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■ | sas u VOLUME II. J PUBLISHED WEEKLY, I?Y JOHN H. CHRISTY, ; r SBITOB AMD rkOTMITOI. _ , I , -Z ■* I •; . . » Term* of Subscription. TWO DOLLARS pertnnum, if pi i 0 stricllj-fn ad nace; otharwias,THREE DOLLARS will be ciiarrsd Oarlo order ilimtOiApries i.l thep»pei may imtbeln • be way ofa Urge circulation, Club* will be supplied Ultbe foil*wing low ratda. *0-'~- =k SIX COPIES for - - - $10„r^=>_ry Idea* lew rates, the Cask mast accompany the order. Rates of Advertising. ■> Transient advertisements will be inserted at One Dollar peraqnare for the (I -»t and Fifty Centsptfsqioire ■for each subsequent in»mi<n. Legal and yearly advertisements at the usualrates Candidates will be charged $5 for announcement*, sad obituary noticeaexeeeningsix lines in length teal be charged as advertiserrnt*. When the number of Insertions isnot martedon and advertisement, it will be published till forbid, «nd S barged accordingly. * business inh preftssiaual ifariis. “cT u. l oil bTS DENTIST*, ATHFJfM, GF.OhGlJl. Querns over the Store of Wilson Ic Veal. Jtt)3 PITNEB & ENGLAND!. Wholesale Ic Retail Dealers! n _ ... Groceries', Dryfiootfs;- HARDWARE, SHOES AJ?I) BOOTS, Aprilfi . - ArtrMis.p*.. MOORE ^ cTaRLTON, DKALKU8 IN ATHENS, GEOUGIA, THURSDAY MORNING, NOVEMBER 29, 1855. . AMERICANS, RALLY! BT Mis'. Jf l A ftlNCB. • Suns nf'th'fe Prfc'e ! tt^enYuinuIt trod SILK, FA NCYTn t> ST AVI, F, G.OflDSi T \u HARDWARE AND CROCKERY. -- ‘ -' T |wm April No, 3. Granite Row,- Athens,(U. LUCAS & T5HXUPS, " f WHOLESALE A.YD RETAIL DEALERS JJV DRY GOODS^vi^ GROCERIES, IIARD'W'AHE, Ac. Ac No. 2, Broad Street, Athens: WILLIAM G. DELONY, . ATTORNEY AT LAW, Odlce over the atore of Wm II. Morton ATen Will attend promptly .to all husinesesojjrugt adlo his care. Athens. ApfHo WILLIAM N. WHITE, ~ WHOLES AIK ASP BKTAII. .I'/.,' BOOKSELLEll ANDSIATMiliERv .- AadWtrupapcrand .Vugaiinr Agent. . ,, nfiAl.KR IN MUSIC and MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS ' LAMPS, KINK CUTLERY, FANCY WOODS, *C, No. 3, College Avenue, Newton TTnn-e. Athens, G*. sign of “ While’* University Book Store.” Orders promptly filled at Augusta rates T. BISHOP & SON,. ’ Wholesale and Retail Oncer*, April 6 No. 1, Broad street. Alliens. . SUMMEY & JONES, . S dealers in GROCERIES- HARDWARE. STAPI.E- DHYGOOBS, STOVES. IKON, CAST INGS. CROCKERY- WARE, &c. A [g* Corner of Broad and Wall streets, Athens, Ca. August Iff, 1855. . Sons of the brave J beware the foe 1 HiirVto the thbrfnur. deej> and low, Rolling np like the coming storm, Hoarse as the hurricane, that broods lur^paoe’l far iciSuiCUde 1 Minute guns of omen boom . - Through the future’s folded jjlooni— Sounds prophetical! the air; , Heed the warning and pre.oarel Watch 1 be wary every Lour— Mark the Amman's growing power; Let Americans keep word— JfapJmr patriot* on guard. Sons of the spii! *J*rri<y staunch, .. - - Breasting the alien avalanche, ManningKne battlements’ of Right;. *. Up 1 for your Country, God and Right 1 Kdhn ylrur baualions swadlly, ied%l,tara kloodjaiss victory 1 — ■ Surging onward weep# the wave, Sorrie' coTuJnnVof the'bHfve, . Banded neatfa- the/beniaon. . Of the god-fike Washington J Stand!- but; ebotllrfn foreign sway 'Aapir^to ruip ^America. , . , . . Charge in the tyrant, ere ne gain Our irod-arterieH dolnaiu ! - . k. And two new stars from theavorlfLof Time lie bad^ to burn in the azure domeY- The freeniun’& Love and ttftrfreenmh’e Home. Ho]y of hglies J jjuard theni wpll, , Baffle'the despot; s secret spelb * , And let the chords of life Wviveif r Ere yojp viel^ those, gifts of Heaven 1 in paean, trumpet notes Shake tbe air wl»ere- your banner floats— ... _ ¥ . . To'trininjfflel sfillY’e'see The land of the Brave-is the liomeof 1 f EtfcjJ jMtjLROON'X AGAIN... UK WAS DECEIVED INTO JIABUYINO ^ISTIJSSS *3* 6aiHHn.Hr. * V- • ' -o> Al -Seme ttfo year? subsequent to my paxtipg 'viih v Peter jVJpjlroony, ns, related in my earlier experiences, I chanced, to fall m with him again," fh rather an un* expected manner. Business of some importance having.tnken me- to th» city, I tyas ti averting, pretty, rapidly, one of its meaner streets, when I heard myself suddenly hailed L \ij name in an accent . peculiarly Irish; shdiumhlg round, dis covered.