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140 Brenham, Texas, Aug. 23, 1800. Dear Brethren :—I send you sister Davis’ let ter which was written to me as private, in answer to one I sent her. I have obtained her consent to have it published, and it will no doubt be interes ting to the saints. NANCY DUTTON. Dear Sister Dutton :—I received your good letter, and upon opening it, and seeing who and where it was from, a stranger, and away in Texas I confess I thought a little strange; but afte 1 ’ reading it, I felt that we were no more strangers and foreigners, but fellow citizens with the saints* and of the household of God. Little did I think, when I sent my poor scribble to the Messenger, that it would bring about so happy a correspond ence; but I view it as another evidence of the goodness of God to me, that he should put it into the heart of any of his dear children, to do or say anything for the comfoit of such a poor sinful worm as I am ; but when I con sider the goodness of God to me, both in temporal and spiritual things, I feel that I should be hum bled low in the dust before him, and repent of my ingratitude and poor returns to him for all his kindness to me ; (for the goodness of God should lead men to repentance,) but you say, my sister, give us more of your experience. Well, we are told to be ready always, to give the reason of the hope that is in us, when asked. I can only give with pen and ink, a few of the way marks, by which I trust the Lord has led me ; but I will try to begin where I think the Lord began with me. The first serious impvessiona that I lemember to have had about a future state, was when I was about twelve years old ; about this time two of my brothers died, both younger than myself, and I was not only greatly distressed about the loss of their society, but I began to think about what had be come of their souls, and what would have become of mine, if I had dieL 1 thought as they were young, that perhaps the Lord had taken them to himself. But I was old enough to know good from evil, and if I should die unconverted, 1 would be lost forever. The thought of death alarmed me, for I knew I was not prepared for death, and there must be a change in me, which I knew I bad not yet experienced, but I wanted to be a Christian, for I thought they would be happy when they died. I resolved to set about it, and try to be one, and I thought the way to become one, was to pray a great deal, and be careful not to do anything that was sinful or wicked, and God would then be pleased with me, (for I thought he was angry with me) and would forgive me for what I had done; accordingly I took up prayer, (if it might be call ed prayer,) and after a while I thought I could pray pretty well, and that I should soon be a Chris tian. After I bad gone on so a while, some cir cumstance occurred, which caused me to neglect prayer, and getting into company with my young companions, who were light and vain, I soon for got it, and left off altogether, until some death or sickness would stir me up agaiD, and thus I went on for about six years ; taking up prayer and lay- SOUTHERN BAPTIST MESSENGER. iug it down again, vainly supposing I could do something myself to make God love me, and con vert my soul. Thus you see, my sister, how igno rant I was while in nature’s darkness, beino- jo-no rant of God’s righteousness, I was going about to establish a righteousness of my own, and I think, my sister, that all are thus ignorant while in na ture’s darkness. All think they must do some thing themselves, or they cannot be saved, but God will not leave his chosen ones in this inmo- O ranee and darkness always, but he calls them out of it, and leads them about, and instructs them in spiritual tilings. But lam degressing from the subject. When it pleased God to open my eyes, and shine into my heart by the light of his Spirit, and show me the evil of my heart, my views were greatly changed, for as Paul has it, when the com mandment came, sin revived, and I died. I died to all my good works, for I saw that I had a sinful heart, whereas I had thought I had a good one, and like one of old when digging in the wall, the deeper he dug, the more abominations be saw. — So the more I saw into my heart, the more sinful I saw it to be. I read the Scriptures, and saw I I was condemned by God’s holy law, and that He could not look upon sin with the least allowance, and the soul that sinned must die. Now I saw my case was a bad one indeed. I knew not what to do. I had sinned against a just and holy God. I feared his wrath would be poured out upon me. I dared not approach a throne of grace. My prayer had become sinful, and my righteousness as filthy rags. I read in the good word that Christ came into the world to save sinners, and become the end of law for righteousness to every one that believed, hut could not believe for myself, and therefore had no share in his righteousness, for without faith it was impossible to please God.— Here I found that what the Methodist sav, is not so, that is, that you can believe if you will, and that you can act by faith if you will. omy sis ter, what would I have given then, to have bad that faith which would have removed that moun tain of guilt that lay so heavy on my poor soul ? I would have given ten thousand such worlds as this, if I had had them, to have had that faith which is as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, to have believed that Christ died for me, but I could not. I could see how others could be saved, but not me; my case was differ ent from others. I was not one of God’s elect, for [ sinned away the day of grace, or I had not sought the Lord upon the right principle, and there was no hope for me. I loved them that I thought were Christians, and thought them the happiest people in the world. 0 how I did wish I was like them, that I might be with them forever. Bui alas ! this was not for me, I must be driven away from their presence forever ; this was to be mv lot. O the thought, how could I bear it, but it must be so. I could see no way to escape the wrath of God. I deserved nothing better; God was just in condemning me, and I had given over all hope of saving grace, and my burthen was so heavy that I thought I could not live under it but a little while. I had been trying to weave, but could not, I dropped my shuttle, and was bemoaning my case, and felt t myse!f sinking down in despair, when these words came with-power into my mind, “ Ask and it shall be given you, seek and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you.” This put me to a stand, to consider of these words, for they came with as much force as if someone had sp)- ken them aloud in my ears. I remembered that they were Christ’s own words, and saw there was a big promise contained in them ; an absolute promise to those who asked, and who sought his blessings, and I believed he would fulfill his prom ise, that not a jot or tittle of his word could fail. I thought he Knew tnat I had asked, and praved for forgiveness, and for faith, and, desired them above all things, and I believed those words were spoken for me. I was the character for whom they were spoken, and now I could not help believing that I would receive those blessings which he had promised, and as if to confirm me in it, lie gave me the following verses, to wit r “ What man is there among you, if his son ask of him bread, will he give him stone, or if he ask a fish will he for a fish give him a serpent; it then ye being evil know how to give good things to them that ask, shall not your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him. This confirmed my hope, a hope sprung up in my soul, and my burden fell ofi, and joy, and peace, and love filled my soul. 0, I was as one alive from the dead, I started to tell my mother the good news, (for I knew she must have seen the distress, and felt concerned about me,) but before I got to her, this thought was suggested to me, Now you will go and make your mother believe you are converted, and it may be you are not; perhaps these words are not from the Lord for you—you only happened to think of them, because you had read them some time.— This stopped me, and I did not tell her at that time, lest I should deceive her, which 1 did not want to do, yet I could not help asking questions which led her to think I had a hope. I was anxious to know if others had felt as I had, for I had never heard a Christian experience told, and I began to fear that I had been deceived in this all important matter, and if so, my case was worse than before, for I had lost my conviction. I could not get back my burden of guilt and sin again, I prayed the Lord to undeceive me, if I was deceived, and show me the right way, and grant repentance and re mission of sin, if he had not; but while in this state of mind, between hope and fear, I felt very restless, and anxious to know my real situation.— I took up the Bible, and opened at the 3d chap, of Lamentations, it began thus, “ I am the man that hath seen affliction by the rod of his wrath, he hath led me, and brought me into darkness but not into light,” &c. I thought it expressed my own feeling so near, that I was taken with it, and read on until I came to the twenty-sixth verse, which reads thus; it is good that a man should both hope, and quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord ; here I felt rebuked, for doubting his prom ise to me, which he had assured me of, by conde-