Newspaper Page Text
Thursday, February 15, 2001
The Southern Cross, Page 5
Everyday Graces
Absence makes Hart grow fonder
M y greatest pet peeve in a large
social gathering is the experi
ence of meeting someone for the
first time and engaging in brief con
versation, all the while aware that
the person I’m talking with is look
ing over my shoulder, searching for
someone to talk with more interest
ing than me.
There’s no place like a large party
to get an insightful glimpse of
human nature and its many idiosyncrasies. And
while I’ve never been adept at small talk and
“working” a room of people, in some respects I
admire those charming enough to captivate the
attention of a crowd and who socialize comfort
ably among strangers.
But I admire most the people who, in any
group, have the ability to make each person they
encounter feel valued. These people look you in
the eye and ask more than the perfunctory ques
tions about your profession or hometown. They
seem to have a knack for personalizing a conver
sation, turning a few minutes’ worth of small
talk into a real opportunity for friendship. Theirs
is a gift more lasting than charm or wit or attrac
tiveness. Their gift is awareness that each person
is unique and worthy of attention.
Regardless of whether or not we like large par
ties or aspire to move comfortably through many
social circles, we all can acquire this sensitivity.
Developing it is up to us. Often, sadly, those we
are least sensitive to are the people with whom
we share our daily lives.
Over the years, I’ve discovered how easily I
take my family life for granted. Usually such
revelations come to me, however—not
when I’m folding five loads of laun
dry—but after I’ve traveled away from
home for a few days.
I enjoy the extended breaks in routine
that only traveling provides. I’m never
homesick for the carpool schedule or
chores. But I realize early into a trip how
much I depend on my husband for daily
conversation and companionship. The
stress of working and caring for four kids some
times clouds the way I see Jim, and briefly
removing myself from that routine allows me
the opportunity to renew my appreciation for his
company. Even better, though less frequent, are
the trips Jim and I take alone together. Like all
travel companions, we get on each other’s
nerves sometimes. But our roles traveling
together are so different from the roles we carry
out at home that trips give us the chance to
rediscover one another as human beings, not just
Mom and Dad.
When I have been separated from my children
for a few days, 1 begin to appreciate more fully
how blessed life with children is. First of all, as
soon as I leave mine behind, I start noticing
everyone else’s children. Catching a glimpse of
a baby’s bald head reminds me how many years
have passed since my own children were so
small. Watching school-age children tease each
other as they walk down the street reminds me
of the more or less good-natured squabbles that
make up a large part of my children’s interac
tions.
When I’m away from them, I have this long
ing to share with my children the sights and
experiences I’m enjoying. I’ve learned that
going to a zoo without a child is like dancing
without a partner. Fun, maybe, but not for very
long. Until they hit the teen years, when they’re
known to adopt the attitude that anything parents
like is unimpressive, children are the most
enthusiastic sightseers. To share a spectacular
view with a child can be a religious experience.
Caught up in my daily routine, I often forget
how appreciative of the world around them all
children are.
Finally, when I’m away from my children, I
begin to experience a physical withdrawal. My
arms ache for a hug. I miss the smell of their
hair, the softness of it against my cheek. I miss
goodnight kisses and snuggling on the sofa with
a book. I miss the sound of small voices. While
traveling, when I speak with my nine-year-old
on the phone, I am astonished by the music of
her voice. Too many times, caught up in the
drudgery of the day, I notice the tone of her
voice only if she whines.
Of course, once I’m home from a trip, I risk
falling into the same habit of taking my family
for granted. I quickly become annoyed by the
quarreling, the lip smacking at the table, the wet
towels on the bed. But, newly aware, I pray for
the grace to get past all that, to recognize the
small miracles present each day in my wonder
fully ordinary life.
Mary Hood Hart lives with her husband
and four children in Sunset Beach, N.C.
Mary Hood Hart
Religious schools:
By Philip Keating
s one bom, raised and educat
ed as an English Catholic, but
who has spent 40 years in the
United States, I have a markedly
different perspective on education
and upon the influence on educa
tion of the American doctrine of
the separation of Church and State
than most Americans appear to
have. There seems to be a general
agreement throughout the country
that our educational system is sub
standard and I would like to sug
gest that there are three areas, at
least, in which the British approach
would be an improvement: 1) an
acceptance and support for reli
gious schools is the norm in
Britain; 2) there is little glorifica
tion of high school sports; 3) teach
ers have much more ability to dis
cipline and are less vulnerable to
legal challenge in the administra
tion of discipline.
1. Church-based education. It is
my belief that it is extremely diffi
cult to develop a sophisticated
knowledge of and a firmly held
belief in any religion unless the
child is immersed in that religion.
That, of necessity, means that reli
gious schools are a necessity. Only
a tiny minority of parents have the
time, the inclination or indeed the
knowledge to inculcate a deeply
held faith and one capable of
defending itself against attack.
Those who have undergone 13
years of Catholic education have a
far better chance of retaining their
faith throughout life. This would be
equally true of non-Catholic
Christian, Jewish or Moslem edu
cation. I would propose that until
about 50 years ago, this was the
norm in the United States. Despite
the interpretation of the non-estab
lishment of religion clause in the
Constitution to mean no support of
any kind for religious schools
(which is a questionable proposi
tion), there was in the United States
a fairly comprehensive availability
of faith-based schools. There was,
of course, the Catholic school sys
tem which was widely available
and financially within the reach of
most Catholics. Then there were
the “public schools” which were
“de facto” Protestant schools in
which there was a general accept
a British approach
ance of and indoctrination in non-
Catholic Christianity. Religious
instruction was not as specifically
or as intensively taught as in
Catholic schools but there was a
general acceptance of Christian
teaching... a little hard on the Jews
perhaps, but acceptable to the vast
non-Catholic majority. It also had
the advantage that it was supported
by the taxes of all; Catholics, Jews
and atheists included. However
there has been a sea change in the
availability of religious teaching in
schools over the past 50 years. Ca
tholic education is no longer avail
able for most Catholics because
there is no longer a supply of reli
gious men and women whose will
ingness to work for [almost] noth
ing made affordable Catholic edu
cation for the middle class and
even the poor in bygone days. But
the Protestants have also been
affected. The pernicious interpreta
tion of the Constitution; that reli
gious or moral teaching is forbid
den in state-supported schools has
effectively expunged all forms of
Christian teaching. The Protestants
are now no longer happy with the
public schools; witness the increase
in the number of Protestant denom
inational schools.
How can we reconcile support for
religious schools with the non
establishment of religion provision
of the Constitution? Simple!
Provide governmental support for
all religious schools. This has been
done in Britain for at least 100
years. There is, nominally, an
Established Church in England but
in the Liverpool of my youth,
whose population was one-third
Catholic, there was an entire gov-
emmentally supported Catholic
school system from age 5 to 18.
There was also the King David
Jewish High School. Nowadays
England has govemmentally-sup-
ported Muslim schools as the eth
nic face of Britain has changed. All
this schooling is free to the stu
dents. School maintenance costs
and teachers salaries are all paid by
the government. Only a fraction (I
believe one-third) of new construc
tion costs are required of the spe
cific sponsoring church. Could this
even handed approach be at odds
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