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THE MAROON TIGER
cTHaroon Spice
(By Hal’ Jessie Breazeal)
This Language of Ours
Big Smith: “J’ eat?”
Bowen: “Yes. J’ ew?”
Beckett: “Women are not what they used to be.”
Davis: “Nope, they used to be girls.”
A Good Driver
A boy wrote on the class-room blackboard, “Our
teacher is a donkey.”
Upon entering the room the teacher added “Driver”,
and began the lesson.
How’s Yours
“How’s your car running?”
“Not so good; can’t get her throttled down.”
“How’s your wife?”
“She’s the same, thank you.”
V indictive
Hubby found some holes in his socks. “You haven’t
mended these?” he said to his wife.
“Did you buy the coat you promised me?” she asked.
“N-N-No.”
“Well, if you don’t give a wrap, I don’t give a darn.”
Teacher: “Do you know why the earth turns round
the sun on its axis?”
Pupil: “Yes, sir. Because it don’t want to be roasted
too much on one side.”
“Why are you talking French, Stamper?”
“Oh, we have adopted a French baby and I want to
understand what he says when he begins to talk.”
Darkins: “Say, Kalubi, how long have you been over
here from Africa?”
Kalubi: “Oh, about three years. How long have you
been over?”
Darkins: “Watch out there, I don’t play.”
Then there was an ambitious “crab”, (J. C. Adams)
who wanted to know what orchestra played for the Bos
ton Tea Party.
With “Uncle” Jake
Co-ed: “I just put my furs in cold storage.”
Ed: “Oh! Is that what they call it now? My watch
and suit are there now.”
“And you sir—what have you contributed to the un
employment situation?”
“Five sons.”
“Did you give the penny to the monkey, dear?”
“Yes, mother.”
“What did he do with it?”
“He gave it to his father who was playing the organ.”
Three volumes of Sam Lilly’s “gab” has been sent
to press. Watch for announcement.
“Hey, you!” yelled the traffic cop at the armorous lov
er. “Why don’t you use both hands?”
“I am afraid to let go the steering wheel,” grinned the
irrepressible youth at the wheel.
Educated, Anyhow
Uncle (to nephew who has just started to school) :
“So you ao to school now, Bob?”
Bob: “Yes, Uncle.”
“Let me hear you spell ‘puppy’.”
“I’m too big to spell ‘puppy’. Try me on ‘dog’.”
Too Late
McCree (entering library) : “I want the Life of Caesar.”
Librarian: “You’re too late, Brutus took it long ago.”
A small girl who had done unusually well in the sec
ond grade was promoted to the third grade. Upon meet
ing her former teacher, whom she loved so well, her
first words were: “Gee, but I wish you knew enough to
teach me next year.”
A: “I hear your son’s young bride simply worships
him.”
His mother: “Well. I know she places burnt offering
before him three times a day.”
“Pa,” said Jack, “What is a peace offering?”
“Anything from a box of candy to a fur coat.”
“Now. remember my dears,” said Mother Racoon to
her children, “you must always watch your step, because
you have the skin the college boys love to touch.”
Teacher: “I should like you all to take more pride
in your personal appearance. Now you, Jimmy, how
many collars do you wear a week?”
Jimmy: “Please, teacher, do you mean how many
weeks do I wear a collar?”
In Music
Music Teacher: “If ‘f’ means forte, what does ‘If’
mean?”
“Goofy” Barksdale: “Oh, that means eighty.”
CAN YOU IMAGINE
By Harry Stamper, ’36
Thomas Campbell as tall as “Slim” Scott?
Billie Robinson a peaceful citizen?
William Howard going out to see a young lady?
“Ohio” Jones giving his mouth a break?
The Jackson brothers making “F” in a course?
“Hamp” Holmes making the debating team?
Johnson Hubert carrying his instrument under his arm?
Leonard Archer singing a solo in vesper services?
Alexander Reid walking to school every morning?
“Shorty” Waters missing a meal in the dining-room?
“Dick” Martin quitting Ruth Toomer?
“Doc” Shell using any other pronoun except I?
William Smith on the honor roll?