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•lim *1 9VIW IhM 1 11Hi‘»q*ii'» i
didn’t
wasn’t he?”
Minnie was silent. Deacon Gray
waited a few minutes, hoping she
would admit him to her secret medi
tations ; tut she did not, and the dear
con went away home to tell his wife
“that Harlan girl was the very queer
est creetur he had ever come across.”
In the meantime- Minnie was busy
packing her scanty things into her
carpet bag, by the weird, flickering
light of the dying wood Are.
‘•I w4ll go to New York,” she said
to herself, setting her pearly teeth to
gether.
“My mother’s uncle shall hear my-
cause pleaded through my own lips.
Oh, I wish my heart would not throb
so wildly! I am an orphan all alone
in the world, who must fight life’s
battles with her own single hands.”
Lower Broadway at seven o’clock in
the evening. .What a babel of crash
ing wheels, hurrying humanity and
conglomerate noises it was.
Minnie Harlan sat ip the corner of
an express office, under the flare of
gaslight, surrounded by boxes, and
wondered whether people ever went
crazy in this perpetual din and tu
mult. Her dress was very plain—gray
poplin, with a shabby, old-fashioned
little straw bonnet tied with black
ribbons, and a blue veil, while her
only article of baggage, the carpet
bag, lay in her lap. She had sat there
two hours, and was very tired.
“Poor little thing,” thought the
dnrk-haired young clerk nearest her,
who inhabited a sort of wire cage un
der a circlet of gas lights, and then
took up his pen and plunged into a
perfect Atlantic ocean of accounts.
“Mr. Evans.”
“Sir?”
The dark-haired clerk emerged from
his cage with his pen behind his ear,
in obedience to the beckoning finger
of his superior.
“I have noticed that young woman
sitting here for some time—how came
she here?”
“Expressed on from Millington, Io
wa. Arrived this afternoon.”
As though poor Minnie were a box
or a paper parcel.
“Who for?”
“Consigned to Walter Harrington,
Esq.”,
“And why hasn’t she been called
for?”
•‘I sent up to Mr. Harrington’s ad
dress to notify him some timfe ago,
and am expecting an answer every
moment.” „' #
“Very odd,” said the gray-haired
gentleman, again taking up his news
paper.
Some three-quarters of an hour af
terward Frank Evans came to the pale
girl’s side, with indescribable pity in
his hazel eyes.
“Miss Harlan, -tee have sent to Mr.
Harrington’s residence—”
Minnie looked up with a feverish
red upon her cheek, and her hand
clasped tightly on the handle of the
faded Carpet bag.
“And we regret to inform you that
he sailed for Europe at 12 o’clock this
day.”
A sudden blur came over Minnie’s
eyes—she trembled like a leaf.
Frank Evans had been turning
away, but something in the piteous
tones of her voice appealed to every
manly instinct within him.
“Shall I send to any Other of your
friends?”
“I have no friends.”
“Perhaps I can have your things
sent to some quiet family hotel?”
Minnie opened her little leather
purse and showed him two ten-cent
pieces, with a smile that was almost
a tear.
“This is ail the money I have in the
world, sir.”
“But what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know, sir. Isn’t there a
workhouse, or some such place I could
go to, until I could find something to
do?’
i
by the wind, and his ha-
»w zel brown eyes sparkling archly.
“Secret!” repeated MrscEvans, en
ergetically wiping her dim spectacle
glass. “Why, Minnie is determined
to leave us to-morrow.”.
“I must, Frank. I have no right to
further trespass on your
“Noi right, eh, Mlpnle; doyou know
that this old house has been a differ- *
cnt place since you^hmlf into it? Do
you suppose we want to ’ *—*
sunbeam?” Sr i \ f f t j I f
Minnie smiled sadly,"but her'hand
felt vary cold- and passive in
warm irrasD. v
“You’ll stay, Mingle?”
“No.” n
She shook
“Then youfaauat
said Frank.'* "I’ve missed something
of great value lately, and I hereby ar
rest you -.da suspicion of being the
thief.”
“Missed something?”
Minnie rose, turning red and white.
“O, Frank, you can never suspect
me!” .
“But I do suspect you. In fact, I
am qaite sure that the article is in
your possession.”
‘^fho article!”
“My heart; Miss’Minnie. I know
that I am very young and very poor,
and I
Stay
Frank Evans could scarcely help
smiling at poor Minnie’s simplicity.
“They are putting out the lights and
preparing to close the office,” said
Minnie, starting nervously to her feet.
“I must go somewhere.”
“Miss Harlan,” said Frank, “my
home is a very poor one—I am only a
five-hundred dollar clerk—but lam
sure my mother will receive you un
der her roof for a day or two, if you
can trust me.
“Trust you?” Minnie lbokedat him
through violet eyes obscured in tears.
“Oh, sir, I shall be so thankful.”
• • •' * * t "
“How late you are, Frank! Here—
give me your overooat—it is all pow
dered with snow, and—”
But Frank interrupted his bustling,
cherry cheeked little mother, as she
stood on tip-toe to take off his outer
wrappings.
“Hush, mother, there is a young
lady down stairs.”
“A young lady, Frank?’ 1
“Yes, mother; expressed on from
Iowa to old Harrington, the rich mer
chant. He soiled for Europe this
rnorniug, and she is left entirely alone.
