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FEATURES
Monday, April 12, 1999
THE MAROON TIGER
PAGE 9
ASK RAJ
Dear Raj,
My girlfriend of three years and 1 recently broke up. The breakup was
really messy and she still is holding a grudge. It seems like every time 1 meet a woman,
my ex-girlfriend tracks her down and badmouths me. 1 would really like to move on
with my life, but my ex's actions have already cost me a couple of potential
relationships. How do 1 lose the baggage?
Ex to the Next
Dear Ex to the Next,
Yours is a common problem in the AUC. One of the problems
with going to school in a tight knit community is that there are very few degrees of
separation between people. You didn't say why you and your ex broke up, but it is
obvious that there are some issues between the two of you that have not been wrapped
up. Since you say you broke up recently, the wounds are still fresh, and your eagerness
to find someone new is not going to sit well with her. The first thing you should dors
talk to your ex (no yelling or pimp-slapping) and explain to her that her lack of respect
for your private life will not be tolerated. Find out why she insists on interfering with
your personal business, and try to find some way the two of you can have a mutually
respectful relationship, whether you choose to remain friends or not Another thing you
should do is try meeting people who don't have any involvement with your ex. If you're
trying to mack her friends and her classmates, of course she's going to be salty. You
would too if the tables were turned. Meet women from other schools , or go to non-AUC
social functions. There are always lots of single professional women at Otto's on Sunday
and Run and Shoot is packed with trim and tight women who have good abs to boot.
Remember, time heals all wounds, and your ex will get over you eventually,
Raj
Dear Raj,
I have been dating this woman for a couple of weeks and I am damn
near in love with her. 1 think about the girl all the time, and when we're together, we
have a great time. 1 was dead set on making her my woman, until recently. Apparently,
she has a reputation as a "freak". I've heard some really lascivious things about her
from people who seem to know. When 1 first heard this, 1 dismissed it but I've heard the
same from numerous people, females as well as males. I really like this girl and I believe
she feels the same, but I am worried that she will be unfaithful. What do I do?
Simp C
P.S. 1 have not had sex with her vet.
Dear Simp C,
"Nigga, You know you can't turn no ho into a housewife!" "What you
trying to save that ho to', dawg?" These are phrases you will have to be prepared to face
from your friends, your associates, people who don't even know you, and Too Short,
should you decide to make, this woman wifey. You should very, very delicately bring
this issue up with your little friend, as ignoring the issue will only lead to trouble.
Explain to her that you need to know about her past if the two of you are going to be
together. If she denies them, you have to decide the validity of the rumonnongers'
statements. If she admits she was a "freak", you have to weigh how much you trust her
and how this knowledge of her past is going to affect your relationship. You also have to
understand that college is the time for sexual experimentation, and it ain't too many
virgins 'round hyuh. Your friend mav just have been sewing her wild oats, which you
probably have done yourself, so don't be so quick to judge. On the other hand, maybe
she just needed attention, and now that you're here to take care of her, she'll settle
down. This is known in the common vernacular as "saving the ho." What it boils down
to is your faith in this woman. 11 you don't trust her to be faithful, move on. But if you
think the two of you have legitimate feelings for each other, it's time to stick your chest
out, throw on that cape, and fly off to boldly go where lots of folks have gone before.
Captain (cue Star Trek music).
Raj
l.Great weather we're having, ain't it? 2.Now that sundress
season is upon us, ladies, shouldn't some of us be shaving our
pits? 3.What with bikini time just around the corner, wouldn't it
be great if we applied this logic to other areas as well? 4. Why’s
everyone so horny lately? 5.Could it be because 112's "Anywhere"
might be the best &#c% me song since "Darling Nikki?" 6.But
Don't UGK's "Take It Off" just make you wanna twerk sumthin'?
7.Ain’t that 2000 S-Class the sweetest car on the road? 8. But
how long until Black folks get their hands on it and I see one
sittin' on some 20-inch triple golds with a spoiler? 9. What's more
offensive, hooters or knockers? 10.And is too much ever really
enough? ll.Why won't people stop bitching when they lose an
election? 12.Who would you rather trust with your life, the
elections committee, the Financial aid office, or the Ku Klux Klan?
13.Didn't them two black guys cooning it up on MTV's cruise
ship look strangely familiar? 14. What if this were my way of
apologizing? 15. What if the preceding question was not mine,
but a friend of mine's gross simping to appease some girl? 16.If it
tasted like a peach, wouldn't you really want to eat it? 17.Isn't
the phrase, "just because it comes in your size don't mean that
you should wear it" oh so appropriate about this time of year?
18.That's some nice linen, but have you heard of this contraption
they call an iron? 19.Shouldn't you be breaking her back instead
of her heart? 20.Shouldn't you be breaking him off instead of
breaking his bank account?