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150 pose. I thought the Lord had saved others, but mine was an outside case. 1 viewed myself ten thousand talents in debt and nothing to pay with, a depiOiable condition to be in ! I would have cuanged my condition with the brute creation if I could. Several weeks passed away in this manner and I saw no change for the better, but rather tor me worse, I hope 1 felt a sense of my ruined state and God’s justice in my condemnation. I mouglit it I was under a woik of grace I would ex perience a great deliverance ; thought that it would be so plain I would know all about it, but I was mistaken, my troubles left me in a strange way in a manner that I never had thought of. Surely the blind are led in paths they £now not. Some time in November, 1855, the troubles that had oppress ed me so severely left me in an unexpected time.— I had gone out from the house to pray to the Lord to have mercy on me a sinner; my mind was chang ed, my desire was Lord give me my burden back that I may know how it went. I concluded that I had lost my conviction and was worse off than before. I had no evidence of being a Christian. I lemained in this condition three days, when these words came to my mind, “ We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren,” then light broke into my'mind. I felt different from what I ever had felt. I hope I had a view of Jesus as my Savior. I wondered that I had been spared to live. Nothing but the brittle thread of lite kept me out of torment. I thought I could tell to sinners around what a dear Savior 1 had found. I was so rejoiced that I could not re frain from telling it. I related my feelings and ex ercises to my husband, be did not tell me what he thought of it, but told me that we would go to mother and tell her, and see what she thought of if, (believing that she was a judge of a Christian,) accordingly we went. On Saturday night the sub ject was.not mentioned, Sunday was meeting at Shoal Creek. She was not going because she was not well. When w q were about to start to meeting she observed that she intended to have talked to William about joining the church, but had neg lected it. I told her he wanted to talk to her, he came a purpose, she immediately prepared and rode to meeting with him and talked to her satisfaction, he also told her that I had a hope; she talked to me about it, and was satisfied that I ought to join the chuich, but did not tell me so. The preaching taat day by Lid. James 11. Montgomery seemed to be different from what it had been. It seemed that he preached the plan of salvation by grace so plain that I could understand every word of it. My mind was immediately led to join the church at Harris Spring. They were the people I hope I The third Saturday in Dec. 1859, in company with my husband related our experiences to that church aud were received and baptized the next day by Eld. Isaac Hamby. I felt calm for some time; re ligion was a theme that I delighted to talk about; it was a great source of pleasure to meditate on that little hope that I would not take ten thousand such world as this for. Preaching now seemed to do me good. I loved to go so meeting. I hope I had SOUTH E*RN BAPTIST MESSENGER. an appetite to relish that kind of food which the world cannot receive ; though it has not been the case with me all the time : sometimes I fear that 1 have tlecived the church and am deceived myself in the whole matter. lam so far from being what J thought it was to constitute a Christian. Surely there is no work of a Christian about me. My mind is barren and unfruitful ; when I would do good evil is present with me, the Lord only knows my heart, if lam not a Christian I want to be. They are the people I hope I love. Those that bear the image of their Heavenly Father appears more love ly. How essential then it is that Christians should let their light so shine that the world may say that there is a reality in religion. Brethren, I must close, my sheet is full, though I feel that I could write more, but perhaps I have already written too much. A. sinner saved by grace if saved at all. SUSAN F. ADAMS. Near Starrsyille, Ga., Sept. 8, 1860. Dear Brethren Editors —Having been absent from home a few days when I returned I found my wife had wrote out her experience for publication in the Messenger, (which I think is a gospel one.) I have concluded to write my little experience, if indeed it can be called one, and let it be published with hers in the same number of the Messenger if © you think it worth a place in your columns, if not, I hope you will not publish it. I was lorn the second day of Febuary, 1831. Like all the rest of the human family a sinner, and was raised up by religious parents who were very strict; did not allow us to resort to places of dissi pation, but trained us up in the way we should go. When I arrived to the age of 11 or 12 I thought if I ever got religion, I should have to leave off my bad practices, though I never used any very pro fane language, but still I had done a great many things which caused God, as I thought, to be angry with me, and all that was necessary for me to do was to change my course aud do good, which I did as I thought; for I had a place where I would resort to every night to pray, and I thought I could pray very wel', and God was well pleased, and I come to the conclusion that I was as good a Chris tian as any one, and better than a great many. I did not have any trouble as some would sav they had, if I had done any thing wrong just pray a tew times and God would forgive it all, and it would be all right again. My idea was, that He was a very merciful God. But after some length of time j t iou o ht it would be just as j well to wait until I got older, as it would deprive me of the pleasures that I might enjoy with my young associates, so I continued n this careless state until my fifteenth year, when I was taken sick with pneumonia, then I promised the Lord if he would raise me, I would do better, and serve him as I had done. I thought this sickness was a judg ment sent upon me because I had ceased to pray and to do good ; for all my religion hung upon the hinge of my good deeds. I held God under obli gation to save me for doing the best I could.— After four or five weeks I was raised in health; again I resorted to my places of prayer, and come to the conclusion that all was right, but I did not remain in this condition long, for I was out one day at my plough when my mind was suddenly turned to meditating upon my condition when these words came with force to me as though someone had spoken them, “Except your righteousness exceed the righteousness of the Scribes and Pharisees, ye shall in no wise see the kingdom of heaven.”'— Here I was made to see, as I hope, that all my for mer righteousness was nothing but filthy rags, be fore, I thought I could pray [very well, and it did not seem to be a hard task, but now I could not pray at all, for I left my plough and went over in the woods to try to pray, but, could not. I felt myself to be such a great sinner it seemed to me to be more than I could do to call upon a holy and just God, (for such I viewed him to be.) to save a sinner such as I saw myself to be. All that I could say was Lord have mercy upon me a sinner ; (not a going to be,) already condemned, which I would frequently repeat in my mind. Mother would sometimes talk with me upon the subject of reli gion, I was fearful she suspected there was some thing the matter with me, and would get up and leave the room, which would cause her to think more strongly ; there was very often at meal time I would leave the table before the rest of the fami ly and go in the house and get the bible and read, and being so intent, I would forget sometimes and she would come in and catch me reading, but I would turn it oft some way and leave the house, tor I did not want any one to know there was any thing the matter with me. All that I would read seemed to do no good but condemn me. I wonld go to meeting and hear the preacher, but it did not bcdp my case any, if there was any opportunity offered to any that felt the need of prayer, I would give my hand, for I read, the prayer of the right eous availeth much, but it all failed in my case*— I would go away feeling worse than before. Some times I would conclude it was all imagination, and try to get rid of it by going into lively company, but when I would get to myself it would return, it seemed with more weight than ever. I continued in this state until the next year. In the Fall I was taken sick, and I now thought I was going to die and be banished from the presence of a God whom I viewed to be just and holy 7 . My desire was if I was not spared to live that He would give me re lief ot mind ; I was convinced that I could not re lieve myself ot that burden of gu.lt and condemna tion that I had, but while lying there meditating upon my lost condition, my father came in the house and asked me how 1 was, I told him I felt very bad, and wanted him to pray for me, a poor sinner; he called the tamily in and did so, soon af ter this my mind was relieved of the burden, I had, and I felt calm, but could not think that was the change that Christians met with, for it came in such an unexpected way and time. In a short time I concluded I was mistaken in the whole matter, because if it had been genuine or real I would have known more about it, and have clearer views. I got well in a few days, and my mind was drawn