Newspaper Page Text
Religious issue big factor
for Jews getting divorces
by Edwin Black
Centuries ago, Rabbi Hillel ruled
that a man was entitled to a divorce
if his wife burned dinner. Nowadays,
nothing so serious is needed.
In the last two decades, as Jews
have melted into America, the Jewish
divorce rate has increased. Rabbis,
social workers and psychologists
each have their own view. But to
gain real understanding, talk to the
divorce attorney who knows the
blood and guts side of Jewish divorce.
One of America’s top divorce
gladiators is Herbert Glieberman,
author of five books on the subject.
“When I first started, 32 years
ago,” says Glieberman, “about one
out of five Jewish marriages ended
in divorce, far below the national
experience. Today a third of Jewish
couples get divorced, and that
approximates the national average.
In other words, Jews have become
assimilated, homogenized and
divorced.”
Glieberman, who litigates through
out the country, says that Jewish
couples become divorced for the
same reasons non-Jewish couples
do. But when Jews get divorced,
there are differences. First, bitterness.
Glieberman specifies: “As caring
and financially reliable as the Jewish
husband/father is, in a divorce, he
turns 360 degrees. When the Jewish
man retaliates, it is financial —
cutting off credit cards and the
bank account.”
But the big issue that distinguishes
Jewish divorce from all others is
religion. In fact, says Glieberman,
over his last 4,000 to 5,000 divorces,
the only cases where religion was a
factor were indeed Jewish cases.
“First, it’s a pressure tactic,”
explains Glieberman. “All of sudden,
the wife wants the synagogue
membership, the heder and the bar
mitzva party with all the trimmings
written into the agreement. Before,
it wasn’t important. Or if the husband
is a pious man who went to synagogue
and wants to see his child raised
right, he’ll fight vigorously on the
religicflis issue, and give in on money
issues.”
Sometimes it gets heartless.
Glieberman vividly remembers: “A
mortgage banker came to Chicago
to attend his son’s bar mitzva. He
was arrested at the airport because
the wife claimed he owed back
support. She knew when he was
coming in and got a contempt
arrest warrant. Her true objective
was not the money, but to stop him
from attending the bar mitzva. I
ran over to court and made clear
that the woman was just vindictive,
trying to deny him the once in the
lifetime opportunity to stand with
his son in the synagogue. Within a
matter of hours my man was free.
And he got to the bar mitzva in
time.”
In that same spirit, Glieberman
always sees a pre-holiday rush.
“The typical complaint is the wife
or husband won’t let them see the
kids for Passover or Rosh Hashana.
If one side is entitled to every other
Passover, we file in court to enforce
that. If it was left open to be
worked out, we show that it is not
being worked out.”
‘Not all the religious conflicts
are spite. Many are deep seated
religious differences. In instan
ces where one spouse is or be
comes Orthodox, and the other
is or becomes Reform or Con
servative, attempts are...made
to influence the child’s up
bringing.’
Not all the religious conflicts are
spite. Many are deep seated religious
differences. In instances where one
spouse is or becomes Orthodox,
and the other is or becomes Reform
or Conservative, attempts are
constantly made to influence the
child’s upbringing.
“Courts deal very swiftly with
such cases,” assures Glieberman.
“The one with custody decides the
upbringing of the child. The courts
don’t give a damn if the kid is
Orthodox or Reform. That’s why
we try to work all that out in the
settlement. The courts won’t touch
religious issues with a ten-foot pole.”
Judges avoid the religious issue
even when one spouse makes aliyah,
thus depriving the other parent of
normal visitation. “So long as the
re-location is not designed to hurt
the other side,” explains Glieberman,
“courts permit the parent with
custody to move anywhere, and
even leave the country. The only
remedy the other spouse has is
compensating visitation.”
Naturally, all the problems of
religious upbringing are magnified
when the marriage is interfaith.
But once again, the spouse with
custody decides “unless it’s otherwise
called for in the settlement,” explains
Glieberman. “Therefore, a Jewish
father must negotiate that the non-
Jewish mother enroll him in heder,
bar mitzva the boy and not take the
boy to church.”