-Peter ‘approaching towards.me witli his usual lpping gait. . lie was so n. jonks. P. A. BWJtMEV. JAMES M. ROYAL, HARNESS MAKBRi Jr H AS removed his shop to Mitchell’s aid Tavern, one door east of Grady if Ni'A olsou’s—where he keeps wlwaiys ou liand a f ’eneral assortment of articles in bisliDe, and s always ready to fillorders i n thcbeat'style. Jan 2« * ‘ COLT & COLBERT, . DEALERS IN STAPLE DRY GOOpS.GROCEBilES* AND HARDWARE No. 9 Granite Row...... Atheiis. Ga JAMES 1. COLT. | WM. C. COIBJUT, August 6,1355. ■ • altered, in hu^habilinents-irom-the pic ture I Vividly retainedin fny memory of the ddoiiueringr - blarneying- Irishman, who took my cow to ingrket. thai,if it had nof beep for bis voice, I dare say I should have passed him withouj re cognition. But theioiedt—that voice— it was.Peter'* /peculiar shebDoleitt. Mr..MuJrooney, whom! only remem bered in a bluish grey coat, a- light flexible felt hat, and thick brogans, was now dressed in a thread bare suit of black, a silk hat, witl/a ermyn sunk in inid %ell Wdrh At the etTges, and u pair of tliindres* boota .elnborately patcbed. Wub Ins coat buttoned up to the-chin, NOTICE. iyou r T HE subscribers are prepared to fillorde^ . for all kinds of Spokes fox Carriages and Wagons, Also, at the same eatahlishnicnt wemaftufac- tuie all kinds of BOBBINS, and his greasy hat^hrust jauntily on one side Vif hts head, retnlnJed. me more 61 one of those needy, pocir devil actors, Whose-p»r*«mal appearance is so often stereotyped as of- this fashion in the ho vels of-tlie «-d»y. i * My werds natdrally took tbe color-of ny thoughts. .. ‘ Why MohDoney,’ said tf ‘ is that V * What part' are you--playing **Faix, "Mr. Urbin, he replied, ‘it’s little ye’d, beafiher guessio ? if ye tbryed jver so much. Sure its e grate gintle mon I am since i left serviccvon’ set up fermeseff.’ « " ' .,^1, cotton factwrits. donebi^md and clm«p as tan be bad from Iceman, Pete? t the North. AddrvM. . N _ P. A. SUMMEY & BRO. Athens,Ca. who will attend to all orders, and-the ship- ping of the same. -March, 1854- SLOAN & OATMAN, DF.ALEUS IN » Italian, Egyptian dr American . ‘ Misther Mulrooriey, ifye plase,’-«wd he, correciing my familiarity with one of his droll looks* ‘ Och, but its a rare counthry this is, ‘any way. Beyant the wather, it way Fether here an* Petlier there, till soVra «.bit I know’d of-any’ other name than Pelher. But .here the conversation of the ladies an’ the gintle- men is illeorant in the extreme, and the ' A magistrate T Can you read and write V & ' m . 1 Ayeth! What ’ud -1 l>e good for if I could’nt ?’ said Peter, evasively.— ‘ Sorraa bit it- malt hers; tis a strong mark 1 make, an’ that’s not aisy Jo rub ■out any way.’ 0 $ ‘ Take my advice, Mulrooney, and go to work. Ditch—dig cellars—break stones upon a rood—.do anything rather than suffer yourself to be made the tool of designing men -wlm will use your services as long as they are beneficial U> them, and cast off so soon as their pwn ambitious projects are achieved. Now, as for a living, it is very easy for you—being a single man.' * . _ Peter gjtoaned. It’s married I am, said Ire. » * .Married!’ I exclaimed. * And m your circumstances? What/oily!’ ‘ Troth, ye may say that, ye’r honor !’ said Peter,, penitently.. * But Misthress -Mulrooney jvas a widdy. . Och 1 but Jtis the desivingest craythurs. they are all-the wide, wureld ever.- Ayeh !’ hi continued,.turning toward* roe with a . .Took of. half humorous sorrow-—“ Twas a wild cow I druv to market that time, an’ tliat’s no-lie!’. . - * W as she a country woman of years}’ .1 enquired. f * .