Newspaper Page Text
The Southern Cross, Page 8
Fnitlh AMwl
Thursday, February 1, 2001
Taking inventory:
Assessing a family’s purpose
By Sheila Garcia
Catholic News Service
—^
11 majority of respondents in one
national survey listed family life as,
their greatest source of pleasure. Pro
viding for a family was their chief
source of worry.
Young adults, who have experi
enced widespread family breakdown,
still idealize family life. In a USA
Today poll of Americans 18 to 34, 83
percent identified a “close-knit fam
ily” as their highest priority in life.
Each family is unique, as I realized
at a recent gathering of my own ex
tended family. One cousin, happily
married for 15 years, brought his
twin sons. Another, a divorced father,
arrived with his teen-ager. A third
came with his wife and 4-year-old
daughter, whom they had adopted
from China.
Today’s families may be two-par
ent, single-parent, blended or multi-
generational, each with its distinct
culture, traditions, strengths and
weaknesses.
Despite their differences, families
share certain characteristics. Pope
John Paul II said in his 1981 letter
“On the Family” that all families are
called to be a community of life and
love. But how can families know if
they are moving toward this goal?
“On the Family” identifies four
tasks of the Christian family. While
no family accomplishes all these
tasks perfectly, a family that can
identify signs of progress with them
is surely on the right track.
■ ■ ■
1. The family forms a community
of persons.
Drawn together by bonds of love
and mutual respect, all members, in
cluding the very young and the old,
the sick and those with disabilities,
play a vital role.
Two virtues in particular help to
build up this community: self-sacri
fice and reconciliation. The parent
who drives a child to an endless round
of soccer practices and the teen-ager
who baby-sits for younger siblings
sacrifice their own interests for the
good of the family.
Flexibility, compromise and a
willingness to put others’ needs first
characterize the family that is be
coming a community of love and
life.
Forming a community also means
extending and accepting forgiveness.
In doing so, we can discover some
thing about our relationship with God
and others.
Several years ago my son inherited
his late grandfather’s pride and joy: a
FOODFORTHOUGHT
red pick-up truck. A month later,
while driving carelessly one night, he
totaled it. When I arrived at the hos
pital, I had never seen anyone more
miserable.
“T„
he family is sacred space.
It is holy. Within its tediousness
and messiness, joys and sorrows,
God abides. He speaks to us in
birthday and anniversary remembrances, in separations and
homecomings, in daily routines and special celebrations.”
their own wisdom and the church’s
faith about such issues as sexuality,
racial justice and material goods.
A family that serves life can in
spire and encourage other families.
When Jim and Kathy’s third son
Families can also undertake
some form of service to others, espe
cially the poor. Parents who donate
time and money to others can influ
ence their children to do likewise,
especially if the parents take time to
explain what motivates their ac
tions.
4. The family’s fourth task is shar
ing in the church’s life and mission.
The family, the domestic church,
is intimately linked with the whole
church. The family announces and
welcomes the word of the Lord, evan
gelizes and prays.
The family is sacred space. It is
holy. Within its tediousness and
messiness, joys and sorrows, God
abides. He speaks to us in birthday
and anniversary remembrances, in
separations and homecomings, in
daily routines and special celebra
tions.
As we come to recognize God in all
these activities and in each other, we
become more fully a community of life
and love.
(Garcia is the assistant director of
the U.S. bishops’ Secretariat for
Family, Laity, Women and Youth.)
CNS illustration
As tears flowed, he repeated how
sorry he was to have let us down. At
that moment all I wanted was to
gather him in my arms and comfort
him. In an instant the parable of the
Prodigal Son and God’s overwhelm
ing love for his errant children be
came real for me.
2. The family serves life.
The family welcomes new mem
bers by birth or adoption, cares for
sick and older members, and wit
nesses to society by opposing abor
tion, euthanasia and all threats to
human life.
Within the family parents pass on
was born, they learned almost imme
diately that he never would walk,
talk, feed or dress himself. For 10
years, Jim and Kathy cared for Joe.
They found appropriate schools and
stood vigil at the hospital during his
many seizures. Often they gathered
Joe and his equipment, and headed
out to soccer games, picnics and sum
mer vacations.
Jim and Kathy made sure that Joe
lived his brief life as fully as possible.
When Joe died, mourners reflected on
the witness his parents gave to the
immeasurable value of one human
life.
3. The family participates in soci
ety.
Far from being closed in on it
self, the family contributes to the
larger community’s development.
The family is the first school of
the social virtues on which a
strong society depends, such as
justice, respect and dialogue.
Families can take an active role in
the political process.
Last year a local newspaper en
couraged parents to take their chil
dren with them when voting in order
to explain the electoral process and
emphasize the importance of partici
pation. In families with older chil
dren, dinnertime offers an excellent
opportunity to discuss current events
in light of Gospel values.
How could you tell whether yours is a successful family?
To answer, perhaps we’d need to ask people what they want most from
family life. However, their answer might depend on when we do the
asking.
There are days when what we most want from family life is harmony,
peace, even tranquillity. Other times we want our family to challenge us
or help us be strong. Again, we may urgently desire a sense of trust or
commitment from the others. Sometimes we just want some real
assistance with concrete tasks.
Then again, each family member is different: What one wants most
from the family may differ from what the next one wants.
Obviously, it’s hard to say exactly what “success” means in a family.
No wonder families sometimes seem to judge themselves discontentedly
against an unidentified standard.
The question of what “family success” is offers substantial food for
thought. I suspect families have started along the road of “success” (and
the community they form is Godlike) when no family member feels
“anonymous” at home and all family members know they are loved and
cared for there.
4 David Gibson, Editor, Faith Alive!