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Friday, October 7, IN4
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Spectacular Sports Event
Chelm Cancels Meet With Imperigonev G’Bernya
By ARTHUR WEYNE
The following is reprinted by permission of The
Cleveland Jewish News and its Editor Arthur Weyne,
author and one of America’s outstanding Jewish writers.
In the matter of Chelm, the celebrated venue of
adorable fools, the likelihood is that anyone who has
read anything about it has read everything about it.
It’s habit-forming; once hooked, never kicked. The tales,
as who doesn’t know, are quaint, charming, chuckly,
and resolutely tongue-in-cheeky. Many Chelm afficion-
ados would give their choicest stock-options to be put
wise to a new Chelm legend—or at least one they havn’t
heard before.
St. John Moskowitz, the eminent international
Judophile and literary critic for Though Magazine’s
Ulpan section, is, in fact, one record as having whinnied,
“My double-in status for a new Chelm story.”
We never thought we’d be the one to find out. The
other day, however, sorting out our long-expired
pledges, we discovered a hitherto unknown Chelm nar
rative, certified authentic beyond any cavil. In an access
of committed relatedness to the readers of this space,
we herewith spontaneously share it with you.
It was mid-summer. Chelm’s formidable congrega
tion of runners, leapers, and hurlers of assorted hard
ware was completing its training and preparation for
a trip to Imperigonev G’bernya, there to engage in its
annual contest with the runners, etc. of that equally
distinguished community.
Although the people of Chelm and the people of
Podolya inhabited the same world at the same time,
each followed a way of life radically different from
the other, and the fact that their runners, etc. met
every so often to see whose could run faster, leap high
er, and toss assorted hardware further was deemed a
great saving grace—even an implication that one day,
after enough of these and other kinds of meetings, the
Elders of Chelm and Imperigonev G’bernia would
realize how unnecessary their mutual hostility was and
permit warmth to fill the cold corridors of their rela
tionship.
Now it happened at the time we tell of that the gov
ernment of Podolya had become unwittingly involved
in a paskutxve situation elsewhere in the world, a rather
far elsewhere, as it happened—and while it was pain
fully and wretchedly doing its best to straighten mat
ters out in the distant trouble-spot, the government of
Chelm deeply disapproved of Imperigonev G’bernia’s
involvement, for it, too, was involved, although some
what second-handedly, and of course on the other side.
The super-Elders of Chelm said, Imperigonev G’bernia
is a big, fat, selfish slob that is only interested in ex
tending its sphere of cholesteral influence to every
comer of the globe. Podolyans, go home!”
The people of Podolya didn’t reply to the Elders
of Chelm, for they were confused and unhappy. They
only wanted to do the right thing, whatever the right
thing might be. Until they could find what it was, they
continued to do what they had been doing. That, of
course, left the Elders of Chelm frustrated. What was to
be done?
The Elders of Chelm called a meeting and all the
villagers, knowing what was good for them, showed
up and listened attentitively to all that was set forth
for their enlightenment.
“The problem before this parliament of Chelm,” the
chief super-Elder declared, “is to devise some action
which at one and the same time will hurt Imperigonev
G’bernia to its many quicks and also show the world
how bad we feel about the G’bernia’s dreadful choles
teral aggression in Vitnamske. Are there any proposals
from the floor?”
Now this last question was a mere formality, for
the Elders of Chelm loved to pretend that they were
democrats at heart. To everyone’s surprise, a villager
arose, timidly, and hesitantly said, “I should like to
offer a proposal, if I may.”
“You may, indeed, Comrade Chochem!" the chief
super-Elder boomed in his surprise.
“I have devoted much thought to this matter,” the
timid villager said, “I have wrinkled my brow over this
and scratched my head for two nights running.” And
he wrinkled his brow, right there and then, turning
around for all to see, and he delicately scratched his
head, to show how profoundly he had cogitated.
A murmur of admiration arose from his fellow-
Chelmers, who recognized a thinker when they saw one,
although they had seen him all his life and never sus
pected him.
“What do you propose, Comrade Chochem?” the
super-Elder said playfully.
“I propose” he answered, with the deliberation due
a thinker, “that we make pariahs out of the Imperigo-
nevs for all the world to see and sneer at. . . I propose
that—”
“How? How?” the Chelmers carefully cried.
“By announcing that we will no longer dignify the
Imperigonevs by allowing our runners, leapers, and hur
lers of assorted hardware to consort with theirs on the
field of clean competition. . . By announcing that we
cancel our contest with them this year. Why should we
send our runners, etc, to brighten their imperialistic
fields? Why should we permit the pictures of our lovely
men and Amazonian women to grace the dull sport
pages of their controlled gazettes?. . . And if they wish
to restore the competition next year, they know what
we expect of them!”
The assemblage cried out in controlled delight. The
Chelmers sprang up and clapped Comrade Cochem on
his ill-clad back and all but lifted him to their rough-
hewn shoulders, while the Elders sat at the dais rubbing
their own and each other’s hands.
The proposal was adopted without a dissenting
voice. So this year the contest between the runners,
etc, of Chelm and the runners, etc. of Imperigonev will
not strive against each other, and the poor Imperigonevs
stand non-plussed and humiliated before the world.
Another epic triumph for the keen mentality of Chelm!
