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What’s a nice, single
Jewish woman to do?
by Beverly Barnett Shulkes
I have fond recollections of my
pre-teenage years, the fondest
connected with “The Hebrew
Institute of University Heights.”
Inside that unpretentious brick
building in the University Heights
section of the Bronx was my
community.
My mother taught Sunday
school there. I learned to read and
write Hebrew and “davin” in this
Conservative shul. Later on, I
would attend services somewhere
in the city but never again did I feel
a place of belonging within the
Jewish community. I left New
York only this past September.
Over twenty years have passed
since that time. I married a fellow
from Borough Park, Brooklyn,
one-time stronghold of religious
and Hassidic Jews. It was like
going into an entirely different
world. We lived with his family for
one year, (his parents and two
sisters). I discovered what chulent
was and that there is a vast
difference between Conservative
and Orthodox thinking and doing.
It was because of this experience
that I began to delve into my
Jewish identity. What does it mean
to be “a Jew?" When I would mix
the meat and milk dishes, my
husband would consider me to be a
pagan. Yet, he would wear a
yarmulka and work on Saturday.
After many battles on ethics and
philosophy, we parted.
I have retained my spiritualism
and faith in Judaism and Zionism
nonetheless. I wish to remain
committed to my beliefs, yet
ecumenical; to befriend non-Jews
but not to assimilate to the extent
of foregoing participation in
the holidays and events connected
with our people.
I cannot say that my life in New
York City was particularly Jewish,
I did not seek out Jewish causes, I
write music and that smacks of its
Jewish origins; so much of it seems
to be in “the minor key." My close
friends were more Jewish than
non-Jewish.
The first thing I did when 1
moved to Atlanta was to find out
where the various synagogues and
the Center are located, “an oasis in
a desert," I thought. I attended
services at the Temple. Rabbi
Alvin Sugarman and the younger
Rabbi, Harvey Winokur have been
very pleasant. They didn't pressure
me into joining, nor did they object
when I practiced singing with a
pianist in their lovely "Friendship
Hall” for an hour after services.
1 found that I was, for the most
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part, the only single person at these
services. Occasionally, I would
celebrate with those people who
were enjoying Bar Mitzvas. But, I
cannot say that the congregation
was particularly welcoming. For
the first few times, I extended
myself, going over to the various
members and introducing myself.
I also attended services at
“Temple Sinai.” Again, I was one
of the only singles there. The Oneg
Shabbat is very lovely, but again
attended by married people. It
was, however, a bit friendlier.
I suppose, if I were to research
Docs one need to be
married to be part of
the spiritual commu
nity?
Ahavath Achim, I would find the
same thing. Does one need to be
married to be part of the spiritual
community? There are many single
and divorced Jewish men in
Atlanta but mostly they do not
attend services or other religiously-
oriented settings. There are many
divorced Jewish women who
attempt to meet a mate through the
Jewish community.
I can only tell you of my
experiences.
I was present at a lecture at the
Standard Club. The subject was
“Intermarriage." The speaker was
Rabbi Richard Lehrman. The
rabbi was concerned about the
survival of Judaism. “There can be
no Judaism without Jews,” he
stated. That is a cold but hard fact.
I asked him at the meeting if he
perceived that there may be a
growing, silent hostility existing
between Jewish men and Jewish
women. He did not really know
how to answer that question. Yet,
there is a great deal of
intermarriage between Jews and
non-Jews. The rate is something
like 40 percent in the Atlanta
metropolitan area itself—and of
these, 90 percent are between
Jewish men and non-Jewish
women.
Indeed, as soon as the rabbi was
finished, I started talking to a
fellow who said that he doesn't
date Jewish girls. (The statement
has been repeated to me several
times within the last few months.) I
asked him what he was doing at the
Standard Club. The conversation
ended.
Nor did I find the atmosphere of
that “arena” particularly friendly. I
am probably a few years older than
the average person who goes to
these lectures. Quite truthfully, I
was received so badly there, I
vowed never to go again for social
purposes, but only if I liked the
lectures.
I appreciate the attempt of the
Atlanta Leisure Club. The
atmosphere is delightful. The
brunches at Cross Creek were fun.
Since I am a newcomer to Atlanta,
I enjoyed the country club
atmosphere. But, there again, I’ve
met some “neat' ladies, maybe one
“neat" man. Why don’t the “neat”
men come? Well, those who are
successful are probably so busy
with their business or whatever,
they are never within the territorial
region of Atlanta, or are dating the
many women here or are seeing
non-Jewish women.
The Jewish Center does offer
some wonderful programs, geared
to both married and non-married
alike. I’ve participated in several.
How can the spiritual
community sound its shofar for the
Jewish men in its midst to return to
the comfort and awareness and
unity of the Jewish people?
Meanwhile, as for myself, I seek
out people in the musical world,
very occasionally stumbling into a
Jewish, unattached man.... Or, I
look to the bars, for an evening out
and end up dispensing psycho
therapy to some lonely, travelling
married Gentile man. So I ask
you — What's a nice Jewish woman
to do?
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