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THE MAROON TIGER Page 11 H ILIP'S HILOCRACY By E. Philip Ellis, ’35 Well Folks: It seems as if the whole world has gone “cracy” crazy. There’s the technical world with its Technocracy, Stoopnagle and Budd with their Stoopnocracy, so I deem it altogether fitting and proper to begin my Philo- cracy. Philocracy is wonderfully defined in Mr. I Dunno Nuthin’s Book of Facts as the science of things that never were, are not, and never will be. Rufus: “Do hush, Brady, your singing sounds ter rible.” Brady: “Aw, what do you know about singing; you can’t sing.” Rufus: “I can't lay an egg, either; hut I know when one’s rotten.” Nonsense: H. M. turning the radio from Cab Callo way's orchestra to tune in on a concert orchestra. Sammy’s idea of the world’s three greatest men: Abra ham Lincoln, who freed the colored man; Henry Ford, who freed the walking man; and Herbert Hoover, who freed the working man. TIGER TICKLERS By Harold J. Brazeal Father: “I have spent thousands of dollars on my son’s education, and now all I get is a quarterback.” First Crab: “Why did I see you running off the ath letic field yesterday?” Second Crab: “Oh, I overheard the coach telling the football squad to go and tackle that dummie.” Bargain Day Elopers: “Five dollars for a marriage ceremony! We haven’t that much, Judge.” Modern Justice of Peace: “Well, I can give you a trial marriage for two dollars.” Notty! No tty! The Girl: “I found that book you lent me frightfully dull. Professor. I thought you said there was a naughty problem in it.” The Prof.: “My dear young lady! I said a knotty problem.” Teacher: “Earl, did you whisper today?” Earl: “Yes, wunst.” Teacher: “Willie, shold Earl have said ‘wunst?” Willie: “No, he should have said twicest.” Instructor in Biblical History: “ Mr. Charlie, what did Paul and Silas say when they were bound in jail?” Mr. Charlie: “0, if 1 had the wings of an Angel, over these prison walls I would fly.” Euphues: “What is Wiley doing now that he has fin ished college?” Arcadia: “Six months.” Euphues: “For what?” Arcadia: “Competition.” Euphues: “Say, they can t give a man six months for competition; why that’s one of the essentials of busi- I ” lies! Arcadia: “You’re right, hut he was making the same kind of dollars that the government made.” So this is Morehouse! Nine years ago I became the father two ambitions: one was to play football when I became larger and the other was to go to Morehouse. Since the God of Growth frowned upon me, I never did get any larger causing my first ambition to be definitely out; but as for the second,—well, here I am. So far I like the institution and I’ll like it just that much more if in July, 1935, I will be able to tell a friend, “ I fin ished Morehouse College last month.” Eating Time “Why does that big cannibal look at us so intently?” “Evidently he must be the food inspector.” Adams: “This is one thing that I can do better than any one else.” McCree: “What is that?” Adams: “Read my own writing.” Even “What did Father say when you told him you were going to take me away from him?” “He seemed to feel his loss keenly at first, but I squared things with a big cigar.” Evidence of Weakness “Brothers,” said the preacher, you have come to pray for rain. Now, Brothers, the foundation of religion is faith. You came 1 to pray for rain and not one of you brought an umbrella.” Condensed Dolly: “0 mummy, may I go to the fancy dress party as a milk maid?” Mother: “No dear, you are too small.” Dolly: “Then, can’t I go as a condensed milk maid?” Patient (gaspingly) : “I seem a little better, doctor, hut I’m a little short of breath.” Doctor: “Have patience, and we’ll soon stop that.” “Mama,” said little Dimples, “Do men ever go to heaven?” “Why, of course, my dear, why do you ask?” “Because I never see pictures of angels with whiskers.” “Well, that’s because they get there by a close shave.” Vivian: “Yes, and they say she dresses like a million aire’s daughter.” Helen: “Oh, much better than that—more like a sten ographer, or a high school girl, my dear.” New Office Boy: “A man called here to thrash you a few minutes ago.” Editor: “What did you say to him?” New Office Boy: “I told him I was sorry that you were not in.” “If there are any ignoramuses in the room, please rise,” said the Prof. There was a pause, and then Asa rose to his feet. “Why, Asa, do you mean to say that you are one?” “Well not exactly, professor, but I hated to see you standing alone.”