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THE SOUTHERN ISRAELITE
PLAIN TALK—By Alfred Seg*l
I Reply to a Scolding
The Haptist Rev. Mr. McKen
zie who reads this column in the
American Israelite of Cincinnati
tells me: “Dear Mr. Segal: I
should like to meet you some day
down here on the earth to talk
it all over with. Yes, down here
on the earth because I will never
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meet you up in heaven after 1
myself get there
‘‘I feel sure you’ll never attain
heaven, because of the way you
look at religion In my reading
of your column 1 have never once
found you speaking of any hope
of your ever getting into heaven
You seem not even to understand
* <**»««**“>
“Your talk about religion has
all to do with people down here
on earth and how to do toward
them ... by way of ‘brother
hood,’ as you call it I have not
noticed that you ever look up to
the One who is the Father of us
all. To you the practice of reli
gion is but an earthly function
“I feel sure that that isn’t the
idea of your rabbis who I know
look up to heaven when they
recite prayers. Who are you to
speak as if you knew all about
religion? I feel surprised . and
even shocked . that no rabbi
has upbraided you; I am now
doing it for them, too.
"As I have already suggested,
I am speaking to you now be
cause I feel sure we’ll never meet
in heaven. That is to say, you
yourself will not be there. 1 feel
proud enough to say that I my
self will get in. In the large
group of clergymen of my faith
I shall be standing there waiting
for you. Of course, in another
group in heaven, not far from us,
will stand all the rabbis, looking
for 1 you also, maybe
“Yes, I shall be there through
all eternity waiting for you
but you don’t arrive. Finally, I
speak up to one of the Angels to
inquire about you . ‘Where’s
that Segal?’ The Angel asks me
why do I expect Segal up there
. . Segal who in all his writing
never wrote as if he knew of
Heaven; he thought religion had
to do entirely with flesh and
blood, with people down on the
earth. He never spoke of Heaven
“Yes, Mr. Segal, I am writing
this by way of warning you as to
your future, in order to persuade
you to alter your ideas about
religion before it is too late.
From what you have written, I
have gathered that you are no
longer young, that you haven’t
so many years ahead of you on
this earth, that it is about time
that, by celestial thinking, you
started to make yourself ready
to get into Heaven when (he
time comes.”
Well, the Rev. Mr. McKenzie
doesn't frighten ine at all about
my chance of getting up to
Heaven, if there is Heaven. I re
ply to him.
My dear Mr. McKenzie: Thanks
for writing me, particularly be
cause now that I know your
name, I’ll know how to look you
up if I get Up There, and to
speak to you.
I shall say to you, Hello, there
Mr. McKenzie, and I’m so glad to
meet you Here, and I feel sure
you’re happy to see me, even
though you felt positive I’d never
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“House of Service
whether of Judaism or Chris
tianity, Mohammedanism or of
Buddhism. The main end of all
religions should be to make a bit
of heaven on earth and whoever
tries to do some of it is welcomed
Up H ere all brothers to
gether children of the Father.
Anyway, Up Here you can all
be brothers together for good ’
So, Mr McKenzie, I feel sure
of meeting you, the Baptist, Up
There and converting you, not
to my own religion, but to the
essential that the main function
of all religions is to help make
urTpffgifm. As » u¥w awful* Shapt 4 rigid now! f shall
introduce you to rabbis Up There,
toward all of you mixing to
gether and, yes, I shall try to
get Here to be with you I hope
you greet me joyously
If you still doubt my right to
be Up Here, I shall take you to
one of the Angel* and introduce
you, saying, “This is Mr. McKen
zie. You see, when he and 1 both
were down there on the earth, he
felt sure that I would never get
down there, I had the idea that
the best way of practicing my re
ligion was to try to be a fairly
decent person on the earth I
didn’t feel sure about Heaven
hereafter, my Jewish theory was
that it was my job to do what I
could to help make heaven on
earth; so that if there was a
Heaven high up, I’d be admitted
Up There as one who tried to do
what little he could to try to
make heaven on earth. That was
my idea of being a Jew. What
do you think about it, dear An
gel?’
Well, Mr McKenzie, I feel sure
the Angel will say 'OK, that’s
also our idea of religion Up Here
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start a sacred but happy dance
in which the clergy of all the
religions rabbis, priests,
popes cardinals, archbishops and
Protestants dance together.
I must conclude by confessing
to you that I don’t know anything
about Heaven Up There If there
isn’t any, 1 myself shall be con
tent to rest peacefully in God’s
earth after I’m through with it.
Sincerely yours,
Alfred Segal
*o**V
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