Mother, she looks like poor Blanche,
and I know you wouldn’t refuse her
corner rtatll she could find something
to do."
Mrs. Evans went to the door and
called cheerfully out:
“Come up stairs, my dear, you’re as
welcome as the flowers in May
Frank, you did quite right; you al
ways do so.”
The days and weeks passed qq, qrjd
s t«l Minnie Harlan remained an in-
piste of Mrs. Ivans’ immbje dwell
ini
“It seems Just as though she bad
taken our dead Blanche’s place,” said
|jr life
nds,’’and the
lpkins trembled
spoke these words with an earnest
ness that forbade, even for an instant,
•hr being the out-
heart.
affey was a beautiful
ing into sweet woman-
ilbert loved -her> dearly,
had wandered together this sum-
afternoon from the matinee to
the street car, and he asked her to be
wife. It was . in answer to this
stion—the earnest appeal of a man
iose whole nature was wrapped up
passion he could neither control
nor east aside—that Myrtle had spoken
the words with which our story opens.
She had watched him v closely during
an acquaintance of nearly -two years,
and noticed with pain how he sedu-
ously avoided candy stores and ice-
So Minnie Harlan, instead of going
out as a governess, according to the
programme, married the young, dark
haired clerk Jn Ellison’s express office,
New York. ,- '
They were very quietly married
early in the morning, and Frank took
Minnie home to his mother, and then
went calmly about his business in the
wire cage under the circlet of the gas
lights.
Evans!”
"Yes, sir.”
Frank, with his pen behind, his ear,
as ofjrore, quietly obeyed the behest
of the gray-haired official.
"Do you remember the young wo
man who was expressed on from Mill
ington, Iowa, two months since?
“ Yes,i sir—I remember her.” r
A tall, silver-haired gentleman here
interposed with eager quickness:. '
“Where is she? I am her uncle,
Walter Harrington. I have just re
turned from Paris, where the news of
her arrival reached -m-v I want her,
she is the only lit tag relative left me.”
“Ah! but, sir,” said Frank, "you
cannot have her.”
“Cannot have her! What do you
mean? Has any thing, happened ?”-
“Yes,sir; something has happened;
Miss Minnie was married to me this
morning.”
Walter Harrington stared.
“Take me to her,” he said hoarsely,
‘I can’t be parted from my only liv
ing relative for a mere whim.”
“I wonder if he calls the marriage
service a mere whim,” thought hon
est Frank; but henbeved in silence-.
—"FrafiEEvans is an expresselerk no
longer, and pretty Minnie moves in
velvets and diamonds; but they are
quite as happy as they were in the'old
days, and that is saying enough. Un
cle Walter Harrington grows older
and feebler every day, and his two
children are the sunshine of his de
clining life.
THE POLICEMAN.
The policeman, children, is a pretty
fair sort of a man, notwithstanding he
is generally on the beat.
He is sometimes called a “geevus,”
because he will geevus away if we do
not look out for ourselves.
Frequently when he comes in sight
the boys call out “cheese it.” This is
when something has a curd, and they
wish to get a whey.
The policeman is one of the most
clubable of men. He belongs to no
club, however. The club belongs to
him.
He always takes his club with him.
As his club is always on hand just in
the ace of time, it is known as the ace
of dubs. It is a 'trump. The police
man is often put to hlB trumps.
The policeman is called the guard
ian of She night. He is a brave knight.
He watches over thehight errant.
The policeman. has a very keen
mind, he can apprehend the most dif
ficult subject, and these subjects are
most apprehensive of his approach.
The policeman, we are sorry to say,
has very bad associations. He is al
ways running after bad company.
There are a number of men men on
the police and each one has anumber.
The policeman'is sometimes exiled
Charley. He always has bis billy
with him. The two are bound togeth
er by the strongest tie. The police
man is renowned foca billy tie.
The policeman is not given to liter
ature, but has a pistol-ary correspon
dence with dangerous classes some
times.
He is a measure of policy. What
should we do without public police?
cream saloons. “I can nemunacry a .stwui Pgit home to-day?**
man,” she had said to hermother one
day, “who shies at the sight of a candy
atore r like a country horse at a fire-
engine.” And when the expected
avowal came she had kept her word.
Adelbert turned around in a dazed
sort of way after Myrtle had rejected
him, and walked swiftly toward the
dry goods store which had been so for
tunate as to secure his services.
All the afternoon Adelbert stood
moodily behind the ribbon counter,
thinking of i how he should revenge
himself on the naughty girl who had
wrecked his happiness. At precisely
4:30 o’clock a fierce joy lighted up his
countenance, and, putting on his hat,
he left the store. . * * * *
As the -bells of St. Agnes’ church
were striking 9, a young man sprang
lightly up the steps of a magnificent
residence, and was soon seated in the
sumptuously furnished parlor.
The proprietor of the house, a be
nevolent-looking old gentleman, en
tered thexoom. , .
“Do you wish to see me?” he said
to Adslbert-Tompkins—for it was he
Lwho had sprung lightly up the steps.
■ “Yes,” he replied, “you are the per
son I seek.” [
r “What would you?” said the old
gentleman.
‘You are the cashier in the
Bank, I believe ?.” said the young gen
tleman.
“I am.”
