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B y JOHN II. CHRISTY.
DEVOTED TO NEWS, POLITICS, AGRICULTURE AND GENERAL PROGRESS.
$2.00 per Annum, in advance.
VOLUME XXI.
ATHENS, GEORGIA,—WEDNESDAY MORNING, APRIL 29, 1874.
NUMBER 4.
The Southern Watchman.
pruUSHED EVERY WEDNESDAY MORNING.
Qfilrr corner of Broad and Wall Streets, (upstairs.)
TERMS.
Two Dollars per annum,
INVARIABLY IN ADVANCE.
ADVERTISING.
Airertiaomentii will be inserted at ONE DOLLAR
i\D FIFTY CENTS per square for the firatimer-
in<l SEVENTY-FIVE CENTS per square for
Lohoooiinuanco, for any time under one month. For
loucer[»orio*Ia. as follows:
\ liberal de.luetion on yearly advertisements.
LEGAL ADVERTISING .
SberiT’s sales, perlery of 10 lines $500
• mortgage sales, 00 days 5.00
Sties, todays, by Administrators, Executors, or
rtanr.lian* • *•**
Citations of Administration or Guardianship 4.00
Notice to Dobtors and Creditors 5.00
itiiln Nisi, per square, eaeb insortion 1.50
Lsare to sell Real Estate 4.00
r t,tion for dismission of Administrator 5.00
<< •' “ Guardian 5.25
To ascertain the nnmber of squares in nn advcrtise-
B int or obituary, eonnt tho words—one hundred being
aqnsltoten lines. Allfraetions are counted as fall
iquares.
deleft IpsftHattg.
PROFESSIONAL AND BUSINESS CARDS.
nv.ui conn. | a. s. erwin. | howell coin,JR.
ERWIN St COBB,
I / ATTORNEYS AT LAW.
A THE.VS, GEORGIA.
Offlco ia tba Deupree Building. Dec21
B ANKRUPTCY.—Samuel P. Thurmond,
Attorney*nt-Law. Athens. Ga.
U'Kerim Broad street,oner tie store of Barry A .S’oa,
Will give special attention to easel in Bankruptcy. Al
io, to the collection of all claims entrusted to bis care.
Tames K. lyle,
Attorney at Law.
Dcp22 WATKIXSVILLE, OA.
J s
Dr
rOHN M. MATTHEWS.
Attouhkt at Law,
D&moltvnle, G a.
Prompt Attention will b© given to Any busine?? on-
i9*t» 1 to hi* care. March14.
E ngland St orr,
WUt*le$alo mod Retail Dealers,
and COMMISSION MERCHANTS,
Dupree Hal). Broad St, Athens On.
W* are now prepared to store Cotton at 25 cent* per
talc, and will advance cash when desired. Oct28.
TnNC.LISH A- CLASSICAL SCHOOL,
Pj For Boys. cor. Wray and Lumpkin sts., Ath-
«S5, Ca. ap8—3m LEE M. LYLE, Prin.
T II. HUGGINS,
• holosale and Retail Dealer in
I)KY GOODS, GROCERIES, HARDWARE. Ac.
Foblfi Broad .Street, Athens, Ga.
TORN H. CHRISTY,
tl Plain and Fancy BOOK AND JOB PRINTER,
Broad St., Athens, Ga.
Office corner Broad and Wall streets, over thestore
James D. Pittard. tf
DESPAIR.
BY W. W. STORY.
once more 1 stand beneath this spreading
beech.
Where talking, dreaming, loving, we have lain
So many a happy day,
Now thou art gone beyond thought’s utmost
reach,
Beyond the joy we knew, the love, the pain,
Out ou the dim dark way.
The problem is resolved for thee, but I,
Crushed, questioning, despairing, stilt remaiD,
And nothing thou wilt say,
Is love so weak thou dost not heed my cry ?
Is memory so vanish, so vaio,
That death wipes all away f
Oh, cruel secret, wilt thou ne’er be told t
Ob, torturing Nature, that was once a bliss,
Vouchsafed in love to us,
Why bast thou kept those perished joys of old.
Those hours and days of vanished bappinees.
To sting me with them thus ?
Let mo forget! oh, blind these eyes that look
For ever backward to that happy past,
Bebiud her grave that lies !
Oh, hold not up that sad, pathetic book
Of love’s sweet records! Iu that grave bo
cast.
Those torturing memories.
Let mo forget! Ah, how can I forgot t
And what were life without tender pain,
So deep, and oh, so sad f
No; rather let these sorrowing eyes be wet
With endless, useless tears, than e’er again
With heartless smiles bo glad.
The blast among the moaning branches grieves,
And frozen is the laaghter of the brook—
Death cn the cold earth lies.
All fallen are my joys, like these glad leaves,
Through whose greeD haunts of song the Sum
mer shook
Odours and melodies.
Let me bogoue ! my thoughts are wild aud
hard,
By grief destracted, shivered, shattered, torn
In struggles fierce and vain—
And like loose strings to tones discordant
jarred.
Are all those sweet remembrances forlorn,
That thrill through heart aud bruin,
Farewell! upon this life l turn my back.
