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THE MAROON TIGER
Page 11
HILIPS
HILOCRACY
E.
Philip Ellis. ’35
Well Folks:
Here is a clipping taken from the Sacremento Bee.
which is a good illustration of a man’s ability to take
it on the chin.
“One of the bombs struck Mr. Smith on the head, and
two bullets also struck him in the chest. His condition
is not serious, however.”
A few days ago one of our instructors informed us
that card-playing originated in an insane asylum.
“No wonder Charles Lawrence can play bridge so
well.” Jones added.
Regular Routine: “Sam are you ever fired with en
thusiasm?”
“Yassuh, from every job I tackles.”
Tiss: “Hello, Pal; why so despondent?”
Taint: “In proposing to my girl friend some lime
ago, I told here that my father was very rich, and now
that my mother is dead, we would get all of his money
when he died.”
Tiss: “Well—”
Taint: “She’s my stepmother now.”
Milton White (at prayer meeting) : “Dear Lord, help
me to pull up in Calculus. By the way, I’ve mentioned
this before.”
“Papa, will I look like you when I grow up?”
“Everyone thinks so, sonny.”
“Well, I won’t grow up soon, will I?
Tiss: “No girl ever made a fool of me.”
Taint: “Well who was it, then?”
Prominent Speaker: “Morehouse is truly a college for
genius.”
F. A. Haynes: “Well, what are you doing here?”
Mistress: “Before we were married, you always gave
me the most beautiful presents. Why did you stop so
suddenly?”
Mister: Because a fisherman never feeds bait to fish
after he has caught them.”
Mrs.: “Dear, I wish you would bring home six
more mouse traps.”
Mr.: “But I just brought home six a week ago.”
Mrs.: “Yes, I know, but they all have mice in them.”
Dapper: “Darling, I just must marry you.”
Doll: “But have you seen my father?”
Dapper: “Yes, dear, many times, but I love you just
the same.”
Have you seen the Houston Defender? Well, you must
see it. Our own Mr. Olan Dewait’s photo is gracing the
front page in honor of his recent election as treasurer
of the Texas Club at Morehouse. Imagine what the folks
back home would have done had he been elected presi
dent of the Student Activity Committee. Why they
would have declared it a southern holiday.
Philocracy is Phisy.
THE ENGINER—A PARABLE
One day three men, a Lawyer, a Doctor and an En
gineer, appeared before St. Peter as he stood guarding
the Pearly Gates.
The first man to step forward was the Lawyer. With
confidence and assurance he proceeded to deliver an elo
quent address which left St. Peter dazed and bewildered.
Before the venerable Saint could recover, the Lawyer
quickly handed him a writ of mandamus, pushed him
aside and strode through the open Portals.
Next came the Doctor. With impressive, dignified
bearing, he introduced himself: “I am Doctor Brown.”
St. Peter received him cordially: “I know you, Dr.
Brown. Many who preceded you said you sent them here.
Welcome to our City.”
The Engineer, modest and diffident, had been standing
in ihe background. He now stepped forward. “I am look
ing for a job,” he said. St. Peter wearily shook his head.
“I am sorry,” he replied, “we have no work here for
you. If you want a job you can go to Hell.” This re
sponse sounded familiar to the Engineer and made him
feel more at home. “Very well,” he said, “I have had
Hell all my life and I guess 1 can stand it better than
the others.” St. Peter was puzzled. “Look here, young
•nan, what are you?” “I am an Engineer,” was the re
ply. “Oh yes,” said St. Peter, “Do you belong to the
Locomotive Brotherhood?” “No. I am sorry,” the En
gineer responded apologetically, “I am a different kind
of an Engineer.” “I do not understand,” said St. Peter.
“What on earth do you do?” The Engineer recalled a
definition and calmly replied, “I apply mathematical
principles to the control of natural forces.” This sound
ed meaningless to St. Peter, and his temper got the best
of him. “Young man,” he said “you can go to Hell with
your mathematical principles and try your hand on some
of the natural forces there!” “That suits me,” responded
the Engineer, “I am always glad to go where there is a
tough job to tackle.” Whereupon he departed for the
Nether Regions.
And it came to pass that strange reports began to reach
St. Peter. The Celestial denizens, who had amused them
selves in the past by looking down upon the less for
tunate creatures in the Inferno, commenced asking for
transfers to that other domain. The sounds of agony and
suffering were stilled. Many new arrivals, after seeing
both places, selected the Nether Regions for their per
manent abode. Puzzled, St. Peter sent messengers to visit
Hell and report back to him. They returned, all excited
and reported to St. Peter.
“That Engineer you sent down there,” said the mes
sengers, “has completely transformed the place so that
you would not know it now. He has harnessed the Fiery
Furnaces for light and power. He has cooled the en
tire place with an artificial refrigeration. He has drained
the Lake of Brimstone and has filled the air with cool
perfumed breezes. He has flung bridges across the Bot
tomless Abyss and has bored tunnels through the Ob
sidian Cliffs. He has created paved streets, gardens, parks
and playgrounds, lakes, rivers, and beautiful waterfalls.
That Engineer you sent down there has gone through
Hell and made of it a realm of happiness, peace and
industry!”
—The Uganda Herald.
L. C. G.: “Father, G. A. has promised to marry me.”
Father: “Well, you needn’t come to me for sympathy.
I told you that you’d get in trouble if you didn’t keep
away from that girl.”