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PAGE 26 THE SOUTHERN ISRAELITE October 24, 1986
Marriage to converts
is troubling to in-laws
Happy family
Elie Wiesel’s son, Sholomo-Elisha (left), and wife Marion share a tender moment after the
announcement that Wiesel had been awarded the 1986 Nobel Peace Prize. Wiesel, 58, said the award
would allow him to “speak louder” and “reach more people” for the causes to which he has dedicated
his life.
by Ben Gallob
JTA
A Jewish parent cannot fully
understand the challenges pre
sented by his or her child marry
ing a Jew-by-choice until it hap
pens.
Esme Gotz, an educator long
active in ORT, was speaking from
experience when she described
the challenges to the Business
and Professional Women’s Group
of Toronto’s ORT chapter, ac
cording to the Canadian Jewish
News. She was joined on a panel
by two Jew-by-choice and Law
rence Troster, assistant rabbi of
Toronto’s Beth Tzedeck congre
gation.
Gotz said there were neither
easy questions nor easy answers
in coping effectively with such a
marriage.
She said the initial source of
concern stems from marriage pro
posals extended without a demand
or expectation of conversion.
Gotz said that she considered
that proper on grounds that “a
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marriage proposal cannot be a
conditional proposal.”
After her son proposed mar
riage, the prospective daughter-
in-law entered a course of study
for conversion under Orthodox
auspices, despite the Reform
position of her fiance’s family.
Kathleen Crook, who isn’t
Gotz’s daughter-in-law, came to
Judaism through the Reform
movement last year. Her upbring
ing had included frequent con
tacts with Jews and familiarity
with the Jewish community.
She told the meeting that while
her commitment to Judaism was
unequivocal, she still detects dis
comfort on the part of the family
of her fiance, a young man she
has known for many years.
She indicated amusement in
telling the meeting that “they
sometimes still say things like,
‘But couldn’t he have found ‘a
real Jewish girl!’”
She reported that the greatest
challenge she faced in the con
version study was that of coming
to grips seriously, almost for the
first time in her life, with one idea
of God.
She said that the obstacle “was
deciding if I was going to be reli
gious.” Later she told the Cana
dian Jewish News that many born
Jews remain wary and uneasy
about converts, especially when
a convert appears to be a likely
addition to a Jewish family’s
membership.
Troster said he could under
stand such negative feelings, but
he contended that Jews who can
not divorce their concept of Ju
daism and Jewish peoplehood
from that of racial origins have a
faulty understanding of J udaism.
He also said that, in some
areas, Jew-by-choice are leading
“a spiritual revival” within Juda
ism because they have accepted
J udaism “for the sake of the God
of Israel.” He also quoted a rab
binical authority as declaring that
all born Jews “should approach
Judaism as if we were Jew-by-
choice.”
He urged the Jewish commun
ity to do everything possible to
welcome converts and to make it
as easy as it could for the convert
to assimilate those elements of
ethnicity and the ethnic feeling
which he declared “are still im
portant to being Jewish.”
Serge Tittley, the other pan
elist, said his journey to Judaism
started at least 13 years ago but
culminated in a conversion only
last year, under Reform auspices.
A free-lance writer, Tittley said
he had been brought to Judaism
by a consciousness of Jewish his
tory, particularly the Holocaust,
and a growing sensitivity to spirit
uality.
e 1986, Jewish Telegraphic Agency Inc.
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