Thousands Celebrate
Ben-Gurion's Birthday
SDE BOKER (JTA)—Thou
sands of persons converged this
week on this isolated kibbutz in
the Negev to pay homage to
former Prime Minister David
Ben-Gurion. The event was the
first of several celebrations in
various parts of the country
marking the 80th birthday of the
man who headed Israel’s Govern
ment for 15 of the 18 years since
the rebirth of the State.
The celebration at Sde Boker,
where Mr. Ben-Gurion has been
living since he left the premier
ship three years ago, included
musical tributes to the former
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Prime Minister and a pageant
depicting incidents in his career.
The well wishers, who started
gathering at the kibbutz early
this morning, included members
of the diplomatic corps, hundreds
of Palmach and Hagannah vet
erans, and kibbutz members from
all parts of the country.
President Zalman Shazar ar
rived here aboard a helicopter to
congratulate Mr. Ben-Gurion and
announced his personal contribu
tion of 1,440 pounds ($380),
representing the age of the
former Premier multiplied by the
age of the State of Israel, for a
special fund to be set up for the
publication of Mr. Ben-Gurion’s
articles. Mr. Ben-Gurion, who ap
peared pale due to a recent ill
ness, was also greeted by Chief
of Staff Yitzhak Rabin, who came
here on behalf of the armed
forces.
Premier Levi Eshkol and Mrs.
Golda Meir, secretary-general of
the Mapai Party which Mr. Ben-
Gurion left to form his own
dissident Israel Workers Party
(Rafi), were not present at the
celebrations. They have been at
odds, politically, with the former
Premier, for the past two years.
(In New York, the American
Labor Zionist movement held a
special rally to honor Mr. Ben-
Gurion upon his 80th anniver
sary. Participating in the event,
held in Farband House auditori
um, were members of the central
committee of the Labor Zionist
Organization of America-Poale
Zion; the national executive
committee of Farband-Labor
Zionist Order; the national board
of Pioneer Women; the central
committee of Habonim; and the
National Committee for Labor
Israel.)
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“Nearly Right Won’t Do”
Big Gift Protested
protesting against the Israel Mu
seum’s intention to receive a $1,-
000,000 gift from Axel Springer,
a leading West German publish
er were posted on walls here and
have been distributed to passers-
by on main streets. The posters,
signed by the “Committee for Is
rael’s Dignity,” warn “when the
building will be completed, you
will have to guard it night and
day, as there are Jews who will
not tolerate its existence.”
Ask ‘‘Jewry Week"
Be Delayed
JERUSALEM (JTA)—A num
ber of personalities in the Gov
ernment were reported to be
pressing the World Jewish Con
gress to postpone its “Soviet Jew
ry Week” program, in which ral
lies were scheduled for Novem
ber to protest the plight of So
viet Jewry. The pressure on the
WJC stems from the belief that
one of the main factors that
prompted the Soviet Government
to cancel the scheduled tour in
Russia of the Israel Philharmonic
Orchestra was the planning of
the “Soviet Jewry Week” protests
by the Congress.
Chaverim Begins
Its Second Year
Chaverim-BBYO began its sec
ond year Sunday, Sept. 25, with
election of officers and a festive
barbecue at the home of Mr. and
Mrs. Jack A. Marks .
Officers named for the ensuing
year are president, Aleta Gold
stein; 1st vice president, Debby
Goodman; 2nd vice president,
Beth Gilbert; corresponding sec
retary, Carla Krugman; record
ing secretary, Robin Steinman;
treasurer, Ellen Kuniansky; par
liamentarian, Sheryl Marks; re
porter, Jean Greenblatt; histor
ian, Susan Jacobson; sunshine
chairman, Cathy Rosinger, and
chaplain, Janet Gerson.
Officers were installed by Mrs.
Jackie Green who, with Mrs.
Gail Solomon, is helping the
girls in their formulation of
plans and organization.
TAMPA
The Sisterhood of Rodoph
Sholom held its first regular
meeting of the season with a
“membership coffee” Wednesday,
Oct. 5, in the social hall of the
synagogue.
• • • *
On Saturday, Oct. 22, an Oneg
Shabbot will be held for Sister
hood members and firends at the
home of Mr. and Mrs. Sol Walker.
Guest speaker will be Rabbi
Theodore Brod and chairmen for
the day will be Mrs. Jack Beiles,
Mrs. Irving Weissman and Mrs.
Howard Greenberg.
* * * *
The Yiddish Culture Group
will meet at noon Tuesday, Oct.
11 in the Jewish Community Cen
ter at a luncheon sponsored by
Mr. and Mrs. Sam Haitow and
Mr. and Mrs. Philip Kuazan in
TEMPO
celebration, respectively, of their
55th and 46th wedding anniver
saries.
* * * *
Mike and Mildred Carleen have
returned from their vacation dur
ing which, unfortunately, Mildred
was taken ill on the train and
had to be removed to a hospital
in Raleigh, N. C. After six weeks,
she was permitted to return
home, where she is recuperating
slowly.
* • » *
Friday, Oct. 14, an Oneg Shab
bot will be held in the social hall
of Rodoph Sholom synagogue in
honor of Raphael Pellach, new
teacher of Hebrew.
• * • *
After six months of hospitali
zation, Irving Weissman has re
turned home for convalescence.
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