Nothing the world caD give is good to mo,
A taint on all things lies,
Joy8 are all poisous—life and endless rack,
And this fair earth, that was a heaven with
thee.
Is hideous to my eyes.
PAVILION HOTEL,
.L CHARLESTOX, S. C.
This FIRST-CLASS Hotel is situated in the very
esetre of tho business part of the city, and all who
Hop there will find every convenience andluxury that
esn btprocured. Board, per iluy, $3.00.
R. Hamilton, Supt. Mrs. L. II. Butterfield,
Deoil tf Proprietress.
QUMMEY St NEWTON,
k_y Dealers in
Foreign and Domestic HARDWARE,
JanoP No. 6,Broad street, Athene, Ga.
8 C. DOBBS,
• Wholesale and Retail Dealer in
Staple and Fancy DRY GOODS, GROCERIES, 4c.
FehS Nn. 12 Broad Street, Athens, Ga.
TT'MORY SPEER,
-Lid LAWYER. ATHENS, GA.
As Solicitor General of Western Circuit, will attend
the Courts of Clarke, Wniton, Gwinnett, Hall, Banks,
Jackson, Habersham, Franklin, Rabun and White,
and give attention to collecting and other claims in
those counties. March It, 1873.
K ELIAS, Attorney at Law,
. FRANKLIN, N. C.
Practices in all tho Courts of Western North Caro
lina, and in the Federal Courts. Claima collected in
all parts of the State. aplft—ly
TOWARD R. HARDEN,
Aid (Late Judge U. S. Courts Nebraska and Utah,
and now Judge of BrooksUounty Conrt)
Attorney at Law,
j«ly2S ly Quitman, Brooks County, Ga.
T F. O’KELLEY’S
O . PHOTOGRAPH GALLERY,
Orer Williams'Shoo store, Broad atreet, Athens.
Georgia. sep3.
B P. camp,
• Attorney ay Law,
CARNESVILLE, GA
Will giro prompt attention to all business ou trusted
to him. He will attend the Conrta of Habersham,
Franklin and Hall. sep!7—ly
C. rSSfLES. B. P. BOWBLL.
PEEPLES & HOWELL,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
20 and 22, Kimball House,
ATLANTA, GA.
■ 'DRACTICE in the State and Federal Courts, and
f attend regularly all the Courts in Atlanta, includ
ing the Supreme Court of the State, and will argue
cists upon briefs for absent parties, on reasonable
terms.
They also praotiee in tho Courts of tho counties con
tignont or accessible to A tlanta by Railroad, aepl 1
M.W.RIDEN,
ATTORNEY AT LAW
0.8. Claim Apt anil Notary Poke
OAIXESVILLE, GEORGIA.
*•* Offlos on Wilton street, below King k Bro’a.
February 1», 1873.
Jo».i i. sties. yantaoN »bll.
A?
ATTORNEYS AT LAW.
GAINESVILLE. GEORGIA.
VyiMi praetioe in the counties composing the West-
** »rn Circuit, and Dawson and Forsyth counties
the Blue Ridge Circuit. They will alto practice in
ths Supreme Conrtof Georgia, andin the United States
Court at Atlanta. mayl4
A.A7EDGE,
Boot, Shoe and Harness
MAKER,
J!!!»»-ly WATKINSVILLE, GA
Haring the Toothache.
I have seen men who would jump up and
down and call ever) body liars and abuse their
wives, and swear an oath as large as an old-
fasbioned out-door oveu simply becauso they
had the toothache. Watkins is one of those
sort of men. Ho just gets comfortable around
the stove, with a paper in one band and a pan
of apples in tho other, when whoop she goes.
It scorns as if some one had fired a bullet iuto
his jaw, and he leape tip and down and kicks
out bebiud and grabs at bis face.
‘Now, Watkins, do be patient!’ says his
wife, as she ruus after cotton and camphor.
He holds his mouth open and she puts the
cotton in, having soaked it with camphor.
He gets a swallow of tho liquid, which goes
down the wrong pipe, and ho gives a yell and
a snort, and his eyes stick out like the wallet
of a backpay Congressman
Oh ! now, Watkins, don't bo so awful frac
tious!' shosays, in a soothing voice, looking
on the floor for the cotton
• Fractious!’ be yells, • you couldn't bear it
a second! It would kill fourteon women in a
minute t
It gets a little easier its be holds his face to
the stove, and he almost smiles as bo remem
bers the pain of a moment ago. He is con
vinced that some men would have torn the
house right down, and be is a very patient
man. Mrs. Watkins takes up her knitting
again and proceeds to narrow tho heel, when
Watkins gives another sudden yell, * Oh! honey,
oh, my stars!' ho shouts, as be dances around
on one foot, with his teeth hard shut.
• Samuel, you should not take an oath,’ says
the wife, in a reproving tone. ‘ Remember
that the wicked shall not live out balf-
Livo the old Satan '.’ be roars, striking his
ear against the stove. ‘ Get a mustard plas
tor, and a bag of ashes, and some peppermint,
and some laudanum!'
