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8 BILL NIE AS A CANDIDATE. DECOYED WITH HONEYED WORDS HE ES SAYS TO RUBIFY POLITICS. Items of a Momentous Canvass Disclosed I have only just returned from the new-made grave of a little boomlet of my own. Yesterday I dug a little hole in the back-yard and hurried in it my little boom, where the pie-plant will cast its cooling shadows over it and the pinch-bugs can come and carol above it at eventide. A few weeks ago a plain man came to me and asked me my name. Refreshing my memory by look ing at the mark on mj r linen I told him promptly who I was. H« said that he had resided in New York for a long time and felt the hour had now arrived for politics in this city to be purified. Would I assist him in this great work? If so, would I appoint a try sting-place where we could meet and trust? I suggested the holy hush and quiet of lower Broad way or the New York end of the Eastern river bridge at 6 o’clock; but he said no, we might be dis covered. So we agreed to meet at my house. There he told me that his idea was to run me for the state senate this fall, not because he had any po litical ax to grind, but because he wanted to see old methods wiped out and the will of the people find true and unfettered expression. “ And, sir,” I asked, “what party do you repre sent?” “I represent those who wish for purity, those who sigh sos the results of unbought suffrage, those who despise old methods and yearn to hear the un smothered voice of the people.” •‘Then you are Mr Vox Populi himself, perhaps?” “No, my name is Kargill, and I am in dead earnest. I represent the party of purity in New York.” “ And why did you not bring the party with you? Then you and I and my wife and this party you speak of could have had a game of whist together,” said I, with an air of inimitable drollery. But he seemed to be shocked by my trifling man ner and again asked me to be his standard bearer. Finally I said reluctantly that I would do so, for I have always said that I would never shrink from duty in case I should become the victim of political preferment. In Wyoming I had several times accepted the portfolio of justice of the peace, and so I knew what it was to be called fourth by the wild and clamorous appeals of my constitutents and asked to stand up for principle, to buckle on the armor of true patri otism and with drawn sword and overdrawn salary to battle for the right. In running for office in Wyoming our greatest expense and annoyance arose from the immense dis tances we had to travel in order to go over one county. Many a day I have travelled during an ex citing canvass from daylight till dark without meeting a voter. But here was a senatorial district not larger than a joint school district, and thought that of making a canvass would be comparatively small. That was where I made a mistake. The day after Mr. Lucifer Kargill had entered my home and with honeyed words made me believe that New York had been, figuratively speaking, sitting back on her haunches for fifty years waiting for me to come along and be a standard-bearer, a man came to my house who said that he had heard that I was looking toward the senate, and he had come to see me as the representative of Irving Hall. I said that I did not care a continental for Irving Hall, so far as my own campaign was concerned, as I intended to do all of my speaking in the school-houses. ,He said that I did not understand him. What he wanted to know was, what percentage of my gross earnings at Albany would go into the Irving Hall sinking fund, providing that organization indorsed me? I said that I was going into this campaign to purify politics, and that I would do what was right towards Irving Hall, in order to be placed in a po sition where I could get in my work as a purifier. We then had a long talk upon what he called the needs of the hour. He said that I would make a good candidate, as I had no past. I was unknown and safe. Besides, he could see that I had the ele ments of success, for I had never expressed any opinion about anything, and had never antagonized any of the different wings of the party by saying anything that people had paid any attention to. H e said also that he learned I had belonged to all the difierent parties, and so would be faniilliar with the methods of each. He then asked me to sign a pledge, and after I had done so he shook hands with me and went away. • The next day I was waited upon by the treasurers of eleven chowder clubs, the financial secretary of the Shanty Sharpshooters and Goat Hill Volunteers. A man also came to obtain means for hurrying a dead friend. I afterward saw him doing so to some extent. He was burying his friend beneath the solemn shadow of a heavy