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Page 12 Spelman Spotlight
More For Your Reading Pleasure...
May 1985
On a warm innocent August night,
I played the role ‘cause I wanted you to notice
Not looking for romance, but not not looking either,
It caught me by surprise when you responded...
And the kindling was being gathered.
I rested my head on your shoulders as we ate stuffed pizza
And something in your mind clocked.
We sat facing each other conversating for two hours
And you didn’t try to prove your manhood by violating
my womanhood.
Something in my mind clicked.
Wanting to be closer, yet needing to continue
life as usual, we stayed on the phone — at least
three calls a day and always having something
to say. I guess ma bell was the next best
thing to being there.
And the kindling was laid.
Now I’m a student, supposedly here to get a
liberal arts education, but the way my mind
was moving, my only class this semester
was to be YOU 101.
It kind of tickled me that day in the fast
food Greek restaurant when you asked me to be
"Your Girl." At first, I told you I already was
because I thought you were playing. But later on,
I repeated it, because to me, I really was. The
feelings hadn’t changed, only "vows” exchanged.
You made love to me like no other before—
acknowledging my needs as I fulfilled yours
and impatiently, I awaited each weekend's arrival-
with the anticipation of a child at Christmas-
knowing you’d reach out for me at night and
dawn would find you lying beside me as we
renewed our acquaintance.
Conversating endlessly, I discovered you and
you discovered me. Vowing to learn from our past
mistakes, we took the time to express ourselves-
honesty was to be the policy. You tuned into me
and could sense my inner emotions, and I, yours,
but I also knew your hesitancy and so I waited.
Finally, you gave in, leaning over to tell me, "Girl,
you know, I love you.” I reciprocated.
And the spark rose to flame.
difficulty expressing "love” and with no further
explanation, you reduced our intereaction to
“friendship.”
And dramatically, without warning, the fire was doused.
It’s as if you performed open heart surgery on
my exposed organ, but not as a doctor, because
you were not the cure, but the cause. I felt like
a child completely vunerable and having no
control over myself. The hurt I felt was more
than any physical pain could produce. My tears
flowed like the Niagra and my heart bled
like a seered artery. But I couldn’t reach out
to you, because this time you were not there.
The emotions you now express are like flashes, flicking
on and off, according to your whims. You care
enough to miss me one day, but then I don’t
hear from you, unless I call. You say you can’t explain
your actions because you yourself don’t understand them,
yet, you expect me to.
Still, I’ve learned to live without you, with my own
pain and confusion, and with your ever-present
inconsistancies. And yes, I still miss you, still want
you, and even still love you, but like the cinders of the
fire, that too fades slowly with the passage of time.
—Maria D. Miller
I’LL SMILE TOMORROW
When the mouths of hungry children
are turned up in satisfied smiles,
When the murders of the innocents
are avenged in Supreme Court trials.
When the threat of nuclear holocaust
is no longer a vivid nightmare,
When the poor stop getting poorer
and the wealthy learn to share,
When a higher education is
attainable for those who choose,
When budget cuts face the military
and not the public schools,
When the inalienable rights of man
are inalienable to all men,
When judgements are based on ability
and not the color of skin,
When all of these things are laid to rest,
all of the pain and sorrow,
Then I’ll have a reason, Then
I'LL SMILE TOMORROW!
—Nedra Stewart
Comatose
in Your Splendor
i walked blindly behind You
seeing nothing
but what i wanted
to see
Using the stars in my eyes for light
i walked through the dark
Never realizing that those kind of stars
don’t guide you very far
But far enough they did guide me
To the place where only fools dance
on the edge of a cliff
so close to a fantasy
they can touch it
but are destined to fall back into reality
Crushed by its blow
Bodily broken in shame
‘Cause Your love was just a game
where You made up
all the rules
and i was there
Just Because
You needed someone to play with
to accept the rules
to win against
to be
Comatose
in Your Splendor
—Donna C. Lucas
Loving you began a whole new experience
You gave of yourself freely and willingly
Never demanding and always there
I, in turn, loved you without reservation
Feeling absolutely secure, whether in your presence or not,
I let loose all defense mechanisms and bared my heart.
I can remember leaving you at Christmas and
Suddenly realizing just how much I really loved you
I arrived home only to find you’d phoned twice already
And it hit me-just how much you really loved me too
And the flames grew to a blazing fire.
It was clear to me that my heart belonged to you
And at first I felt apprenhension, but it was soon quieted
because I knew your heart belonged to me too, and besides,
loving you felt too good to have to worry... about anything.
But then, I gradually noticed you pulling away, or changing.
I couldn’t really put a finger on it, but
I started to worry. Questioning you seemed to produce
no positive results, and I left you alone, figuring you’d talk
when you were ready. I tried to
understand, but
how could I understand what wasn’t being explained.
And suddenly the flames began to flicker.
It was so frustrating not to be able to reach you. And
yet I still hold on to the card you sent me saying
that through understanding, communication and
mutual respect, we could overcome all obstacles.
What happened? I tried to understand, you failed to communicate
and mutual respect became intangible.
I guess they are right — talk is cheap.
The once beautiful relationship ended with you telling me, over
the phone, that suddenly you had