The patient Mrs. Watkins says that there
isn't any mustard, or peppermint, or laudanum
in the house, and that she doesn't believe
bag of ashes would do any good. ‘ Don't yon
remember my brother William t' ehe asks.—
‘ In the fall of '57 he had just such a time as
this, and nothing would—’
• Shut up!’ roars Watkins, trying to stuff
some cotton into the bole In the tooth. * What
do I care abont your brother Bill f ’
The strutting of bis ear cases the tooth a
little, and Watkins begins to bope that it is all
over. Th i pain dies away and a broad grin
covers bis face. Some men would have routed
the whole neighborhood and had the fire-alarm
sounded, bnt he had boon very patient.
‘ Samuel, did you see that Johnny pat the
white cow in the east lot, and the black ox in
tho— 1
'Black devils!' whoops Watkins, as the
nerve jnmps again. ‘Haig the blaek cew,
and the white lot, and the east ox, and yen,
too! Oh, my tooth! I shan't live three mini
ntes!'
‘ Oh! now, Samuel l* entreat* Mrs. Watkins,
trying to pit him on the back.
‘ Oh, harg it t dang!' be yells back. ‘ I’m
an old slot ir if I don’t murder somebody!
About every thiTd night, Watkins hat one of
these spells. Be used to send for me until,
one night, I suggested that he should go *»
dentist, and that after th»
When yuth and innosense ov enoy kind groze
old, it loczes most ov its lamness.
This fakt iz tew well known tew reqnire an
affidavit.
The lam has a short tale. Their tales are
not short by nater, but short by desine.
The femail lam is the deerest little package
ov innosense and buty known to natralists.
A femail lam iz my pride and hope. I lav
the hole entire kongregashan ov them.
The mail lam soon gits ruff. They bev horns
which busts out over their beds; and when
they git advanced in the jorney ov life, these
boros are a bard thing tew kontradict.
I hav seed a aged mail lam knock a 2-hoss
waggin into splinters with one bio ov their
horns.
This iz terrible, ef true.
From the Whitehall Times.
Five Dollars or Five Days.
HOW JUSTICE GRATTAN, OF WEST TROT, WAS
VICTIMIZED.
An accident occurred at the State Fair
grounds, between Troy and Albany, last fall,
which the Times is tbo first to publish.
A police force was placed about tbo grounds
to prevent people from scaling tho fences,
thereby depriving tho Agricultural Society of
tho price of admission. The second day of the
fair a policeman arrested a man in the act of
clandestinely obtaining admittance to tho fair
grounds. Tho prisoner was brought before
Justice Grattan who, by-tbe-by, is one of the
most whole-souled Irishmen in west Troy.
The Justice was sitting in his office, when
the policeman entered with prisoner in charge.
' Your Honor,' said tho officer, * I have a
man whom I arrested in trying to 6cale the
fair grounds fence.'
‘ Stand up, sir!’ said his Honor to the pris
oner, in his usual magisterial dignity. • What
ras you trying to stale in for, ye viliian V
Prisoner—Please your Honor—
‘ nold your tongue,’ said his Honor, bring
ing his fist down upon tho table with a heavy
thud. • Mr. Officer, state to the Conrt what
diabolical act the villainous rascal was en
gaged in when you uabbed him.'
Officor—May it please the Court, I was on
tho north inside fence of the fair ground by a
tree. I observed tho prisoner skulking about
outside, and I thought he meant mischief of
some kind. I stood behind the tree when the
viliian, not seeing me, jumped the fence. I im
mediately collared him and brought him be
fore you, your Honor. That’s the man.
Justico—Yo hard-hearted mouster you.—
Anit yees ashamed to be robbing a poor Agri
cultural Society, ye villain f The Court fines
you $5 or five days, and may tho Lord have
mercy on your soul.
Prisoner—But your Honor-
Justice—Not a word—yecs pays the fines or
yees goos to jail.
Prisoner—But, your Honor, I haven’t only
§30 which my poor mother gave me to pay a
note with to-day. You would’nt take that
from me when, if the note is not paid, my old
mother will bo sued to-day t
Justice—You’ve heard the sentence of the
Court. Unless you pay you goes to jail for
five days.
Prisoner—Liston, your Honor.
Justice—Mr. Officer, this Court i9 adjourned;
take charge of the prisoner, and unless he pays
in five minutes ‘ jug ’ him.
Tho prisoner, soeing that the Court wa3 in
exorable, pulled up his right trowsers log, aud
drew out a piece of paper from his boot, which,
after unrolling, was found to contain a 850
greenback. He passed it to the Justice, who
returned him 845 in change. The Justice
placed the greenback in his wallet, and the
officer and prisoner withdrew.
The next day the squire went to the bank
to deposit, when the casbier politely informed
him tbe 850 greenback was a counterfeit.
It immediately occurred to his Honor that
the bogus officer and prisoner were * dirty
swindlers.’ *
Since that time the bare mention of ‘ $5 or
flvedays’ injustice Grattan’s hearing sub
ject tbe audacious man who dares utter it to
a fine for contempt of Court.