Ultimately, however, religious
authorities get involved. Only they
can dispense the get, the traditional
divorce decree. “It’s a very important
part of the divorce settlement,”
says Glieberman, “because without
the get, a religious Jew cannot
remarry. So we require that both
sides cooperate in the process.”
Ironically, the Orthodox Batei
Din are now dispensing gittim to
Jewish couples from the Reform
and Conservative communities. "We
issue them to any couple who is
irreconcilable,” says Rabbi Jack
D. Frank, a member of the Orthodox
Chicago Rabbinical Council. “We
don’t ask are you Orthodox, Reform
or Conservative? We only say are
you Jewish?”
Orthodox gittim are desirable
because they are the only gittim
recognized internationally, especially
in Israel. Without a proper get, no
Orthodox or Conservative rabbi
will remarry a divorced person.
Worse, without a proper get, a
Jewish woman could remarry, have
additional children, make aliyah,
and then have her new children
declared illegitimate under halacha.
Clearly, partners will go to extreme
lengths to protect their rights when
a marriage breaks up. One wonders
why they wouldn’t go to the same
lengths to keep things together.
Edwin Black has been happily
marriedfor 15 years and intends to
stay that way.
# 1985 Feature Group
JEWftK DAviDG IIElWHK
Happy Hanuka!
We’ve “dreideled around”
with a special fee for
this special season.
Hurry!
Rates thru
December only.
Sherry and Rae
(404) 252-0251
PASSOVER 1986
9 FULL DAYS/8 NIGHTS
5 DAYS/4 NIGHTS
,*599 L‘369
PP DBl OCC. MIN. ROOM • SHARES ARRANGED
This Passover enjoy a traditional atmosphere
that can only be found in a completely Sabbath and
Yom Tov observing hotel. That hotel is the luxurious
Kosher Travel Plan Passover Packages at the
SANSSOUCI I
Lovely accommodations featuring color
T.V., stereo & refrigerator • Wide, sandy
beach • Night club with live entertainment •
Olympic size swimming pool • Tea room •
2 fully conducted Seder services by well-
known Cantor* 3 Glatt Kosher meals daily
Services in our own Synagogue •
31 St. at Collins Ave KOSHER (0) GLATT
HOTEL MIAMI BEACH
Florida Sdlcs Office: Oceanfront at II St, Miami Beach, fl
800-325-1697/305-531-4213
M \> SalesOftice.28W.44Sl. NYC(212) 302-4804
r5
Interiors
3 7j>/
(Svrn&w&vi Mood, JPU/' sMuifo. 30327
By Rita
KITA L. GOLDSTEIN
404*262 2511
BLUE RIDGE
CAMP and RESORT
For Boys & Girls 6-16
OUR MOUNTAIN OF FUN Where Spring
Comes & Spends the Summer
MOUNTAIN CITY. GEORGIA
• All Water Sports in Our Own Twin Spring Fed
Lakes • White Water Rafting • Water skiing
• Rappelling • Aerobics • Tennis • Arts & Crafts
• Sailing • Gymnastics and Dance • Go Carts
• Rollerskating • Computers • Rock Climbing
• Basketball • Soccer • Softball • Hockey
• Zoological & Science Program • All Dietary Laws
Observed • Shabbat Services
Medical Staff Available at All Times
Member American Camping Association
Under the Operation of
COACH J. I. MONTGOMERY. C.C.D.
MORRIS & SHEILA WALDMAN
Miami Beach Phone 305-538-3434 or Write
P.O. Box 2888, Miami Beach, Fla. 33140
STAFF INQUIRIES NOW
SUITE MEMORIES
A Complete Suite For The Price Of A Hotel Room. Weekly
and Monthly Rates available.
IDEAL FOR BAR MITZVAHS,
BAT MITZVAHS, WEDDINGS AND
FAMILY REUNIONS.
Each suite offers large living room, dining room, complete
kitchen, and private balcony or patio, plus pool, playground
and free parking, HBO and Cable television. For the family,
business traveler, relocator or temporary assignment.
SPECIAL WEEKDAY
One Bedroom
$59
Two Bedroom
$71
Three Bedroom
$86
SPECIAL WEEKEND
One Bedroom
$44
Two Bedroom
$50
1 hree Bedroom
$68
PAGE 7 THE SOUTHERN ISRAELITE January 3, 1986