mahogony-colored mus tache, of which he was the sole proprietor. I was waited upon by delegations from Tam many, the County Democracy and the Jeffersonian Simplicity club. Everybody seemed to have dropped his own business in order to wait upon me. I became pledged to everything on condition that I should be elected. It makes me shudder now to think what I may have signed. I paid forty odd dollars for the privilege of voting for a beautiful child, and thus lost influence with every other pa rent in the contest. I voted for the most popular young lady and heard afterward that she regarded me only as a friend. I had a biography and por trait of myself printed in an obscure paper that claimed a large circulation, and the first time the forms went into the press a loose screw fell out of the machinery, caught on the forehead of my por trait peeled back the scalp so that it dropped over one eye like a prayer rug hanging out of the window of a Constantinople minaret during house-cleaning time. ♦ I had paid a boy $3 to scatter these papers among the neighbors, but I met him as he came out of the office and made it $5 if he would put them in the bosom of the moaning tide.. THE NEW WESTERN RAILWAY GUIDE. MW—WBEBaT II II IIIIIHI— ■! LAIfIiUUMBNBBBBgMBMBBBMMBMCBMMBMMMRf B BDZffl B flkßkw n ■mnwrn-rt % r~nrTj-n Tirunw —nmroiwr.nr~w Hunnicutt’s Rheumatic Cure. THE GREATEST BLOOD REMEDY EVER DISCOVERED. Cures Rheumatism by simply driving the poison out of the blood. It will just as effectually cure any and all other diseases that are caused by an impure sta.e of the blood, and they are many. Neuralgia and sick headache, which so many of our ladies suffer wWi so greatly, is all corrected by the use ot from one to three bottles. It has been tried thoroughly, and never fails in those cases. Any kidney trouble is entirely corrected by its use. Every one should take something to act directly upon the blood and kidnev, and there is nothing ever discovered that will do it so effectually as Hunnicutt’s Rheumatic Cure. Try it and you will be convinced. For sale by all druggists. Prepared by vmnmnrw reehiatic cure «•. ZE*. O. I3ox 51. PEABODY HOTEL.’ C. B. GALLAWAY & CO., Prop’rs. MEMPHIS, TENN. . -. ■ Brat. nil nirttwOffl i I iiHlMnllln RATES: — to per <a.£b37*, A.ccordLin,g to Location, of ftoom. - - Special .Rates naade. THIS HOTEL IS CENTRALLY LOCATED, Corner of Monroe & Main Sts. The nearest to all general business and railroad ticket offices in the city. Convenient to street cars and steamboat landings. I give below a rough draft of expenses, not inclu ding some of the items referred to above. STATEMENT IN HANDS OF MY ASSIGNEE. Loaned to red-nosed gentleman who dis- and pleaded with me to run for the'office so that the people could have a pure administration $25 00 rent of man who claimed to have in fluence, but whose wife is in the habit of kicking him under the lounge and welting him over the head with a carpet stretcher 20 00 Advanced to Early Galoot club for demon stration purposes, viz. : for purchase of 500 torches; which demonstration was a failure, owing to inability of the six mem bers of club to carry 500 torches while drunk 250 00 Paid to recording secretary of Independ ent Order of Bungstarters, for purpose of buying new tin panopoly for parade purposes 32 00 Paid my proportion of expenses of contem plated demonstration. Stipulated by me that this money should be used in de fraying the expenses of torchlight pro cession to march down Broadway, but it was really used to fit out a procession that marched down the broad road to a ready made drunkard’s doom 27 00 Paid drunk and disorderly fine and costs of man who first came to me with his siren’s song and begged me to please run and purify politics. ................. 934 Paid secretary of Beardless Boys Political Filter Corps No. 9, to buy new strainer for purifying politics 2 85 Paid for bromide furnished to man who first thought of me as a candidate 20 Paid man who agreed to throw a stereop- tican portrait ot myself against the side of the Grand Central depot all night, together with the announcement that I was the people’s choice, but which said man, I afterward learned, got SSO for put ting above the portrait an illuminated legend, as follows: “This man would have looked better if he had used Sleuck’s Handrake pills” 25 00 Paid hack hire for conveyance to Home of the Friendless two children of a man who writes scathing Magazine articles on “ How to Make Home Happy,” and who also has a strong political pull, but which pull, strong as it is, stands back and trem bles and turns pale in the presence of this man’s rich Bourbon breath 5 00 Paid for votes while runnin at a big church fair for embroidered suspenders voted to “ the most popular hairless man in New York,” $832. Credit by suspenders, 140 cents; balance 831 60 Paid for extra papers (papers contained column article, with flea-bitten portrait, and statement that at the age of 18 months I crawled out of the cradle and began to support my parents by taming lions for a circus . 