A Green Countryman. ~
Years ago, into a wholesale grocery store in
Boston, walked a tall, musonlar looking raw-
boned man, evidently a fresh Comer from some
back town in Maine or New Hampshire. Ac
costing tbe first person be met, who happen
ed to be the merchant himself, be asked:
Yon don’t want to hire a man inyonr
store, do yon I’
* Well,’ said tbe' merchant, ’ I don’t know;
what can you dot’
Do!" said the man. “I rather guess I
can turn my band to almost anything. What
do yon want done f’
Well, if I was to hire a man, it would be
one that coaid bit well—a strong, wiry fellow;
one, for instance that could shoulder a sack of
coffee like that yonder, and carry it across tbe
store and never lay it down.’
* There now, captaiD,’ said oar countryman,
* that’s just me. What will you give a man
that can suit yon f ’
‘ I tell you,’ said the merchant, ‘ if yon will
shoulder that sack of coffee and carry it across
the store twice and never lay it down, I will
hire you for a year at 8100 per month.’
“Done,” said the stranger; and by this
every clerk in tbe store bad gathered aronnd
and were waiting to join in the langh against
tbe man, who, walking to tbe sack, drew it
across bis shoulder with perfect ease, as it
was not extremely heavy, and walking with it
twice across tbe store, went quietly to a large
book which was fastened to the wall, and hang
ing tbo sack upon it, turned to the merchant
said:
“ There now, it may hang there till dooms
day ; I shan’t never lay it down. What shall
I go about. Mister f Just give me plenty to do
and $100 a month, and it's all right.'
‘ The clerks broke into a laugh, but it was
out of tbe other side of their months ; and
tbe merohant discomfited, yet satisfied, kept
to his agreement, and to-day tbe green coun
tryman is the senior partner in tho firm
and worth half million dollars.
LIFT HIM UP.
Lying low in the gutter.
Degraded and black with sin ;
With garments tattered and filthy ;
More shattered and foul within.
His face had grown ugly and brutal,
And lost Is each trace divine;
The reign of his passions had made him
Companion alone for the swine.
“ He's torffar gone." they tell us,
All they who pass him by ;
* Impossible now to reaoh him,’
So he is left to sink and die.
He was once “ somebody’s darling,”
That man so degraded and vile.
And tbe beart of some that loved bim
Was once made glad by bis smile.
Those lips that now breathe but curshing,
A mother's kiss once pressed.
And that hair, once soft and golden,
A sister’s hand caressed.
Those eyes, now bleer and soulless,
Once lighted with love’s bright glow,
And the fire of tho soul within them,
Burned with thoughts that angels know.
Let your tear drops fall, of pity
Upon those darkened leaves.
Resting here—“ Possible all things,”
All, ** to him that believes.”
Friends of Temperance this is your mission,
Strong in Love’s power to save.
With a sympathy, earnest, untiring.
Go, bring bim up from tbe grave !
JAS. L. LO$G, M. D.
SurgepR, Aceouptieur and Physician
(OjKcs at Ur. Tkotsas Steals' Stors,) _
Good Hope Dittriot, Walton oo., Ga. dentil and that after ~tb» *
■• rTi0 " 10 ‘ h * * “round tho teo’v ' * 10nt at had , ca
nntr I: “« >T J lfc ». .u and jobbed a wire against
/ FpPfl Rl QoIq Q+'- 1 * - nerve, and let uie forceps slip off once or
rj I vCU vX 0(11“ jirlo twice, he would, worry tbe old stab oat or
break it off. My little speech went right to
his beart, and as I slid out doors both hip boots
struck the front gate.
Lwery^^, wu ,n wldDJe
GEORGIA.
A. . —«©, VBiUMGIA.
Umi W K SEA - VES ’ S’HOPRIETORB,
thoir old rear Franklii
WALTON HOTEL,
THR,ab,n,iK ION , UOE »
1 Md th»°Bnbli n W0U d <«‘P«ctfully Inform trawler.
»»Wafon t bl*who». d , r * "P.Y* B> wake
•Ik Ill. chari>« »{n*v f * vo » WtUU'lr patron-
ft. ADAIR, D. D. S.,
0^1 GAUf ESVlLLE, GA.
s °kthta>Uorn«r Pnblio «
Josh Billings on “Lams.”
The lam iz a juvenile sheep.
They are born nbont tbe fast ov March, and
menny ov them die az soon az green peas cum.
Lam and green peas are good, but net good
for tbe lam.
Lams are az innocent az srimps; they won’t
bite, nor skratcb, nor tank sassy.
Mary bad a little lam. I wish I bad a little
lam, and if I had a good deal ov lam it wnden’t
diskurage me.
Mary’s lam waz a good lam—an ornament
He Wanted to Marry.
A TOUGH STORY, BUT A GOOD ONE.
A London letter to the Herald says :
“Here is a good story which has not yet
found its way into print, but for the truth of
which I can vouch. Lord George Gordon,
a yonng man of four aud twenty, wishing to
marry a certain yonng lady, went quite recent
ly to ask tbe permission of hla fatbei, the
Dnke ef Argyle- The Duke, a pompons lit
tle man, replied in effect, “ My son, since our
bonse has been honored by being united with
tbe royal flimily, I have thought it right to
delegate a decision on all such matters to your
older brother, the Marquis of Lome. Go,
therefore, and consult him.’ The Marquis of
Lome on being applied to, said, • My dear broth
er, In a case of importance like this I Bhonld
think R right to ask the decision of the Queen,
tbe bead of tbe royal family, into which I
have married.’ The Queen, on the matter
being laid before her, declared that since her
terriblp bereavement ehe had been in the hab
it of taking no steps without consulting the
Dnke of Saxe-Cobnrg, tbe brother of her de
ceased husband. To tbe Puke, then, the
case was referred aud from him a letter was
received telling his dear sister-in-few that re
cant political evonte had induced him to do
nothing, even tbo giving advice, without
“'pressconcurren.eeof the Emperor Wil
liam, before whom be bad laid the matter.
