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THE SOUTHERN ISRAELITE
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Written for The Southern Israelite
By MARTIN GOLDE
The Zionist Humorist
Zionist journalism, a pretty sad af
fair, pot a lease on life as the result
of the establishment by New York
Zionists of their own publication,
called “The Zionist.” The paper’s
about half a year old, but it has more
devoted followers than any other
sheet of its kind. To give the rap a
new twist and a new appeal a Peep-
inp Tom was installed. (In more po
lite society they call them columnists.)
All of a sudden New York Zionists
bepan hearinp the skeltons in their
closets rattle. Their foibles, their
preeds became common property. The
man who sipned the column, known
as “More Or Less Personal”, is Mem
Shin Hay. In case you know any He
brew you puess at once that those
words sipnify Moishe. The man behind
the mask is Morris Marpulies, Zion
ist veteran, whom people were so fond
of regarding as an astute politician
that they never realized that he is an
ace humorist. At last he got a chance
—and how he’s exploiting it! The Big
Zionist Chiefs pet pretty riled by him
on and oir, and they call his scribbling
“scandalous” and “outrageous”—but
they renew their subscription to be
sure of their copy of the paper.
What They Think About
I visited this fellow Marpulies in
his editorial sanctum. A rather squat
person, the first thing you notice
about him is his cherubic face. Fact
is, he never really means any harm
with any story he tells. I bepan test
ing his powers. Of course, 1 pot him
out of his usual channel, which is
brisk, concise comment, into my own
domain of anecdotes. And after a
while I collected sufficient to pass on.
h or example, there is the story of
the Cohanim (descendants of the
Priests, you know) who pray before
the Ark on Suecoth, Passover and
Shabuoth. If you’ve ever been to a
synagogue on one of those days you’ve
seen those mystic figures with pray
ing shawls who sway back and forth,
absorbed in their pleas for mercy.
They stand there in stockingless feet,
in accordance with the ritual. To look
at any one of these striking figures,
. y° u ^ ee J that nothing on ehrth en
gages his attention except the prayer
on his lips.
Once, however, a rather irreverent
person approached one of them and
asked, in all seriousness: “Tell me,
what are you thinking about now?”
To which he got the reply: “I won
der if anybody’s stealing* my shoes
outside.”
Bismarck and Disraeli
Delving into the storehouse of his
collection Marpulies brought up the
tale that is connected with Bismarck
and Disraeli. It seems that those fa
mous statesmen were together at a
social function in the intermission be
tween negotiations. At this party Bis
marck was discussing some South
American country and spoke of its
development. “The only thing they
don t have there are Jews and pigs,”
the Iron Chancellor remarked. Where
upon Beaconsfield strolled over to
Bismarck, placed his arm affection
ately around the German and said:
“Well, Prince, let’s you and I go over
there—then they’ll have everything.”
When Wise Was Tammany
These days even folks in the sticks
hear the reverberations of the clash
between Stephen S. Wise and Tam
many Hall. At first flush you think
those two forces have been foes from
time immemorial. But there were
other days—and not so long ago.
Marpulies recalled them to me. He
used to be secretary of the American
Jewish Congress, a typical post for
this fellow who despite his stateli
ness always manages to finish what
he started. His associate was Ber
nard G. Richards, who now holds the
lone secretaryship.
It was in 1924, a blazing day in
summer. Richards wobbled into the
office, wiping his streaming face.
Marpulies asked anxiously whether he
felt ill, but Richards moaned that for
the last two hours he had been trying
to reach Stephen Wise, then President
of the Congress, on important busi
ness. And Wise was immersed in
Madison Square Garden, where the
Democratic Party was then staging
its battle for supremacy. And—be
lieve it or not—Wise was there as the
delegate of Tammany Hall. Charles
Murphy, boss of Tammany, had died
just previously, and the Rabbi of the
Free Synagogue was deputized to take
Murphy’s august place.
Marpulies undertook to reach Wise
despite all the police cordons that
stretched for blocks around the Gar
den, which refused entrance to any
human being except a delegate. Mar-
gulies took a blank sheet of paper,
folded it, placed it in an envelope and
wrote Wise’s name on it. He then
went to a policeman near the Gar
den and said: “Here’s an important
message for Dr. Wise. Please take
it in to him.”
The cop was offended, of course.
“Take it up with the sergeant,” he
said. Marpulies made the same offer
to the sergeant, then to the lieuten
ant, and then to the captain. All of
them said that they had orders to
stay at their posts. But, in the mean
while, Marpulies was advancing to
his goal. Finally the captain sent
him to the head usher, who in turn,
Wassermann Succeeds Warburg
By Worldwide News Service
Bade.—Oscar Wassermann, noted
Berlin banker, and non-Zionist, was
elected Chairman of the Administra
tive Committee of the Jewish Agency
for Palestine, at the closing session
of that body’s biennial meeting. He
succeeds Felix M. Warburg. Nahum
Sokolow, as head of the Zionist
Organization, automatically became
President of Jewish Agency, and 0.
