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Strange
Land
A Feuilleton
by Sol Marks
Just for a little relaxation, I
thought I'd visit Yum Yum one day
last week. It’s a long bus ride from
Hoboken. The empire of Yum Yum
really consists of three islands,
Yum Yum itself and Yip Yip and
Yoo. As the crow flies, it’s about
fifty miles from Yum Yum to Yip
Yip and about 25 miles from Yum
Yum to Yo Yo. As the goose walks
or the duck swims, it is of course a
much longer distance.
The trip kind of tired me, and
you know how it is when you come
to a foreign land. I didn’t know
anyone and after a while, a per
son has got to say something to
somebody. So finally I stopped a
man who was running and said
to him, "Nice weather, isn’t it?”
"I am running and you stop me
to make that quite inane remark,"
he said curtly.
“Well,” I said, "maybe I can
think of something more profound."
"Yes, do try,” he said.
You know how it is. Last week,
I had some very profound thoughts
while I was shaving, all about
atoms, Einstein, existentialism, in
flation, but now for the life of me,
I could think of nothing profound.
So I mumbled, "Well, we'll be
having New Year’s soon.”
I realized that this remark didn't
fill the bill, but I was quite un
prepared for the peculiar reaction
which followed.
“Sir,” he said, “that’s an out
rage. I demand an apology. You
have insulted me.”
“Insulted you,” I said, "how have
I insulted you?”
The man looked at me quizzical
ly. “Are you a foreigner?”
I said, "Well, I live in American.”
“O!” he said, “that explains it.
Strange land, isn’t it?"
“What’s strange about it?” I said.
"Well,” he said, “maybe I couldn’t
have said that, but in Yum Yum
you made the one remark you
should not have made. Don’t you
know that the fundamental prin
ciple of the constitution of Yum
Yum for-which our fathers bled
and died, is that there is never—
or hardly ever a New Year! There,”
he said to me, pointing to a statue,
“is the father of our country. He
gave his life for that principle.”
“I don’t understand,” I said, “I
can see how you can fight for lib
erty or ft*- equajity—but why
fight about New Year’s?’
“Sir,” he said to me, “What
makes people get old. Isn't it new
years? Every new year makes you
just a year older. Do you want to
get older or do you want to stay
young? In Yum Yum. we stand for
the principle of eternal youth, year
of eternal babyhood. In Yum Yum,
every man is only one year old.
We have no new years.”
I listened too amazed to say any
thing for a while. Then I said,
“Well, that is quite a novel idea.”
“Novel my eye-” he said. “Our
principle is proclaimed in the Bible.
Read the psalms. 'For a thousand
years in thy eyes, O Lord, are but
as a day.’ You see that's the true
Biblical idea. Now religion teaches
that we should imitate God, for
the Divine way is the perfect way.
If a thousand years are but as a
day, then a new year should occur
only once in 365,000 years.”
“We are all children here,” he
continued. “Ask that man how old
he is.” He pointed to a man who
had a gray beard. “How old are
you, pop?” I queried.
“He'll never answer that way,”
he said. “His name is Max. Call
him Maxily.”
“Maxily,” I said, “how old are
you?”
“One year old,” replied the gray
beard.
“There,” he said, “you see. In
fact, our last Congress of Yum
Yum has just enacted a new law-
barring all diseases save measles
and whooping cough. Even the
indicate who wanted to allow
mumps failed to carry their point.”
“Do you mean to say that you
can bar these diseases by simple
passing a law against them?”
"Of course, if everything around
you emphasizes the point of your
youth, you'll stay young. It's as
easy to get the young accent as it
is to get the old accent. It’s hard
for Americans to learn Chinese,
but a Chinese picks it up very
easy.”
“So you think age is nothing but
an accent?” he said.
•That’s all.”
As we were talking I turned my
head to see a man on a corner
soap box haranguing the crowd.
“Do you have soap boxers here,
too?” I asked.
“I woudn't listen to him, if I
were you.” said the man.
“Why not?” I asked.
“He’s a Vee Vee.”
“What’s a Vee Vee?”
“O,” he said, “that's the revolu
tionary party, the Vice Versa
party.”
“O, so you have a revolutionary
party,” I said. “What do they
want?”
.“They want to overturn the
state, to overturn the fundamental
principle of our Constitution.”
I moved to where the soap boxer
was talking. He had his hands in
the air and was shouting, “What
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