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T H E M A K O O N T I G E R
A DREAM
By L. Raymond Bailey, ‘34
The Story so far: The Morehouse faculty, on a tour
of Africa to dispel ignorance, were passing the night
with a tribe of cannibals. The Chief of the tribe, the
witch-do tor, and the royal chef stayed awake to make
plans for putting our educational experts on the menu.
They were rudely interrupted by one of the natives who
had nearly strangled h’mself in the process of biting
one of the professor’s toes.
Daybreak found the professors up and busy sharp
ening their intellectual artillery for a hand-to-hand en
counter with ignorance. Mr. Lewis was the first one to
get on the job. He went out exactly 30 seconds before
If o’clock (allowing himself 30 seconds to reach his
first victim and so start exactly on the minute). Un
fortunately, the poor fellow had a slight accident—fell
backwards and hurt “himself” (see me privately for par
ticulars) . Of course, he was taken to Mrs. Andrews for
treatment.
“No! You don’t need a thing to rub with, Professor.
\/hat you need is a good tonic. Here, take three C. C.
pills—and no argument!! 1 know my stuff around
here!” remonstrated the exacting and unimpeachable Mrs.
Andrews to Mr. Lewis’ protests.
Mr. Chivers came next complaining of Falling-eye
brows. He, too, was given three C. C. pills and sent
on his way. After treating Mr. Gresham for Tough-
beard, Mr. Jones for Chewing-gumitis, both with iliree
C. C, pills each—Mrs. Andrews was asked why she
persisted in giving the pills for every ailment. The in
quirer was promptly informed that C. C. pills were a
sure cure for indigestion, colds, headaches, fractured
bones, dandruff, and fallen arches. Unfortunately for Mr.
Edwards, a ihought struck him, causing concussion of
the brain, but he was refused attention because it did
not happen during the hospital hours.
In another part of the camp, Mr. Tillman, the pro
fessor of English, was carrying the astute witch-doctor
through a tough session—and visa versa—driving home
the importance of proper expression.
“Now to put that into good expression,” the professor
was saying, “I would say that first you make an aper
ture in the apex of the egg. In the opposite apex you
make another aperture. Then by applying one of the
openings to the lips and forcibly inhaling the breath,
the egg is entirely discharged of its contents.”
“Very good, indeed,” replied the old man. “Your
modern method is quite an improvement. Around here
we simply make a hole in both ends and suck.”
Mr. Rambeau was exasperated beyond measure at the
ignorance of the Chief who did not know who wrote
Les Miserables. “My dear man, do you mean to tell me
that you do not know the great George Sand?” asked
the horrified and distressed student of French.
“Never mind that,” said the Chief. “But how could
a rabbit dig a hole in the ground without leaving any
dirt behind ? Mr. Rambeau was bewildered, and made
no reply.
“By starting from the bottom and digging upwards,
Mug—Gee! but you are dumb!” At these remarks the
Chief stuck his cigar back into his throat, released
clouds of smoke and walked away with the nonchalance
of a great conaueror.
But the zero hour was drawing nigh. The royal chef
was having his largest pots brought out. Several na
tives were hauling up fuel. Some were sharpening up
big, greasy axes- -the sounds playing the death-knell for
our Good Samaritans of education, who were ignorant
of what was about to take place. Suddenly there was
a change, an evil spirit filled the air, and a death like
fence fell as a group of warriors seized the axes and
followed the Chief who had assumed an attitude of ter
rible gravity in his quest for human flesh. This chief
was different from his kinsmen who believed in a lot
ceremony. His method was to crack the heads of his vic-
tmrs and proceed to cook them in the manner of his
choice.
Little time was wasted, and the savages swept down
on a croup of unsuspecting teachers. Tnore were loud
screams of terror. Mrs. Wynn shrieked in warning to
Mr. Strong—alas! but a second too late, for as soon as
be heard the warning, the heavy razor-edged blade of
an ax crashed with terrific force upon his head! Poor
professor! He merely fainted—from fear, not from the
blow- for had he been hit elsewhere upon his person
he would have been instantly killed. As the savage
raised his weapon to strike another victim he almost
froze with horror to see that the blade of his trusty
ax was so badly blunted and bent that it could never
be used again. Another raised his death-dealer to strike
Mrs. Wynn, but as the instrument fell it split the empty
air as its intended victim was passing the last tent in
the settlement three blocks away, and was just begin
ning to put on speed. Close on her heels was Air.
Gresham who undressed as he ran in order to do away
with “unnecessary impediments.”
Finding themselves frustrated in the first encounter
(they decided not to waste any more axes on Mr.
Strong) the angered savages fell upon another group
with the determination to make a clean sweep. But
again they were doomed to disappointment because in
this group were such men as Professors Chivers, Lind
say. Bridges, Nabrit, Jones, Hope, Wardlaw, and others
who, believing that better days were ahead of them,
suddenly proceeded to go in search of them at unheard-
of speeds. Air. Archer, finding that things were not
doing so well, decided that he “had better be going”,
and, taking a very unceremonious leave of the village,
“betook himself unto the woods at no small pace.”
Mr. Harreid had the most difficult time of all due to
his exaggerated tonnage. We find him bringing up the
rear at the weak pace of only ninety miles per hour.
Like his contemporary, he, too, believed that clothes
were “not conducive to maximum performance in the
matter of bodily transportation during an emergency”
and proceeded to remedy the difficulty. In vain did he
scan the jungles for a taxi until despair, getting the
best of him, forced him to call on the Lord. So fer
vent and sincere were his prayers for divine assistance
that an angel appeared before him. Reaching forward
with a machine gun and a shield the Angel said to him,
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