- “You have beta stealing the con
cern’s money. Do not seek to de
ceive me. You are a cashier; ’tis
enough.. Give me $50,000 or I will ex
pose you and ruin your life. Having
heard me twitter, you can choose your
own course.”
For an instant the cashier did not
move, aud then, going to an elegant
escretoire which stood in a corner of
the room, he wrote out a check for
$50,000, certified it,' and handed the
piece of paper, now a fortune, to the
youth. _j
“I have but one favor-to a»k,” he
said, “and that is that you will marry
my daughter. I wouldn’t like to let
as sure a thing as you are go out of
the family. She has $100,000 in her
own right, and when I am dead and
the bank directors are in jail on ac
count of my book-keeping it will suf
fice to keep you in comfort.
Two months later Myrtle Mahaffey,
the cashier's only child, became Adei-
hert’s bride. One child, a blue-eyed
boy with golden hair, has blessed the
union, and as he sits on his grand
father’s knee in front of the fire, and
asks in his innocent, childish way if
‘ ’papa isn’t a smart man,” the old gem
tleman kisses him fondly and says in
soft, low tones:
“You're singing on the right key
now sonny.”
Six railway passengers were put off
a junct^i to wait for cross-line
llttle.ilepot'iWas the only
the | man in
opera
tor. He simply kept the station-house
the trains, and he was
more responsible for the running of
trains thgq the Tygoqnpf Jaj
ery one of
yet it wasn’t
one of the
and asked:
“Is that train on time?”
“I guess so.”
“You guess so! Don’t you know?”
“No, sir:"
“You don’t, eh? Then how do you
know it isn’t an hour late?”
"I don’t.!’
“Don’t, eh? Well, if that train’s
late, you’ll ”
Here he was elbowed away by the
old woman who made jnp the six, and
who wanted to know:
EMIGRANTS-BABY.
1 Tlere was a single‘group o^emi-'
Y* ltt^taWrelr'ittlrtie K>t)g'dreamy
pas lage which leadtf
- V 1 ’fabt ie- Central stepoty arid' aktha pass-
Wfl png srs wait Ingifor-thctnitaight'Wain
mi yedtbat way they absentedaatol-
flMMoi t d 1 athetic.touhonleqokfaoe.thaiatqld,
t
See? , ■■ y / j
The police is not a deep thinker. He
THE WRONG ONE.
It happened in a rough mining town
in Colorado. There was a grand ball
at the ranch of Whisky Jack, a well-
known character in the “diggings,”
and the “elite” of the district respond
ed to the call in full force. The party
was held in a rickerty old barn be
longing to the host, and what with a
few red strips of flannel, a grotesque
accumulation of mountain roses and
a row of dripping candles, the ap
pointments of the place were perfect.
My first partner in the giddy dance
was the wife of the man who killed
the village postmaster because he re
fused him a letter; she was fat, fair
and forty, and danced with the grace
of a cow. My next partner was the
daughter of this charming pair, a
young girl just budding into the love
liness of womanhood, she was badly
freckled and sported a wart on her
nose. My next partner was a bloom
ing grasswidow, A fresh arrival; and
then I rested. I began to comment on
new faces in the room. My compan
ion in thir pleasant pastime was a
heavy-bearded miner, uncouth, rough
ly dressed, tobacco-slobbered and very
profane. This was our first meeting,
and I hoped it would be the lost.
‘There goes a hard-looking case,” I
does not cudgel hisbrainoverabstruse whllpered, as the wife of the man who
problems. He uses somebody else’s
brains when he cudgels.
The policeman is not a profane man
but he does a good deal of swearing
when in court.
When in chase of a criminal, if the
man becomes tired die policeman will
kindly give him arrest.
We will nowgive you a rest.
A man went into a bank to borrow
some money. He asked if they could
let him’have a thousand dollars i for a
short time. “Oh, yes,” re?}?
‘•‘one Jl>qU|and'p$ two thousand, if you
want it.« The rate of interest was sat
isfactorily fixed and the borrower was
asked as to the
erals. “Colin
any collaterals,” said the borrower.
the cozy little widow; “and she faso C .°* Ia ! : f 1 n ^ 8i r 6ald t,le hanker;
“then It will be impossible for us to
let you have the money.” The man
he ch&rocter of his collat-
laterals ? I have not got
ing off,
killed the postmaster sailed by. “She’s
a bad ’un.”
Yas,” replied the man, “I’d bate
to have the critter step on me. What
an elegant target sbe would make for
apoor marksman!”
“Yes,” I said, and turned my eyes
on a tail, raw-boned creature sailing
toward us, supported by a little man
with sandy whiskers and red-topped
“The hoM, I wyi ain’t she a lovely
“I guess so.”
“The train stops here, does it?”
“Yes’m.”
“Longenough for me to git on?”
"Oh, yes.”
“Well, mebbe it does, but if it don’t
you’ll hear from us!”
She gave place to a man who had
looked at his watch three times in six
minutes, and who sternly asked:
“Did I understand that we were to
wait here two hours?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Is it two hours before that train
comes here?”
“Yes, sir.”
"Two hours?”
“Yes!”
“Whereabouts on the line is the
train now?”
“I don’t know.”
“Why don’t you telegraph?”
“We have no instrument here.”
