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PAGE 16 THE SOUTHERN ISRAELITE June 13, 1986
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Single women weigh odds
of getting married after 30
by Carolyn Gold
No generation has been more
scrutinized than the Baby Boomers,
those young people born between
1946 and 1964. Time magazine.
May I9, examined their econom
ics, politics and lifestyles as the
oldest of their peers turn 40 this
year. Now Newsweek, June 2, con
ducts a “search and destroy” mis
sion into young women’s wedding
dreams with a cover story called
“The Marriage Crunch.”
Newsweek reports that “white,
college-educated women born in
the mid-50s who are still single at
30 have only a 20 percent chance of
marrying.” The article notes that
black women have an even larger
statistical handicap because of the
lower number of college-educated
males.
This makes proverbial worrying
mothers question, “What about
Jewish women?” The educational
levels of Jewish men and women
are more equal, we know; but no
data, encouraging or otherwise,
were specifically reported about
the marriage possibilities of single
Jewish women.
As a minority, are their chances
of marriage greater or smaller? Is
intermarriage diminishing their
pool of available men to a larger
degree than that of non-Jewish
women? TSI decided to do a quick
and admittedly unscientific local
check.
In March 1985, four young
women, 30-ish in age, were inter
viewed about being single and,
some said, lonely in Atlanta. Going
back to these same women pro
vided some facts about their reac-
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tions to the Newsweek article and
about what has happened to them
in the past 15 months. The results
appear happier than Newsweek’s
readers would assume.
Again using the same fictitious
names, we’ll call the four women
Amy, Beth, Carla and Debby. Amy
is engaged and so excited she hasn’t
had time to read the reported bad
news. She met her fiance on a blind
dateset up by friends. In six months
they got engaged. Amy considers
introduction by friends the best
way to meet people. “A blind date
finally worked out. Lord knows, l
had enough of’em.”
Beth found the report devastat
ing. “It’s the newest thing, ‘fun
facts’ on how bad the odds are.”
She is 30 and admits that this year
she has been concentrating more
on her professional life, giving it
more of her energy than her social
life. She thoughtfully adds that she
thinks there are more 18 to 25-
year-old men around than those in
their 30s; and her work situation
doesn’t help her meet men the right
age. Beth thinks “set-ups” by friends
and small parties are the best ways
to get to know new people.
Carla says the article is depress
ing and scary. She is currently
going with someone whom she met
through a Jewish organization, but
unselfishly says she has lots of sin
gle friends. “You don’t have to be
married to be happy, but it’s sad to
think that many of these women
may not have children.”
Debby was the most upbeat in
1985 about the opportunities here
for meeting new people. She reports
that the year has been okay. She
met a couple of people, mostly
through friends and acquaintances,
but is not serious about anyone
right now. She thinks the media’s
emphasis on this being a woman’s
problem is “frankly, skewed.” She
asks why focus is not put on male
issues such as the health problem
of early heart attacks, and the con
sequent worry of not getting to see
their children grow up if they delay
fatherhood until their 40s?
Debby is bored with the sensa
tionalizing of the marriage issue.
She says she strives for a balance
between her professional and her
social life; she thinks people must
take advantage of the opportuni
ties to meet others by being active
Debby says she has not tried a dat
ing service but finds nothing wrong
with the idea and might consider it
someday.
Meanwhile, the Jewish Dating
Network reports that they have
been bustling lately. They are see
ing bright, successful, busy people
who are very comfortable about
coming in. Rae Goodman and
Sherry Maziar, who run the confi
dential, non-profit service, say
this affords singles who are tired of
group meeting places another
avenue to meet people.
Sherry and Rae do the selective
process, thus saving their clients
time. They now have to their credit
six engagements, one marriage, and
several couples seeing each other
exclusively. In all, they have set up
over 800 dates and still get a special
thrill when they hear, “Thank you,
she was great.” Of course, they
have also come to accept, “He was
not my type.” They explain, “You
can’t predict the chemistry;” but
more people are feeling that it’s
okay to do this.
Working to beat the odds in
Atlanta, there also are Jewish sin
gles directories, party givers and a
matchmaking service. Singles ac
tivities are sponsored by the var
ious synagogues and temples and
do not require membership in the
congregation to attend. The Jew
ish Community Center also spon
sors singles socials and lectures.
For some time now Emory Uni
versity has offered a non-credit
course “Before A Year Is Over, l
Will Be Married.” For a registra
tion fee and three consecutive
Monday evenings, marriage-seeking
participants can learn how to get
going and out of the house, to
make it happen.
It may not be that easy for the
older woman. The Yale-Harvard
study as reported in Newsweek
says the probability of marriage
diminishes to 2.60 for forty-year-
old women. An Atlanta divorced,
professional woman agrees with
both that figure and the fact that
eligible men in the desired age
range will marry women in their
30s.
“Women are willing to marry
but not at any cost. Available men
are not of a quality they desire.
Though they retain a certain op
timism, many women,” she thinks,
“have now become content and set
in their lifestyles, as once held true
lor older, single men.”
I his busy w orking woman urges
single friends to get involved in
activities that are not for women
only. She suggests investment pro
grams which they need and where
they are likely to meet male col
leagues. More than anything, she
wishes for increased awareness that
the best avenue for meeting men is
the traditional introduction made
by friends.
What has all the current empha
sis on the lack of Prince Charmings
done .’ It may have frightened some,
challenged others and resigned the
more mature to their fate. The
situation can be best summarized
by one career woman: “If I just had
some guarantee that I would meet
someone and get married in the
next lew years, then I could really
be enjoying my life right now.”