Tho Emperor William wrote a long letter, de
claring that though be was enrrounded by
counselors, there was one who only had on all
occasions proved himself correct, loyal and
fiiithfal, and without whose advice he (the
Emperor) would have no decision. Therefore,
he bad referred the matter io his faithful Min
ister, Prince Bismarck.
«* And it is narrated that when Prince Bis
marck was made acquainted with the subject
he roared out, * Gott in Himmel, what a fuss
about nothing! Let the boy marry whom be
please, so long as she is young and pretty.’
..Ata recent party in the Highlands,
yonng man who bad been relating bis more
than wonderful exploits in varions parts of the
globe, was not a little taken aback by the re
mark of an old traveler: ’Yonng man, are
you not ashamed to talk so whex there are
table.’
Tom Marshall.
A case in which a duel was prevented by
one of tbe seconds, much to tbe disgust of tbe
other, who happened to be a military man.
may be related here. It occurred during tho
extra session of Congress in 1841. Thomas
E. Marshall invited three gentlemen to dine
with him one stormy, dismal Sunday. One of
tbe gnests was an officer of tbe army, from
tbe Sontb, who afterwards made something
of a reputation daring tbe rebellion. Tbe
other two were connected with tbe press. An
entertainment given by Tom Marshall before
be joined the cold-water association was sure
to be adnndantly furnished with wino. Mar
shall and one of tbe newspaper men, who
was from New Orleans, drank deeply. They
had been class-mates in college, and were on
terms of familiar intimacy. A slight misun
derstanding arose between them, and both
beingiconsiderably elevated, a harsh remark
waa made by tbe editor. Marshall inquired
if be was responsible for what he bad said.
The reply was;
“ Tom Marshall, yen ought to know me too
well to ask such a question.’
The party broke np rather suddenly, and a
short time afterward the editor brought to his
friend of the press, who was present at the
dinner, a challenge which he had jnet receiv
ed from Marshall, with an unconditional ac
ceptance, asking him to deliver the reply, see
tbe army officer, who was to act as Marshall’s
second, and make arrangements for an imme
diate meeting. The friend of the editor was
inexperienced in such matters, but he was
Impressed with the- folly of a duel between
two gentlemen on a misunderstanding at the
dinner table, and determined to prevent
fight at all hazards. He held the accept
ance until near the close of the following day,
when he waited upon Marshall.
“ You come, I presume, on behalf of Mr.
I’
“ Yee, Mr." •
“ You hake been a devilish long time in get
ting here !’
That is my fault entirely. Yonr chal
lenge was accepted at once.’
" Let me have the acceptance, then, with
out farther delay.’
Here it is,’ the gentleman replied. " Bnt
I do not propose to deliver it at alL I will
not be accessory to a duel between two men
who have no real causa of quarrel ;* and there
upon tore the paper in pieces and threw the
fragments into the fire. Marshall was much
astonished, and inquired of tbe gentleman if
he knew the responsibility he had assumed in
so doing. The reply was that ho neither knew
nor cared.
“ You have put yourself in your principal’s
place, and I presume you are prepared to take
tbe consequences,’ said Marshall.
“ Nonsense,” was tho reply. “ I will nei
ther let meet you, nor will I fight you
myself on any such ridiculous quarrel. Now,
what do you intend to do about it V
Marshall finally burst into a laugh, and in
less than one hour’s time all the parties were
Tbe army officer was inclined to make a scene,
protosting against the irregularity of the whole
proceeding, but there tbe difficulty ended.
>drice to Correspondents.
We ra-priat tbe following suggestions to
‘ Correspondents,’ and wiil add that when you
write for the paper do not think yonr article
is all there is to • go in,’ and condense as rnneb
as possible:
There are a few things that we would like
to impress upon the minds of those whose for
tune, or misfortune, uecesitate their sendnig
correspondence to a newspaper. Here they
are.
Writs plainly- Not to do so is to make an
item almost valueless, and sometimes worse
than useless.
If you write a ‘ back* band, learn to do it
with tbe left hand, that tbe compositor may
not have to stretch his neck to the left to a
dangerous extent to get tbe run of a word.
Don’t underline every adjective in tbe sen
tence, after the style of a lawyer’s brief.
If yon have ever studied punctutation at
all, punctuate; but if yon have not, let it
Blide.
if you have occasion to make a capital J,
write it below and not on tbe line.
If John Smith or William McFaden has
purchased a piece of property of Hezekiah
Hobbletop for one thousand dollars, say so, if
you desire to see the notice in print. There
is no occasion to say, ‘ Our highly respected
and honored citizen, John Smith, who for tho
last ten years has been selling milk at ten
cents a quart thereby realizing a magnificent
profit, has purchased from his neighbor, Mr.