“Haven’t, eh! That’s a pretty state
of affairs! Two long hours, and per
haps four! Now, then, if—’
Here he was called away by the
blowing of a sawmill whistle, and the
most peaceful-looking man in the li
edged up and inquired:
“Train on time?”
"Yes, sir.”
“Does it cross here?”
“Yes, sir.”
"Always stop?”
“Always.”
“Say, if I should get left here to
night it would cost somebody a good
round sum.”
In the course of the next ten min
utes the other two men approached
and indulged in about the same style
of conversation, and after an interval
of ten minutes he was asked what
time it was. why he was not an oper
ator, why the trains didn’t make close
connection, and why on earth was it
that he didn’t have an eating house in
connection with the station.
He had a civil answer for every
question, and his patience never wa
tered until Just four minutes before
train time. Then the old woman said
to him for the twentieth time:
“Do you ’spose I’ll miss the train?
“I hope not,” he quietly replied, “if
you do I shall take tojthe woods!”
And at that the six passengers gath
ered on the end of the platform, went
into convention, and it was unani
mously
“Resolved, That the arrogance and
impudence of public servants must be
and is hereby sternly rebuked.”
FILIAL DEVOTION.
Not long ago a young man in Car-
son got married and started for Cali
fornia with his young wife. As he
boarded the train his father bade him
good-bye and gave him the parental
blessing.
“My son,” said the aged sire, shak
ing with emotion, “remember these
words if you never see me again: Nev
er go into a place where you would not
take your wife.”
The couple settled in Mariposa
county, and lost week the old man
went down to visit them. He propos
ed a bear hunt, and they were fortu
nate enough to track a grizzly bear to
his lair among some of the bowlders
in the chapparal. As the two ap
proached the bear roused up and sent
forth a growl of defiance which shook
the trees.
“Go in there and kill ’im,” said the
old man excitedly.
The son held back, tartheracquatat-
ance with the bear seeming in some
respects undesirable.
“Count me out,” he said.
“Have I crossed the seas and settled
in America to raise acoward?” shout
ed the father, brandishing his gun.
“I recollect your advice when I left
Carson,” was the reply. “How could
I forget your sage precepts? Didn’t
you tell me never to go where I could
not take my wife? Now, how would
Sal look in there with that bear?’
The old man clasped his dutiful son
to his bosom, and, as the bear issued
forth, exclaimed
“Speaking of Sally, let ns hasten
home; our prolonged absence might
cause her needless alarm. 1
In about fifteen minutes they had
reached the ranch, the oldmana little
ahead, and the distance was about four
miles.
,«id n v/.l xln ii
tM ■
mi*
IttelOlltlll III
wf'mfmtoKW’yxJ
io her and *
“ur
wiled them no unjust shaTOof fame
d fortune.,, .Tfo.lbiM' Clast. Of $611^ •
however, without Whppq patience and
skill thfi peq of thereaejy writer were
but a slow means' of communicating
thought,^t has bj^en less Uttetal^ "A
largeiarray of-boyaand young-women
are n&w' engaged wlth'tusy'flilgCrft'
and nerves under cbnttttaed tension
in furnishing tfiC' reading 1 public with
the printed sheet. In the morning be
gin their tasks with the early dawn
that the business man-may have a
freah^heet when he'gsfcHte*}
the fireside at evening. But- when
busy crowds have left the streets- and
reunited families are enjoying- the
luxuries of home, the printer still tolls'
by lamplight that the morning paper
be not wanting. These are not ill-
paid as far as dollars and cents go.
The composing is a pretty sure but
not an easy means of winning one’s
bread. But they receive little of hon
or, considering how much they do for
the pleasure of individuals and for the
progress of society. When we feel the
happiness of our lives enhanced by
the perusal of some charming work,
we cherish gratitude for the genius
that so fittingly set the thoughts to
words that they elevate us with emo
tion of beauty. But we scarcely think
of the patient toil that is required to
print those words that the reading of
them would be a pleasure. If the only
way of learning an author’s thoughts
were by deciphering his cramped chl-
rography, full of. erasures and inter
lineations, few would be inclined to
undertake the task. Yet the printer
must do this. He must, too, bear the
blame of the writer’s bad spelling and
bad grammar, though he is allowed
to share none of his praise for sound
logic or brilliant rhetoric. -The world
cannot honor its printers too much.
Their composing sticks come nearer
than anything else of being that level
of which the Syracusan dreamed.
