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ATLANTA BARB-Page 7 Recently Rev. John Gill, Pastor Metropolitan Com munity Church, gave a se ries of sermons on bibli cal characters, including ' ‘Moses And His Moun tains, Christ and His Cross,” concluding with “Paul And His Parch ment.” The reason behind this is that people often become so involved in acts describing the Bible, that they forget about the per son. The following is an edited version of his ser mon entitled “Paul And His Parchment” Reverend Saul Paul Independent Missionary Corinth, Greece Dear Brother Paul: We recently received an application from you for service under our board. It is (Kir policy to be as frank and open-minded as possible with all our ap plicants . We have made an exhaustive study of your case. To be plain, we are surprised that you have been able to pass as a bonafide missionary. We are told that you are afflicted with severe eye trouble. Our board re quires 20/20 vision. At Antioch, we learn that you opposed Dr. Simon Peter, and esteemed de nominational secre tary and actually rebuked him publically. You stir red up so much trouble at Antioch that a special board meeting had to be convened in Jerusalem. We cannot condone such ac tions. Do you think it seem ly for a missionary to do part time secular work? We hear that you are making tents on the side. In a letter to the, church at Phillipi you admitted that they were the only church supporting you. We wonder why! Furthermore, you have not graduated from our seminary, and you know that we cannot have our mission board represent ed by someone who is not a graduate from a recog nized university. We can not recognize the three years you spent in Dam- acus and Arabia because the schools are unknown. Our. board does not re cognize private tutors such as you claim you have had. You made so much trou ble for the good business men at Ephesus that they still refer to you as “the man who turned the world upside down?” Sensatio nalism, in missions, is un called for. We also deplore the lurid “over-the-wall in-a-basket episode” at Damascus. We are apalled at your obvious lack of concilia tory behavior. Diplomatic men are not stoned and dragged out of the city gate or assaulted by furious mobs. You admit that while you were serving time at Rome, “all forsook you.” Good men are not left friendless. Have you ever suspected that gent ler worlds might gain you more friends? I enclose a copy of Daius Car negus’ latest bode, ‘ ‘How To Win Jews and Influence Greeks.’ In one of your letters, you refer to yourself as “Paul the aged.” Our new mission policies do not en vision a surplus of super annuated recipients. We learn that you are a snake handler. At Malta, you picked up a poison- serpent. It is said that you were bitten, but it cau sed you no harm. Tsk Tsk. . . .Tsk. . . . Many letters have been written to churches you have formerly pastored. In one of the letters you accused a good church member of living with his father’s wife, and you there by caused the whole church to feel, badly, and the poor fellow was even expelled. You have spent to much time talking about the “Se cond Coming of Christ.” Your letters to the people of Thessalonica were al most entirely to this theme. Put first things first from now on. Your ministry has been too flighty to be suc- cessiul. First at Asia Minor , then Macedonia, Greece, then Italy, and DRY FOAM CLEANING ♦♦DEODORIZING NO SATURATION IF YOU WANT IT CLEAN GET ON THE BEAM WITH Colossal Carpet Cleaning Co 10 MT. ZION RD. ATLANTA EXPERT CARPET CLEANING AND FLOOR CARE RESIDENTIAL FREE ESTIMATE COMMERCIAL now you are talking about a wild goose chase to Spain. Concentration is more im-i portant than dissipation of one’s powers. You cannot win the whole world by yourself. You are just one Paul. Another episode we do not like is that forced diet you placed upon a.ll those soldiers and the ship’s crew. You called it a fast, but you should know that doctors say that total ab stinence from food is very harmful to the human body. In a recent sermon, you said “God forbid that I should glory in anything save the cross of the Lord Jesus Christ.’” It seems to us .that you also ought to glory in our heritage, our denominational pro gram, the unified budget, and the World Federation of Churches. Your ser mons are too long at times. At one place you talked until after midnight. A young man was so sleepy he fell out of a third floor window. He was taken up as aead but you were to reported to have restored mm to life by falling on him and embra cing him. Mercy! Do you really expect us to believe that? We want practical men. You should have cal led a physician, had a ri gid physical examination conducted, and not been so inhuman. “Stand up, speak up, and shut up” is our theme. Dr. Luke reports that you are a thin little man, bald, frequently sick, always so agitated over your chur ches that you sleep poorly. He also reports that you parade around the house praying half the night. A healthy mind in a robust body is our ideal for all applicants. A good nights sleep will give you zest, a zip, that you wake up full of zing. We find it best to send only married men into for eign service. We deplore your policy of persistent celibacy. Simon Magnus has set up a matrimonial bureau at Samaria where the names of some very fine widows are available. You wrote recently Ti mothy that you ‘ ‘have fought a good fight.” Fighting is hardly a recommendat ion for a missionary. No fight is a good fight. Jesus came not UT bring a sword, but peace. You boast that “I fought wild beasts at Ephesus.” What on earth do you mean by that? It hurts me to tell you this brother Paul, but in all my twenty-five years of experience, I have never met a man so opposite to the requirements of our Foreign Mission Board. If we were to accept you, . it would break every rule of our modern missionary practices. APPLICATION REJECTED Most Sincerely yours, J. Falvius Fluffyhead Secretary to the Board YOU SAVE 500 IF YOU SEND IN YOUR SUBSCRIPTION BEFORE APRIL 15, 1974 SO MAIL THIS COUPOUNT TODAY WITH (CASH, CHECK, OR MONEY ORDERSl IF YOU WISH THE BARB TO BE SENT IN A PLAIN WRAPPER, INCLUDE $1.00 EXTRA FOR POSTAGE AND HANDLING FOR ALL TWELVE ISSUES. ATLANTA BARB. P. O. BOX 82543 ATLANTA, GA. 30354 Name - Access . . City State Zip C CHANCES ON PEACHTREE The Newest Gay Spot In Town fO( A.. N V® C ov« E S 4 A* Your Host Mike Lewis Dancing Disc Jockey Bob Cook Romantic Candle Lite Atsmophere Spacious Parking Lot The' What’s Happening Now’ Place To Go. ?833 Peachtree Rd. N.E. 351-0696