Hezekiah Hobbletop, a most estimable citizen
and honorable vender of garden sass and sich,
that beautifully located piece of property
known as * Fools’ Folly Plot,’ and in that most
salubrious location intends erecting a house
thereon.’ Self praise is no recommendation,
neither does it pay the printer, but it does dis
gust him.
Dot your i’B, cross yonr t’s point your u’s
and make them distinct from the rounded n.
Uso ink Lead pencil writing over-strains
the eye of tbe compositor when deciphering it.
and also causes him to indulge in ‘ cuss words.’
Be sure to spell names correctly. A man
wants his name given rightly or not at all.
Only a Blush.
What is there more mysterious than a blush
that a single word, or look, or thought should
send that iuimitable carnation over the cheek,
like the soit tints of the summer sunset 1
Strange it is, also, that tbe face only, and that
the hand or foot does not turn red with modes
ty or shame any more than does tho glovo or
sock that covers them. It is the face that
hears the angel’s impress, it is the face that is
heaven. The blush ef modesty that tiuted
woman’s face when she awoke in EdeD's sun
ny land still lingers with her fair daughters.
They caught it from the rose—for all tbe rosea
were first white; but when Eve plucked one
the bud, Beeing her own fair face—more fair
than the flowers—blushed, and cast its reflox
on her velvet cheek. The face is the tablet
of the soul, whereon it writes its actions.
There may be traced ail the intellectual phe
nomena with a confidence amounting to mor
al certainty. If innocence and purity look
outward from within, none tbe less do vice,
intemperance, and debauchery make their in-
delible impression upon it. Idiocy, rage, cow
ardice, and pasyons leave their traces deeper
even than the virtues of modesty, truth, chas
tity, and hope. Even beauty grows more
beautiful from the pure thoughts than arise
within it.
What Zaccheus Did.
A story is told of a certain newspaper
proprietor who relieved his dishonesty by a
spice of bnmor
Tbe agent of a large manufacturing house
went to him to protest against frequent as
saults in the editorial columns.
“ What the devil is tbe matter V asked the
latter. “ All yon say is an Infernal lie. But
then we feel we can’t afford to have this thing
go on. What shall we do to stop it f ’
The proprietor appoared abstracted for a
few moments, and then remarked: “ I was
thinking about a chapter in tbe Bible. Let
me see! His name was—was Zaccheas. What
did he do T Oh, yes, he climbed a tree to see
the Lord; and be didn’t see him either. What
did he do then t Do yen remember, Mr. Agent,
what he did then V
" He came down. I suppose.”
“ Ah, yes 1—thank yon—that's It 1 He came
down, sensible fellow; be came down I’
The parable waa fitting. The agent imitat
ed the example of Zaccbens and the jonrnafis-
tio batteries were instantaneously spiked.
A Singular Tradition.
Among the Seminole Indians there is a sin
gnlar tradition regarding the white man's ori
gin and superiority. They say that when tho
Great Spirit made the earth be also made
three men. all of whom were fair complexion-
ed; and that after making them be led them
to tho margin of a email lake, and bade them
leap in and wash. One obeyed, and came out
of the water purer than before, the second
hesitated a moment, daring which time tbe
water^ muddied, and when be bathed, be came
np copper-colored; tbe third did not leap till
the water became black with mud, then the
Great Spirit laid before them three packages,
and out of pity for bis misfortune in color, he
gave the black man tbe first choice. He took
bold of each of tbe packages, and having felt
tbe weight, chose tbe next heaviest, leaving
tbe white man tbe lightest. When the pack
ages were open, tbe first wasfonnd to contain
spades, hoes, and all the implements for la
bor ; the second enwrapped hunting, fishing,
and warlike apparatus; the third gave the
white man pens, ink and paper, the engines
of the mind—the means of mutual, mental
Improvement, tbe social link of humanity, the
foundation of the white man’s superiority.
..‘Doctor,’said an old lady to her family
physician,' Kin yon tell me how 'tis that some
folks is born dnm V ! Why, certainly, madam,’
replied the doctor. ‘ It’s owing to the fact
that they come into the world minus the pow
er of speech.’ *La, mil’ remarked tho old
lady; ‘ now jist see what ’tis tew hov physto
edication! I've axed my ole man a hundred
times that air same thing, an all that I could
ever git out av him was, kase they is!'
I Wonder.
When a young man is a clerk in a store and
dresses like a prince, smoking fine cigars,
drinking nice French brandy, attending tbea
tres, balls and tbe like, I wonder if he does
all upon the avails of bis clerkship t
When a young lady sits in the parlor with
lilly-wbite fingers, covered with rings. I won
der if her mother don't wash tbe dishes and
do all tbe work of the kitchen f
Whea a deacon of tbe church sells strong
butter, recommending it as excellent and sweet
I wonder if he don’t rely upon tbe merits of
Christ for salvation t
When a man goes tbree times a day to a
tavern to get a dram, I wonder if he will not
by and by go four timeoT
When a young lady laces her waist a third
smaller than nature made it, I wonder if her
pretty figure will not shorten her life some
dozen years or more, besides making heiself
miserable while she does livet
When a young man is dependent upon his
daily toil for his income, and marries a lady
that does not know how to make a loaf cf
bread or mend a garment, I wonder if he is
not lacking some where, say toward tbe top,
for instance.