‘.Doesyefr Jl-mor be thiiikin|’tis-'a Amerfky worpan that could chate me m that way V said- Peter indignantly. ’ .Sure ’ttsn’t in the likes of them to do the lrick.’.- . T. ' :* 1 But how came this about, Peter?’ • * Ay»-h! bad luck’s soon tould, I boorded wid.her.’ * And so, Irish like, you must needs fall in love with the lady and- court her V ‘ It’s mighty -little ^love I bad for big Misthress Connolly -v.ny- way. an 1 that’s-no lie! As fur the 'cooptin’, ’tis a-nathertiPfalin’ of mine to bespakiij salt words to the faymales of a- family, an’ slue .it was nadeful, beside-*, to keep Mkihress-CotHioHy’s mind asasey as an ould-shoe whye 1 owed her for my boord.’ ‘ Artd that is. the .way you came to be married is it!’ Ayeh, sir, Yis the strongest thing! Oh, Michael Connolly, why did ye die l Bad dlls to me that ivtr should live to be desaved by a fat woman of fifty.— But, sure tbe quarthers wor so ploasant, Mistber Urbin,’ continued Peter, apolo getically. ’au’ Mistress Connolly so tin- derly interestin,’ wid her heart' bruk into pieoes tvtd .the sorrow that was in it. Oh! but ’tis strong enough now— that I thought it'ud be a marciful inter- position to comfort her any how.’ Y And so you courtedlier, I suppose? *‘Ph, but it was a purty sight.to see the way I did it,’ replied Peter, with -one.of his rich laughs. ’Twas the beau- tifuilest specimen of the effects of blarney tMchas been seen since Saint Patrick puHiis edmether upon the, sarpints.’ ‘What could you expect, then, but marriage as a consequence ‘ Faix, it’s little 1‘thought about it at all, and less I liked it. Sure 1 tould .the ould> woman I was a single man swore by ihe piper that I intended to remain so.’ .. ‘-Then yon should never have sought to gain her affections-; it would have beeo cruel to serve (he poor creature so, and deser t her afte r wart ‘ Affections 1 Mush lions wor mouldy many * Well, you married ' said I impatiently. * Faix, I du.ino, but I was thinkin "Hwas she married me. One night there wor some of the ould coUqtry people at tbfrheuse, an we talked about buld times an afther a while there-were lashins of .whiskey.pat on the table, an we talked an dhriokedrfm quarrelled, an danced an talked, an dhrjnked again, till its my sarious opinion that my singes left me intirely, and niver came back till I found myself in bed next mornin mighty ona «ey in my mind, and wondhering how got into^Vlisthress O’Connolly’s room in stead of me own. While I was scham- is her affec- ng day ago at all events, AND EAST TENNESSEE MARBLE. jM*numcnts,Toml>8, Urns aud Vases; M» Mantels and Furnishing Marble* tar All orders proroptly'IUtad. -- ' • ATLANTA, GA. yorRefer to Mr. RoSs* Crane. ‘ junel4 Sy.G. deloNy, ATTORNEY AX LAW, W ILL givehisspecialattenti-— tocoUact- ing, and to the claims ofall persons «n- thfeefions.^ Its' mighty I title work titled to Lavtn Waurarts, under the latv ._, nv r -L . Bounty Land Bvil of the Inst Congress. * **® re !°7° * n X ^9*.. 1 , , CT Officr.on Broad Street over the store, ,M§1 .Urbin, an I •pf I. M. Kenney. ” * Uv&on —* ’ March 15—<865—tf. bates Bannagher any how, an’ that’s no j morn,n i:_-r J * . * ,4i. - * - lie.' ‘ I am glad tp bear you are getting alopgin Um^wqi^d^Q famcuslyJ’ , ‘ Aiseji”sir. aisey. Lashins’ of atin’ ; an*' d hrinki n’' without any coUstitooeh- lulroonley V FrtfEJVyiNES. -TyERSONS de*V ou * of procuring fine wines A of every deecripti»n,-csn do so by csQitg At Combs A Go’s. Express Dfflce. Als» ann be found the besC artk-Te of Porter and Ten jaent'o DmhU StPouy At*. * Also am hand *i^‘***, 0a ! U! ** ) * r Tsrasssn ‘ Arrah, sir, but its ifirue the d«y.- Its a. politishOner I ' am, wid % a grati lown towar ofte of his old queer sidelong tdffed—‘ I’m thmkin,’ “sir, does Ke- i V.ui N.OTICR& • . | looks; he a A LL petaoua iwdelAed to mo hy.no^e or *ti S the FairidtfcY>art Atheut ........ ‘ And so yoq,get |~* r~ fed, for your services, do you ?’ Notice * ’ •' ‘If promisite-ud fatten a ‘man. I'd be anr fn&etst£!rto Ae^mdFrsigned ds bigfls’tft pri» Vff, an’ that’s nolie. ire they’ll *kaph some, of them I Wii‘_ . well paid, and well B&g LYLE,' JKpj.fi, 1885. 11 rwtia md accnunisunnaidtl<<e think, *an % thjH it’s,TO be' a magisther 1 i fl%W am, an’ dale' obi the law to the vaga- jfintTiiftwiY' 1 bones—och, ’tis the beautiful biss- nessf Purty well, tbaak yc mem,’ says ‘baring the dhrypess ol me mouth.’ ‘I» it dbry ye are-?’ nays she as soft as butter; ‘Faix that’s asey mended, any how.. .Would yerlike a dhrop o sperits Misthor Mulrooney V “Deed, an would I. ave it be plaisin ye,-Misthress Connolly,’ sea I. - *Oh, Pelher, dear, sure its Misthress Mulrooney ye must call tne now,’ sesshe. •I’d be pissed to call ye anything that’s dacent am proper) acushula Y sez I tinderly, for the thirst vsffls conshuming me." '‘Oh, but its the quare mon, ye arc;’ spz she, lau-hin.’ Sure I was in luck the day ye icuim to board at iny bouse. ‘Ye may say that,’ sez I, ‘for I’m a gintleman of an anshent family, an iu not always ye’er favored^wid the. likes, Misthress Connolly..’ _ ‘Mulrooney 1’ correctih me. ‘Mem.’sez I. ' ‘Ye must call me Mulrooney, now,’ see she. ‘Wid all my heart, ‘ifye like the name bettber nor ye own it* not a marry- in man I am.’ ‘Troth, Peter, dear,’ sez she, ‘I hope ye’ll hiter be afther marry in a second time* ‘Faix, an its little I be thinkin about marryin first or second,’ sez X' ‘Och ! wirra!’ sez she, ‘only to hear him! As if lie didn’t give ould father Hennesy a good silver dollar for matin' us man an wife, last night. *Jr ‘Misthress Connolly,’sez l, starrin at her wid amazement, ‘sure its jokin ye ar,f • , •Not abitav it, Pether, dear,’ sez she, laughin an holdm up a slip of paper, ‘by the same token that this is the certificate of the priest that I hould fn toy hand.’ ‘Be me sowl, then,* sez I, ‘Misthress Connolly, ye may call the certificaie^e* husband for sorra a thing 1 will have to do wid i:.’ ‘Mulroony !’ sez she. ‘Do you deny the ring upon my finger ?’ • ‘Sorra a care about tbe goold ring,’ sez jumpin out of bed, ‘Will it be plasm ye to go out of the room while I dhress meself V ‘Ob, I’ll lave ye, wid all me hart,’ sez she, snatebiu up me clothe*. ‘But i&t little ye’ll have to dhress wid, till ye come to yer sinses, Pether Mulrooney.’ “An by this,'' ah bv that, Alisther Urbin, she tuckid my • gsrmints under her arm, an wint out an locked the door, iavin mejn the empty room wid me self ’* * Taar an agfcs,’ sez I to meself while she was gone. Tis chared l am in tirely ; but mjiy be tis only funnin she is a’fther.ali. Ayeh! what’ll I do? ‘Tis great comlbrt- there’s a bed v in the room! Sure she won’t starve me; mighty oneasy am I, any how, and that’s no jie.’ ....... 1 So you weut to bed again. Well what came next ?’ •Twinty-four mortal hours I laid there, without alitor dhrinkin, and thin Misthress Connolly knocked at the door.’ - ... * ‘ Pether, dear,’ said she. . , Oh! you murtherjn woman.’sez I, Tis kil’t 1 am with the hunger.’ Aid I AJisthress "Mulroony V sez she, pakin through tlie key-hole,- ‘ Am I r layvfuLwife?’ ‘No n^faix. it’s blue moulded III be before ‘Isay so,Biddy Connolly.’ ‘Biddy Mulrooney 1’ sez she. ‘Connolly!’ sez I. ‘Mulrooney 1’ sez she. ‘Go to the'——!’ sez 1. .‘The top of tbe mornin to yer, Pether, sez she, and wid that she wint away Twas pitch dark, Mr. Urbin, when she Came again. Is it a whk tf yer wrtffflBfftlrtf'feanger, Pether, dear? sez 6he. .