''LlOSEltS 1 bft'MOWBY.* 1
ii«»
$
askpa a man with an earnest^loo:
his face and a memorandum' 1
-his liaftd, 'of-i'tWllt
,'inl ij _
‘Ward avenues. 1 ' ‘ 1 *
The - man' 1 dddHss&l "Am 1 -' hUs- 'htad'
ousljMnto'varibifoipdclfots and re* 1 >
.tl Hit If AY «»*• lit i
eU, ijLbwv II c dMldveli t€am id ib*
bla thatili-waa-lto'A*-toi c fo
that coin? Yss, itiSgpsi*.-Xtnnsb
mb red and talked and looked like
the r ttldefo.” iBtrt'lhe^ wdre’aff iMeht;
■and sat'SfAb&btffesb’ta'thfe hWdbehdli-
esic n which their rude luggage' Wks
pil< d* -BWtreen- the fhtiler hnd teottief
>W»s a trough- -hedi-externpotteedi froih
„.... .Im-iloU-i. ....,
^^Wiausy-ioccupy-thq «
- npbVeisenrtoe; guKaXreWkthft hfiWTt*
SprrOws are our best-educators..-A-
m'ai i ifosyt-seetfarther through a t
(W i aitelesoclpej'l ••<:■> li«'i u:t twin .,i. •
“t foil' of ootar 1,
Aut W!th6fit ,, bbeht; are? tbie "fine but’ 1
'frtiititas’ifdms df him ’whd'doei not >
t«et foWtfdtafeiy/ ■ ' a -*••“-'•*« •-*■-•
“A niaii'never foelspoo/whenhehaa
Ate l-aduartMlto - wrap oh the out-
l F iJr.TOipKs^t lawR fopnls-nVOqJy ,
keepyo^f head. 74r- Jones, a»4, yw$,
ta*thing,”. . , ,
Wf2»We d a%,‘.'- '' i ‘ *“ ■«“ '
IUtH stunted-HhaOUaf honor ... .1 - -.1..
On Labor fron^hey birth.
1. Njot the, .perversities of-others; sot
.Umr $ta$af<<X>tomssiQn or omission, - -
ahvohJv- inhajwis and comforters andtai eeHtaei fclYWfoWWB mi^deeds and negllgenaa,
-Q VY OOU- x j xi. it 1 •• flhft till A. an am falxes n nt J on
bad.Vrey.wflg-
'■ At inihe,,^* .tfi.fte,
#t 8 Vfo a8 ® r *
sho iVt,a,g$cfiMke pottae.af.,
'^ A few-kind words, a iHtle foitear-
anpeer-akiss-wilHapen -tiseiway 1 to a
‘nooa-oCsunshlnO in-a' house-darkened ■
By tile-clouds- pf discord and unamia-' 1
‘ II JUKI
me a moment and tlic-ti
his revolver,
I squirmed,
“What is a chimpanzee?” he growl
ed fiercely, his red eyes growing vejy
large. "
I saw ? had mode some mistake
and hastened to explain.
“Why—why,” I stammered, bock-
i-liimpaii-e ,- i- :i liivcly
found in Africa—nothing sq
ly beautiful as « chimpanzee,
eouipj iment a lady
the man looked relieved,
stranger; ah<?
she is my
_
The other evening a Brush street
policeman heard a whistle shrilly
blown and a female voice callling for
help, and after a short run he reached
the scene of commotion. A man was
getting up and foiling down again on
the door stops, and a female had her
head out of an upper window and
seemed to be half scared to death.
“What’s tlie matter?” asked the
officer.
“A man has been kicking on the
door,” she answered.
“This man here?’-'
"Yes, J thought he’d tear the wholo
house down.”
The officer reached out for the man
and made two discoveries. It was
the woman’s husband, and J\e \\as
fighting drunk.
“Why, thlft WfoWn|t hurt you
repp's yw husband,” he called out.
“is that so? Charles, is that you?”
“Bet yer life’s smeo," mumbled
Charles.
“Then re»Uy must excuse mo,
Mr, OiUeeV, You see, we have only
been married six weeks, and I do not
readily recognize him yet. I’ll be
ABOUT EDITORS.
It may be said that a country news
paper’s subscription bills are cool, but
they are not collected.
The man who stops his paper to
economize ought to cut off his nose to
keep from buying handkerchiefs.
A Texas editor having been acci
dentally shot in the stomach while
out hunting, lias been obliged to use a
patent inside ever since.
Edison took out seventy-one patents
inside the last six months. We took
Mll-witM Unwrao^Srty-inlC-putcat Jjj-
sides the lost time we got our mall at
the post-offloo.
Emerson says: “A man passes for
what be is worth.” An editor passes
because the man who gives him the
pass expects the editor to give him
six times the worth of it in a favora
ble notice.
One who signs himself “A Poet’
writes asking us for our olub rates.
Nothing; nothing at all. Bring along
“the piece you have just dashed off,
and we’ll do the clubbing gratis.
According to a veracious but un
known scribe, an Iowa editor was
challenged to fights duel. He prompt
ly accepted, and choose axes as the
weapons. Then he issued a supple
ment and named forty rods as the dis
tance.
Six Nevada widows, each worth
over $300,000, have formed a compact
and solemnly agreed to take no men
but editors for second husbands. The
reason for this is that they know edi
tors are above pecuniary considera
tions and will only wed for love. And
we wish to add that every editor in
the land considers ail those ladles as
among the loveliest of their sex and
highly intellectual.
A Texas woman is gradually becom
ing petrified. Her feet and hands are
already as hard as stone, and when
her cheeks undergo the same meta
morphosis she will be fully competent
to enter a newspaper office, draw a
chair up alongside the editor and reel
off the following legend: “I have here
an illustrated history of the Patagon
ians four tail-page engravings in each
number to be completed in seventy-
nine parts at fifty cents a part mak
ing three superb volumes twrth their
weight in gold which no library should
be .without and if you will put-your
name here at the head of my list 1*11
tarnish you the first three numbers
gratis and you give a little notice in
your paper, and will you put down
your name.
