basics.
But I know that long after the cook
ies are gone and we’ve worked off the
pounds we’ve gained enjoying them,
their sweetness will linger on in our
family.
As Robert Fulghum says so well
in his book From Beginning to
END, The Rituals of Our Lives,
“Ritual behavior softens the phases
of life when we are reminded how
hard it is to be human. Ritual be
havior enriches the phases of life
when we are reminded how fine it is
to be human” (Fawcett Columbine,
New York, 1965).
(Pedersen is coordinator of the
Leadership in Family Life Training
Program for the Archdiocese of
Omaha, Neb.)