122 00 Lib S- Lib CAPITAL PRIZE, • - $ 150,000 “ We do hereby certify that we supervise the arrangement! for all the Monthly and Semi-Annual Drawings of the Louisiana State Lottery Company, and in person manage and control the Drawings themselves, and that the tame are conducted with honesty, fairness, and in good faith toward all parties, and we authorise the Company to use this certificate, with facsimiles of our signatures attached, in its advertisements." , 0 r Commissioner*. /. tfuriy, I We, the undersigned, Banks and Bankers, will pay all prizes drawn in the Louisiana State Lotteries, which may be presented at our counters. J, H. OGLESBY. Prcs’t JLa. National Bank. P. LAN AUX, - Prew’t State Rational Bank. A. BALDWIN. a , res’t N. O. Rational Bank. CARL KOHN, Pres’t Union National Bank. UNPRECEDENTED ATTRACTION. Over Half a Million Distributed. Louisiana State Lottery Co. Incorporated in 1868 for twenty-five years by the Legislature for Educational and Charitable purposes—with a capital of sl,ooo,ooo—to which a reserve fund of over $550,000 has since been added. By an overwhelming popular vote its franchise was made a part of the present State Constitution, adopter December 2d, A. D. 1879. The only Lottery ever voted on and endorsed by the people of any State. It never scales or postpones. Its grand Single Namber Drawings take place monthly, and the Semi-Annual Drawings regularly every six months, June and December. A SPLENDID OPPORTUNITY TO WIN A FORTUNE. Eighth Grand Drawing, Class 11. in the Academy of Music, New Orleans, Tuesday, November Sth, 1887 2 1 oth Monthly Drawing. Capital Prize, $150,000. Bnjf* NOTlCE.—Tickets are Ten Hollars only. Halves, $5. Fifths, §2. Tenths,®!. LIST OF PRIZES. 1 Capital Prize of $150,000 $150,000 1 Grand Prize of 50,000 50,006 1 Grand Prize of 20,000 20,000 2 Large Prizes of.. 10,000 20,000 4 Large Prizes of. 5,000 20,000 20 Prizes of 1,000 20,000 50 Prizes of 500 25,000 100 Prizes of ... .... 300 30,000 2110 Prizes of .... .... 200 \ 40,000 500 Prizes of 100 50,000 1000 Prizes of 50 50,000 approximation prizes. 100 Approximation Prizes of S3OO 30,000 100 Approximation Prizes of 200 .. 20,009 100 Approximation Prizes of 100 10,000 2179 Prizes, amounting to $535,000 Application for rates to clubs should be made only to the office of the Company in New Orleans. For further information write clearly, giving full address. POSTAL NOTES, Express Money Orders, or New York Ex change in ordinary letter. Currency by Express (at our ex pense), addressed M. A. DAUPHIN. New Orleans, La. or M. A. DAUPHIN. Washington, D. C. * or at 6 W. COURT ST., Memphis,Tenn Address Registered Letters to NEW ORLEANS NATIONAL BANK, New Orleans, La. D£M CM DED— That the Presence of Gens. Beauregard HL 111 DL la and Early, who are in charge of the draw ings, is a guarantee of absolute fairness and integrity, that the chances are all equal, and that no one can possibly divine what number will draw a prize. REMEMBER, That the payment of all Prizes is GUARANTEED by FOUR NATIONAL BANK* of New Orleans, and the Tickets are signed by the President of an Institution, whose chartered rights are recognized in the highest Courts; therefore, beware of any imitations or anonymous schemes. A POSITIVE CORE For G, and G. fck for 2-9-11 TWELVE-NINE-ELEVEH Price 50 Cants psr Bottle. J. J. MlLES,fatfaetarer, MEMPHIS,TENN. FOR SALE BY ALL DKUCCtSTS. DANIELS, Druggist, No. 30 Wail St, Agent, No 3—l2t Paid for strong political pulls to use in working said cigars ••• 350 Paid to influential ward-worker, who needed a little money at the house, as his wife had just presented him with twins.... 20 00 One week later thoughtlessly paid the same man under what purported to be similar circumstances 10 00 Yesterday I tried to find the red-nosed man who first asked me to go into the standard-bearer busi ness in order to withdraw my name, but I could not find him In the directory. I therefore take this means ot saying, as I said to my assignee last evening, that if a public office be a public bust I might just as well bust now and have it over. To morrow I will sell out at residence a cane voted to me as the most popular man in the state; also an assortment of political pulls, a little loose in the handles, but otherwise all right. I will closeout at the same time 500 torches, 300 tin helmlets, nine transperancies and one double-leaded editorial en titled, “ Dinna, Ye Hear the Slogan?” t Bill Nye.