‘Give me me clothes, Misthress Con nolly, sez I, faintly. ‘Tis Biddy Mulrooney that is spakin to you. Pelher dear, sez she, ‘Wotudye like coffee tay,or tay tay, wid but mate an pitiaties 7—Sure there’s plinty .ol em down stairs. Pether, darlint, barin the fear I have that ye’er mind is disorder ed. ‘Sure it ud be ihe wondher av it wasn’t wid the bad thratement I’ve had, Mis- thress Connolly, sez I. - ‘Troth, Pelpr dear, sez she tinderly, ■•it will be a blessed day for me when I can betlhec it. But ye " must confess tliat ye married me last night, an * that my name is Mulrooney. ,‘Le* me see you, sez I, or I’ll die the night. Deed, Pelher; acTiore,}t ’ud be plaain to tne to do it an ye wor in yer right head; bnt the time’s not come yet, I see, sez slip, and wid that, down stairs she trotted again. Oh, but I suffered wid the hunger pain, Misther Urbin, till I could bear it no longer, I knocked at the door and call ed out, Misthress Connolly, Misthress Connolly, let me spake to ye. ‘There is no Misthress Connolly, now, sez a dirthy little colled from the out side ; ‘sure she was married last night an her name is Mulrooney. Tell Biddy Mul—Mulrooney to come here, thin, sez I. Oh, but I choked to spake it.—Afther a little while, I heard her-coming up the stairs. ‘Did ye call, Pether, darlin? sez the fat old desaver, ‘Troth, 1 believe I did, sez I. ‘What'll I do for ray husband ? sez she. ‘It’s starvin I am,’ sez I. •Was i married tli ‘Sorra a bit I know, sez I. ‘Spake out, Pether dear; I didn’t hear ye, sez she. ‘Tear and ages, yes V sex. I. ‘Didn’t ye marry me yerself, Peter ? sez she. . • * ‘Divil u one a’ me knows, sez I. •What do ye say, Pether dear ? sez she. ‘Sure father Hennessey knows I did. sez 1. desperately, an wid that the door was flung open, an wid a loud laugh, in come Misthress Mulrooney, wid father •Hennesey and half o dozen acquaintan ces, an throws herself into me arms, an begs me pardin over and over agin. An that is the way, Misther Urbin, I was desaved into marryin Misthress Conroon- —Mulrooney I mane. EDITORIAL LIFfe IN CALIFOR- , -* . N1A. Editorial life in California is thusde- scribed by ‘one of them.’ He is refer ring to the daily routine of an editor’s life there r First—Gets up in the morning at ten o’clock, dresses himself, puts on his hat, in which are six or-seven boHet holes; and goes to a restaurant for breakfast.— After breakfast starts to tbq office to took over the papers, and discovers-that lie is called a coward in one; a lair in another, and a puppy- in another; he r smiles at the pleasant prospect of having something to do; fills out and despatches three blank challenges, a ream or two of which he alwayskeeps on hand, ready printed to save time; commences writ ing a leader, when a» the dock strikes eleven, a large roan, with cowhide, pis tol and bowie knife, walks in and asks if his name te-— ; he answers by knocking the intruder'down two pair of stairs with a chair. At 12 o’clock finds that his challen ges have been accepted, and suddenly remembers that he has'a little affair of that nature to settle at the beaeh that day at 3o’clock; goes out and kills his man, and then comes in and dines on slewed grizzly; starts for the office;-atpl while going there, gets mixed in a street row, and has the heel of his. boot shot off by accident-, laughs to think how. beautifully it was done; arrives at his sanctum and finds an ‘Jnf'ernal machine upon the table; an<J knows * wfiat it is, and merely pitches it out of the window; write- aa article on ‘moral reforip,’ and starts for the theatre ; is attacked on the corner of' a dark alley by three men I kills two of them and takes the other to (he station house. Returning to the office at 11 o’clock at.night,, kills'a dog with a paving stone; gets run over by a cab, and has the tail pf his coat slit open by a thrust from a knife, and two bullet .holes put through 'his braver as he steps within his own door; smiles af his escape, writes until 2 o’clock, and then turns in, wjlh the happy consciousness of having two duels to fight the next day. Louis Napoleon.