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THE MAROON TIG E R
WHAT WE THINK ABOUT YOU MEN
By Frances Johnson
Exclusive to—
1. Smoothies—Those suave high-hat men who consider
themselves infallible, and feel that they run the
world.
2. Pals—The lives-of-the-parties and old reliables.
3. Men of Iron—Those big silent he-men who dote on
worship from afar.
Step right up and read and learn just what
Y
es, sir!
we girls think about you— the age-old problem. After
much discussion, deliberation, concentration, and the
like, we have worked out the following list of pet peeves
in regards to the three universal types of boys—the
smoothie, the pal, and the man of iron. However, please
understand this, we are not going to draw the line and
ask all but the tall, dark, handsome men to resign. We
don’t care if your ears stick out or you wear horn
rimmed glasses, but what we do care about is what you
do with what you have. All we humbly ask is that you
be neat, clean, and well dressed.
First there is the problem of the impression you make
on others. Give our self-respect a break—even if your
own is minus. Curb your primitive instincts and be a
little conservative about clothes—don’t wear lurid neck
ties that clash with fancy shirts. Don’t you know that
socks that droop without benefit of garters are enough
to make any girl’s blood boil? And when it comes to
no socks at all—!! Oh, please! How do you think we
feel when you stroll coolly up in white-flannel trousers
that show all too plainly the ravages of time, numerous
strawberry festivals, and the neighbor’s bulldog? Per
haps it may be collegiate and smart or whatever you
may call it, but never will you know the agony of seeing
you in those tired hats that dip up in the front and slide
down in the back! Maybe once tbey were gay, non
chalant, self-respecting, but now
Learn to dance!! Even if you aren’t inspired on the
subject you can at least master a simple slide-together
step. Honestly, no man, even if he is as handsome as
Gable, can get along without knowing how. You may
be bashful, homely as sin, cross-eyed, or even a moron,
but if you are a really good dancer, we girls will love
to dance with you whenever you ask us.
Oh, please! however, meditate and ponder over the
various grips and holds that you subject us to while
tripping “the light fantastic.” Consider, if you will, the
sad predicament of the poor defenseless girl whose
partner seizes her firmly, slides his hand under her arm.
and grabs her by the bask of the neck. How on earth
can you expect a girl to dance gracefully if she is prac
tically hanging by her neck?
Now, whether its old-fashioned or not—we like man
ners and politeness—used every day, at school, on the
street, at parties, and especially when we are alone with
you. It is no compliment to a girl to be seen out with a
boor—we’d rather stay at home. For an instance, take
calling for a girl in your car. We’d prefer to have you
ring our doorbell and ask for us. If you stay in the car
and honk raucously, it’s not only rude, but it inspires in
papa an almost uncontrollable impulse to hurl a potted
geranium in your direction—and to keep us in.
Remember, when older people come into the room,
that you aren’t glued to the chair. Stand up. if only for
the benefit of the creases in your trousers.
When we are supposed to get home on time, whether
its before dark or at midnight, see that we do get in on
time. You see, if we don’t, we know what we will have
to face. And another thing, why call us up at the last
minute and expect us to be palpitating and ready to dash
out with you after some excitement? We don’t feel
honored a bit!
Talk to us—about everything! You’d be surprised at
what we know and are interested in. However, don’t talk
football and sell to us all evening. Of course we like
boys with snappy lines of chatter that keep us on our
toes every minute, but woe to the one we find pouring
the same line into the ears of every girl in the club!
Don’t go around looking all bored, aloof, blase, and
indifferent. It may be fascinating for a few girls, but
you have to be terirbly good looking or a very big shot
to have it take on everyone. On the other hand, don’t be
too always-on-hand. We like to see you all the time, of
course, but once you start that anything-you-say and
it’s-up-to-you stuff on us, we lose interest. Do you like
girls who do everything you say and anything you say,
whenever you say? No, wc don't like boys like that
either. In short, just give us a chance to lose a little
sleep over you!
Maybe after reading this, you may smile indulgently,
perhaps yawn, and remark, “So what?” To which we
very inelegantly reply, “Nerts to you!"
WHAT WE THINK ABOUT YOU WOMEN
Exclusive to—women-. “You all look alike.”
When it becomes necessary to think about you we do
it very firmly. We begin with you in general and say:
"Swell chick! Nice looking cat! Very charming crea
ture” or “Not so hot! Beat to her anklets! A trifle
worn!” When this general observation is over, we walk
up and say, ‘‘Beg pardon,” or "Haven’t I seen you some
where?” or “Hello, kid; what’s your name?” Regard
less of your answer, we re going to look you over, hardly
noticing your clothes; our interest being chiefly in bow
you’re making out in whatever you’re in. We usually
begin, as a means of saving time, with feet and lower
regions anil make an excursion to your hair. From the
beginning to the end of the optical journey you will per
haps hear such murmurings: “A bit large . . . not bad
. . . streamlined; . . . Mae . . . Dixie Highway . . . two
dark pools . . . Poro! . . . Madame Walker!” This done,
we talk, and (il you get a chance to say anything) ana
lyze what you say! If you talk about us, we’ll think
you’re fresh; if you talk about yourself, we’ll think
you’re conceited. If you ignore us, we ll sprain an ankle
getting a word or a good, meaning look to you next
time you appear. If you get ga-ga about us, we ll keep
you worried as much as possible (if we know that you’re
silly enough to worry). All in all, we’re not as bad as
you think we are; we’re worse.
To us there are two distinct classes of women: the
ones we like and the ones we don’t like. But we do not
classify you as “good” or “bad;” there are bad women,
and those that haven’t been found out yet.