A touching scene occurred in the
Cleveland, O., criminal court Thurs
day last. An old woman,nearly sixty,
was called up to receive sentence for
keeping a house of ill fame. She was
condemned to a heavy fine and a long
term of Imprisonment, when a well-
known metchant of that City, bearing
a most honorable reputation, stepped
forward and begged mercy for the old
woman. He then astonished the court
by stating that the poor, shameless,
degraded being was his own mother;
that her life of shame had compelled
him to disown her years ago, “but
vile as she Is,” cried he, “ she is my
mother after all, and I can not remain
silent and see her go to end her wretch
ed life in prison.” The court was
deeply affected, and in granting the
prayer of the son said tho old woman
ought to thank God tor giving her a
son capable of reaching an hqporqble
manhood in spite of his, panther’s vic
ious influences.
ofae people aWofe- theta bfeadrf
■*—it) rtaa -ah- nnhnn wn-*omga*ito 4hetm<
• 11-Bnt-hije.of thie bojrahad picked bp*
Kaifo, Iwt, j|<
* 1 ,1-tniril/. ,npll--ll lltHltflllg *»l , ivu.uin.ui-wicw«9quiUI JNUKHI UD«
The man ope^.hift njqpqfl^pm few) English words, and he answered
bool. _
cil and said:
“Will you favor me
and address?”
They were given, and the question
er started on, when the well-dressed
man cried:
“Hi, there! Where’s the money?
Give me my gold piece.”
“Oh, I didn’t find any money. I
took a notion this morning that in a
city like this, where thousands and
thousands of dollars are handled every
hour, there must be great losses, and
started out to investigate the matter.
Between here and the river I found
seventeen men that had lost a $20 gold
piece, and I expect to run the list up
to 200 before I reach the city hall.
Good day, sir.”
ONE* STEW.
A finicky, fussy round little man
stepped up to the first waiter in a new
oyster saloon in Sixth avenue and
laid:
Have you got any really nica, fresh,
good oysters?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Not too fat, you know, but not thin
either. I want them perfectly right,
and I want tbem perfectly fresh.”
“How will you havo them—half
shell?”
“Stop a moment,” said the little
man; “if you have got just the right
kind in just the right condition,
please take half £ pint of small ones,
not too small, you know, and strain
the juice off them carefolly, leaving
just a little juice on them, put them
in a pan that has been scoured and
dried, and then add a little butter,
good, pure butter, and a little milk,
not New York milk, but real country
cow’s milk, and then place the pan
over a coal fire, and-be c areful to keep
tlitr pan in motion 80 as not to let the
oysters turn; add a little juice if you
choose, and thon wateh the pan close
ly so that the exact moment it comes
to a boil you can whip it off. At the
same time have a deep dish warming
near at hand, and when yon see the
first sign of boiling empty the pan
into the dish, Do you think you can
remember that?”
“One stew!” the waiter called out.
wftUyour'naSne' 1 *
iMb* urj^tei; fttqpiwd atf,
looked at the group. T^he- turnixi
down with no ungentle hand the cov
er-lid from what he believed to bet^e!
sleeping child.
“Why,” hr exclaimed, staring back,
“this child is dead.”
“Yesh,” said the boy who could
speak English,' “scheep-dead.”
And these people had sat by their
dead for nearly eight long hours rack
ed with anxiety as to what they should
do, distracted with grief, yet unabie
to express a word of their trouble to
the m any sympathizing hearts within
reach.
. They left the Utile yellow-haired
girl-baby, consigned to a foreign
grave, ank went on their way, but
though they shed no tears there was
that in their blue eyes that told of a
deep wound, and doubtless in their
new home they will miss the quaint
little figure in its blue woolen dress
and round white cap, and tiny wooden
shoes—the little Norse baby that lies
alone under the shade trees of Mount
Elliot.
GOOD NIGHT.
“CHURCHING."
The “Churching Pew” is the place
set apart in many English churches
for mothers who attend church for the
first time after the birth of a child.
Whenever an ocoupant appeared in
this pew the usual service was read
without further inquiry.
An unmarried lady from another par
ish who had passed the meridian of
her days, took her scat one Sunday in
the pew without being aware of the
purpose for which -it was set apart.
The usuftl servioe followed, and she
was only made aware of the object
when the clerk, as she was leaving
asked her when she would have the
child baptized. She rushed home to
the friend with whom she-was lodg
ing and sank into a seat in a fit of
hysterics.
“What is the matter?” inquired the
friend, “have you been robbed or in
sulted?"
“Wore, muck worse,’’, sobbed the
venerable maiden, “I’ve been church
ed!”
multitude of sins, j
redeeming trait; lie
mm
down in a minu
There is a divorcoity of opinion bc»
twevfl |p
Ouv young friends have heard of
palindromes—words or lines that read
and spell the same backward M tors
ward. The following senfonoea, print
ed in the London Truth, simply make
senso read word by word either way:
"SolomonLad vast tu a-urea-stiver
and gold—things precious. Happy
and rich and wise was ho. Faithfully
served ho God.
“She sits lamenting sadly, often too
much alone.
“Man Is noble and generous oftcu,
About eight years ago a man by the
name of Taylor left his wife and five
little children in Schley county, from
some frivolous reason, and soon after
he left there was another son born to
them. All the property that they pos
sessed was one-mule, which' Taylor
carried off with hlfo. Mrs. Taylor bad
worked hard—was raising hor chil
dren in an admirable way, and was
making some money. She had not
heard from her husband from the day
he left until recently. While passing
one of her neighbors she was called to
*‘see something,” when she discover
ed it was her long missing husband.