—rHow astonishing it seems jiovi that when Louis Napoleon lived in England., of the many intelli gent Englishmen to whom he was. weir known there was. but one, Sir Robert Peel, who considered him as a man of more than ordinary talent. One would tliink tfiat such^a nran af Jie.hag pr.oved himself since his accession to power in France, mnst have impressed every one who canie contact wfth him wilh a profound sense of his superior ability. That he is the greatest statesman amt A Yankee poet thus describes the ex cess of his devotion to his true luye: I sing her praise in poetry, From early morn to dewy eve; I cries whole pints of bitter tears, And wipe them with my sleeve. A State Agricultural Collegefot Ohio ha* been organized at .Cleveland with five capable Professors. Its course (twelve weeks) of daily Lectures will commence with December. — There are more fools Ilian knav’es in the world, else the knaves would not have enough to live upon." There-are men in whose presence we can feel no pleasure. Hthey speak, we are disgusted; and even if they say noth ing they annoy us. According to Fontenelle, a beautiful woman is the hell of the soul, the purga tory of the purse, andlhe Paradise of the eye?.’ •' Large Yield.—A farmer in Wind ham, Conn., has just harvested the products of a cornfield which has yielded at the rate of a trifle more than cao hun dred bushel-- toll* acre. The fertilizer used was a mixture of lima and guano. An Aged Convict.—Woleurn from the New York. Sun that Joel Schooner was convicted at Auburn, on the 17th ult„ of arson in the second degree, and sentenced to the State Prison for two years- The convict is.binety eight years Qld. . . - , The following is^found in the-“Editor’s Drawer” department of Harper’s Mag azine for September: *‘J say, Pat.' wliy don’t you sue that Railroad Corporation for injuries you have received ?—Both of your legs are broken all to smash; sue them for dam ages.” - “Sue them for damages, me boy? I have'damages enough already; Ill squ them for tepair&!” “What does the minister say to our new burying ground ?’ ‘He don’t-like it at aUsays'that he never will be buri ed there as long a-« he-lives.’ ‘Well,, if the Lord spares me, I will.’ .which, life she * We once heard of a said there were but two thi in looking bfick over her pas regretted; and one of these was, “ that she didn’t eat more cake when her sis ter Fanny was married!” Art Irish witness was asked what he knew of the prisoner’s character for truth and veracity. - “ Why, in troth, yer honor, since iv^r I’ve known her, she has "kept her house clane and dacent.” Chemical Oddit*.—While an igno. ram lecturer was describing the natote of gas, a blue-stocking lady inquired of a gentleman near her, what was the dif ference between oxygen and hydrogen. “ Vfty little, madam,’said her “by oxygin wc mean pure gin; and bydrogia | jjm and water.” - “ You ask and receive not, because you ask a-mtss,” sa d a young lady to an old gentleman who had popped the question to her. A colobrated portrait-painter says the reason that tom cats are so musical iq because they are all fiddle-strings inside. The story of a man who had a nose so large that he couldn't blow it withopt' the use of gun powder is said to be a hoax. . ' • A Plain Spoken Witness.—.‘-Fact are stubborn things,” said^ lawyer tOi female witness under examination. The lady replied: “Yes sir-ree, and] so are women, and if you get anything out me, just let me know it. ‘You 11 be committed for contempt. ery well I’ll suffer justly, for I feel the utmost contempt for every lawyer present.” Many friends are lost by ilhimetfjest rather lose your best jest than ypor^t friend, An Irish witness was aslfed what ha knew of tlie prisoner’s character for truth and jeracity; ‘Why, in truth, y?r honor,.since I’ve known her she turn kept her house clane and dacent.’ A deaf and dumb pupil in Paris was asked—‘Doth God reason?’ Ile.re- plied. ' To reason is to hcsitale-lq doubt is to inquire : It is the highest attribute oflimfted intelligence. God sfees all things, therefore God does pot reason.’ ■ WHICH IS WHICH. Mrs. Pepper got the-. bettor- of the philosopher, the other day, in arguing the question whether men or women talk the most. ‘You say a woman can talk a man al - . most to death,’said Mrs. P.,*but I’d like ablest ruler of the old world, seems now ; 0 know if Sampson didn’t jaw a thous- tq be ihe universal opinion of all Europe; yet he had lived to the middle age and no one discovered a spark of genius in him, till he emerged from obscurity. "Undoubtedly he is a great man, the master mind of Europe, and aided by the English alliance, is capable of mak- ing greater changes in the map of the continent than were achieve^ even by his illustrious uncle. Nay, England herself, but for the' blue water that.roHs between and the “ walls of oak” that float upon the wave, would be complete ly at the mercy of the nephew of Napo leon. The present war has destroyed the “ prestige’ of the British army in the eyes of France and qf the world. It has inspired the French soldiery will) a perfect contempt of England as a mil it id ry power, and soothed the pride which has been wounded and bleeding since the downfall of* Napoleon Without drawing the sword against her ancient foe, France, under Jhe second Napo leon, has amply retrieved the tarnished laurels of Waterloo.—Richmond Dis patch. Black Republicanism.—The Rich mond Dispatch says —This last and and Philistines to death V The philosopher g'ave in and that vp t ry evening presented Mrs. P. with a tick et to a strawberry festival, where tliat tespottitble lady got .into seventeen sharp disputes and enjoyed herself amazingly. Popular Definitions.—What is fashion ?—Dinner at midnight, and headache in tlie morning. What is wit ?—Tliat peculiar kind of talk that leads to pulled noses and broken head What js idleness?:—Working yellow mountains on a pink subsoil—or a blue tailed dog in sky-colored convulsions, What is joy?—To 6ount your money find find it over-rim it hundred dollars. What is conscience ?—Sometlimg guilty men feel every rime it thunders What Is contentment ?—To sifiih the house and see the-other peoplfe stuck in the tpud In other words—to be better off tbair.our neighbors. The Phrenologist Posed,—An itinernnt pbrenoipgist slopped at a rustic farm house, tbe proprietor of which was. busily engaged. vilest of the isms seems to have met a you like to have _me examine the beads ~ ^ of your children? . I-will da il cheap.’ * Wall,’ said the farmer, pausing be tween two strqkes, * I rather guess they don’t need it. The old woman combs em with a fine tooth comb once a week 1’ most ignoble fate In New York. Grqe- fey is howling oyer its dead carcase in most lugubrious strains. His wailiings fill us with exquisite satisfaction. There is not r day in the year in- which the Tribune does not assail the South with the bilteriwt den est libelsftSftl behold fee fruit of Ml tiffs voience! The tribune has no influence, none whatever, on the public sentiment in New York. It is not an exponent, or a guide of public sentiment in tbe free States, it is no more a representative of the opinions of the North than Arnold was a represen tative of the patriotism of the Revolu- tionary army. ' -The ignominious route of the Black Republicans in the .Empire F*ate, must be motifyipg in a high degree to W. H. Seward, and his abolition anti-Nebraska anatics and factionists. He thought he held New York.in the hollow of his hand, and expected to sweep the State at the last election by an overwhelming majori ty. The;result must satisfy him that the time has not yet come for the triumph of his vile m icbinations. We trust it never may pome; but if it ever does, his pwn section will be the greatest sufferer. A Missouri editor announces that'the publication of his paper will be suspend ed lor six weeks,-in order that he iqjty visit Si. Louis With a' load of bear skins, hoop poles, shingles, oak bqrk and pick- led catfish, which Tie tfaj takin for sub scription. ‘ Mister, where’s your house Y askad a curious traveler of a half horso half alligator squatter. ‘ House, eh 1 D’ye think I’m one of them- sort, stranger! I sleeps in the prairie,'! eats raw buffalo and drinka out of the Mississippi.’ A Good^Dne.—An editor out .West says that the ladies wear corsets, front a feeling of instinct, having a natural love of being squeezed. * Plulus’ says that if the ]aflies wjl} call on him ‘hey can save the expeqsq of buying corsets: Impudent young man. : 1 — -- „ - I’d give anything to hear ‘ Ole Quit,’ said an up country lass, to her lover an evening or two since. Well,’ answered the chap, ‘ dad's got an old brindfe fellow, and yon can hear him better almost any time yoq ike.’ * A promising bay, not morn than fivd years old, hearing some gentlemen at his father’s table discussing the familiar line— ’ ’ Nn honest man's the noblest work of G.vV' . s said hti kne .f it iyisn’t true—bis moth er was better than any man that was ever made. Looking Ahead.—A very handsomo young bride was observed to be in a deep reflection on her wedding day,-— was Qije of her .bridesmaids asked subject of her' meditation, thinking.’ she-replied, * which of my old , G - j ° , i • , tir beaux I should marry, in case I a!unh| ‘S.ir, I am a phrenologist. Would bec6me , widow/ Young men, keep your temper at.ail times; .molasses will catch more flies than vinegar. **, ■. It was a pertinent and forcible saying, of the Emperor Napoleon, that a liand- -ume woman pleases tbe eye. but a goad ybur I woman pleases tbe heart; one is a jewel | the other is a treasure.’ Epitaph on an Avaricious At rest beneath the chnfchyara stone, Lies stingy Jimmy Wyatt; He died one morning just at ten, And .saved a dinner by it. A celebrated hangman in England, showing thegalleys attached to Newgate, observed to the bystanders that he had hung twenty persons on it at. one lime: Some one suggested that it was too small. Oh, noYbless you, twenty five people would swing on that very comfdttably.” A Ypung Great-GranT) M®tHeb.— Mr. Roger Evans, now residing in Sump ter county, has a negro woman, a native of Hancock, who was a mother at 1J years, a grand-mdther at 25; and now a great grand-mbther at 3'3. This strikes us as'being the most remarkable instance of hereditary -precocious fecundity on ya- cord.—Sandersville Georgian.' Like dogs in a wheel, birds in a cage, or squirels in a chain, ambitious men still climb and jelimb, with .great labor and incessant anxiety, but never Teach the top. Satisfactory.—Somebody adverti ses “gun?, riflfes, pistols and "other fire-. arms—warranted to give satisfaction.” This is equal to the “ pair «f pistols which 1 will shute any gentleman.” A Quaker lately popped the quca* tion to a fair Quakeress as fellows: •‘ Ham,.yea and verily, Penelope, the spirit urgeth and moveth me wonderfully to beseech thee to cleave unto me, flesh Re*h and bone of my bone.” ‘ Hum, truly, ObadiahJ thou hast wisely said, and inasmuch as it is w^itr ten that it is not good' for man to bo alone, lo l and behold 1 will sojourq with thee.” “ Well, Jane, this is a queer world !’ said a cara sposa to his wife, at break fast, the other’ tnotmng. “A nest of women philosopher^ have just stpnjqjj up.” • . * ~ ii.iL-JKi “ Indeed,” said Jane, “ and what do they hold?” ‘ “ The strangest thing in nature,” said he—their tougues!” Exit Snooks, ia.a hurry, pursued by the cream mug. - • -V flgwi ‘Gentlemen,’ said.an engineer, by way of settling, a depute as to the rela tive speed of engines, *.;hu last time I run the Blowhard from Syracuse, we went so fast that the telegraph poles on the Hne looked like a fine tooth comb.’ Too Smart.—The other day, one o the Widow B.’s admirers was c nnplaia ingofthe tooth-achc: Mr.-. B. s boy immediately spoke up: “ Well, sir, win don’t you do as ma does? She takes her teeth out and puts ’em back whenever she wants to.” A few minutes afterwards the boy wa^ whipped on some pretence of other.