When a man receives a periodical or news
paper weekly, and takes great delight in read
ing it, but neglects to pay the printer, I won
der if be has a soul or gizzard.
EP A Kansas paper gives the following re
port of a judge’s sentence lately passed on .a
criminal: ‘ Brumley, you infamous scoundrel
You're an unredeemed viliian! You baint i
single redeeming trait in your character.-
Your wife aud family wish we had sent you to
the penitentiary. This is the fifth time I’ve
had you before me, and you have given me
more trouble than your neck is worth. I've
exhorted and prayed over you long- enough,
you scoundrel! Just go home and take one
glimpse at your family, and bo off in short
order. Don’t let’s ever hear of you again!—
The Grand Jury have found two other indict
raonts against you, but I'll discharge you on
your own recognizances, and if I catch you in
this nick of woods to morrow morning at day
light, I’ll sock you right square iu jail and
hump you off to Jeffersonville in less than no
time, you infamous scoundrel 1 If I ever catch
you crossing your finger at man, woman or
child—white man or nigger—I’ll sock you right
square in the jug ! Stand up, you scoundrel,
while I pass sentence on you.’
Trailes of Animals.
It has been well remarked by a clever author
that bees are geometricians. The cells are so
constructed as, with tho least quantity of ma
terial, to have the largest sized spaces and the
least possible interstices.
The mole is a mstoorologist.
The torpedo, the ray and the electric eel
are electricians.
Whole tribes of birds are musicians.
The beaver is an architect, builder and wood
cutter. He cuts down trees, and erects houses
and dams.
The marmot is a civil engineer. He not
only builds houses, but constructs aqueducts
and drains to keep them dry.
Tbo ant is a soldier, and maintains a
regular standing army.
Wasps are paper manufacturers.
Caterpillars are silk spinners.
The squirrel is a ferryman. With a chip or
piece of bark for a boat, and his tail for a sail,
he crosses a stream.
Dogs, wolves, jackals and many others are
hunters.
Black bears and herons are fishermen.
Ants are day laborers.
Monkeys are rope dancers.
Heaven, as epistolary outpourings of their love.
Aletterof a true son or daughter to a true moth
er is something better than the image of the
features, it is a reflex of the writer’s, cool.
Keep all loving lettor; barn all harsh ones,and
ia burning them forgive and forget.
Pretty Good.—An Irishman driven to des
peration by the stringency of the money mar
ket and the high price of provisions, procured
a pistol and took to the road. Meeting a
traveler he stopped him, ‘Yer money or yer
life!’
Seeing Pat was*green,’ he said, ‘I’ll tell
yon what I'll do—I’ll give you all my money
for that pistol.’
* Agreed.’
Pat received the money, and handed aver
the pistol.
‘ Now,' said tho traveler, • hand back the
money, or I’ll blow yonr brains out.’
‘ Blaze away, my hearty,’ said Pat, ‘niver a
dhrop’o' powthor that’s in it at all.’
Courtesy.
William Wirt’s letter to bis daughter on the
email, sweet courtesies of life,’ contains
passage from which a great deal of happiness
might be learned: ‘ I want to tell yon a
secret. Tbe way to make yourself pleasant to
others is to show them attention. The whole
world is like tbe miller at Mansfield, ‘ who
cared for nobody—no, not he—because nobody
cared for him.’ And the whole world would
serve yon so if yon gave them tho canse. Let
people see that yon do care for them by show
ing them what Sterne so happily called the
small courtesies in which there is no parade
whose voice is too still to tease, and which
manifest themselves by tender and affectionate
looks and little acts of attentions, giving oth
ers tbe preference in every little employment
at the table, in the field, walking, sitting, and
standing.’ ______
The Negro’s Local Option—There is
an old darkey in Maryland who lately voted
for local option, as be understood it, but not
as the public generally understands it. Tbe
story (a true one) runs thus : At a recent elec
tion a friend asked tbe old man how he was
going to vote.
“Oh," he replied, “the Republican ticket
—I always vote that ticket.”
“ Bat how are yon going to vote on the to
cal option V
The darkey, looking up, asked ;
“ Wbat’s det T’
•‘ Why, local option is putting down liquor,'
was the reply.
* Lors-a-maasy!’ said the darkey, “ ob
course I vote for local option : I votes to pat
down liquor to the old price—fippenny-bit for
a pint!’ ______
Old Letters.
Never barn kindly written letters; it is so
pleasant to read them over when the ink
brown, the paper yellow with age, and tbe
band that traced it folded over the beart that
prompted the words, under the green sod
Above all, never bare letters. To read them
in after years is like a resurrection of one’s
youth. Tbe elderly spinster finds In the im
passioned offer she rejected twenty years ago,
a fonntaiu of rejuvenescence. Glancing orer
it, she realizes that she was once a belle and
a beauty, and beholds her former self in a
mirror much more congenial to her taste than
the one that confronted her in her dressing
room. The “ widow indeed” derives sweet
and solemn consolation from the letter of the
beloved one who has journeyed before her to
tbe far off land, whence there comes no mes
sage, and where she hopes one day to join him
No photograph cau so vividly recall to the
memory of the mother tenderness and de
votion of the etiudren who have at the o» u
How Pat Got Even.