E. D’Avigdor Goldsmid, Chairman of
the British Jewish Board of Deputies,
was chosen Chairman of the Council
of the Agency, comprising 220 mem
bers. Thus, Dr. Cyrus Adler, who had
played so prominent a part in the af
fairs of the Jewish Agency during the
past two years, was completely elim
inated from the picture—by his own
wish. The sessions of the council
meeting closed as undramatically as
they had opened, with a general feel
ing that nothing had been done to
strengthen the attachment of non-
Zionists in America to the Jewish
Agency.
The election of the forty members
of the Agency Administrative Com
mittee gave seven Zionist members to
America, three of whom represent the
Zionist Organization of America. The
seven Americans are: Meyer Brown
Harry Karp, Gedaliah Bublick, Mor
ns Rothenberg, Robert Szold, Stephen
S. Wise and Rabbi Aaron Teitelbaum.
1 he non-Zionist American members
are: Dr. Zyrus Adler, Judge Irving
Lehman, Judge Horace Stern, James
Becker, Henry Weinman, Solomon
Lowenstein, Alexander Kahn, and Dr.
I>ee K. Frankel.
Although a violent controversy
threatened on the issue of the Mac
Donald Letter, Zionists and non-Zion
ists in the committee meetings found
no difficulty in adjusting their dif-
going to the Zionists. The resoluti
on the MacDonald Letter, substantial
the same as that adopted by the Co
press, viewed that document as
basis for further discussion” and e
pressed the hope that certain uncle
portions of the MacDonald Lett
would be cleared up by administrati
action in accordance with the Ma
date. Other political resolutions i
eluded one expressing the desire
the Agency for harmony between t
Jews and Arabs who, it was d
dared, have a mutual interest in t'
peaceful development of Palestir
where neither group should domina
or be dominated. Other resolutio
protested against the restrictions <
land purchase, the failure of t
Government to give an adequate sha
in public works to Jewish laborei
and the difficulties placed in the wj
of Jewish immigrants.
The proposal made by J. Sprinz:
of Palestine that the Jewish Agem
attempt to secure a million membe
with each one paying five dollars
year was adopted. A report by E
Bernard Kahn, for the finance cor
mi ee stated that it was imperati
! A S*ncy to raise $:
000,000 by the end of the year.
e five non-Zionist members of tl
Agency Executive, who will work t
Prof er SpV ,th Chaim A rlosoro
Fmfn * * * * S ? v Brodetsk y> Berl Locke
I . nuel Neumann and Heshel Far
stem, are Dr. Maurice Hexter, E
Dr e, ? er R S R na ^ 0r ’ Dr * Bernard Kah
Dr T * *x? e ? SOn and Harr y Vitele
<V«* L e K * Frankel w as elected C
Robert ^ m the Agency Council ar
Robert Szold and Prof. Speyer wei
nam e d as y ice - Chai rmen< ^ ™
mrnn Z f°r St i7 as llamed Vice-Chai
man of the Administrative Committe
dispatched him to the Lisle
And finally he reached V, j se .
The Rabbi, who knew of the strict
guard around the place, had been hap
py in the thought that he wouldn’t be
annoyed by his responsibilities as a
Jewish leader at this crucial Demo
cratic movement. “Why, Morris, how
did you get here?” he asked in dis
may as he arose, startled. To which
Margulies responded: “Well, Doctor
getting this message to you was no
less difficult than the delivery of the
message to Garcia.”
Whose Legacy?
With the Rothschilds of Vienna oc
cupying the news limelight these
days, I was particularly glad to get
from Margulies another of the seem
ingly inexhaustible fund of anec
dotes that hover about the Rothschild
dynasty. This one concerns Mayer
Amschel, founder of the house, whose
generosity was widely known hut who
was particularly noted for his weak
ness in giving money to parents as a
dowry to marry off children.
One day two wandering schorrers
came to Frankfurt and decided to
make separate appeals to the philan
thropist. One of them went in, and
after a while came out—extremely
happy. - He had been given one hun
dred gold pieces. The other one went
in. Getting admittance to Rothschild,
he told him a heart-rending tale of
misery and poverty. His wife and
children needed funds badly. Wouldn't
he help? Whereupon Rothschild took
out ten gold pieces and gave them to
the schorrer. The latter was amazed,
and then became righteosuly angry.
“What do you mean, giving me only
ten gold pieces, when you gave that
fellow who came in before a hun
dred?” he demanded. Rothschild was
properly vexed: “Why, that other fel
low has a daughter for whom he
needs a dowry.”
At which the schorrer saw red. A
daughter? That fellow has n<> daugh
ter. He has only a wife.’’ Rothschild,
feeling that he had been imposed up
on, sent out a servant to round up
the other schorrer, who was fou
outside. When he came into Roths
child’s room he realized that some
had gone wrong. Mayer Amscne
shouted: “What do you mean by
posing on me, telling me a lie abou
a daughter?” He went on m ®
vein for a while, until the humrei
piece fellow interrupted ami sab •
“Calm yourself. There’s no need
for all this shouting. Now
had a daughter, but she <
she was two years old. 1
lived till now she would
thirty-two. I surely won
had the money to give her
Under those circumstances
tainly would have helped me
you?” he asked of Roths
which the latter nodded h:
assent.
“Well, then. She’s dead. ’
is more entitled to her lega
father, or you, a stranger?
Copyright 1931 by S. A. :
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