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A Happy and Prosperous
Future New Year
by ALBERT
Although Rosh Hashana will
undoubtedly bring you joyous
and painful remembrances of
the passing year, maybe you
ought to look ahead, instead.
According to Prof. Marshall
McLuhan, author of “The
Medium is the Message,” most
of us tend y to view events
through a “rear view mirror.”
This, he implies, disables us
from adjusting to the bewild
ering new sensations made
possible by what he calls the
new “extensions of man,” in
cluding computers, jet travel,
television—and the like. Be
cause knowledge no longer
comes to us primarily through
the printed page—and we are
no longer living entirely in a
“visual” culture with a linear,
logical, one-track mode of deal
ing with reality, we are as
saulted on all sides by many
things at once—with all our
senses simultaneously engaged.
Most of the implications of
these developments are be
wildering to anybody over 30—
those of us who have been left
far behind in the “generation
gap.” But one thing is clear:
we don’t need a tiresome trek
into the past, as much as a
blithe ramble into the future.
So, in the spirit of the Mc
Luhan Age, let us discard the
“rear view mirror,” and re
place it with a front-view re
flector. Consider, for instance,
Rosh Hashana 6727, instead of
5727. Here are a few possible
items culled from the annals of
future history.
CAIRO — Egyptian Presi
dent Ad-bull Gimel Glubb to
day signed an order exiling
members of an organization
charged with anti-Israeli prop
aganda. According to the au
thoritative Egyptian news
paper El Chazar, the Egyptian
leader declared “Israel is our
trusted ally and friend. We
cannot tolerate destructive
demagogues bent on mischief
against a nation with which
our country, for the past 50
years, has been closely associ
ated by democratic aspirations
and economic cooperation.”
CAMBRIDGE, Mass.—Prof.
Mark D. Golem of Harvard
University today announced
success in his trial run of the
FRIEDMAN
world’s first “all-electronic in
stitution,” which he affection
ately dubbed “Yenta”, after a
favorite aunt. The world-fam
ed technological expert said
the device soon would be of
fered for mass production, but
would probably never fully re
place human organizations
such as the State Department
or Harvard University. How
ever, its flexibility was impres
sively demonstrated at a press-
conference here.
Among “Yenta’s” capacities:
it can “democratically” elect a
national director and staff,
hand out major assignments
and press releases, engage in
stringent follow-up proced
ures, cut wages, and deliver
speeches. It can handle thou
sands of intricate details with
the greatest speed and econ
omy—and without requiring
• vacations.
Prof. Golem emphatically
ruled out application of the
device to fund-raising. “Yenta”
is inclined to be stingy, he ex
plained sadly. “Donation of
big gifts is beyond its present
capacity. It cannot be pro
grammed for spontaneity or
generosity. The mere mention
of a substantial outlay disrupts
its network of delicate sprock
ets and rectifers. In human
terms, it throws a fit.”
However, the machine is also
provided with in-built tan
trums and episodes of utter
confusion—like human insti
tutions. “It keeps the machine
from seeming remote and
strange,” the professor told re
porters.
JERUSALEM — Prime Min
ister Moshe Ben-Shimon, in a
New Year message today ex
pressed Israel’s supreme grati
tude for the staggering influx
of American settlers during
recent years, but urged it
henceforth operate at a some
what slower rate.
“Of course, we are delighted
when our brethren from the
diaspora come to live and
work in the Jewish Homeland,
but we are certainly not in
favor of liquidating Jewish
life abroad. If the present rate
of emigration continues, great
Jewish communities, with all
their deep-rooted local associ
ations and institutions, may
wither away,” he said.
The premier also said Israel’s
remarkable economic prosper
ity of recent years enables her
to send increasing support for
the maintenance of Jewish
communities in the United
States and other countries
which had been temporarily
in need of financial aid.
AMMAN — A celebration
here marked the tenth anni
versary of the Joint Israel-
Jordan Valley Authority, the
project which bring clear,
fresh water and electricity to
thousands of Arab and Jewish
villages and settlements. In a
message from Washington,
U.S. officials hailed the decade
of progress that the irrigation
and power project had made
possible.
NEW YORK — Critic Teddy
Turquoise today decried the
trend of certain TV channel,
to interrupt important and in
teresting commercial messages
with “news analysis, drama,
classical music, poetry and
similar tripe.” In his nation
ally-syndicated column the
noted commentator complain
ed that during Sunday night’s
suspenseful “Which Detergents
Perform the Best?” program,
several moments of the show
were given over to an an
nouncement of the outbreak of
Soviet-Chinese conflict. “The
interruption”, Mr. Turquoise
said, “did not even once refer
to any known product pur
chasable by an average listen
er.” Another brief dramatic-
episode, he said, showed a
scene in the open country but
did not offer a single reference
to a brand-name filter cigaret,
a deodorant or gasoline; this he
said was “deplorable.” Mr.
Turquoise repeated his re
marks later during his presen
tation of the Grand Concert of
Singing Commercials at Phil
harmonic Hall.
CAPE KENNEDY — Al
though only a handful of Jew
ish pioneers have so far estab
lished themselves on the joint
Soviet-American Mars Settle
ment Project, word reaching
here indicates the formation of
three synagogues. Differences
have apparently arisen which
proclude creation of a single
house of worship for all the
settlers of the Jewish faith.
One of the factions has remov
ed its membership from the
Sea of Storms, the Martian
area allotted by the project to
the prospective Jewish colony.
WASHINGTON — President
Ebon Powers and Vice-Presi
dent Abe J. Greenbaum today
received a delegation of psy
chiatrists who had voiced con
cern over the growing tend
ency of members of the white
race to “pass” as Negroes in
order to participate in the cur
rent cultural revival in the
arts. “An a Negro myself”, the
Chief Executive said, “I de
plore this manifestation of
psychic trauma. Today we are
all equal—it is many years
since the world was embroiled
in anti-Negro and anti-Semitic
prejudice. Let us hope this lat
est form of social malaise is
soon overcome by good will
and understanding.”
Anyway—a Joyous New Year.
Anyway—a Joyous New
Year.
jMOKE
ONh . .
Today
FANCYS EX rR A
2 «'* 2 5
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