A good looking Irishman stopping at a hotel
to warm himself, inquired of the landlord:
‘ What is the nows t’
The landlord, disposed to ran npou him, re
plied :
‘They say the devil is dead.’
• An* sore,’ sayff Pat, ‘ that’s news, indade.’
Shortly after he went to the bar, laid down
some coppers, and resumed his seat. The
landlord, always ready for a customer, asked
him what he would take.
• Nothing at all,’ said Pat.
‘ Then why do you uut down this money V
• An’ sure, it’s tbe custom in my country
when a chap loses his daddy to give him a few
coppers to help him pay for the wake.’
Slavery Among the Indians.
A Washington correspondent says: The
bill for the relief of the blacks now resident in
the Choctaw and Chickasaw nations, which is
now beforo tbe Senate Committee on Indian
Affairs, was drafted at tho Interior Depart
ment. When the Choctaws and Chickasaws
were transferred from Mississippi to the Indian
Territory, they carried with them qnite a num
ber of negro slaves. These negroes and their
descendants were held in slavery by the In
dians until 1866. when they wore freed by the
government. The Indians then covenanted
with the government to extend to the blaoks
among them all the rights and privileges, in
cluding the right of suffrage, which they them
selves enjoyed. But, although eight years
have since elapsed, the Choctaws and Chicka
saws have declined to fulfill their agreement
in this respect. The bill before the Indian
Committee, which will ho formally reported,
puts the negroes on the same footing as the
Indians as to all rights and privileges enjoyed
by the latter. The formor slaves of tho Creeks,
Seminoles and Cherokees have had equal
rights and privileges voluntarily bestowed up
on them by those tribes.
Did Preston Brooks Die From His Attack on
Snnincr l
It is believed by many that Charles Sumner
died from the attack made on him, some twen
ty years ago, by Preston Brooks. Is it not
more likely that Brooks died from that affair? .
We knew him well. He was about tbe age of
Sumner, and quite as tall, perhaps, but slender,
almost fragile looking, probably weighing one-
fourth less. We also have seen and had in our
hands the famous and historical cane of the
occasion—a slight, India rubber, dandy affair.
But the exertion necessary thus to “ beat down
on tbe floor of the Senate ” a great ox of a fel
low like Sumner mast have caused an im
mense strain on tbe vital forces of so delicately
organized a man as Preston Brooks, and as he
died only a few months afterward, we submit
is It not probable that he, instead of Sntnner,
who lived eighteen years, died from that af
fair?—AT. T. Day Book.
Wayside Gatherings. %
A fop, in company, wanting bis servant, call
ed oat: ‘ Where’s that blockhead of mine ?’
On your shoulders, sir,’ said a lady.
. I say, Josh, I war gwine down do street
de odder day, an’ I seed a tree bark.’ ‘ Why,
dat am nettling, Sam, I seed one holler once.'
Wal, I seed de same tree leave.’ ‘ Ye! ye!
Did he take bis trunk wid bim ?' * No; he
left dat for board.’
..An old bachelor says that women are so
fond of appearance that if you could make
them believe there were no looking-glasses in
heaven, they wonld set no more value on salva
tion than they do on a poor relation.
..A merchant who has a class in Snnday
School, asked: • What is solitude ?’ and was
visibly disturbed when a miserable boy an
swered, ‘ The store that don’t advertise.’
..A good brother In a Baptist ohurcb of
Miami eounty, Indiana, while giving hie ex
perience, not tong ago, eaid; * Brethren, I've
been a tryin' this nigh onto forty year, to servo
the Lord and get rich both at once, and, I tell
yer, it’s mighty hard sleddin!’
..‘Isuppose,' said a physician, smiling’and
trying to be witty while feeling the pnlse of a
patient who had reluctantly submitted to his
advice, ‘ I suppose you think me a bit of a
humbug ?’ ’Sir,’ gravely replied the sick man,
I was not aware that you could discover a
man’s thoughts by feeling bis pulse.’
. .John G. Saxe declined an invitation to ad
dress a temperance convention, but sent the
following:
You boro hoard of tbo 'inake in tbo gruti/ my boy,
Of tho terrible nuke iu tho gran;
But now you must know
Man’s deadliest foe.
Is a snako of a different elan,
Alas!
'Tis tho venomous snake In the oniss!’
..A certain judge, famous for his love of
good living, said to a friend one day:
‘ We have just been dining off a superb tur
key 1 It was excellent! Stuffed with truffles
to its throat—tender, delicate, filled with per
fume ! We left nothing but the bones!’
How many of yon wore there ‘1’ asked the
friend.
'* Two,’ replied the judge.
‘Two!’echoed the other, in astonishment
‘ Yes, two,’ said the judge, ‘ the torkey ar.d
myself.’ ■' ■ Z.
..A New Hampshire f3"<«er’s wife fell ior.0
a well, and it waa to*" d a y s before be missed
her and mad*"
search. He said!
the ]«***' aausuall >' T“ i8t « but he
•»aat made it so.
EUSBHI