She fainted and fell. That afternoon
he accompanied her home, and the
next day she visited heir Primitive
Baptist brethren to know if it would
be against the church regulations for
her to he the wife of Taylor again.
They did not object, and all is well
now.
How tenderly and sweetly foils the
gentle "good-night” into loving
hearts, as jpembers of a family sepa
rate and retire for the night. What
myriads of hasty words and thought
less acts, engendered in the hurry and
business of the day, are forever blot
ted out by its benign influence. Small
tokens, indeed, hut It Is the little
^courtesies that make up the siifo of a
happy home. It is only the littlecour-
tesies that can so beautifully round off
the square corners in tho homes of la
boring men and women. The simple
“I thank you,” for a fovor received,
will fill with happiness the heart of
the giver. True wealth is not estima
ted by dollars and cents, but by the
gratitude and affection of the heart.
If a home be happy, it is of heaven the
truest symbol. If a home be happy,
whether the owner possesses a patch
of ground or a thousand acres, they
who live there are indeed wealthy
beyond mathematical calculations.
Then how much more lovingly are
the sable folds of night gathered
around the happy home. How much
more confidentially do its members
repose their weary body in the care of
divine goodness, smoothing their over-
taxed-minds to the living realities of
beautiful dreamland.
THE ILSE OF CONTENT.
A speck in the ocean only is Pitcain
island, or the “Isle of Content,” as It
is aptly called. Although only six
miles in circumference, it is inhabited
by ninety-nine of the happiest persons
in the world. The island is situated
in a delightful climate about 3,000
miles west of the northern coast of
South America. All the tropical fruits
grow there in abundance. The inhab^
Hunts form an English colony, and
live a simple, happy life, undisturbed
by the strife of the world around them.
Money is practically unknown among
them. The magistrate oh the island
has a sinecure, for there are no dis
putes, and lawlessness is unknown
among them. Each man has his own
house and land. The life is commun
istic in a way, for all are socially equal
and share their goods with each other
when one becomes needy. Shoes are
seldom worn by the women. The chil
dren, when only a few years old, learn
how to switu, and tumble around in
the breakers without fear or danger.
The people are religious, and worship
in a little church, some one of their
number reading the service of the
chureh of England and preaching ev
ery Sunday. They are zealous in suo-
coring shipwrecked sailors, and seem
on the whole to lead an ideal life of
quiet and contentment.
The Commissioner of Internal Rev
enue; Mr. Raum, says that in his an
nual report he will tarnish some In
formation in-reference to the food giv
en to the ciws and pigs of the West
He says that a large portion iff the
food of these animals comes from the
distillery slops: According to this, by
the time a Western pig is in a . condi
tion to be slaughtered and made up
Into hams, sansage, etc., for Easton,
consumption, he mqstbe aa thorough
ly saturated with aloohol as a verita
ble "judge" or "major” with a large
practice at the bar.
Nothing is more unsatisfactory than
to sit down day after day to the same
bill of fore. There are houses where
the mistress seems to have no inven
tive faculty, acquired or Innate.
Breakfast consists from Monday until
Saturday of tiureame fried pork and
potatoes, sausages a ,d cakes. Rem
nants of things come on again and
again, growing small by degrees, till
taei n be of stitfh tHlfl&g thki' 'win last
wdj 7 to the end tftey taiybk in some 1 " 1
Sin itattortal, and may frequently W "
*»:i«Wmem<*y»tftheWxfeiv<fr: "
I** L fo’fe 'tovidea 1 inte 'ibree terms- '
YrtAi *M6fe’vks: , flrh'iS l w; taa &Mdx
wUl b@." 'Ldt'ny lekfn' from the past'W ' '
ym fb^tHK'^Wl'tat, aha 1 from the " ‘
firesste’Wlive i&lkmbt theftifure.‘" ’'
care-worn age in the hopqs yihicji.cai^,
never more be its own, and t t^je Illu
sions which can never agjftg
grace to existence. It is mefljppy th$A h ,
makes the old indulgent to tyoung-
The Philadelphia Chronic*o>Herald* •■>
thinks that Eve was & giddy-young-
thing because she got marriedwhen-- ■ •
she was a day old. ,!> i...
“Bind up my wounds, bring fare'• '
other piece of stovepipe and'let , 'thia" i ‘ '
battle proceed! Charge, tinker!" On,
stovepipe, on!” 1 --•*«>•••“ 1
“Love’s young dream” usually
merges into matrimonial nightnjffle. |
There are more whoops on the in-1 :.,.
side of a barrel of whisky than, them <■:
are hoops on the outside.
You cannot convince the yonngmsn • i ■ ►•*
without a fall overcoat that the even*" ‘- •■«
tags are chilly. i-.i
It knocks all the love out of a man *' 1 ’
to have the music stop, and eVery " ' ‘ 11
manta the ball-room hear him ask ““
bis girl: “Can I hold you a little
when we get home?"
tions. He is miserable now, but thinks
he would be more so if she should flit.
Ho reminds me *f tho man who, having
inadvertently «at down on the only out
let to n hornot’s nest, resolutely stayed
there for hours, preferring to endure the
stings in a circumscribed area rather
than bo stung all over.
