Newspaper Page Text
xploits, this diminutive greatest
h female comedian of the day,
us know how it feels to be on
away from the influence of the
e of Liberty, which Ballyhoo has
rtly called “Uncle Sam’s Di-
.ved Wife.”
always longed to go down to
ea in sheeps. But that longing
never be more than a yearning,
the first time I ever rocked a Le-
han, I was a first classic passen-
Kt i tte, wrapped in ermines.
Now again, with a peculiar upward
furling, I am clinging crosswise to a
arboard rail. And my first impres-
mn on deck is—mustachio.
Mustachio moderato, mustachio
eseendo, mustachio furioso. Up-
ight, baby, and grand.
Officers, sailors, and playing wait
ers are smiling with a fungus rare
and sweet. The skipper himself is be-
hiskered. It’s a cinch, as a communi
ty. they could do away with barberian
unemployment in Kalamazoo.
I noticed the approach of a monocle
i the invisible eye of a steaming
Knglishman. He gave me the impres
sion of the Flying Scotchman locomo
tive. groping its way in the night,
with one headlight destroyed by a
blizzard. He seemed to be skating on
a sort of hard-boiled egg bearings,
and once I saw him devour a meal
like nobody’s business. I was piqued.
I never knew the aristocracy posses
sed such an appetite. Later, I learned
to mv shame, how ignorant I was in
the ways of true aristocracy. This
specimen turned out to be no more
than a far-flung relative of mine, a
native Galitzyaner, who lost his other
eye-glass.
Fverybody here seems quite preoc
cupied dressing and dining.
Yesterday I met a New Yorker, who
shocked me by wanting to be called
Mr. Goldstein. The gentleman, you
>ee. looks and acts like a full-blooded
Irishman. And I know he is one, be
cause he told me so himself.
I was astonished, and asked him:
"If you are not a Jew’, why is your
namt* Goldstein? And if your name
is Goldstein, why are you, God for
bid, a goy ?
He explained to me that his real
name was McLaughlin. Only when he
first came to New York from Ire
land, he entered the dress business,
and in that line nobody could spell his
name, or understand why a man with
su °fi a name should be in the dress
business. A year ago he lost his wife,
and every month he goes to her grave
and sings Eli Eli.
I his Mr. Goldstein-McLaughlin in
troduced me to a gentleman, who is a
member of the Morgan interests. He
looks a little like Lenin. But the
mere mention of it makes him sick.
Most of the time he is sea-sick, and
he has a way of beginning every
feeble bit of conversation with a mil
lion dollars.
His favorite subject of discussion
depression’. And he has a theory,
hat humanity came to grief because
the abundance of food. We have
much to eat. As soon as some-
’“g of a famine will rise its hydra
cad, Prosperity will come.
1 admit I am not so calculus, as to
’ k that. I can’t figure this out. I
—
del-zo company
130'/ 2 Forsyth St., S. W.
DEL-ZO CLEANER
" A. 8730 Atlanta, Ga.
1 H E S ° u IHERN ISRAELITE
regret I miss the finer points in the
Einstein Theory.
Among the passengers I met sev-
( ral skk physicians, who are trailing
Jimmy Walker to his playful haunts,
the various Bads, external and Pil-
sener. These doctors are crossing the
ocean to see certain doctors, out of a
certain reverence that only doctors
can understand.
I feel that my first chapter would
not be frankly complete, unless I reg
ister my violent gastronomical com
plaint. The gold-lettered menu is full
of alas, but barring all of them, I
miss a good plain slice of herring a la
Second Avenue.
Then there is the inimitable story
of the tw'o Jews who were so hard
hit by the depression that they de
cided to get converted, since that
seemed to be the only way to get
a job to keep on living. They made
arrangements with a priest for 2:30
the next afternoon. As the time ap
proached the two fellows went to the
church. But the minute of the appoint
ment passed. They waited a half hour,
an hour, an hour and a half. Their
impatience was visible. In distress,
one of them said: “Say, if he doesn’t
come pretty soon it’ll be too late for
Mincha” (which—for the benefit of
the uninitiated, if any—means the af
ternoon prayer recited religiously by
the Orthodox).
Copyright 1931 by S. A. F. S.
Saloniki, Greece.—In order to pro
vide funds for poor Jews whose prop
erty was destroyed during the recent
anti-Semitic riots, the city has set
aside an appropriation of .$00,000 to
acquire sites in the Jewish quarter
from Jews who wish to move.
The executive committee of the Re
visionists has issued a statement at
tacking the proposed plan for the dis
tribution of the $12,400,000 for a land
development scheme in Palestine and
urging the new Zionist Executive not
to appoint a Jewish advisor to Com
missioner Lewis French until a sat
isfactory plan of distribution is sub
mitted to the Jews.
Berlin.—The sum of $1,000,000 has
been donated to the City of Berlin
by Julius Rosenwald, of Chicago, for
the establishment of a children’s clin
ic, according to an announcement
made by Mayor Heinrich Sahm.
Berlin.—Karl Melchior, Hamburg
Jewish banker, and outstanding repa
rations expert, has been appointed by
the German government as one of the
two German representatives to deal
with the bankers of the other Euro
pean powers for financial assistance,
as recommended by the recent Lon
don conference.
Saloniki.—The decision of several
Jewish communities in Poland to stop
buying citrons for Shabuoth that are
grown in Greece was deplored at a
conference of Jewish leaders here,
who called for a revocation of the
ban. The Saloniki Jews feel that a
ban on Greek products by outside
Jewish communities will be used to
increase anti-Semitic agitation.
DECATUR DRUG CO.
L. M. LACY
550 N. McDouough
DE. 1636 Decatur, Ga.
New Year
are coupled with our
firm determination to
help you have one!
A Happy
This season of “Good
Cheer” finds us fully
prepared to meet the
demands of our many
friends for all the good
ies, without which the
festive board would be
incomplete.
Purest foods; cleanly
kept and cleanly han
dled; Sold at the right
prices.
The Great
Atlantic & Pacific
Tea Company