Newspaper Page Text
f Pamper the black man' Author gives
students advice about relationships
By Eric Rose
Contributing Writer
Author’s advice for relationships:
pamper the black man
African Americans are fighting a war of
the sexes when it comes to relationships.
At least that is what author Valerie Shaw
told a group of Atlanta University Center
students at her book-signing Oct. 20.
Shaw, author of the national bestseller
“Himpressions: The Black woman’s Guide
to Pampering the Black man,” was in At
lanta as part of her Southern U.S. tour
promoting the controversial book. This book
aroused mixed emotions in the black com
munity and many were divided along the
lines of gender when it first came out in
1993.
“When people first realized that this
book was on the market,” Shaw said, “the
men went ‘Right On!’ while most women
said ‘Why pamper the black man?’ I think
that’s what is wrong right now.”
Shaw said although the word “pamper”
implies negative ideas, her meaning of the
word corresponds more with “standing by”
than “serving” black men.
“If we backed the brothers up a bit, they
might bring a lot more into the coffers (of
the community),” Shaw said.
This need for encouragement, Shaw said,
stemmed from the barriers that society cre
ated to hinder the African-American man’s
development.
“Black men need nurturing more than
anyone else because of all the negative
stipulations and ideals that society has against
them,” Shaw said. “One just has to look at
the judicial and educational systems to see
this.”
Shaw said this leads to a negative repre
sentation of black men, even in their rela
tionships with black women.
“We are growing up to expect the wrong
things about relationships,” she said. “Black
men are generalized by the activities of the
few.”
Shaw said there is a “comfort level” in
thinking that all black men are “dogs” and
that everything they do is for the worse.
‘Thinking that all our men are bad leads
us (black women) to expect it and, unfortu
nately, expecting it makes it so,” she said.
One of the best ways for men and women
to empower themselves, Shqw said, is to
gather in number to strengthen each other.
She said that was the main reason why the
recent Million Man March was one of the
more culturally positive events this century
for black men.
“Black men don’t get together enough in
a positive way,” Shaw said. ‘The march
was one way that this was accomplished.
Just from watching the march, my nine-
year-old son sat down with my husband for
the first time and talked about race issues. It
was wonderful.”
Shaw said female empowerment is cru
cial to the advancement of not only them
selves, but also to the empowerment of the
black man. Many women do not realize
how important their role is in the develop
ment of their society, she said.
“We have got to see that we wield an
amazing amount of power,” Shaw said. “It
is not even that thing about ‘behind every
good man is a good women.’ A good
woman can dictate what path a man takes in
the area of progress.”
Unfortunately, Shaw added, the media’s
continued depiction of stereotypical black
men cripples any effort to do this.
One aspect of today’s media she vehe
mently opposes is the television talk show.
“Talk shows are terrible!” she said. ‘They
have an enormous impact on what white
people think of us and a tremendous effect
on how we see each other.”
Shaw’s dislike for talk shows led her to
discontinue any association with them as
well as prompted her to recently call these
File photo
Pictured is Valerie Shaw, author of “Himpressions: The Black Woman’s Guide to Pampering
the Black Man.”
shows “the unregulated toxic dumps of rela
tionships.”
“I have been on talk shows where I was
supposed to be a relationship expert helping
people, but they had me feeding the prob
lems I was trying to stop,” she said. “People
were leaving these shows in tears and with
their lives in shambles.”
She said attention is also drawn towards
what she calls “FAAWAB A” or “Ferocious
African-American Women with A Bad At
titude.”
She said the phenomenon unfavorably rep
resents all black women to the rest of America.
These women, she said, are capable of cas
ing the downfall of any man and literally
base the value of their relationships on wealth
and income.
“If we put a material tag on our relation
ships, they become disposable,” she said.
As the media continue to paint such a
negative picture of black people, Shaw said,
the time for a new perception of them in
society must come soon. For this reason,
she advised black writers to realize that their
writing is influential in the future of their
people and the writers that will come after
them.
“Writing is an art, but for African Ameri
cans it is a sacred trust,” she said. “That is
why we need to stick to an ethic. Remem
ber. It is a wonderful time to be a writer."
Shaw’s book was recently picked up by
Harper Collins Publishing, Inc. for hard
back release in May of next year. Copies are
available at the Soul Source Bookstore and
Cafe on James P. Brawley Drive.
Million Man March
continued from PI
equacies, to improve my shortcomings
and to take responsibility for my destiny,
to control my life,” he said.
Hentz, a religion and history major,
said he plans to help his community. “I
plan to mentor, to do whatever I can to
uplift my race. My education is not for my
personal aggrandisement,” he said.
Hentz said he mentors students at Booker
T. Washington High school. “I want to do
something to help my people.”
CAU Junior Alaric Evans said he plans
to be more respectful to black females.
“The march inspired me to curb my
language. Stop calling women b—s. That’s
the way people in our generation stereo
type women and it’s not correct,” he said.
Evans also said the march encouraged
him to teach his younger cousins andnieces
what he wasn’t able to understand at their
age.
Bill Little, host of “Serenade to the
City,” a mainstream Jazz show on WCLK
radio station, called the march a spiritual
awakening.
“It was great to see so many brothers
show up with positive dialogue about the
problems plaguing our community,” he
said.
He said the march inspired a rededicat
ion of his commitment to his personal life
and the general community.
He added, “The call for black solidarity
is not new. It goes back to more modem
times, like with Marcus Garvey and his
call for us to stand up and fight for our
rights.”
Little said he’s working towards giving
younger people a clearer understanding of
their history and dismiss and send home
those so called black leaders who are not
performing in the interest of our commu
nity.”
He said he will continue teaching at
Archer High School and reading to chil
dren at elementary schools.
“It’s important younger kids see black
men who can handle the English language,”
he said.
At the March, Farrakhan said black
people are capable of maintaining their
families and community.
Abdul Taymullah, announcer of Jazz
show “After Hours” for WCLK radio took
it to heart. He said the march reinforced
thoughts about where he needs to be and
what he needs to do.
“When I heard the 14-year-old boy from
Chicago read the poems as a tribute to his
brother and father, his role models, it re
minded me of what I’m suppose to do at
42.”
Taymullah said he plans to take what skills
he has and pass it on like those before him.
He said, “The bulk of what I can do is
what I do at the radion staion, teach stu
dents how they can be communicators
themselves.”
David 5X, president of the Nation of
Islam Student Organization, said the march
was successful. He said it was right on
time.
“With all issues affecting us, congress
cutting federal funding, it’s time to show
white America, the rest of the world and
ourselves we can do better," he said.
Others who participated in the march
used a variety of words to describe what
they saw and felt. The list included God,
Power, Love, Black, beauty and power, to
name a few.
CAU student Alexander Lyre, 20, said
it was a miracle. “It was a miracle because
of its uniqueness and it’s affect on people,”
he said.
Some who didn’t attend the March com
mend it for its accomplishments.
Morehouse student Edward Blakemore
said their coming together is “cool, al
though I don’t think we should have to go
all the way to Washington.”
Blakemore, who didn’t attend the March
because he doesn’t believe in atoning in
public, said it was good the March gave
many men self esteem. But he said it
would be more productive if black people
get together and start their own businesses.
Blakemore said he’s already giving back
to his community as a mentor at North
Clayton high school in College Park.