Mormonism lms some
features. For instance, it
li and throw the burden of supporting i
band on ope woipaq.
There ts no use in letting your love
blind yon to the undeniable fact that
every girl of cultured taste wishes to
gratlfyit; so, ifyou take one of these
delicate, refined, sensible creatures for
a wife, you must couch her on brocade
or your marriage bed will not bo downy
with her happiness. Not only are these
exquisite hirds desirous of fine plumage,
hut some of them are hindered flying by
nothing else, I know a worshipful hus
band whore beautiful young wife
wouldn’t roost tn bis cage a year if ho
didn’t provide her with just tho kind ol
^ w one grows tired of seeing tho dish of
right lively to satisfy her dress exa6- B ppj 68auce 0 r the saueer of prunes,
apple sauce or the saueer of prunes,
and Is tempted to give them to the
dog or pigs. All tills can bo remedied
by a little plan. Miuiago for your own
fotally ns Ifyou had guests, and vary
the arrangement of your tablo and tho
Health will be
averted.
Jack,”
There is not one man In a thousand • ■ •
who can afford to do without seven or
eight hours’eleep. All the stuff writ
ten about great men who slept only
three or four hours at night Is aproo- -I'-'i
ryphal. They may have been put upon !
such small allowance occasionally,
and prospered; but no man ever kept 1 ■
healthy in body and mind for auum** • ■'*'
her of years with less than seven"" 1 ’
hours’ sleep. Ifyou can get to bed"
early, then rise early. Ifyou cannot" ■"
go to bed until late, then rise late. -It
may be as proper for one man to rise •
at eight as it is for another to rise 1 at
five. Let the rousing bCil be rung at : ■
least thirty minutes before the public 1 •
appearance. Physicians say that A* 1
sudden jump out of bed gives irregu* *"■
lar motion to the pulse. It tak-ee ' 1 ■ *
hours to get over a sudden rising. •" • - • ;
'•<■"'I “H|
The boys who sell the Chronicle on. >.i .
the streets, when not engaged in puffr ■■■ ■.*:
ing out their intellectual force through - • •/
the insidious cigarette or cigar stump;. i c.;
are keen and bright, as their business- ... ;
communings show:
“Wot yer goin’ to holler to-day,, .••, .
Jamesy?” said one oftho leaders,iff .
the squad to his partner the othermt-, . i
temoon.
“I’m a goin’ ter sing out: *’Ena’s. > >-i
yer Central Persiftk train robbers, u-1
They make a fyasko and skip.’ ’’ , i, „,..
“Wot’s a fyasko, Jimmy?” . :
“I dnnno, adzactly, Patsy, but. it's .. -•> i
a heap of money, you can betcherhfo
on that.”
“Well, I’m goin’ to holler, ‘Desprft -m->
fight on D. street, Crosby’s gallant n.. >
defense.’” ••
“Wot’s a gallant defense?" „u : .i,i
“Hlttin’ a woman wlda elub.Vij, ,
Two Irishmen were poring over the 1
news of one of the city papers, tad
coming to the head “Latest” andlm- ! '
mediately following it “Very Latest^’ ' “
one said to the other:
"Ah, sure, Tim, will you be alterex^, , ’
plainin’ what this means?” . | (
“Arrah, bedad," said Tim, “an* it's
meself that can explain that te'yiY.
Sure the latest is what comes in time
to be printed, and the very latest is , j
what comes after the paper is out.’* (
What is foshion? Dinners at] mld- M ],'
night and headaches in the niqfnlng. ' "
What is wit? That peculiar kinil^of ]
talk that leads to pulling noses and,
broken heads. What is joy? Tooount „
vour money and find it is a hundred , ,
dollars more than you expect:' What''
ia knowledge? To be away from homo ''
when people come to borrow book's '
and umbrellas. What is contentment ? '
To sit in the house and see other 1 stuck " "
in the mud.
• • i -.,>1
A correspondent says he wenfld like' "
to become an editor. Yon wduM/sOn? • I l '
You would, eh? Well, after you be- " ll
come an editor and write,
herunderthe silent stars,"'andthe '”
compositor seta it up, “I kicked "Ucb
under the cellar stairs,” ydu’wtll Just
ache to grow bow-legged 'following * " ■* 1
pair of brindie steers alonfck Crobked " 1 '
furrow across a forty-acre Held."" " " H
« ■ , i|,;.| All 1.. VM
A Connecticut pastor Medtaod ,an. ,,t
addition of $100 to his galaxy, .tyr tho -i
reason, among others, that .the..haxdr
est part of his labors heretofore had
been the collection of his salary, 'and 1 '
it would kill him to collect nOOi’mta^ 1 ] '''
A littiosonof anevangettodlblergy<.ii.: a
man wished that he could-diet and gout V.
to heaven. “Why?" aaks<hlaigmnd4ni-il>
mother, feeling that heltigettins-top -
good to live. “’Cause I-wuntto. get" Hii
some of the pennies I have been giv*n . ,.i
ing to God.” I »o\ tVHttfI fnl I
The remarks of an
“many of our successful 1 la- .
gan their life as preachers',^ is
fully corrected by one of the 1 !
tleman referred to, whb’begfe
state that he
It’s a mean boy •
heroes bis sister’s yoi
^ ‘ - lor. wf ■’